Being Taught By A Friend..

[Cheeky]

Heya all,

As some may know I have a friend, G, who needs lessons. She admitted this the other day but her mum doesn't want to splash out heaps of money for it.

So I was thinking of offering her lessons ... the only problem is:

A) I dont have a horse for her to use ... but I could teach her as we train Missy...

B) I don't know how well she'll respond to my critisizm.

I am a honest teacher - and quite open. I tell it like it is, with little sugar coating. I give the student and horse (I used to teach a few people riding and many horses) a lot of praise when something is done well ... but G isnt really one who will take 'sit up' in the correct manner ... she makes excuses and blames the horse ... she can also get quite angry and fustrated if she thinks that I am wrong or doesn't understand. But she takes praise well.

So ..

1. How many are taught or have been taught by a friend?

2. Do you think I should offer her lessons?

I know its risky ... but I am desperate! She needs lessons or she will injur her self worse than what has happened before ... and she's hurting Missy by not knowing what to do. At least this way she'll understand how to train a horse, and learn to ride properly, and also assit in training Missy correctly :)

[nutkin]

I think its worth a shot.She admits she needs lessons and her parents aren't willing to pay for them so why not suggest that you teach her on condition that she does take note of what you are saying and tries her best.Should she make excuses or not take on board what is being said then you won't teach her as it is your time you are giving up to help her.I think if you make this clear from the beginning then you should be ok.She will be aware of where she stands and that you are doing this for her benefit.Hopefully she will listen.
Until quite recently we had a girl on the yard who had a youngster and thought she knew it all.She had a fiery temper and did not take advice from anyone. She started to go to our riding club lessons and ended up rowing with the instructor who then refused to teach her. This rider had a heavy seat and a horse with a long back.She ended up damaging her horses back because of the way she rode but refused to believe it was her fault. Her horse was seen by a chiropractor and she was told not to jump the horse for 3 months. Because she felt everything was fine she went and jumped the horse over 4'6 just a few weeks later and ended up ruining her horses back to the point that she can no longer ride him at all.

[Jessey]

Well at least you have got her to admit she needs some help now :D

I would offer her your help, but I think (from reading the ongoing posts about this) I would be a bit sneaky about it all. I wouldn't outright offer her 'lessons', you know how some people take that eg 'you are a crap rider and I am great so let me tell you what to do' when all you really meant is 'let me try and help'. I would suggest to her that it might be fun if you both took turns on Misty, set a timer for 5 minutes or something, so that you can help each other learn more and so you can both see how Misty is doing both from up top and from the ground :D You may not be the type to sugar coat things ;) but the making of a good teacher is one who can adapt her style to suit each student and their tempreament, I am not saying let her get away with blue murder just be nice when you critisise and go over board when she does good and always keep you cool, never raise your voice until/unless she really does something dangerous or that could/does hurt Misty then 'throw the toys out of the pram' and really make it 100% clear what she has done and why it was so bad.


I think you will manage this just fine, you really seem to have your head screwed on :D

J x

[Rob26]

I'd love to have a friend to teach me! save me a fortune and I could ride more often! :)

[ajhainey]

It's not easy and it will ahve some side effects (I have taught friends to ski before). But if the other choice is no lessons the I think ti is worth a try - IME the trick is to accept some compromises must be made in your teaching style as she is both a friend and has no other choice. Its not quite the same as the normal teacher/pupil relationship where you have a style and if it doesn't suit the client goes elsewhere.

Be sure to be tactful and positive and I'm sure it will be a great chance for both of you! aj xx

[Bay Mare]

It wouldn't work for me but it may work for others. I've become friends with instructors before now but have never been friends prior to having lessons. I would be arguing with them, I need a bit of distance or I'll be a brat ;)

If you do decide to go ahead (and I think that you're really great for considering it) then you need to lay down some very strict ground rules if your relationship isn't going to suffer. Things like how you teach, that you will be direct, what you will expect from her and that your friendship will be separate from the teaching.

Good luck :)

[Cheeky]

Thanks for all the replies!!

Jesse - yeah! Took a while to get her to admit it lol ...

I think I will offer her the lessons ... but I think I already am, if that makes sense.

Like recently ... I asked her (a few weeks ago) what kind of things are bothering her with Missy and what does she want to work on .. she said that she has no breaks, and that she feels like Missy doesn't recpect her any more.

So I introduced her to the one rein stop ... as this will help her to soften her mouth and listen to her body a bit more.

WOW - what an improvement!! After two rides (one today, one last week), G is now riding on LOSE reins (I have pix to prove it!!), and is using her seat a HECK of a lot more. She even realised it today ... she said (I quote) 'Hey look she is listening to my seat!' ... *sigh* *grin* its a great feeling.

She is also learning to relax on her ... and she will stay calm. For the first time EVER, her and Missy took their first WALK down the long side ... she didnt rush into canter, G didn't pull on the reins or lean forwards ... she held the buckle, took a deep breath, relaxed, Missy relaxed ... and they walked down and back on their own, in WALK - I am so proud!

So we have riding down okay ... G responds to positive re-enforcement and praise, Missy is happy :) My next problem that I find hard to do with G is her and tack ... she isn't that interested in learning about the tack, if the saddle fits or not, how to lunge right ... My gosh her lunigng is shocking :eek: :eek: Though she did learn about the lose ring and cheek snaffles today ... and the 'nutcreacker' action.

Here are some photos of our improvement ..

This was G before I she started working with me ... doing her own thing ..

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v737/phat_piggie/Horses/Hunny/2.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v737/phat_piggie/Horses/Hunny/1.jpg

And now...

The new ...

And a-bit-more-improved ...

G!!!

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v249/Rusti/IMG_0914.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v249/Rusti/IMG_0912.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v249/Rusti/IMG_0911.jpg

Now that's gotta be something to be proud of :) Just to see how much happier Missy is and how confident G is ... is worth the sunburn I got today lol!

I know it doesn't look alot (will upload new vids soon and show you old ones too) ... but when you see the improvement in real life ... its amazing - Missy can tell and is greatful (she is actually relaxed about G riding her now) and G has a better seat (though still needs some major adjustments) ... am quite proud of what we have achieved lol..

But to the point of this post ... I think I will offer her lessons .. and I am also in the making of a website incase anyone is interested in following the journey of me, G and Missy :p

[nikkiandsharief]

i've taught my friends and its been fine!!! plus giving them extra confidence etc is easy i feel as you can make them laugh at something totally unhorsey and they relax.

My best friend wants to start riding - a month ago she was terrified of horses now she loves them. I would have taught her but i don't have a steady eddie to teach her on more to the pity.


lovely piccies!! :D

[Cheeky]

Thanks nikki ...

Thats great to hear such an improvement with your mate :) Well done

[LMS]

What an obvious improvement in the photos. Good for all of you!

Has your friend noticed the improvement though? And is now warming up to the idea of more "suggestions" in order to make her a more respectful partner?

I tried teaching a friend in my teens. She was so stubborn (won't tell you her nationality:p ) & thought her way was the best but in reality her horse was so miserable & sore that all rides were fights. Every once in a while I'd make a little suggestion (had to be sneaky & make it look like it was her idea) & then one day she finally listened to one of my suggestions & ta dah! Horse complied immediatly & ears went foreward as well as horse.

She eventually realised that her way needed some improvements. She now gets lessons from a very impressive dressage master (so jealous).

Presently, a good non horsy friend asked for lessons.
I was leary with the idea at first but I think I'll keep it really casual & just have fun. I value our friendship.

Well keep up the good work & have fun!

[FreedomStar]

I've given tips to friends and such, but there isn't much I can really do in the way of lessons because my riding friends and I are more or less at the same level. Sometimes, when we actually get around to riding together, we just ride and watch the other sometimes and exchange tips and such.

In the photos I can see a very real difference. In the before photos the horse is tense and 'coiled tight', whilst in the after photos there is a definite casual air and relaxed attitude. Both horse and rider look ... softer. (in the photo where she's walking directly at the camera it looks like her stirrups are uneven)

Instead of lunging on a line, why not show her free lunging?