Torn between buying a horse and planning a pregnancy [Archive]

Mary Poppins

27th Nov 2005, 07:38 PM

I have been loaning a variety of horses for over 2 years. Recently it has been getting to me that I do not have total control over my current loan horses. My confidence, knowlege and riding skills are much improved and I feel ready to get my own horse. An instructor at my yard has found what he calls the perfect pony for me and I trust his judgement. All I need to do is make the phonecall and go and look. I have waited so long to be a horse owner I want to plan to keep the horse for life.

However, I am getting married next year and we are planning to try for a baby towards the end of the year. Therefore, is it sensible for me to get a horse now? On one side I would have almost a year with my new pony and have friends who are willing to loan the horse while I am pregnant. At my yard I also have the option to put him in working livery if I can't get a loaner. Some people take ages to get pregnant so although I am assuming that it will happen straight away I may have to wait a year or so.

On the other hand, when i am pregnant the last thing I may want to do is to spend time with horses. I may want to spend all my time at home with my baby and not with my horse. I may not be able to cope with both the baby and the horse and may end up neglecting one or both.

Has anyone ever been in this situation, and if so how did you make your decision? I know that it is sensible for me to simply wait until the baby is born but this is a further wait of at least 2 years. Horses are so important to me and I really want to get one now. Is it irresponsible thing for me to do?

Any advice or comments would be appreciated.

Skib

27th Nov 2005, 07:58 PM

Go and look. And do your sums. You can only take the decisions for here and now. But in my view two years from now, with a baby aged one year (age of my youngest grandchild) you wont have the time or energy to go out and buy a horse.
When (all being well) you are married and have the baby, if you already own a horse, riding will keep you fit and happy. You wont be housebound. That's assuming you'll know someone to hold the baby for you while you ride?

Est

27th Nov 2005, 08:12 PM

Go with the hoss - if you don't do it while you have the time and money, you never will! If you've already got one, and the time and money get tight, you'll still cope somehow. But if you wait, and the time and money get tight, you'll keep putting it off and end up buying one when you're 50 (or something ;)) Get one and enjoy it now - you can only live for the moment!

HairyCob

27th Nov 2005, 08:18 PM

I'm with Est, go for it now, while you can!

If you do end up pregnant EXACTLY when planned, and let's face it, that doesn't often happen, you can loan the pony out until after the baby is born, and for as long as necessary afterwards.. and ultimately you may decide to put him or her on permanent loan or sell, but at least you will have had the pony for a year (or maybe longer) before hand.

There's nothing that beats owning your own horse, and if an instructor you trust has found the 'perfect' horse for you, then I'd jump at the chance- perfect horses are hard to find;)

Good luck what ever you decide to do!:D

Stella2

27th Nov 2005, 08:21 PM

Even if you get pregnant as soon as you try at the end of next year (and it may take some time!), it would be two years before you have a baby. Even if you don't want to ride when pregnant, you may still want to spend time with your horse (doing groundwork etc). None of us know what the future will hold. We can only live the bit of life we have now, so I'd say get a horse if its what you want now :)

Little Dolphins

27th Nov 2005, 08:47 PM

Children are much more time-consuming than horses! They take everything you have and then some, energy wise. Especially when they are tiny.

So, have a horse now, see how it goes. When baby comes along, make good plans for care of horse- loan out, perhaps. You definitely will not be interested in trying to juggle baby care AND horse care, especially in the first couple of years. Anyway, you'll want to enjoy having children. So, enjoy having a horse now, even if only for a little while.:) ;)

KarinUS

27th Nov 2005, 08:56 PM

Girl,... let me tell you... :p :D

We had two horses. One was officially mine, one was OH's. Luckily we had brought them home about a year ago so we were no longer boarding.

We decided to try for a baby last August and also were shopping for a yearling (horse) at the same time, thinking at our age getting pregnant would take a while (the internet said it would take us on average 9 to 10 months. The internet was wrong).
By September I was already 1 month pregnant and also had found the perfect yearling. :eek:

So we figured timing couldn't be better! :) I can work with the yearling for a few months and then she will be fine just taking a little break.

For my other two horses I got me some nice stretchy Kerrits riding tights and am enjoying riding them until something prevents me from doing so.
To be honest right now I mostly ride in the arena rather than the trails because you never know what you run in to on the trails and I can't risk an accident right now.

But I love having the horses and being pregnant. Of course a big determining factor is my OH's involvement. During the 1st trimester morning sickness was pretty rough and I was glad when he took over morning feeding duty for a little while. No that I am in the 2nd trimester things are much better!

Another good thing about our set-up is that our horses have access to their barn but really are out 24/7 able to run and play with each other so if I don't ride for a while nobody gets bored.

You never know what happens. If you put of your dream of having a horse you still won't be guaranteed that you will get pregnant right away, etc.

But whatever you decide just keep in mind what kind of support you will have with the baby and the horse. I don't have to worry about either because OH takes great care of the horses when I can't and after 15 years in the same government job he also is pretty flexible to help me with the baby later on.
My riding instructor was still competing in her 7th month and I have taken lessons with her since her son was tiny. Her husband was very supportive and took care of the baby when she went to teach.
It never slowed her down.
I can't imagine losing interest in my horses... ever. If there are rough times we will just have to muddle through them...

Good Luck! :)

BackintheSaddle

27th Nov 2005, 09:14 PM

I just barely have time to take care of my daughter and ride twice a week. I have to factor in the cost of a baby-sitter to the cost of riding, since when I ride during the week, OH can't be home to watch the baby. I'd love to own a horse, but where we live, that would mean a lot of driving every day, and lots of time not spent with the munchkin, so one lesson and one practice ride a week is what I can work in. Perhaps a few years from now when the wee one is a bit older, she'll be as pony mad as I was and we can go to the barn together :)

horsey1

27th Nov 2005, 09:55 PM

I would go with the horse :D and if you have a baby make sure you have plenty family to look after him/her as it can be a nightmare if you dont, trying to juggle kids and horses, as I have found out:eek:

NoviceNic

27th Nov 2005, 10:11 PM

OMG go with the horse. When the children come along you will work it out..;)

Greentchr

27th Nov 2005, 10:11 PM

My advice would be to 'go for it'! Get the horse and enjoy it. Some people have tough pregnancies and feel sick for much of it. Others (such as myself) feel perfectly normal throughout, though more easily tired. You will discover which type you are when the time comes, but do not worry about it beforehand. Once the baby is born you will probably want to take a bit of a vacation from the responsibilities of a horse for a while (2 weeks, 6 weeks, 6 months- everyone is different) but if you have friends that will step in and take over, you have the horses' needs covered.

Many mothers find that having a break on a regular basis when their children are little makes for a much happier mummy. No doubt about it- having a new baby is a total change in your life; having something (your horse) that is just for you is not selfish, but a sanity-saver. I am a better mother when I have had some alone-time with my horse,though I love my children completely. I just wish I had found that out when my children were young instead of waiting until they are mostly grown. You are fortunate to have horses available to you now.

The one thing I would strongly advise is to discuss it with your fiance and be sure that he is supportive of you keeping a horse. He will need to help you with the baby during your horse-time (unless you are able to hire baby-sitters), and now is the time to deal with all such issues:) .

Esther.D

28th Nov 2005, 01:00 PM

Well I am due to have a baby this week ( :eek: ) if it decides to arrive on schedule! We have 7 horses - well 2 horses and 5 ponies - and have managed during the pregnancy, admittedly my husband is as horsey as I am and has taken over the heavy jobs and in the last few months mine have been largely turned away with no work but so far we have coped...will have to see how we do with the baby but there is no intention of changing our horsey situation (bearing in mind 4 of these are driving shetlands so not big horses and happy to cope with limited work at the moment as they have plenty of space to play in and friends to play with).

This was not a planned pregnancy...although we did want children eventually...so we have had to cope as we have gone along, but so far it has worked ok :)

Mind you we are both experienced horse owners rather than first time owners so probably more relaxed about the whole thing!

The Flying Irishman

28th Nov 2005, 01:09 PM

I agree with KArinUS Go with the horse, get your routine up and running and when you do have a baby you can adjust the routine accordingly, I had the baby first and it has been hard getting her to adjust to the fact that sometimes mummy just wants to spend time with her horse! Mind you she is four now and the sibling rivalry is between her and Scoobie!

Tangle

28th Nov 2005, 06:36 PM

Go with the horse - if you get pregnant and struggle to cope then there are always options (share/load/sell), but if for any reason you and your OH do find it hard to conceive at least you haven't put your whole life on hold in the meantime. Plus they're good for helping you relax and being relaxed helps you get pregnant ;)

Retty

28th Nov 2005, 06:55 PM

I would go for the horse! There are some ladies at the yard that have babies and manage just fine! They get help with both babies and horses and seems to work out fine. I have a horse and a daughter and its great, she is 11 though so helps me with mucking out and we ride together :)

domane

28th Nov 2005, 08:31 PM

Just remember that you are asking this question on a HORSEY website!!!

If you were to ask on a Mother & Baby website, my guess is that the answers would be very much in the other favour.

But, just to add fuel to the already burning brightly fire..... GO FOR THE HORSE!!! I sold my pony to get married and have children and I have just come back to horses this year after an expensive TWENTY YEAR BREAK!!!

You WILL manage, I promise you and your life will be enriched because of it....

KarinUS

28th Nov 2005, 08:34 PM

Chile Pepper

28th Nov 2005, 08:37 PM

I think I'll side with the (few) cautionary voters. I had my first child at 34 and my second at 37. When my first child was born, everything changed. I know a lot of people these days (my husband among them) say that children should not dominate one's life to the exclusion of all else, but it just doesn't happen that way. I used to be very athletic--I went hiking the day before I delivered. I don't think I exercised for another several years after that! I never got obese, but I was not at all fit. I just didn't have the energy to bother. And let's face it, my dogs don't even get the attention they used to receive! Now that my youngest is a little older (4), I feel like I have more time and energy. So... If you have a lot of support in caring for both horse and child, it might work. Otherwise, I would personally continue loaning.

domane

28th Nov 2005, 08:38 PM

Yep, KarinUS, more worried about what their equine "babies" did or didn't eat and whether they are warm enough....... :D

mayS

29th Nov 2005, 01:26 AM

Go for the horse! :) Who knows maybe you'll enjoy him so much, you'll lose interest in kids. LOL

If nothing else you should enjoy the horses as much as you can now. Once you do have kids, you'll never have time for any of these things you currently love. No matter how hard you try, you just won't have much "me" time with kids in the picture. I've seen my friends drop their loved hobbies & pastimes once they had kids, and I can't imagine it not happening to every woman (especially with a hobby like horses). Enjoy your own life while it still belongs to you. ;)

momofsix

29th Nov 2005, 02:29 AM

I am juggling 2 horses and 6 kids, it's possible. I second the sentiment that a supportive OH is absolutely necessary to do this. My husband is very involved with the kids even when they are newborns and is also horsey, so we work it out. You might want to talk openly with your OH now about what he is willing to do--then by all means, get a horse.

Esther.D

29th Nov 2005, 10:42 AM

But we are moms and moms-to-be too! :( ;)
Don't go to the moms-to-be boards. They are boring there. All they want to talk about is what hurts today and what they ate or didn't eat. Horsey moms are a whole different breed...

Very true :D If you asked this question on some of the mother&baby/pregnancy websites they would be deeply shocked that we weren't all getting rid our horses/dogs/cats etc as soon as we got pregnant, never mind adding more! I must admit despite having continued to stay around cats/dogs/horses, including being around during mucking out (although Stephen has been doing it as I was too heavily pregnant by the time they came in for the winter) I have had a very healthy and easy pregnancy...tired and a bit achy but none of the other nasties you can get so it doesn't seem to have done me any harm! And as I am due this week I can finally say I have had a straightforward pregnancy without worrying about jinxing myself too much ;)

ambatt

29th Nov 2005, 11:13 AM

I managed both! Rode up until 5 months ( I had terrible morning sickness all the way through and yipping off a horse was not fun!) and was back in the saddle when my daughter was 4 months old. Baby came in her pram whilst I mucked out etc etc

You can do both with a bit of planning, I have had horses for most of my life, so I could not imagine life without them.

Dummer&Drummer

29th Nov 2005, 11:34 AM

Could you not go for the more obvious option

BUY a horse (of course)
and LOAN a child (makes perfect sense) :D

sidesaddlelady1

29th Nov 2005, 12:13 PM

Greentchr

29th Nov 2005, 05:41 PM

Once you do have kids, you'll never have time for any of these things you currently love. No matter how hard you try, you just won't have much "me" time with kids in the picture.

Just remember, it is a temporary thing, and that the long-term joy of having children in your life even surpasses (eek- dare I say such a thing?) the joy of horses. The time factor is only one detail in a well-balanced life. Many people are not good at budgeting time- a lot of time wasted reading 'junk' books, watching TV, hanging out at the pub,piddling around with stuff that neither brings lasting joy or a feeling of satisfaction. Once we have children, we have to budget our time just as we budget our finances- get rid of the wasteful spending of both. Most of us can do pretty well in both our time and money if we look carefully at our priorities and are willing to eliminate a few of the personal wants in favor of the needs. There are seasons of our life for different things, and while the parenting season has its challanges-including the need to plan time carefully- the pluses far outweigh the minuses in the long run. Just think of the joy you will have when you put your GRAND child in the saddle in 30 years or so:) .

KarinUS

29th Nov 2005, 06:01 PM

I would tend to disagree with that last statement (and mayS'). I grew up on a farm and we were always part of it. The farm (and our animals) meant a lot to my parents and it meant a lot to us. It was a hobby that was easy to share within a family. If anything it allowed us to spend time together. I don't think it took anything away from us? :confused:

domane

29th Nov 2005, 06:28 PM

I was just reading out some edited highlights of this thread to my husband and he came up with an ideal solution......

"Why not buy a BABY horse....?"

... was his suggestion? It kinda combines the two??? :D :D

Chile Pepper

29th Nov 2005, 07:12 PM

...a lot of time wasted reading 'junk' books, watching TV, hanging out at the pub, piddling around with stuff that neither brings lasting joy or a feeling of satisfaction.

right you are--I'm logging out straight away.

Tootsie4U

29th Nov 2005, 07:21 PM

Put it this way - I've ridden a whopping three times since having my baby in August! For those mathmatically challenged, thats once a month! Compare that to what I was doing pre-pregnancy and you'd be shocked! (5 days a week, minimum!)

As far as riding while pregnant, I manged to do so on a safe gelding until almost 7 months. I had to give up when it just plain hurt too badly (stomach muscles too stretched and taxed) and couldnt balance all of me in the saddle.

As much as I want to try, riding while you've got a newborn is almost impossible. Especially if you breastfeed. The baby is too dependant on you and your anatomy doesnt oblige to being bounced around either (it hurts!!!) Not to mention you are completely and utterly drained that any free time you do manage to get, you'd rather spend catching up on sleep!

Hate to burst anyone's bubble, just being honest! :)

Tootsie4U

29th Nov 2005, 07:27 PM

I should add this to my post: We have the horses at home and everyday I spend 45 mins mucking, poo picking, feeding and other barn chores. Perhaps if I didnt have those responsibilities (ie. if my horses were boarded) I may have time to squeeze in a few more rides than I do...... :rolleyes:

claire hodgson

29th Nov 2005, 07:30 PM

I've got several friends - including my instructor - who've had horses & babies on the go at the same time. I think it's right to say it takes planning and a sympathetic (prepared to muck in/out when needed) OH and friends on the yard, but apart from that, do-able. And look at it this way - you will still need time for you ...

Tootsie4U

29th Nov 2005, 07:33 PM

...you will still need time for you ...

That is true. And mucking out is the only 'me' time I get, aside from my daily 10 minute shower!

Hubby mucking out? Where do I sign up for one of those :p

mayS

29th Nov 2005, 07:55 PM

"Just remember, it is a temporary thing, and that the long-term joy of having children in your life even surpasses... the joy of horses"

To many of us horses are more than just a hobby; it's not just an hour a week of something to do when a person has free time. They're a way of life. They represent goals we each decide for ourselves and wish to meet. Each time we meet these goals of our own, we develop an inner happiness not dependent on anyone else. Horses offer so many different options: different horse personalities to get to know, different disiplines to participate in, and the chance to meet others. Having kids to be happy is an inherently flawed idea because it relies on others to be happy; however, true happiness must come from within.

I guess my view cautioning against jumping into a 18 year commitment of a child is based on the idea that as women we're *supposed to* have kids to be happy. It's what our parents want (to be grandparents). It's what society tells us we as adult women need to be content. All our friends do it. So why shouldn't we do it do?

I watched my friends one by one have kids, following the roles they felt they were supposed to follow. Most of them now still work fulltime, they take care of the kids (another fulltime job in itself), take care of the husband, and still do most of the housework. None of them have any time to themselves. They end up feeling guity for wanting a few hours without the kids, or they work themselves into exhaustion. None of them had any idea kids would be such a radical change in their lives. Not that they dislike their own kids (they love them), but they had no idea what they were in for when they got pregnant.

Not many people in the US can afford to buy their own farm. This means to own a horse they are driving to a nearby stable every single time, and that becomes less and less often with a crying baby in the picture. I agree, KarenUS, that to a farm family the farm animals don't get neglected when a baby is born... however, most of us here aren't "farmers" in the true sense of the word. Modern americans have to commute, have to deal with work and driving stress, and have to deal with modern problems. Modern kids also "need" soccer practice, piano lessons, after-school activities, summer camp, etc. Not too many modern kids want to hang around a barn, especially with TV, internet, playstation, etc. A generation ago it was still common for the woman to stay home; nowadays most households will be struggling to make ends meet with 2 incomes. There's no way the average mom can find the time to get a sitter for the kids, drive to the stable, spend hours there, and still get home in time to do everything else she has to do. Much less find the money once she had a baby to feed, clothe, school, and get medical care for. By far raising a child is more expensive and labor intensive than any horse you can imagine.

I'm not against kids in general. Without them, the world would soon become an empty place. :) And for a woman with no interests, no spark of life, no desires of her own, having kids isn't going to change her life a bit, but doesn't sound at all like the original poster.

I am in favor of the woman not giving up her own individuality, her own goals, & her own self-actualization (at least not just yet). I think from one true horsey person to others, it's sad to see a true horsey person give up such an important part of herself. If a person decides they must have kids, I'd say (like in this case) she should immerse herself in horses as much as she possibly can now so she has nice memories to look back on. Once she gives birth, her whole world will change forever, and it may be 20 yrs before her life becomes her own again.

Tootsie4U

29th Nov 2005, 08:02 PM

She has a very very solid point!

KarinUS

29th Nov 2005, 08:59 PM

" I agree, KarinUS, that to a farm family the farm animals don't get neglected when a baby is born... however, most of us here aren't "farmers" in the true sense of the word. Modern americans have to commute, have to deal with work and driving stress, and have to deal with modern problems. Modern kids also "need" soccer practice, piano lessons, after-school activities, summer camp, etc. Not too many modern kids want to hang around a barn, especially with TV, internet, playstation, etc. A generation ago it was still common for the woman to stay home; nowadays most households will be struggling to make ends meet with 2 incomes.

We weren't true farmers when we had our farm in Germany (both parents working as well) and we aren't true farmers now. ;)
I'd say when kids get old enough to go to summer camp, or rather watch TV, internet, or playstation than spend time with you then wouldn't that be a great time to walk out back and mess with the horses?
The number of SAHMs (http://www.boston.com/news/local/articles/2003/10/12/stay_at_home_mothers_finding_theyre_not_alone/) is actually on the rise interestingly enough! :)
As far as having horses in ones life I think that is probably a very personal decision on WHY you have them in your life in the first place. And depending on what your answer is to this question you may more or less likely to succeed with your plans.
My joy of owning horses comes from being with them and not necessarily from riding every day. I guess I am simple minded enough to get something out of simply sitting in the pasture watching horses for half an hour!;) :D
If you can only be happy riding 2 hours a day and competing every weekend then certainly a baby will not fit well into these plans.

I think the most underestimated question overall is who to have these kids with. Don't have kids with selfish, self-centered guys that won't support you or your kids. :D

GOBBY

29th Nov 2005, 09:55 PM

You can have a horse and kids, i had 4 horses and 3 kids 4 yrs and under and no family available to help, so obvous solution cut back a little on all bills and pay a child minder, mind you never been to maternal!!!!

KarinUS

29th Nov 2005, 11:02 PM

Hubby mucking out? Where do I sign up for one of those :p
One of the horses is his, right?:confused:

Mary Poppins

30th Nov 2005, 06:56 AM

Thanks so much for all your replies - I was amazed when I saw how many people had responded!

However, I still haven't made my decision. There is no doubt that I want to have kids - maybe even 2 with about 3 years between them. My OH is very supportive emotionally and financially. But, is scared of horses and although he would try his best I think that it would be dangerous to let him handle them. He is keen that I get my own - especially after I came home in tears at the weekend. His opinion is that I can always sell the horse if I found it too much, but I have always said that I would want to keep the horse for life - maybe that is too idealistic. He is not keen on me riding whilst pregnant.

I don't have any idea what he would be like with kids but I am sure that he will adapt. We have worked out our finances and can afford to put the child in a nursey and for me to drop to 30 hours at work. That would mean that he would drop baby off in the morning at 8:30 and start work at 9. I would start work at 7 and finish and 2 - go and do the horse and pick baby up by 4. We don't have family living close by so we need to do everything ourselves.

The only thing is that I will need to ideally change yards so that the horse is kept nearer my house and the nursery (about the moment the yard is 15 miles away - close to my work but miles from my house - difficult to do morning and evenings and at weekends). Therefore, I would be on a new yard with a new horse without any of my old friends. There is a yard which I saw in the tack room the other day - it is 2 miles from home, has sandschool, some off road hacking and only about 8 boxes. If the people were nice that would be perfect - I will go and look this weekend.

On the other hand, I do ride every single day on my loan horses at the moment and am involved in all the care etc. as I can be. Its just that I am not able to make the final decisions over them and I feel that I want to. There is no doubt that I am ready to have my own horse, its just so hard to decide if I should wait until I have given birth - however long that might take!

NZhorserider

30th Nov 2005, 08:11 AM

Hehe well I can't stand kids so it wouldn't even be a decision for me! I'd get a baby horse :D (I'm 18)

I feel sorry for my future husband - how can I flatly say no, I don't want to have your children sorry...?

I don't have one maternal bone in my body! My aunty had a baby not so long ago, and everyone (including my cousins) was crowding around, saying how wonderful she was, and all I could think about was why they got rid of their cat for a stupid baby! :rolleyes:

But the dilemma is that I want futuristic little kids to ride my futuristic little ponies! Maybe by futuristic husband can be a stay at home dad slash riding instructor! :D

Grace:)

Skib

30th Nov 2005, 09:15 AM

Mary Poppin what your OH thinks is v. important
My OH is very supportive emotionally and financially. But, is scared of horses and although he would try his best I think that it would be dangerous to let him handle them. He is keen that I get my own - especially after I came home in tears at the weekend. His opinion is that I can always sell the horse if I found it too much, but I have always said that I would want to keep the horse for life - maybe that is too idealistic. He is not keen on me riding whilst pregnant.

My OH is scared of horses, that is why I never rode earlier - But once I started, he has given me full support, and encouraged me to ride as much as I like. Like your OH he sees it is good for me and that it makes me happy.

And no, I agree, it isnt fair to hope they may ride one day, or help muck out when you are pregnant. But that moral support is worth so much and is what matters during the ups and downs of life with horses.

I wouldnt rule it out, because your partner doesn ride. My OH looked after the two grandchildren on his own the whole day yesterday, gave them breakfast, took them to school, collected them and did bath and bed time all on his own, so I could go and watch a Mark Rashid demo. Would have been much more difficult if he had wanted to watch Mark too.

The real question is do you yourself really really really want it? I decided two months ago that I didnt really want a horse of my own at this moment enough to buy one. The extra expense frightened me, and like you I am pretty happy with what I am doing at the moment.
In this case is the pressure is on you only because someone is saying they have found you a perfect horse? My wise teacher told me once when I was dithering about buying one horse, there are lots of nice horses out there. Lots of bad ones too. But never think that any one horse is the only one for you.
I and your OH and most people on the list have encouraged you to go for it? But you have to go with your gut reacton. Dont be pushed by us. We are just reporting back to you on motherhood. You have a lot of changes coming up and only you know whether owning a horse might be one change to many.

KarinUS

30th Nov 2005, 10:52 AM

Mary P,

your OH sounds like a sweetie. Congratulations and best of luck with whatever you decide. :)

Esther.D

30th Nov 2005, 11:08 AM

One of the horses is his, right?:confused:

That was what I was thinking - get him out there working Tootsie! ;) Stephen is doing all of ours before and after work, which includes bringing in/mucking out etc the three that are stabled overnight..singlehandedly. Two of them are his but it is still hugely appreciated and the fact that he is so horsey and supportive means we do have a greater chance of managing once the baby is here.

I was brought up in a household and animals and I got my own pony at 5 and have never been without one in the family since (I have had a couple of 2 month or so breaks but someone else in the family has always had a horse/pony). My parents believed it was better for the two of us to grow up with horses and animals not only because it was good for us but it was also cheaper, easier and more fun for them than a continual round of ballet, piano etc etc whatever it is that little girls without horses do.

Ours will not be expected to be horsey if it doesn't want to, but it will be expected to cooperate - after all other people drag kids round supermarkets so we expect ours to come and check horses etc.

Tootsie4U

30th Nov 2005, 12:49 PM

Its complicated, but put it this way, he isnt an animal lover - never had any pets growing up and to his misfortune married a women who can never have too many pets!

I must give him credit though; Monday was my first day back at work and he cleaned the stalls so I didnt have to when I got home with the baby. But, I was the one mucking, feeding and turning out right up to the day I delivered and was back at it ten days after she was born.

CrazyDaisy

30th Nov 2005, 02:29 PM

While I have no children and never will a good friend of mine did while having a new horse. To be completely honest she ended up giving the mare because she felt like it was too hard on the horse to sit stalled. She has tried to lease the horse out and the horse was really green and it just didn't work. I would of leased it but I had two horses at the time. You will almost need to lease the horse if you get pregnant and be ready not to ride very much till the baby gets a little older. Its not right to leave them unriden and you will need to think about what would happen if you couldn't find a person to ride the horse. I don't want to stop you but this is what I have seen happen first hand and it was reall hard for my friend to sell her horse.

KarinUS

30th Nov 2005, 02:43 PM

To be completely honest she ended up giving the mare because she felt like it was too hard on the horse to sit stalled.

Wouldn't that be more a question of yard management though rather than family planning? No horse should have to sit stalled. That's something remedied by picking a more natural boarding facility, not necessarily birth control... :p

Esther.D

30th Nov 2005, 02:46 PM

I think it depends on how you manage it and what kind of horse you have. Rupert has managed fine with little work as I have got bigger, he is starting to get a little hyper now with lack of work but doesn't seem to have suffered in the slightest for his time off. However if he was the kind of horse that needed riding 6 days a week to stay sane then I can see that being an issue. He is turned out 24/7 over the summer with other horses and is only in overnight during the winter so has plenty of space to play in. To be honest I have found it less of a problem than I anticipated.

Mary Poppins

1st Dec 2005, 06:23 AM

Well I made the decision to go and look at the horse, and it has been sold!!! I have sat on it for a few weeks so can't really blame them - I guess that it just wasn't meant to be. The instructor said that he would look out for another which may be suitable so I will just wait and see what he comes up with and take it from there.

I am looking for a very solid, steady hairy cob type which will live out 24/7. In my experience this type will not need riding every day and won't go bonkers if it has a few weeks off. I really want to buy through personal recommendation, so as this is bound to take time perhaps I will be married and have had the baby before my perfect pony arrives.

Thanks for all your replies, it has been very interesting reading about your views.

Noblesteed

1st Dec 2005, 12:42 PM

Hi Mary Poppins, sorry to hear you missed the horse you were interested in. Sometimes fate takes a hand and all our planning is to no avail. We like to think we can plan our lives and I guess it makes us all feel a bit more secure. However life has a tendency to throw all sorts of unexpected things our way, good as well as bad, and then the plans go out of the window. I am really trying to say that planning something doesn't necessarily mean it will happen, and this is certainly true of anything to do with babies and horses. My message is to have goals and do things that will put you in a good position to achieve them and then relax, enjoy and live for today. You can have a baby and a horse if you want! Make sure you are happy doing what you are doing and be open minded and flexible so you can adapt as you go along. Sometimes choices have to be made and that can be hard, but if you know what is important to you and you have a relaxed and philosphical attitude it is easier to choose. Good Luck and lots of Love x

nicolaj

1st Dec 2005, 02:37 PM

The replies here have been really interesting.

I personally think no matter what you do the support of a loving OH or family cannot be underestimated. I've come across mothers whose OH does nothing and lets them care for the kids, whilst others are brilliant.

Mary Poppins your OH may not be willing to help with the horse, but he sounds really caring, and would probably really enjoy spending time with 'sprog' when they arrive to give you a break at weekends. Have seen a lot of mothers with little ones in prams whilst mucking out etc, this is fine for first few months, however they become mobile! Want to wander and explore, not really aware of the dangers of toddling at the back of horses etc.

You have life plan which is great and you sensibly seem to be thinking about the type of horse that will fit into this plan. All I can say is live for today, as others have said, we don't know what is round the next corner and I would rather have a go at something and if it doesn't work out, then at least you can say you tried and enjoyed the time you had your own horse. There is always the loan option if necessary. Like you, there are lots of kind caring people out there who might like a horse but would prefer to loan first off.

Go for it and I hope you find your hairy cob, you can't have mine!;)