Okay - how does this wording for share ad look?

[Wobblydeb]

After much writing and re-writing I've come up with the following:

"Wanted: Sensible horse to share in South Northumberland.
Lightweight adult looking for a safe and sane share for happy hacking and light schooling (if available). I don’t want to canter everywhere or jump at all, so more than happy to consider a horse needing a quieter life. I am caring and responsible, but can be nervous when riding, so they must be level-headed. I have just finished BHS Stage 1 training, and would class myself as a competent novice. I am happy to help with costs and chores, although I work so am only available evenings and weekends. Really just looking for a horse to enjoy spending time with. If you are interested please contact……"

What do you reckon? Comments and suggestions gratefully accepted! :D

[ajhainey]

You post at midnight and expect answers :-)

I think I'd put an exact weight to the nearest stone etc - peoples definition of lightweight varies a lot. Other than that I'd remove "would class myself as a competent novice" and replace it with "I have completed my BHS Stage 1 training and am happy to help with costs and chores". Again definition of novice vary and it sounds a little odd in the phrasing? Better to just stick with the facts and leave the rest for the phone call??

Sounds good to me though and I guess there's not much competition in the winter anyway ;)

Happy hunting!

aj xx

[Skib]

Wobbly deb, coming over in my bossy granny role, I think it is too negative. You're nervous? The things you dont want to do? Possibly too long as well. Can you say who you are in positive language? Where you are and what and when you want to do. I suggest something like:-

Share wanted in South Northumberland. Competent adult novice (just completed BHS Stage 1) now looking for share to hack and possibly light schooling, flat work only. Free evenings and weekends only but happy to help with costs and chores. Wheight xxx height xxx. Will consider up to xx hands but safe horse for happy hacking essential.

"Wanted: Sensible horse to share in South Northumberland.
Lightweight adult looking for a and light schooling (if available). I don’t want to canter everywhere or jump at all, so more than happy to consider a horse needing a quieter life. I am caring and responsible, but can be nervous when riding, so they must be level-headed. I have just finished BHS Stage 1 training, and would class myself as a competent novice. , although I work so am only available evenings and weekends. Really just looking for a horse to enjoy spending time with. If you are interested please contact……"

[Gill]

I think your area needs to be more specific ie how far will you travel?
The tone is rather tentative, take out the '(if available)'?
What about height/type of horse you would like or does it go from 13 hh to 17.2hh?
Where will you advertise?

[Wobblydeb]

Thanks guys :)

You post at midnight and expect answers :-)Well you bloomin well replied at some ungodly hour! Dirty stopout.... :p

Skib - Point taken :) I guess I worry that I'll paint too rosy a picture of my riding abilities and end up disappointing someone. I'd rather tell people I'm rubbish and stand half a chance of pleasantly surprising them! :rolleyes: However that won't encourage people to pick up the phone, I know.... ;)

Gill - I actually struggled with describing a location. I could put a 10 mile radius on where I live, but it's actually easier for me to cope with bigger distances in some directions than others - because of work/family etc. I could put "Corbridge to Cramlington area" instead - what do you reckon?

As for height and type, I figured "horse" summed it up :D I'm comfortable on anything from 14hh to 18hh, and temperament is more important than type.

Advertising I was thinking of the likes of adtrader and horsetoloan websites, and cards in local tack shop/feed store/the Spar in my village and my RS. Any other suggestions?

Am off to re-write a more positive version..... :D

[cazrider]

Wanted: Sensible horse to share in South Northumberland.
Lightweight ( 9st 7lb) adult looking for a safe and sane share for happy hacking and light schooling (if available). I don’t want to canter everywhere or jump at all, so more than happy to consider a horse needing a quieter life. I am caring and responsible and I have just finished BHS Stage 1 training. I am happy to help with costs and chores, and am available evenings and weekends. Really just looking for a horse to enjoy spending time with. If you are interested please contact……"

How about this one? It has all you said, but leaves out the nervous part and adds in your weight, and puts a bit more of a positive slant on it. You say several times you're looking for a sane, sensible horse, so i think they will have got the message. Let them come to you. If you put nervous, noone will call you. I wouldn't have done for Sennie, but I would have called the above.

Where are you planning to put your ad?

Very best of luck WD:D

[Wobblydeb]

Skib, I've stolen lots of your good ideas. :)

How does this look now?

"Wanted: Horse to share in South Northumberland
Competent adult novice (just completed BHS Stage 1) now looking for a share for hacking and possibly light schooling, flatwork only. Happy to help with costs and chores, but only free evenings and weekends. Will consider any sensible height for person 5’6” and 9st, but safe horse for happy hacking essential. Please contact……"

[sidesaddlelady1]

After much writing and re-writing I've come up with the following:

"Wanted: Sensible horse to share in South Northumberland.
Lightweight adult looking for a safe and sane share for happy hacking and light schooling (if available). I don’t want to canter everywhere or jump at all, so more than happy to consider a horse needing a quieter life. I am caring and responsible, but can be nervous when riding, so they must be level-headed. I have just finished BHS Stage 1 training, and would class myself as a competent novice. I am happy to help with costs and chores, although I work so am only available evenings and weekends. Really just looking for a horse to enjoy spending time with. If you are interested please contact……"

What do you reckon? Comments and suggestions gratefully accepted! :D

Could you move to Derbyshire? :)

[SarahC]

Or Nottinghamshire!! :D

[Wobblydeb]

Or Nottinghamshire!! :DI'm sure you've got a youngster SarahC - believe me, you wouldn't want me getting anywhere near! :D

[domane]

Even though I've only just bought Cherry and don't need a sharer, if you were local to me and I did, I WOULD choose you! You'd be ideal for her needs!! :)