Advice needed from all you mums [Archive]

cloang

7th Nov 2005, 07:36 PM

notpoodle

7th Nov 2005, 07:49 PM

i'm not a mum myself but does this pony do anything scary? misbehaves? 7 is quite young i think and if pony is being bolshy or scares her, maybe it's not the right one for her? some ponies just dont make that great a kids pony (mine for example, 100% safe and well mannered but would be cack for kids because she would either a) do what SHE considers the right thing or b) wouldnt do anything at all :D )

julia
x

ambatt

7th Nov 2005, 07:52 PM

Honestly? I would send him back and look for a really supersafe child's first pony. I know this is easier said than done, but it is not worth putting your daughter off riding, especially if she really liked it before. Welshies can be feisty little souls and very sharp.

Edited to add: I bought my then 7 year old daughter an Exmoor, this pony was a beautiful well schooled ride - for an adult. My daughter rode her twice in 18 months and then declined to ride again for a few years, although she did not have a negative experience with the Exmoor.

notpoodle

7th Nov 2005, 07:56 PM

@ ambatt: hehe, mines an exmoor as well! theyre not always such great kids mounts are they :D

cloang

7th Nov 2005, 07:57 PM

Hi notpoodle,yes he doesnt really do anything bad, but does not like fuss, to much noise or being visited in his stable :( . The other ponies dont mind having their manes plaited or if it takes a bit longer to pick out their hooves, while ours wont have any of it and if you dont get his hooves picked out super fast he just grabs them back. he has not been mean or anything but at 7 my daughter would like to pamper her pony a bit and it does not go down well. I just feel mean to this pony after taking him away from his previous home, but am worried as i feel unsure of him also. My OH says i should trust my gut instinct, but i still feel a bit mean :(

cloang

7th Nov 2005, 07:59 PM

Hi ambatt, that sounds like us nothing really bad has happened, just doesnt seem the right pony. Did you feel mean, or am i just being soppy

notpoodle

7th Nov 2005, 08:06 PM

if she's not happy around him, it might be best to find him a new home before you get too attached to a pony that isnt what you wanted for your daughter :(

julia
x

Mary Poppins

7th Nov 2005, 08:09 PM

If the pony hasn't really done anything wrong then I would stick with it for a while perhaps try and get another more confident and experienced child to ride him and see how he goes. Perhaps you could ride him? Your daughter may just feel overwelmed about having her own pony and is simply nervous about the whole thing. Why not get the opinion of an instructor that you trust and see what they think? The pony may just need time to settle down.

I would also speak to his previous owner in much more detail and speak to the riding school to find out if there is any history that you don't know about. Sometimes riding school ponies turn out to be totally different when they are doing less work but this isn't always the case. Unless he starts doing anything dangerous then I wouldn't make any rash decisions.

cloang

7th Nov 2005, 08:16 PM

Hi Mary Poppins, Thanks for your reply, I think I may just have bought a pony who is really more suited to an experienced rider. Had a friends 10 year old daughter ride him twice recently, - she has been riding since she was six - and he was brilliant, jumping a small course of jumps, and some dressage, and you could see he was enjoying himself as he just looked "perky" and alert but as soon as the ride was finished he just wanted to be left alone in his stable no fuss, no petting, nothing.

Friends daughter has talked of nothing else and even offered to swap her pony for ours, but trouble is her pony is definitely a second pony too

Quest

7th Nov 2005, 08:22 PM

I made a mistake with the first 11.1h pony that I bought my 5 year old daughter, she was not nasty but unsafe on the road and quite sharp. I kept her for about a year and six months and during that time found myself thinking I'll sell her, I'll keep her, I'll sell her over and over. I found that I was discouraging my daughter from riding because we had to stay away from the roads leaving only 1 small lane to ride on. I finally sold her as a brood mare and have now bought another 12h mare. With the first pony I never fully trusted her and thought that my daughter will never progress from lead rein, with the new pony we have had her a week or so but have only been out once due to the weather, but I feel that this is the pony that my daughter can improve with over the next few years. I broke my heart when the first pony went but I know that it was the best thing to do.

brandysnap

7th Nov 2005, 08:22 PM

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Mary Poppins

7th Nov 2005, 08:30 PM

Have you tried keeping him out 24/7? Perhaps he is miserable being in his stable and doesn't like living in? This can make a huge difference. Also have you done everything that you can do to ensure that he is happy in his envrionment? EG. does his tack fit, is he getting enough food etc.

I do know what you mean about letting kids make a fuss of their ponies. I am 28 and will groom, plait and fuss around my horses for hours. To me that is more important than riding him.

I just think that you should really look at every aspect of him and his care, and if there are no improvements then sell him on. You may find out that he has a lovely personality in there somewhere, he is just a bit guarded at the moment for whatever reason. Maybe he misses the security of the riding school. Did he allow your daugther to groom and fuss him when he was in the riding school.

cloang

7th Nov 2005, 08:30 PM

The old owner said that you just couldnt rely on this pony, that what worried or spooked it one day, was fine with another. She also said she once took it to a show, (it had been to loads of shows before) it broke free from its tether on the lorry and careered around the show ground bucking and going up ( not really a rear but a half rear i think). All she really was trying to say was no matter how well you think you know this pony you are never quite sure how it will react to a situation. Have rung the stables tonight as was told they have never had any problems with this pony. Dont know what to think now :(

cloang

7th Nov 2005, 08:35 PM

Hi mary poppins, glad you know where im coming from with the grooming bit as my daughter thinks that is one of the best bits. Cant keep him out 24/7 as yard insist all horses are in at night in the winter. He is out from 7am until it starts to get dark tho.

Come to think about it dont think we ever groomed ours at the stable, as he was always left a little away from the others as he has a habit of striking out at other ponies if to close. We always did the ponies that were in a group.

Will perservere for a little longer and ask other kids at the yard to have a ride and see what happens.

o bye the way, have had his back and teeth checked, and have had a new saddle professionally fitted so think everything is ok physically.

Mary Poppins

7th Nov 2005, 08:56 PM

he was always left a little away from the others as he has a habit of striking out at other ponies if to close.

Now that would worry me! I know that ponies who kick other ponies do not always kick humans as well but if there are children around then you don't want them to get caught in between 2 ponies kicking each other.

This decision must be so hard for you! It is difficult to find a "perfect" pony. I haven't actually got kids yet, but when I do I will be the most cautious mother ever.

But on the other hand, there must have been some really good qualities about this pony that made you buy him in the first place. I would look at these and examine exactly where it has gone wrong. How exactly has he changed?

I wish you all the best with him, whatever you decide to do. The most important thing is that your daughter is happy and safe in her riding.

cloang

7th Nov 2005, 09:02 PM

Hi Mary poppins, thanks for all your replies, i think i know really that this is not the right pony for us - just feeling really low and guilty.

Feel better for having had other peoples opinions and think i will perhaps try and get an older more experienced rider to loan him so that i can keep in touch and maybe once my daughter has had a lot more experience we may reconsider.

I think i need to find a much smaller, bombproof pony for my daughter to gain confidence on - not as easy as it sounds -

horsey1

7th Nov 2005, 09:07 PM

Will the riding school take him back? if so I would return him as your daughter does not feel comfortable with him and wont ride him.
There are plenty more safe ponies out there for wee ones

Quest

7th Nov 2005, 09:14 PM

i think i know really that this is not the right pony for us - just feeling really low and guilty.

I think i need to find a much smaller, bombproof pony for my daughter to gain confidence on - not as easy as it sounds -

I went through the same thing - but you - like me - know that your daughters safety comes first. Loaning to a more experienced, older child might be the best solution to school him further and in a year or so your daughter might have more confidence to bring him back.

I have also been caught by a horse that was backing up and kicking out at another, right in the middle of my back which resulted in an ambulance trip to the hospital (I would not like a 7 year old to feel that pain). I was 19 at the time and still get problems from time to time with my back and I am 34 now.

cloang

7th Nov 2005, 09:23 PM

Thanks everyone - you have all been a great help and not one negative comment :D :D

Think i have decided to get another smaller pony for daughter but need to sort out a nice new owner for this pony first ;)

By the way, stable have shown no interest in taking pony back, so dont think that is going to happen.

tbtess

7th Nov 2005, 09:24 PM

I am a mum and i can say that if my child told me she wasn't happy with her pony (not that she has one, yet!) i would listen to her and get rid and find something older. Get her to talk to you and ask her why she is so un-confident with this pony, kids have emotions too and just like us can sense when something isn't quite right. If she's not happy with her pony, then there's obviously a reason especially if she's more than happy to ride the other ponies and not her own. 7 is young for a child's pony, consider something older, something that comes from a background with children, perhaps consider a long term loan with view to buy then you're not losing money trying to find your daughter the 'right one'. The right one is out there, its obviously just not the one she has.
Good luck with your choice, i'm confident you'll make the right one, if only for your daughters welfare and your own piece of mind. Don't feel guilty, you have no reason to. We all make a decision thats not right, it's just that at the time we don't know its not the right one.

sweuzo

7th Nov 2005, 09:26 PM

i think very young children need a right safe, polite soft pony who they can make friends with not one they are scared of.

ambatt

7th Nov 2005, 09:34 PM

Hi ambatt, that sounds like us nothing really bad has happened, just doesnt seem the right pony. Did you feel mean, or am i just being soppy

I didn't feel mean because she went to a brilliant home on loan, and then to a fantastic experienced Exmoor person where she is still. I didn't sell her though, just loaned her out on a permanent basis with the proviso that she can come back to me as she is an awkward soul with 'issues'.

Notpoodle - yes, she was a very Exmoory Exmoor! When she was good she was very very good but when she was bad she was horrid!

cloang

7th Nov 2005, 09:50 PM

Hi Have had lots of cosy chats with my daughter, complete with cuddles and tears :( , but she can not explain what worries her about her pony. Kids do feel things tho that they find hard to explain in words.

Am going to start looking for a suitable home for our pony tomorrow, will start by asking at our yard if anyone knows of an experienced older child who would like to loan.

Thanks to your all for listening, am feeling a little more confident in my decision now :D

horsey1

7th Nov 2005, 10:25 PM

Thats good :D I think you have made the right decision :D

NoviceNic

8th Nov 2005, 11:41 AM

After reading the replies and your thoughts I think I would agree this maybe is not the right pony for your daughter. I am one initially to agree to try to anything to fix problems before selling on but this is your daughter and you obviously would never want to put her in any danger. It is important that your daughter can groom/pamper her pony as this is the first step to bonding with her new pony. My daughter plays "Dollies" with her pony. The daft pony just stands there for hours. Have a look around and see if there are any opportunities for a loan with a view to buy. I know that when the time comes to parting with Bonnie I will only loan her as I would never want to stop seeing her. You may also be suprised to here that Bonnie is a Shetland. Yes I know not a first childs pony but I would never change anything about her she is perfect for Jasmyn.

Fizz

8th Nov 2005, 12:19 PM

pity your not near me as we are looking for someone to share fizz,11.1hh sec a mare who will let the kids tug/pull/drag her everywhere including my 2 year old :D

cloang

8th Nov 2005, 02:32 PM

Hiya novice nic thats just the pony my daughter needs he he :D

cloang

8th Nov 2005, 02:34 PM

Hiya fizz. I THink edinburgh is a bit far to travel we are in gloucestershire :D

But am already feeling better, and have started asking around for a child to loan ours until we are much more experienced :o

Thank you all for your advice, it is very much appreciated ;)

Lgd

8th Nov 2005, 02:49 PM

Hard as it is/sounds, I would suggest selling the pony, not just loaning it, otherwise you will end up with a large collection over the years.

My niece's pony was perfect with kids so we didn't have issues in that respect. The pony did have issues with men thanks to previous abuse :mad: We spent a long time getting her confidence and turning her into a happy pony and as a result my niece - and TBH myself as well - were reluctant to part with her when she outgrew her and moved onto horses. After 3½ years of arranging loans and having her back ad infinitum I put my foot down and sold her - which in hindsight I should have done once Claire was settled with her new horse, it would have been better for the pony and certainly my bank account.

I would also avoid buying a pony out of a riding school in most cases. If the school are selling it there is usually something 'up' with it. Reliable school ponies are like gold dust and not to be parted with willingly. Have a chat with your local Pony Club DC - there are always ponies being outgrown and they are often passed on by word of mouth rather than being advertised on the open market.

Purple Hugs

8th Nov 2005, 02:49 PM

Hi would like some honest opinions please - dont mind how blunt and to the point as i need some help :o

5 weeks ago we bought our 7 year old daughter her first pony. She is a novice and until 2 weeks ago was very confident and keen. The pony we bought was at a riding stable and she had been riding him regularly. He is a 13.2 welsh section b. He settled in quite well, a few problems but that was to be expected, so didnt worry although never felt very relaxed about him - dont know why.

To cut a long story short, my daughter is just not getting on at all well with him, she is very nervous and uses every excuse not to ride him - tummy ache, ear ache, any ache really. there are other ponies on our yard and she is very happy riding them, :mad: , but says her pony does not like her riding him.

Last night i had a phone call from the lady who owned him before the riding school who had heard a 7 year old had bought him, and felt she should contact us as she was concerned and felt very strongly that he was not a novice pony. Apparently she had kept him for 4 years trying different trainers and instructors but her daughter was never confident on him either.

Should i call it quits and listen to my doubts or persevere and risk putting my daughter off riding.

As i say, all comments welcome.

Oh cloang, so sorry to read this!
I know how excited you both were.

If it were me, although I'm a novice.. so might be different with experience. I'd stop her riding him for a while, if you have alternative horses she can ride, then i'd go down that road.

let her care for him etc, but wait till she's a more confident rider till she rides him again.

You wouldn't want her being put off for life through one pony. Seems RS have been a little conservative with the truth! :rolleyes:

did you have any trial agreement within the purchase (don't know if such things exist)?

It's a good thing former owner thought to call you!
And if keeping him isn't an option then maybe speaking to the RS first would be the best option.

Thinking of you, Hugs, Jane

~Perdita.M~

8th Nov 2005, 03:18 PM

I just wanted to say about size wise....I agree that smaller would be a way to go! I have a 13.2 pony and a recently turned 8 novice daughter, and he is way too big for her. If I was looking ( which I sort of am :o ) for the perfect first pony for her to learn on and gain confidence, think I'd be looking around the 11hh mark, possibly 12 at most. I think it must be easier for them to gain confidence on something nearer to their own size :)

cloang

8th Nov 2005, 08:24 PM

Hi purple hugs, i was hoping you'd reply sort of feel as if i know you (strange)
thanks for your thoughts, have had a lovely evening on a little friends 11.2 pony just having fun, trotting races, bending pole races etc and it was brill. Clo was laughing so much at one stage i thought she might have fallen off :D

Have contacted the rs but they are sort of of the opinion the problem is with us not the pony (could be right dont know really). Have got a few people helping me out with our pony so he does not feel neglected as he can be really sweet but is definitely too much pony for us at the moment.

Thanks again for your thoughts - how are you and your daughter getting on?

cloang

8th Nov 2005, 08:27 PM

hi perdita.M, think you are absolutely right about size, it makes such a difference when the chilld can reach everywhere, gives them so much more confidence. Have been having fun with a little 11.2 tonight and the change in my daughter was amazing - smile was about a mile wide :D and guess what mine matched :D

Purple Hugs

8th Nov 2005, 09:40 PM

Hi!
not strange, I consider you a friend :) all be it a 'virtual' one! :p

That's great you have people helping you with pony. Do you think your daughter would ever grow into him?

I'm sure you'll be able to find a good new home for him, probably a better life than as a RS pony too. :D

Erin is getting on fantasticly, she is jumping the occasional log in the field at or RS and loving it. :D I've bought her a body protector just to be as safe as we can be. She's no fear.. which is strange considering she's petrified of riding a bike!

As for me, well was getting on great but last two lessons are on a diff horse (17.3hh thoroughbred) and he's stubborn as a mule! Today I spent most of the lesson trying to force him over some trotting poles.. all this and I'm supposed to be Learning the jumping position while he trots and walks over them... Sad to say even the RI couldn't get him to go over and then she got really cross with him.. well I really felt like saying something! As she slapped him and bullied him. I know there is a certain amount of strength needed but I thought it was over the top. I'm sure had she had a whip she would have whipped him! :mad:

To be honest, i feel like i've wasted the last two weeks money and time. :( and all it's done is made me a bit nervous of the horse and my ability.. something I never thought I'd say.

Plus side of horse care is that I'm helping at a nearby field / stables with my friend who's daughter has a pony there. And I'm grooming, mucking out, picking hooves, etc but sadly none of the horses are backed so I can't ride, but am loving the horse care side of things!

Sorry to go on!! lol you did ask!
Guess it's just one of those days!!

jUmPingIsLifE

8th Nov 2005, 10:03 PM

i think you should re-think this pony.
you either click with a horse or you dont click with your horse and you have to trust in what your daughter is saying. you dont want to make this a bad experience for you, your daughter or the pony. perhaps sell the pony and have your daughter ride the barns horses, or lease a horse for a while and buy when you know you have found THE horse/pony for your daughter.

GOBBY

8th Nov 2005, 10:30 PM

Get rid of, my daughter was in this predicamont last year called herself a rubbish rider etc, etc. We sold the horse on to another girl the same age who in my eyes was no better rider, but could not stippulate enougn how safe she felt on him, we then got a pure bred arab who i felt was most definatly not right for her,who she adores, will do anything on her, she will go out for hours on her, shes alot more forward, and sharper than her last horse but i have to say they are 100% suited. I dont agree about a sml pony the child can reach or small, or old pony thats supposedly been there and done it, all 3 of my children started on a 13.hh pony the youngest child being 18 mths old been led from my 16.2 tb at the time ,that was only seven, the 2nd child was 3 and a half yrs, he is autistic, and my 3rd child was 5 yrs they all shared this pony for several years and rode him from only being 5yrs himself, i also dont personally think riding school ponies are the best to have, if your moving them home or to eg, a small diy yard, i think they lack in confidence when removed from a group they have got used to following, however i do have an old boy i bought from a riding school when he was 15 and now hes retired at my friends and 25, and he was a arragant, strong unpredictable so so and worse, but i loved him and still do.

cazrider

9th Nov 2005, 07:10 AM

I do think you're doing the right thing Cloang. The cuddling and taking care of part is so important at that age (and still is if I'm being honest). When I bought my first cob I bought him with the idea that my daughters (age 10 and 11) could ride him too. I know they're older than yours is, but i think the principle is still the same. He was far too strong for them to ride, and led them a merry dance, but loved people and had the most fantastic temperament. They always loved playing about with him, grooming, fiddling about, and gained confidence until they got bigger.

Once they'd got to early to mid teens, he realised he couldn't get away with nearly as much, and they settled in to riding him as well. The point for you I guess is that by that time, they were completely happy round him, had learnt loads, and had such a lot of fun.

I do think I agree with LGD though, selling on may be the best thing if the pony is not going to suit you.

Best of luck

Cazx

cloang

9th Nov 2005, 01:29 PM

Thank you Thank you Thank you to you all - am feeling much better about finding a new home for our pony and a new pony for our home :D

Purple Hugs - Glad Erin is getting on well, she's come a long way in a short time :D funny about the bike, clo hates riding her bike too :)
You sound as if you are having similar problems as Chloe, at least you can ask to ride a different horse - dont be afraid to ask :)

Hello Jumpingislife - I agree kids seem to sense things they cant always explain ;)

Hi Gobby sara (great name by the way) - yeah I am already looking for a new home and have been in touch with RS so they may help :(

Thanks Cazrider think the pampering bit is important as it builds that important bond with a pony.

Thank you all again for the support, cheers, ang

NoviceNic

9th Nov 2005, 10:29 PM

I would gladly share our Bonnie with all children but I am afraid my daughter is quite possessive. :D

I know what people mean about riding school ponies not being the best option. Some ponies like the riding school environment but not the home one and vice versa.

I know I have a problem with height. I also like to be able to see over the ponies back when I am handling. Captain is only 14 2hh. I am only 5ft 2. I only look too big for him when I am padded up in the Winter with all my layers of clothing on and a body protector. :cool:

mayS

10th Nov 2005, 02:53 AM

Hi notpoodle,yes he doesnt really do anything bad, but does not like fuss, to much noise or being visited in his stable

I wouldn't give up on him yet! He's new to your family. Some horses take months before they really bond with their owners and settle into their new homes.

You've got to forget what that woman said about your horse. If deep down you're convinced the horse won't work & isn't worth the time, your daughter and/or the horse will pick up on it. If you're sure he's not a good horse, you'll keep seeing him as such. He's yours -- make the best of it. Sometimes all a horse needs is a stable, loving home and someone he can trust.

If you find yourself thinking about the former owner's negative words, remind yourself it may just be 'sour grapes' from her. Just because SHE couldn't click with this horse (and kept sending him to trainer after trainer) doesn't mean you can't. Sometimes a horse just isn't right for a certain person. Or sometimes a horse just needs to build trust with the same, consistent person, not a string of trainers. Professional trainers teach horses riding aids but they don't necessarily teach trust, comfort, or harmony.

I also wouldn't give up on him without good cause (eg. not unless he's become vicious/dangerous). Selling him now just teaches your daughter that if something isn't perfect, it should be dumped.

Maybe you could accompany your daughter.... show her by example that your family does want to be around him. Think of excuses to go visit the horse (and your daughter needs to come along). Phrase it more like you need her help doing X to/with the horse and would she accompany you?

If she isn't OK with riding, spend *lots* of time doing everything but ride. Groom. Learn where her itchy spots are (when she makes that funny 'grooming' face). Walk the horse around the farm. Practice ground manners. Do something fun like Clicker train. Hold the horse when the farrier visits. Pick up a T-Team book and you and your daughter can do T-touches with the horse. Most of the fun of horse ownership is not in the saddle; discover how wonderful horses can be without the demands of riding.

Bottom line : there's no way the horse will bond with her if she doesn't spend time with him.

Best of luck! Hope it works out. :)

pedantic

10th Nov 2005, 06:40 AM

I like to cuddle my ginger nutter and I'm a 51 year old male, it's not just girlies that love their horses :D .
After he had me off first ride and I broke my collar bone I went through the sell dont sell him nighmare and sympathise with your situation, I have 4 children youngest 11 so understand your worries, I would go with your gut instint which I normally feel turns out right, if someting happened you would feel guilty, do what you feel is right.