bad horse: frustration/fear

[donnalync]

I have been riding at my stable for 8 months. I started out very afraid of falling, getting hurt, horse bolting, etc...and have come a long way...it is a tiny ring where, in the evenings, there are about 7 other riders. Usually the horses don't get along and much of the lesson (when you are a beginner) is consumed with making sure your horse doesn't go after another, or vice versa, or get too close to each other. My teacher gets frustrated that I am not making too much progress in her class because the minute I sense the horse is uncomfortable, I get scared, and can't focus too much after that. I also am distracted with all the other horses, making sure I am not in the way or getting to close to another. I end up with frustration after the lessons. So, I started to ride during the day which is much less crowded and have been making alot of progress. However, I have paid for my eve lessons thru March. So last nite, I rode a horse that is not so nice to the others...she rides with her ears pinned back and has the urge to go after horses. You need to be firm with her and confident....and she is hard to get going. After about 5 minutes of struggle, I found myself extremely frustrated and getting fearful that I couldn't control her like I should. I was not feeling confident that nite. It all seemed like too much effort...and so I told my teacher I wanted to stop. My teacher got on the mare and rode her like a dream:O After she got off, I got on and cantered her for a few minutes as she was calmed and forward after that ride:) I was dissappointed in myself for giving up and allowing my fears and frustrations to get the best of me. I defeated myself. Just want a little advice on how to work thru fear and a self defeating mentality so that I can continue to progress and ride even in a less than adequate situation.

[Maddison's girl]

horses do sense your fear so it can become a vicious circle.

Would it be possible for you to have a private lesson just you in the arena. I used to find it very difficult to concentrate on riding when it was in a big lesson so I started having semi private lessons which was just me and my daughter.

The only answer to over coming your fear is practice. We all get scared sometimes and it gets very frustrating but you just have to hang in there. Can you pick a different horse, perhaps a real confidence giver? I started out riding a a horse you could put your granny on (as told by my RI) :)

Perhaps you could talk to your RI about how you feel.

Amanda

[donnalync]

It is a private lesson:) We are all taking 'private' lessons in the ring. Oh, it is not an arena, but a tiny indoor ring in NYC. Probably 50 feet around...maybe, not sure, can't really judge. And I don't have a choice of horses...all depends on who is available at that time. Ocassionally I do get a good quiet horse, but it is still uncomfortable riding with so many other riders no matter what kind of horse I am on. We all deal with this and the teachers are pretty firm about trying to keep the confidence and not to think/worry about the other horses...she always says "you are riding ONE horse, not 10"
I can, when I am feeling strong and confident, usually concentrate on just me and my horse, but at times it gets overwhelming and I ask myself why I am riding if I always feel frustration. However, that is why I ride during the day. It is quieter. But I feel that after 8 months of this kind of riding I should be used to it and able to deal with it better than I did last nite. I was just wondering if anyone else has that fear/frustration when conditions aren't 'just right.' I say it is like learning to drive in NYC with all the cars and confusion instead of on a nice quiet road..........!

[Jessey]

Can I ask, have you fallen or had a horse get in a fight yet? It sounds like you haven't and that may be your problem :p you know what its like when you first try something, you get nervous etc etc and you just boil on it, but when it finally happens its fine and acctually you quite enjoyed it :D
You will fall off if you ride, I don't think I know anyone who has been riding a while who hasn't, and 99% of the time you brush yourself off and climb right back up, it really isn't that bad, and I think once you have done it you won't worry about it so much :D

But in the mean time you need to work on controlling your fear, when you get scared your breathing and heart rates go up and you get tense (those are the thing your horse senses), then you get frustrated with your self because your concious brain says that shouldn't be happening :p

So first control your breathing, slow it down and make it deeper, sing a song or whistle, this forces you to breathe properly :p Then think about relaxing your muscles, start at the top and think about each one slowly until you feel it relax, by this time your heart rate will have settled back down. To start with this may take a few minutes but the more you practice the quicker it will happen. Then when you are relaxed start over, I bet you will notice a big improvement in no time :D this is just a way of fooling you body, mind over matter, that everything is OK and you will be a far more effective rider if you are relaxed which will boost your confidence so you will be less scared and less frustrated which makes you more relaxed, I'm sure you see where I'm going with that :p

And I really have practiced this, sometimes my brain is crying 'OH CRAP' but I can still make my body say 'its all good' which helps the horse relax so I can too :D

J x

[Peace]

If I were you I'd change schools. 8 horses in a ring 50 feet in diameter makes me claustrophobic just to think about it. I'm not surprised you're feeling fearful - there's no way I'd ride in there, not even with one of my bombproof boys who like everybody.

PM CityGirl on here. She's in the city, and I think she's seen a lot of barns in your area.:) Maybe she can suggest another school or two to try.

[cvb]

where to start...

for certain you can not learn in a situation where you feel at risk and uncomfortable.

if you can't change the feeling, change the place ;)

for second, you need to trust the instructor. This would help you hand over the "collision control" to her ;) Do you really trust her ?

I suspect you always need to feel you have a degree of control - and I think that may be missing for you right now. When things were too much, you stopped. You need to be able to say - before it gets that bad - I don't think I am ready for that exercise today... prevention rather than cure ;)

Yes you will get some instructors who feel they need to push you in that situation. Some people need pushing, others don't. I think with adult riders you really have to respect their knowledge of their own limits - and you ARE the client/customer in this equation.

I have to say that getting on a demonstrating can be a useful tool - but I'm not convinced it was constructive in this situation. So it proved the horse can be controlled, calm etc - so what ! thats not the problem here. The problem was YOU not feeling in control. So someone else being in control does not change that.

[Peace]

It is a private lesson:) We are all taking 'private' lessons in the ring. Oh, it is not an arena, but a tiny indoor ring in NYC. Probably 50 feet around...maybe, not sure, can't really judge. And I don't have a choice of horses...all depends on who is available at that time. Ocassionally I do get a good quiet horse, but it is still uncomfortable riding with so many other riders no matter what kind of horse I am on. We all deal with this and the teachers are pretty firm about trying to keep the confidence and not to think/worry about the other horses...she always says "you are riding ONE horse, not 10" <snip> I say it is like learning to drive in NYC with all the cars and confusion instead of on a nice quiet road..........!

Sorry, I misread your post before. If the ring is 50 feet in circumference, then it's only 16 feet in diameter (not 50 feet as I posted above). How in the world do y'all get 8 or 10 horses in that small a space?:eek:

I would run, not walk, to the nearest exit. I can't imagine trying to learn to ride while packed in like sardines.

[donnalync]

Oh, my! I was just guessing that the ring was 50 feet, and didn't mean 'around.' I meant it was about 50 feet across...still very small!
I am so thankful for all of your input everyone! Thanks for caring and taking the time to post......

[donnalync]

Hi everyone...just thought I'd give a lesson update. Had a lesson during the day today with only one other horse in the ring....I was on a new horse, but decided not to fear any unknowns and just get on him. Anyway, he was tough, not going ahead, needed tons of leg and ignoring me all the time...finally used the crop, and he bucked several times which got me really nervous but I stayed on...he kept walking where he wanted, and my instructor kept telling me to use leg, crop and get control...and that is what I feared most....losing control.....he also started backing up several times, in response to the one other horse in the ring..I suppose to kick the other horse, or something....so my instructor very firmly told me I needed to get him going forward. I told her I wanted to stop, completely sure that I couldn't continue on this horse:eek: , but she assured me I'd be ok and keep going....out of plain fear, I gave him a strong hit with the crop, he bucked again, but started forward...after a bit he had this fabulous trot and we trotted the rest of the lesson! We decided not to canter as it was too much already...however, I am so happy I did not quit, and my intructor was calm and assured me I'd be ok.....I feel like I overcame my fear as opposed to quitting and it feels really good!!!!!!!!!

[michie]

I may be wrong, but I think I know what stables you're talking about in the city, if we're talking about Manhattan. Anyway, if we're not, I think the arena is way too small to have that many horses in it. My suggestion is that you take a train outside of the city (15 mins?), and most stables will pick you up if you ask for no additional charge.

[Lotje]

well done on that lesson, it will keep getting better.

[Canaan's Mom]

Good Job Donna! I was/sometimes still am where you were before your last lesson. Everyone will tell you that you MUST have more confidence and that the confidence will come from practice - but it doesn't register until you actually live through what they are saying. I am so pleased that you have had a victory, but future rides will also test you and it is THIS past victory that you will be able to draw upon to handle it. Most assuredly, you will have another not so great day - but many, many more really good rides (and it is teh good ones that will keep you going, even through the fear). I don't know that the "fear" ever really goes away. I had a 20 year hiatus and returned to riding only two years ago and I still get butterflies in my stomach if the riding conditions are not A-1 perfect (too windy, too many new horses around, the sky is too blue ;) but I have to come back to two things: (1) I HAVE done this before and handled it well enough and (2) I must trust my horse as he must trust me.

Happy Trails :)

[Wally]

Our indoor school is 50 feet by 120 feet, that's 17 metres by 37 is, approx.

The MOST I will have in there at any one time is 4 animals of under 14.2hh. Not point in any more as there is no room to work sensibly.

I'd find somewhere to ride where you feel safe, secure and the horses give you confidence, not knock it.

[Hanamoon]

I'm pretty sure that I know what stable you're at - the ring is tiny and you also have pillars withing the ring! All that plus horses that don't especially get along - you should be really proud of the progress that you've made. I've been riding about as long as you have and I also have a confidence level that fluctuates from lesson to lesson (sometimes within a lesson). But I've only been able to do it with a good trainer and in a large ring....

I definitely believe that every lesson, even frustrating or frightening ones, gives you something to add to your skills basket. But don't forget you are riding because you enjoy it and you want to improve, maybe you could try some lessons outside of the city for a while and then go back to your original stable for advanced lessons and/or hacking out in the park? You'd get a chance to ride great horses with good manners, improve your confidence and probably advance your riding a bit faster to get you towards whatever equestrian goals you may have.