Have I jumped in the deep end?

[Sassy1976]

I got my dream of owning my horse only 2 weeks ago and am being made to look like an idiot. I have gone out on hacks a few times and ridden abroad on holiday but have never had any 'real' lessons. Luckily I have an experienced neighbour who has helped me out and taught me how to look after him and get the bridal and saddle on etc. I went to a local riding school and am planning to go back but I have no means of transport for the horse so would have to learn on one of theirs. My problem is I'm getting conflicting advice. Sticking to the previous owners advice was bound to be the best way I thought. My neighbour, a friend (well my husbands ex) and the riding instructor all have totally different views about EVERYTHING!!!! They know I don't know anything and I expected them to be nice about it but it seems like they are just laughing behind my back thinking I should have never got him. I feel like a total plonker. He's a big horse (16.1) for me as I'm only 5' 4" and 8 1/2 stone and when I see him bucking on the lunge I just think oh my god that's scary! When I'm in the stable with him he's so loving and nuzzles me but when he's out it's like I don't feel confident. I'm really confused and now thinking they are all right even though I want to prove them wrong. Is every rider extra confident from the start of learning and is there any hope for me? After standing myself in the firing range with these 'helpers' surely there is some hope for me?!!
Please help. :o

[raggydoll]

Everyone needs support and help form more expereinced people when they get their first horse but it is normally a good idea to make sure you have enough basic knowledge to form your own opinion amongst all the information you are being given.

However, i dont think there is much point in worrying about what has already happened, you have the horse now so you need to think about what you are going to do. I would seriosly consider putting him on full livery at a good yard where you can have lessons. This wont be cheap but would be invaluable in learning the basics of taking care of your horse. In the mean time read as much as you can, do as much research into it as you can and ask loads of questions. There is often no right or wrong answer just many ways of doing things some of which wont be appropriate for you and your horse.

If you have any specific queries i would look through past posts here or start threads about those so you get as much info as possible.

Dont panic, im sure you arent the first or the last to go through this. Its not ideal by any means but there are things you can do.

[Whatanejit]

Absolutely agree with Raggy Doll.

Pay for full livery for a few months and shadow the staff as much as possible to help out, not just with your own horse but put a bit of effort in to pay back for their tuition.

Can you dump the other two 'advisors' and start from scratch with someone new - maybe an RI at your yard?

People are so opinionated in this business and sadly bitchiness is rife when us women get together and you just need to dump these two.

Maybe that is a bit harsh because their help could be useful in the future but maybe distance yourself from them a bit and try someone new.

This should be a wonderful time for you and I am sorry you are feeling so blue :o :o

[Stella2]

It does sound as if you have thrown yourself in the deep end :eek: But you're there now so best to try and make it work.

The best thing you can do is get a freelance instructor (i.e. one who works independantly of a riding school and travel out to teach clients on their own horses). Make sacrifices elsewhere and try to afford at least 2 lessons a week. Ask her or him to teach you to lunge properly (its an art that many people never learn and do badly) as well as to ride. Stick to the advice of your instructor who is teaching you on your own horse, but make sure your happy with their approach. If you are not, find another! If you can't find someone by recommendation, look on the BHS website.

You also need to learn about the correct body language when handling him on the ground, otherwise he may get the wrong messages and start to think he is in charge and you could begin having problems with his manners. A good place to start is buy Kelly Marks' 'book Perfect Manners'. Its available from Amazon and the BHS website bookstore.

Oh and, lots of horses engage in high jinks on the lunge that they don't do under saddle, so bucking on the lunge isn't necassarily a problem.

Good luck :)

[Stella2]

Just to add, I agree about the full livery :)

[virtuallyhorses]

... My problem is I'm getting conflicting advice. Sticking to the previous owners advice was bound to be the best way I thought. My neighbour, a friend (well my husbands ex) and the riding instructor all have totally different views about EVERYTHING!!!! They know I don't know anything and I expected them to be nice about it but it seems like they are just laughing behind my back thinking ...

It sounds like you are perhaps blaming others for your decisions and being rather ungrateful for the help you've received. Yes, there are many conflicting opinions in the horseworld - just as there are in most other fields. I work with computers and I can tell you 20 different ways to achieve the same end - that doesn't mean I'm having a go at you. It is also up to you to educate yourself, not up to others to spoonfeed you. There are many of us (probably including your neighbour and RI) that spend many hours constantly reading and updating our knowledge - and yes, this includes sifting through many conflicting opinions and research papers. Yes, it can be frustrating but that is life - there are no easy answers.

Both these people are probably quite concerned about the fact that you've gone out and bought a horse with little or no knowledge of riding or horse care and yes, you probably give them a damn good laugh sometimes. Horse riding is not something to be taken entirely seriously - you are going to look a fool! Trust me it happens to all of us on a fairly regular basis! :D But both these people are trying to help you out so give them some credit, so perhaps lighten up and thank them for the help they are giving you, especially your neighbour who has been extremely generous from the sounds of it (after all this is YOUR horse and YOUR decision and yet your neighbour has gotten extra work out of it).

It sounds like you need to take responsibility for your actions and dig into your pockets. You say you have no transport, so you either need to hire some or find someone who can come out and help you on a regular basis. Buy some books, videos, attend clinics and keep up with your lessons at the riding school you have a lot of catching up to do but it will be worthwhile in the end. Good luck. :)

[Purple Hugs]

I am a NR myself, and sadly not yet a horse owner but wanted to wish you luck.

In time 16.1 won't feel too huge, I'm the same height as you and have been lucky in having to bite the bullet with big horses (as I'm heavy) - the scariest part I find is mounting.. but once you have that it's a doddle. ;) Oh.. and that you 'drop' a little more when ***-mounting.

The others have such sound advice. :) And you've always got these guys here to ask!

All the best. Enjoy building your bond from the ground up. :D

[Captain Equidan]

Yeah, I concur.

Get the horse onto full livery
Help out as much as you can with the care of said horse so you can learn
Take riding lessons
Read books
Seek advice and help, ask questions
Don't overlook things like worming, having the horse shod etc

[claire hodgson]

and look for a stable management course, a basic one. One of the local colleges up here is running one, too far for you obviously :))) but there may be something local

When I got my first horse, even though I'd ridden for years and helped friends out odd times, I put him on full livery, which after a short time went to 5day livery and I did weekends. I was so glad I did that, I learnt an awful lot that I hadn't known.

I agree about getting an instructor to come to you.

And - as a basic starting out book, I still have mine (well, if my mate would only give me it back ...) - the Pony Club book. Excellent work, if slightly old fashioned in places.

[Unbridled]

I know you're feeling a bit defensive at the moment and trust me, I understand. No one likes feeling as if they're being joked about/made fun of behind their backs. However, I'd just try to keep in mind that these people are trying to help you and they are more experienced about horses. As frustrating as it might be dealing with them at least you might be able to learn something.

However, if they're being total jerks, you might try calling a private trainer to come to you. This is what I've always done, since there are no real "schools" in my area. And really it worked out better that way; Sugar had some issues we needed one-on-one attention not just a group lesson. I'm not sure about costs in the UK but in the USA I paid $50 a lesson. Lessons were scheduled for an hour, but oftentimes ran longer if the instructors didn't have anything to do and just lost track of time. :cool:

And I think the idea of putting your horse on full livery is a great one. My horse is boarded and I've learned so much just hanging around the barn talking with the other riders. If you cannot afford to board, maybe just ask a boarding barn if you can hang out there and do chores for them? It's a great way to learn and some barns will even give you free lessons in exchange for work.

[Kazzie]

Could you take the BHS Horse Ownership course? I found it invaluable. I learned so much and felt so much more confident.

Kaz

[Skib]

Livery or a trainer to help you is a must. And if you have to have lessons on a riding school horse as a temporary measure, that doesnt seem a bad idea either.
You must have been recommended this horse by someone and whether your horse is suitable has more to do with the character and training of the horse than its height.
I am the same height as you and though a stone heavier, I doubt if I am stronger. I was aged 63 and failing to learn to ride. A senior instructor on the point of retirement told the school to take me off the nice school ponies and teach me on a horse they had in working livery. He was 16.1.
No one had a good word for that horse. But he was my miracle. I was comfortable on him in the school and he did as I asked.
Hope that cheers you up?

[shirley]

It may all see'm very strange and new to start out with, but soon, mucking out will be something you can do in your sleep. Leading and handling him from the ground no problem. A good instructor will be able to take you from just where you are and onwards at your pace as well.
Above all please please do not be intimidated by 'well meaning' others. If we never took steps forward we would all be standing still. Everyone on this website wonders if they did the right thing at the time, but sensibly working through things have learnt and gained experience and moved onwards. So can you and do not let anyone tell you that you can't. We all started out not knowing anything at one point, but have learnt - so can you.
Also read as much as you can as well - some of the horsey magazines are good for things.
So do not be put off, take advise - good sound advise that leaves you feeling successful. Enjoy your horse as well, have fun learning on this brand new adventure together.
Good luck and keep us posted on how things are going.

[Sassy1976]

Thanx to everyone for taking the time out to help me :) except virtuallyhorses who seems to have her head somewhere else apart from on her shoulders:eek:

I started stable management last week and the instructor is due to ring any day to come to me regarding lessons. As for my neighbour I do thank her greatly. We took her and her husband out the other week for a 3 course meal as another thankyou. I'm not the type of person who doesn't appreciate things people do for me and I always return the favour.

I can now lunge!!!!! As for the horse trailer I'm looking around already so I can take Bassey to the riding school.

Maybe I did rush into this but I'm sure as hell I will get it all right soon! Bassey is completely happy so I must be doing something right plus he's getting so much attention which he didn't have before.

Anyway thanx again to those who helped. I have my confidence back!!
H xxx

[Stella2]

Sassy - the thing is you said yourself that you know nothing!! and have never previously had any riding lessons. That is too soon to get your own horse. Viv (Virtuallyhorses) may have been a bit more forthright than the rest of us, but what she said was relevent and probably accurate!

I wish you the best of luck, but be aware that you can't go from knowing nothing (your words) to everything being fine so quickly. Horses throw-up all kinds of new issues constantly.

[Purple Hugs]

Thanx to everyone for taking the time out to help me :) except virtuallyhorses who seems to have her head somewhere else apart from on her shoulders:eek:


I don't see anything wrong with Virtuallyhorses post. :cool: It's her opinion as an experienced horse owner/rider from what I'm reading and has many valid points.

I'm also a new rider (been riding since Aug), and much as i'm gaining additional experience in horse care (by volunteering my labour at a private stables) I know I'm not ready for ownership.

I DO wish you well, and am sure you can do it, in time, but it will take time. And as Virtuallyhorses says, you'll have a few laughs along the way.. :) I know i've got some under my belt already.
good luck.