When to push

[Pennylane]

:( My 12 year old daughter had a horrible accident about a year and a half ago. Her horse did a little buck at the canter losing its footing as she lost her seat falling on top of her. The horse then rolled over her standing up on her thigh. She is a very tiny girl maybe 80 pounds at the time her horse 1,000 pound quarter horses. This mare we purchased as a 4 year old is very calm and willing most of the time. We believe she lost her footing because she was not balanced at the time. Thank God we were in a soft arena and she had a helmet on. She end up with some nasty bruises and a bloodie mouth from her braces. Three days later she want me to help her up onto her horse to sit. She loves this horse and wanted to ride again. It took her 6 months to canter again. We have the horse in training and also both of us take lessons once a week on her. My question is when should I push her and when should I back off. She sometimes refuse to do new things. I will get on and show her the horse will do it with no problem but she still refuses. How can I help her over come this fear. She has no memory of the accident but has fear.
Pennylane:(

[hunters4ever]

I had a similar accident to this a few years ago, but it was at a horse show in a hunter class. My horse, however was very high strung, and the ring was a bit muddy. She has a tendency to take a big distance, so I was working on holding her back, making her put in another stride. She slipped on the take off, and ended up falling on top of me, pinning me between herself and the jump standard. I had a bunch of injuries including cracked ribs, a concussion, and a chipped patella, which would later require surgergy. But my mom made me get back on and take another jump, and I was back in the ring for the next class. I went to the hospital later that night, and I was back riding again the next. My mom pushed to get back on and to keep going and even though I was in some pain, I knew it was the right thing to do. You know your daughter better than anyone. You have to respect her when she says she doesn't want to try something, but you cannot let her fear get in the way of trying to do things that she is full capable of.

[Pennylane]

:( I believe like you mother getting back on is the best thing to do. My daughter wasn't able to do that at the time we thought her hip or pelvic bones were brocken because of the heat and swelling. She was taken to the hospital by ambulance. She was luck only had soft tissue damage to her knees and hip. I sometimes get very frustrated with her. I have taken some good falls in my time but was always able to get right back on. I think she even gets upset with her self. She wants to do what all the other kids are doing but has fear. She has been riding since she was 7 years old and has a good seat.
Pennylane

[fizz21]

So Sorry to her about your daughters nasty fall :(


Is she all ok now?

[Pennylane]

Thank you fizz21 she is fine except some soft tissue damage that takes time to heal. She was very lucky and as a parent it was like watching a horriable nightmare. I thought I was watching her die. I jumped the fence I didn't know I had it in me. She is a very good rider has a great seat. At this point fear is holding her back. She had a cute little hunter pony that she could jump an even won hunter hack class with. Now she is afraid to go over cross polls. She willn't canter bare back but will walk and trot. She sticks like glue and could do it. I just don't know if I should push her or let her go at her own speed. We missed showing last year and I would like to start going to some small schooling show again but she gets nerves cantering in a big group. She takes lessons with other kids her age and is doing better but it is slow going.

[Wally]

The same happened to a friends daughter. She broke her arm in a fall. She is desperate to ride but is so scared.

She wants to continue where she left off, riding with her friends, but she is VERY nervous.

I don't think there is a right time to push, it is so difficult, the kid in question had a beautiful seat, so quiet and balanced. The only horses she rides are school masters, but she needs time to build up confidence. She is convinced the same thing will happen,no matter how much you reassure her.

As an adult who has never known fear as a rider, it is hard to put yourself in the scared kid's place. But with patience and encouragement, things will fall into place.

[Pennylane]

Thanks wally I think you maybe right. I think I will back off and let the trainer do her job. When I was a teenager I never had fear. I got my first taste of really fear the day of her accident. I never thought about a horse falling on my daughter and rolling over her body. The only word I can use to explain it was terror. When the poor horse was trying to get up she tried so hard not to step on her but couldn't help it. As I was running to her I thought I hear her screaming but come to fined out it was me.I have seen both my kids fall off get bucked off they always got right back on. You hear horriable accidents around the barn where people are injuried very badly when horses fall on them. I feel we were so lucky. She must have had a angel with her that day. I am also glad I always make my kids where helmets. The straps on the helmet cut her chin when the horse rolled over it. I can't even imagine what kind of injuries she would have had without the helmet. I sold my horse so I could start riding her mare to help train her. She wants to ride and is getting stronger everyday. I guess some fear is good it can keep us safe.
Pennylane

[Emma_G_NZ]

Hi,
I'd just thought I'd let you know.. I am a bit the same as your daughter.. I had an accident and now i am nervous about everything.I would be very upset if my mother tried to make me do things which i didnt want to do-Or didnt feel up to doing.I like to do things in my own time and not be pushed into doing it too soon-If i am pushed too soon i lack confidence and end up being very nervous. (I am 13).I would suggest that you talk to your daughter and let her understand you are there for her,It is an all too common seen of seeing a parent pushing a child into something they are terrified of.Confidence takes time to come back,Sometimes it never recovers.Take things slow and easy and you will be surprised how she improves.
Let me know how she is getting on sometime soon,And if she wants an email pal im right here for her!

P.s.It doesnt help when I cant ride on a quiet old schoolmaster,my horse is 15 but he can get the herbs in him quite easily,How about letting her ride a friends quiet old schoolmaster for awhile?

[Pennylane]

Thank you so much it is nice to hear from someone her own age that has gone though the same thing. I will take your advise and let her go at her own speed. I will bit my tonuge if need be. I just hate to see her not do things she can do but is afraid. Thanks again.


Pennylane:) :) :) :)

[Pennylane]

:) I was very proud of my self yesterday. The kids at the barn like to trade off horses. They were all riding bare back. One of the older girls was riding our horse Dusty. At our barn holiday party everyone was give my daughter a hard time because she wouldn't canter bare back. So this other girl was riding Dusty and I said go a head and canter her bare back. Her mother is one of those bossy know it alls. So the girl after a lot of work got Dusty to canter. Then they traded horses back. The other girls mom kept telling my daughter to canter. She didn't want to. For about 5 minutes she kept telling my daughter to do it. So I finaly said she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to. I could tell my daughter was getting upset. She wasn't ready to do it. Her accident happened at the canter and she isn't ready to do it bare back.
Pennylane

[Katie_85]

Maybe I can offer some degree of insight. I'm 16, so a bit older than your daughter. I started riding lessons about a year ago. I have fallen off four times in the last year. The first fall, (as the NR crowd are no doubt sick and tired of hearing about) was the first time I ever rode a horse. He spooked and I came of onto concrete. I got back on, but was too afraid to continue the ride and walked back. And I wasn't even hurt! Just scared to death that any time I start to enjoy the ride, the horse will bolt, spook, etc. And 1 year later that fear is still there. I wasn't injured in any of the other falls either as they were off of school masters who knew what they were doing. Mostly made me mad for falling off the plods, but anyway. Confidence takes time. Especially if she was injured badly. She may have a perfect seat and still not want to canter bareback or what have you. I watched a video of my riding and it looks like I stick to the saddle pretty well. But that doesn't mean I'm going to canter on an English saddle or jump or anything like that. Give her ime. She's probably aggravated with herslef and afraid of dissapointing you which doesn't help matters at all. And it doesn't mean you did anything to make her feel that way either. Hope this helps, Katie.

[kedwards]

Good for you, Pennylane. I imagine she'll have an easier time getting back into things when it's coming from her own desires and not pressure from others. She sounds like a tough kid, but the unconscious mind can reak havoc sometimes when traumatic incidents occur.

[Pennylane]

I have this cowboy trainer working with our horse during the week to finish her. He is wonderful with the horses. He gave us a lesson to day and really was able to get my daughter to work the horse good. He told me after the lesson fear is holding her back but she will get though it in time. She was able to get the horse into the canter today and keep her going. It took alot of work but she did it. I could tell she was very pround of her self.

Katie 85 keep talking about your experice It will help you over come them. I am sure people are tired of hearing me talk about my daughters accident but it helps me deal with my fears. I have them now as well. You can't watch a accident with your child and not be afraid when they ride. It took me along time to relax when she is riding. If the horse acts up and all horses do I get very worried. I try not to let her see that I am worried but talking about my fears help me. Thats why I started riding Dusty. I need to build a bond with her. We are starting to get along really good now. I even enjoy riding her.
Pennylane
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