Oh Supportive???

[iluvhorses28]

I have come to a screaching halt at it( VERY SAD>>>)...
There is NO WAY that OH will EVER find my passion for horses and riding to be anywhere interesting AT ALL!

Beleive me, I tried... I think he's only been to the barn...well I have more fingers in ONE hand than the times he's been there. Even with our daughter being so into it...he's never caught on to any such support :(

He did agree to buying and helping me with the Fancy and Savannah...but really he literally walks away when we start talking about our barn day and such.

I know this isn't for everyone.... and we can't MAKE them like it... but some days, you sure could use that support from your OH, even just to talk to...never mind really being into it.

I've seen other women at the barn w/ their non horsey OH's and though they confess that their OH's truly have no horsey in them... they still come help turn out...feed and walk their wives/girlfirends horse ...How I envy that sight!
(SIGH):(

Most he'll do is stand there looking at them AT A DISTANCE!

But I am rather hurt when he walks away or rolls his eyes at any horse conversation that comes up in the house...
Just as well... I AM IN THIS WITH OR W/O HIS SUPPORT;)

[domane]

Ooh, difficult one.... Sounds like classic jealousy to me. From all the attention that the new additions are getting and it will hit hard when he realises that the attention will remain permanently like that! I'm lucky with my man... he married me as a horse-free person for 7 years and now he hardly sees me... I think that's why he rolled up his sleeves and threw himself into helping (and subsequently learning to ride) Cherry... "if you can't beat em, join 'em..."

My suggestion is give your OH lots of attention and reassurance. I know his behaviour is making you feel like doing the opposite but he is realising that he has competition now and you need to let him know that you still love him too. Explain that the horses will take up a lot of your time but that you still love him. Try not to force him to come with you to see them as he will probably want to do the opposite. Just give him some time to get used to the idea and don't pressurise him. You may then be surprised... I know I was!!! I never thought I would get Dom helping me at the yard, let alone RIDING!!!

Good luck :)

[iluvhorses28]

Ooh, difficult one.... Sounds like classic jealousy to me. From all the attention that the new additions are getting and it will hit hard when he realises that the attention will remain permanently like that!

My suggestion is give your OH lots of attention and reassurance.

You may then be surprised... I know I was!!! I never thought I would get Dom helping me at the yard, let alone RIDING!!!

Good luck :)

Hi Domane!
Funny bit with my OH is he acts so nonchalant(sp?) when its US... but with extended family, he'd be the first one to mention the girls, to show his mother their pictures..etc!:D

He is well aware of the TIME I need right now, esp w/ the girls in training and us getting to know them..... but certainly NO INTEREST there :(

I am just sitting and leaving it be...so odd to me how technically he owns these horses too...and he's only seen them TWICE and not even once now that I've purchased them... I dont exactly expect him to be interested in all horses...at least just these 2 we actually own!:o

[stormandsummer]

My OH has no interest at all either and it really doesn't bother me as i get to go to yard alone and have my space there i try not to talk to much about my day at the yard, except to say i have been, it suits me to keep the two separate :D

I took him last week to see said horse and when i opened the stable door my OH look scared to death I did have to chuckle when he said your not going in there are you, he is massive :rolleyes: err yes he promtly went and sat in the car while i filled water buckets :D

I don't expect him or anyone in my family to share my passion, if they ask i will talk but other than that it just stays in the background less problems that way :D

[Little Dolphins]

As Domane says, this is a difficult one. I tend to think that a good human companion is actually harder to come by than the animal kind, and though we are so besotted with our equines/dogs/whatever, it's a mistake to drive a wedge between self and partner. Perhaps try focussing on some things you and OH enjoy doing together, and leaving the horsey talk at the yard- just for a little while! Maybe he will feel like venturing a step toward your interests when he feels more confident that he's still 'in the loop', if you know what I mean! (Imagine he's a shy but slightly grumpy horse that needs a bit of tlc?:p )
Hope things work out for you all, don't feel too down , eh?:)

[ANN H]

Ditto StormandSummer. The yard is MY space and my time to do what I want to do. My OH's eyes glaze over when I start rambling on about 'my day at the yard'. He is studying at the moment so he's forgiven in part. He does sometimes come out with me on his bike but he hasn't actually been to the yard for ages. He does love Misty and makes a fuss of her when he does turn up, but I'm quite happy with things that way. I'm totally disinterested in some of his hobbies as well!! Try not to let it get to you - a bit of the green eyed monster methinks!!

[Afellpony]

I've posted somewhere before a while ago. I'm lucky my OH is an animal lover and he and Falcon get along fine. He even takes him for walks for me. Before we married, my mother warned him that my animals will always come first and that's never been a problem as we've been married 26 years.

[dcp]

I can understand you being quite hurt that he doesn't want to listen to your horsey stories or what good/bad thing happened. My OH isn't horsey but I can talk to him and my parents about something silly charlie did that day.

[The Flying Irishman]

You go girl:D Same scenario with me, DH just has no interest whatsoever in my horses, I used to find myself trying to put him first but still got no co operation re the nags so other day he wanted me to go get him something from the shops and I said I had to ride Scoob so he says whats more important, I just came out with it and said very loudly "the horses" he he stony silence at the other end of the phone:D then he says ok we can get it later. Well doh yes thats what I was implying, then guess what that night he actually turned the tv over to watch the showjumping.......we may have a breakthrough happening.

TBH though he does drive the box to shows every weekend (sits reading the paper while I compete) but he gets very possesive over the ribbons and trophies and makes us display them (in the garage:rolleyes: )

Kath x

[DITZ]

Also in same boat. OH has no interest whatsoever and doesnt even pretend to be interested, he switches off at the mention of anything horsey. But I no longer take it personally. I've realised that he doesnt listen to ANYTHING I say, horsey or not!:D

He doesnt come and watch me compete, he doesnt come to the stables, but he does support me by looking after the kids whilst I go off and do my own thing.

We've had numerous rows but its settled into a reasonable compromise now. My riding time is cut shorter but I dont feel guilty about riding 4-5 times a week, having a lesson or competing so much because I know I've 'given' with the day to day time.

[Kezzabelle]

Most he'll do is stand there looking at them AT A DISTANCE!


Maybe hes scared of them??? :confused: Im actually suprised at the amount of guys i know that are scared of horses and are afraid to admit it ;)

Ask him if he's scared of the horses and explain to him its no problem if he is, your more than willing to help him get over it and that you wont force him or rush him in to doing anything.

If thats not the case, make a concious effort of NOT discussing the horses if you can, then maybe he might become curious?

Failing that, maybe he just doesnt like em :rolleyes:

Dont let it spoil your fun though ;)

[amandal]

Mine was totally disinterested but 2 years on he's now showing teeny bits of interest and does listen while I talk about Ziz being lame or arthritis hurting her. He tries to listen while I rabbit about riding but he's gone from being dragged down when I needed help on pain of death to volunteering to come down last week. I don't expect him to do anything but he does every now and then. I think he's getting quite fond of Ziz.

[teabiscuit]

scooby, what does DH stand for?
in reply to the thread... i'm so wrapped up in the horses i can't see how i could even meet anyone atm. tbh i'm quite happy too ... turning into a mad old lady...:o

[The Flying Irishman]

Dear (in the loosest sense of the word:D ) Husband

Kath x

[ajhainey]

Let it go! If my boyfriend insisted I was interested in all his hobbies I'd have gone mental by now :-) As long as he doesn't resent the time you spend with them or cause problems with them, why should he be interested!

'Support' doesn't include listening to me rabbitting on about my various horsey crap, it's things like not minding having to do the shopping because I'm at the yard, not whinging when I fill his darling car with sand when I fell off and picking me up from the yard when my friend fell off and couldn't drive us home. That's supportive and I don't know about you but I can live with the glazed eyes in return! I'm exactly the same with him and his cars, and his wierd desire to do random home DIY but NEVER finish anything :D

aj xx

[ANN H]

'Support' doesn't include listening to me rabbitting on about my various horsey crap, it's things like not minding having to do the shopping because I'm at the yard, not whinging when I fill his darling car with sand when I fell off and picking me up from the yard when my friend fell off and couldn't drive us home. That's supportive and I don't know about you but I can live with the glazed eyes in return! I'm exactly the same with him and his cars, and his wierd desire to do random home DIY but NEVER finish anything :D

aj xx[/QUOTE]

Love the DIY comment - at least yours starts but never finishes. Mine doesn't even start. Takes him three months to change a light bulb. I echo everything you say!

[Peace]

Let it go! If my boyfriend insisted I was interested in all his hobbies I'd have gone mental by now :-) As long as he doesn't resent the time you spend with them or cause problems with them, why should he be interested!

Yep.:) My OH is a musician (not full-time, thank goodness), and if he wanted me to listen to all the technical stuff he and his geeky friends ramble on about, like "eq" and tracks and I don't know what all, I'd have thrown myself under a horse years ago.:p

OH has seen Quanah (whom I've had for three and a half years) exactly twice, and he's never laid eyes on Bram, whose been with me a year and a half. But he never complains about the amount of time I spend with them - he's probably grateful I'm not one of those OH's who want to hang around with the band all the time or worse, sing.:rolleyes: :D

I wonder sometimes if my OH isn't at least slightly afraid of horses - he's never been around animals bigger than he is, so it'd be totally understandable if he were. I reckon I'll find out soon, since the boys will be moving home to the farm with us hopefully by September.:)

[iluvhorses28]

:p YES!!!!

I know HE IS!:D Silly as it sounds as I am smaller than he is...but yes, he is terrified of them...he's tried riding on rental horses a few time.... but I think actually having to be on the ground with it scares him to death!:eek:

One funny day, he came up to Fancy's stall and he talked to her a bit saying hello and whatnot.... when suddenly..FANCY SNEEZED ALL OVER HIS FACE! But nevermind the sneeze, the sheer sound of a horse sneezed to him was like a big ol T REX sneezing! :D He jumps a few feet back petrified thinking Fancy was going to swallow him whole!

So maybe that plays a great part of it. He already said he cant help me load them if we ever do need to... he cant imagine being enclosed in the trailer with an 1100 lb. horse!:D

I have been sloooowly ignoring this about him.... he does watch my little one, while my daughter and I spend the day at the barn... so points for that, I suppose!:rolleyes:

Sometimes....I still do look for that bit of support....but for me, thats what all of you here at NR are EXCELLENT at!

I cant say I am boring anyone here of any horsey talk!:p

Thank you all as always!;)

X April

[amandal]

yeah forgot in that way he is supportive. We organise dogcare :p so one has one day a weekend totally free, he does housework, I do food shopping and cook. :D :D

[iluvhorses28]

yeah forgot in that way he is supportive. We organise dogcare :p so one has one day a weekend totally free, he does housework, I do food shopping and cook. :D :D


Here, Here Amanda...I guess i should not complain...we are the same way.. OH LOOOOOVES housework...ok maybe not, but he prefers it HIS WAY :D ...So I said, GO FOR IT!

I deal with the kids, shopping and cooking...three things other than horses he stays clear of! HAHA!:p

[icegirl]

Its not just the OH - its non-horsey friends and workmates as well! Very easy to get obsessed and tell them every last detail, like when you have a new baby really, and not notice that they have started to snore!
I agree with whoever it was said that its good to keep other things going with your OH, we do a lot of cycling which is good cos it all helps keep you fit and bendy.
And I also agree that its probably best not to push it.