her nerves have gotten worse help seriously needed

[nutterinnewquay]

hiya guys i teach a loverly lady on a sunday afternoon but her nervous have gotten worse its got that bad she almost got off this week and she wasnt going to come back!!!she did stay on and she is coming back next week but on a private lesson.i know she has never fallen off or been hurt by a horse so i dont know why the nerves are this bad.she rides the same horse every week,he is safe in every way as she likes and trusts him,though she is going to try some one else next week.i am really asking if any of you have been in the same situation and how you got over the nerves is there any thing i can do to help other than keeping all the school work slowly and calmly,please please help me i really dont think she should give it up

[iluvhorses28]

PLENTY OF TIMES!!! I am a nervous Nellie by nature... so I have had those days of EXTREME riding anxiety... I cant explain why.... then I was using a super safe 22 yo gelding who was going nowhere... but i was still nervous.

I think after awhile....of doing things on a rather slower pace... I finally got bored of walking and asked to TROT! Again Anxiety took place... even though I was wanting to TRY.... my nerves acted up and I was petrified!
My RI was patient enough to let me trot and stop and trot and stop...again this played on for a looong while until I felt comfortable at it and each lesson tried to trot half the arena, one time around, two times around....

Basically I think time to just let her go on HER pace will help.... be in the arena with her... but let HER decide when to turn, when to stop, when to walk out.... I know its not much but for nervous people, this is a HUGE accomplishment.
Let her be in control instead of asking her to do stuff for now, anyway.
I was so overwhelmed when my RI asked me to turn, do this do that..... so one day we decided to go on a snails pace and "take it easy"... WORKED WONDERS FOR MY CONFIDENCE!

Hope this helps... ;)

Oooops ADD ON:
Also helped after my RI worked on showing me how to groom and saddle this schoolie I used.... I am assuming your student has no horse of her own? It does wonders to teach her to even brush a horse... build her confidence being near a horse... so she can develop a bond for this horse, and she wouldn't feel intimidated.
Worked for me too!

[NoviceNic]

List of things I fall back on when nervous.
1. Deep Breathing exercises.
2. Sing "silly" song
3. Ride Yards safe plod (this may not be the horse you expect!)
4. Loads of ground work.
5. Loads of walk trot transitions.
6. Master half halts.
7. Squeeze with the knees and see the difference it makes to horses speed.
8. Lunge lessons with loads of deep seat exercises. (some good ones in "Horse" mag this month)
9. Have a session just grooming and tacking up.
10. Stable management course.
11. Never get to yard too early else your adrenalin rushes around your head and makes you more nervous.

Hopefully that will be a start. Although I dont doubt you are already trying these things. :)

[HairyCob]

I was there a year ago... terrified to even get on a horse. Now I'm riding my faintly nutty new mare all over the place, hacking out alone and generally grinning from ear to ear most of the time!

I had lessons on an ancient 14.3hh RDA horse. First lesson I was determined I wasn't even going to walk- I was just going to sit on the horse for ten minutes, get off, pay for my half hour and go home!

My RI was brilliant- let me take things totally at my pace- that first lesson I did end up walking and turning and doing lots of halt transisitons, just to be sure the horse would halt! I even managed to stay on the full half hour!

From then on my confidence returned bit by bit, lesson by lesson... before long I was cantering a 17.2hh ex racehorse round the arena.

However, it took a LONG time for my confidence to get that high, and that horse was the ONLY one I'd happily canter around on.

I also had times when one lesson I'd be really enjoying what I was doing, cantering, doing a bit of lateral work, even a couple of jumps one time, and then the next lesson, two days later, with no rhyme nor reason, I'd be scared to get back on, and would have to go right back to walk only for a lesson.

The main thing from your perspective is to empathise and understand that this lady is terrified, and let her go at her own pace- so instead of saying, "Right, ready? Walk on" tell her before she gets on that once she is on you will wait for her to tell you that she is ready to move, and that it doesn't matter how long that takes- offer to lead her if that will help, and always praise her a lot for ANY tiny little thing she achieves.

Also, reassure her that she will not be moving out of walk until she is PLEADING with you to let her trot... you may be surprised just how quickly the pleading starts once the pressure is off!:D

Good luck, and may I just say that this lady is lucky to have such an understanding instructor- well done you!:D

[domane]

My closest yard-mate is incredibly nervous and all we manage is a walk out on a Saturday afternoons. She says she feel cr*p and silly but I never try to persuade her to do anything more than she is doing as I know what a challenge it is for her to get on her pony. She is scared that I am going to "move on" like all the others... getting bored with just walking up the road but I have told her again and again that it's my chance to catch up with all the yard gossip and because it is no real exercise for Chez I can do something "proper" earlier in the day if I feel the urge so I'm not going to leave her, bless. She's my bestest riding mate!!She loves riding and had a bad fall 10 years ago and has just lost her confidence. I always tell her to look at what she CAN achieve rather than what she can't... the fact that she tacks up and gets on and WILL walk up the lane and back.... She really WANTS to be able to bomb round the fields and up the hill but she is just terrified that her boy will bolt with her (and he has a penchant to do this anyway so it's justifiable!!) She doesn't want to part with him so we have compromised and she is going to try him in a pelham.... so she can ride on the snaffle with the curb rein on his neck, just for comfort. I think that security blanket will be the first step to further things for her.... watch this space.

Sorry for rambling...

[ajhainey]

Just stick to walking around until she finds her nerve? There is walking round cones, walking a serpentine, walking in a perfect circle, halt to walk transitions, leg yield, turn on the forehand, turn on the haunches, gate opening and closing from in the saddle, two point walk, walk a square, spell your initals, circle at every letter, lead her in hand and do simon says - I could go on! How about teaching her to do some inhand stuff and lunging? Or spending half the lesson on stable stuff and only half on riding (an hour is a hell of a long time when you are nervous!).

Have a standing arrangment that whenever she feel able to trot she should just tell you and set off straight away - while she has the nerve and the determination to do so?

I have been awful nervous sometimes so can sympathise...

aj xx

[nutterinnewquay]

Thank you all sooo much,you have all helped in some way thank you again.
I think a half hour stable management and half hour riding lesson is a good idea.I hope all she needs is time because she is such a lovely lady and it would be a shame for her to give up, i will keep you all informed thank you all again

[Stella2]

I don't have anything to add to that said by the others, except, how nice for an instructor to care enough to post like this :)

[ANN H]

This is a difficult one and its nice that you care so much. My friend on our yard has an Irish cob which she bought from a trekking centre 7 years ago. He can be a bit cheeky but rarely puts a foot wrong. Without sounding really mean, she doesn't have much of a clue about horses and the poor thing never gets ridden. We've tried everything, gentle bullying, going on hacks without inviting her (because if we do ask her first she'll say yes, then we all wait round for her to arrive at the yard only for her to say she isn't coming). We've actually given up now, hence flinging myself into my solo hacking career!! The odd thing is, she was doing really well about three years ago, having lessons etc., but something's set her back. As far as we know its nothing the horse has done. She's obviously getting no enjoyment out of what is a really expensive hobby because she's is literally terrified of horses. She was having lessons last autumn but even the instructor said (not nastily I hasten to add) that she was just using her as a security blanket in the paddock and not getting anything out of the lessons. I hope you manage to inspire your lady with confidence. Good luck.

[Afellpony]

It is a very difficult one because you never really know what's causing the problem unless it's blatantly obvious such as a bad fall etc. Something like this could take an awful lot of time and then it might not resolve itself. I would never suggests the lady sells her horse though. One day something will click in and hey...she'll be riding. Probably never do anything other a potter about but you may be surprised.
Perhaps it might be suggested that she see a sports psychologist. They may be able to discover what's preventing her from enjoying riding and then work from that.

[Dummer&Drummer]

ha oh boy, now i can give you the other side of what worked for me. i am one of the worlds 'worst' person for nerves and also an adult beginner. last night doing sj comp at our yard, and this is not the first time it has been asked, someone said to me, god look at the state of you, who is holding the gun to your head :rolleyes: ;) really really nervous, but the sense of achievement after is well worth and it is not half as bad as i imagined it to be and i know that over time it will get better and the more i do the easier it will become, knowing this is why i put myself through as much as i can possibly stand, but also by doing it this way it is pretty hard, but it is the only way i can deal with my nerves, to explain, if i am afraid to jump 2ft ill go and jump 3 sort of attitude, i cant do it anyother way :rolleyes:

if your softly softly approach, good slow flat work, position does not work,try the way i learn and see what she is made of, not knowing this lady is hard for me to comment, but you should be able to judge for youself if this may just swing the balance the right way for her....obviously doing this you run a risk....but if this way works for her, NOT to do it you run a greater risk of loosing her to her nerves.....hard to explain.......but some people just have to get on and experience a few things just so they can see for themselves that............IT IS NOT THAT BAD (not as bad as the brain imagined) and falling off is not as bad as it looks

i did my 1st 2.6 round last night and it was one of the most terrifying things ive sat and waited to go in and do, and a whole round of the bloody things :) and it was our best round for me and drummer, whilst i was in the arena walking round i was so adament that because i was so so nervous i had to look after my horse, breathe, wait for the jumps, dont rush him (novice thing higher the jump the faster you have to go) just sit quiet, and think to give him a pat and give him some reassurance when he is doing well and by thinking of him and wanting him to feel confident in what he was being asked to do i forgot about myself, i waited for the start buzzer to go off and thought to myself, there is no way he is going to jump these spreads if i am this nervous, so i just lookeed into the sky said half a prayer and did for him, his confidence

hopes this gives the other side of teaching someone nervous ::)

[Dummer&Drummer]

Afellpony - she may really surprise you all and do a lot more than potter lol ;)

[Mini Reed]

Agree with Stella2, what a lovely instructor you must be.

As for nerves, haven't we all been there, and I echo a lot of what was said, let her go at her pace, if you tell her it's all her own pace the pressure will be off. When I was a bag of nerves, one thing that made it much worse was worrying about what I would be asked to do. If I was told we were going to canter round the sand track (a bogey area for me) I would have been terrified the whole way and useless when I got there. If I was told we are going to walk round the sandtrack unless I wanted to do something more, I would be fine and quite possibly do some trot and canter. Silly, same thing, same place but my own speed, when I was comfortable, and NO pressure made all the difference.

Other things I find help, riding the same horse, build up a relationship and learn to 'feel' the horse so that you know each other, does that make sense?

Also I tried Rescue Remedy, used it when I went back into riding after 2 year break, not sure if that actually worked or if I was just absolutely determined not to mess up, but I definately wasn'y scared.

Best of luck with your lady, let us know how she goes.

[Afellpony]

Drummer & Drummer
I really hope she will do more than a potter.

[Dummer&Drummer]

im sure you do :) but if alls she wants to do is potter round, thats good to ;)
sometimes it is the most nervous that sets out to achieve

'Perhaps it might be suggested that she see a sports psychologist. They may be able to discover what's preventing her from enjoying riding and then work from that'

if i went to see a sports psychologist i reckon the only thing he would say is that 'i was the one stopping myself from enjoying it' and i would have thought that is about 70% of nervous riders, no reason for it, anticipation in your head (esp as you get older) will you fall off, will your horse be good, will you get hurt etc, confidence grows with experience and the more you learn the more you can answer your questions eg of course my horse will behave..would not let him do anything but ;)

just another side of the coin lol seen as though im different ;) but if i had to do half an hour of stable management before a lesson, id be a wreck, rather just get on and go so the anticipation does not build up (just trying to help in the opposite way :) )

[gordo]

You could encourage her to buy some Rescue Remedy. Its a flower remedy specifically for times of heightened stress/anxiety and she can just drop or spray some on her tongue. Its great stuff and about a fiver for a bottle that lasts yonks.
Could you book good weather for the w/c 27th May op as we coming down to Newquay for a holiday!!!:D

[Mini Reed]

Hi, any update, how did this weekend's lesson go?

[Hanamoon]

So much good advice already.... I have gone through some anxiety issues and three things helped:

1. finally falling off and realizing it wasn't that bad. The fall actually felt better than the anxiety and fear and "what if?" I had been holding on to... I wish I had fallen off sooner.

2. I had a substitute RI who, as I was cantering a line of two little jumps, yelled "trust" "trust" trust" with every stride. I was riding a horse that I liked and trusted but just to hear her yelling the word over and over was the boost I needed. I say it in my head now all the time.

3. I also came to realize that the anxiety and frustration that was building up in my riding was a reflection of some things that were going on in my personal and professional life. I was so upset that the one thing I was really doing just for me, riding, that I really loved to do was becoming so stressful. I started thinking long and hard about what I needed to change and took some steps to address these issues and my overall mood and confidence improved - right away my riding also got better and I felt so much more confident.

Funny how all three things came about at the same time....

[nutterinnewquay]

Hi guys, well ive never seen her smile soooooo much.she almost didnt make it but her husband made her(good on him)i put her on to another one of the safe horses and took every thing back to basics.a lot of halt walk transitions, trot walk transitions and loads of circles.she got that confident she wanted to canter at the end but i had to stop her incase all that hard work she had done went all to waste.she said at the end of the lesson she had learnt more in the hour than in the whole 18 months riding and shes even coming back this week for another one.i wouldnt have been able to do any of this with out all youre help,so a big well done and thank you to all of you

[ajhainey]

Yay! well done you :-) Stick with the same horse if you can for a while and I'm sure you can consolidate this into the true restart of confidence.

aj xx

[sidesaddlelady1]

hiya guys i teach a loverly lady on a sunday afternoon but her nervous have gotten worse its got that bad she almost got off this week and she wasnt going to come back!!!she did stay on and she is coming back next week but on a private lesson.i know she has never fallen off or been hurt by a horse so i dont know why the nerves are this bad.she rides the same horse every week,he is safe in every way as she likes and trusts him,though she is going to try some one else next week.i am really asking if any of you have been in the same situation and how you got over the nerves is there any thing i can do to help other than keeping all the school work slowly and calmly,please please help me i really dont think she should give it up

It happens to us all. I had a bad couple of months just after I bought the Wonder Horse, who is a saint, when I just couldn't get on him. Eventually in my own time I got a grip and rode him round the block and everything slid into place again. And I had been riding for 47 years at that stage so tell her not to give up hope!

It might be an idea to go back to the beginning and just have a quiet lesson concentrating on walk, or trot if she feels like it, and just doing confidence boosting excercises. Would it help her confidence to have a neck strap or a hunting breastplate on the horse for her lesson? If she knew there was something to hang on to if she needed it it might serve as a sort of comfort blanket.

I'm sure you are very careful about this but it is important that you don't allow anyone to sneer at her or make belittling comments.