im lost, belief in myself gone, who am i kidding

[Dummer&Drummer]

ive sort of been in a weird mood since DDJ has started coming on to drummer, firstly i am really really pleased for her and him (slightly worried financially, but its not not workable)

think my RI probably right that i need and would find a lot of things easier on a 15-15.1hh and i love sj heights and would like to go higher as 3.3 is drummers maximum (also i know there would be a huge difference jumping a 'horse' 3.3, this height 'not' being his maximum limit)

watched me and DDJ ride drummer at the weekend, we videoed it and much as she is nervous and is terrified of jumping 1ft, she rides him better than me, always has, she can sit to his canter and he looks after her totally and responds better to her (she is blessed with very kind hands, or maybe it is that she has no strength as she is very small, i dont know)

my parents have supported my decision (if i give up XC re my leg) to put back 6000 for a small horse next year (1000 to 1500 will be soaked up through a dealer) and even a good chance of putting 10,000 on my mortgage over the next 24 months for an automatic horse box

but i am sat here thinking things like who am i kidding, my riding does not warrant this money, or maybe not even another horse, where am i going, what are my goals, what do i want to do and am i really just kidding myself, should i just be getting a little happy hacker and taking my daughter round shows when she wants like all the other mums (felt weird at the weekend videoing DDJ on drummer, something all the other mums do) is it because i loosing drummer, see my daughter trott him round better, and i wont buy another one till next april, or did i watch the video tape of us and realise i looked stupid.

DDJ is doing a 3 day pc camp on drummer today and even though she will not do very much or push herself (her confidence will come on slowly) what she does do over the three days she will do well

im LOST what am i doing, think i am kidding myself :o

[Ross]

Don't be so hard on yourself :) Of course you warrant a nice horse - look at how you've brought Drummer on. Without the work YOU put in, DDJ wouldn't be able to take him over, now would she?

Come on DD - large bar of chocolate and even larger G&T, and sit back with them and remember all the positive things you have achieved with him this year. No-one deserves a nice horse more than you do :)

And then, definitely, consider what you want to do. If you only want to hack, then that's fine, and no-one should say otherwise. But from reading your posts, you love competing - if that's right, then don't give up the dream. There are plenty of horses out there who will be lovely to compete on, and if you've got that much money to spend you should quite easily get something that's ready to go...

Cheer up mate <<<<<<hugs>>>>>

Ross

[breeches]

just go fullfill what your heart is telling you to do. If you want to do it, do it. if we all sat down and looked at the money side of things, we would all have the same questions.

Live your life to the full, take your time to find another horse and enjoy the fact that mini you is doing so well, be proud of her achievements and take some credit for it.

As soon as you get your horse box, zoom up to wiltshire and get me, i seriously need some practical lessons from you, im still stuggling with jumping.

[cvb]

aw hun << hug >>

according to my other half, I teach Fi to jump in my sleep :rolleyes: Actually I believe my old chap (34) is involved as well - but then it IS a dream :p

But she's a western horse, and a lame one at that !

My mother has a fell pony who is now 19, and a 5 year old Eriskay who arrived last Dec. She has actually "clicked" much more with the Eriskay but did all sorts with the Fell (dressage, pleasure rides, clear round jumping...)

(The fell and I are pootling about being "a safe pair of hands" for the new pony - who is actually braver than the fell ;) He's still Mum's pony and she will ride him when she has time and energy (she's not as young as she was and has scoliosis)

If you are serious about competing, then surely that money you plan to set aside IS justified ?! And if you're not *that* serious, perhaps you just need to "allow" yourself to enjoy Drummer ?

[Dummer&Drummer]

Come on DD - large bar of chocolate and even larger G&T - a fag would be good, i on 2 a day at mo, trying to quit altogether so i can afford to keep a 2nd horse, its been nearly a week now

you love competing - i love my show jumping totally, but im an adult playing in a kids world and i also not good enough to join RC and not sure if they would cope with my nerves and the fact i enjoyed my 3.3ft round :eek:

and also im doing everything but dont think i doing any of it very good :o

sort of agree id get a bit more help from a slightly bigger horse, but kinda also wondering if i good enough or whether i should just see it for what it is, a mum playing in a kids world, this is the lady who dreams of jumping the 7ft wall just for fun

i not sure whats wrong, the 3.3ft round i did a few weeks ago was apparently one of the hardest rounds someone would ever do, and nobody riding 3 years was insight let alone 20 months and i loved the 3 jump single stide combination which the course went straight into :eek: and we did it ..........badly........... but i know that should not matter one bit after 20 months because it was amazing that we did it

i just dont feel amazing and i not sure why

kinda also wanna hack out more but dont wanna fitten drummer up anymore as want him to stay easy for amy and also she has gone from riding him once a month to about 4 times a week now.......im pleased honestly, suppose ill be estatic when next april comes im sure and we can do it all together .....thats if i have not talked myself into being a mum sat on the side with the camera :rolleyes:

i had DDJ at 19 years old and a year and a half ago i accidently had a riding lessson and i started riding for me and loved it, i suppose it is the first thing ive done for myself for years, and DDJunior started about 6 months after, i watched my friends go out clubbing and i stayed in playing mum, and dont get me wrong, i loved it etc :) and i want amy to do well on drummer, just dont wanna loose why I STARTED riding as all the mums at our yard pretty much dont ride or compete and help their children at shows etc and i dont wanna get lost in that and normally i would not ever believe i would as i wanna jump so much, but things have been weird the last couple of weeks, suppose im handing over to DDJ and ive nothing to replace it for me until next year and the more she wants to ride him the more i will find myself just watching :rolleyes:

for DDJ im estatic, will be great
for me, patience has never been my greatest asset and i am an extremist (thats what lets me get away with being a nervous nellie doing 3.3 courses)

oh i dont know.......................... cant put my finger on it

[Wings]

If you're not sure about getting another horse, perhaps you shouldn't rush into that for a while. It is a huge expense, after all.

Now, I don't know you or your horse, so correct me if I'm wrong, but from your post I get the feeling that you haven't really outgrown Drummer yet. I think there might still be a lot of fun things you can do with him, learn from him etc. Every time you post, you seem to have made some sort of progress with Drummer. As long as your making progress, and having fun at the same time, why would you need another horse? You are still gaining more and more confidence, can still improve your jumping technique on him, and it sounds like he is a good enough jumper to take you to competitions.

Rather than just aiming to jump higher, perhaps your goal can be to jump better? You say your daughter rides Drummer better than you do. I don't know if that's true, but if it is, there is something you can work on. Perhaps try a bit more dressage (you and your horse need to be good at dressage to be good at jumping anyway).

Anyway, good luck with whatever you decide.

[CMR]

Everyone needs something that is theirs, something that they can do to "get away" and have some time to theirselves. You had that, but now that your daughter has started the same hobby, you feel obliged to step back and let her ride Drummer, because what mother doesn't want to see their kid happy? At least that's what I think of when I read your post.

It sounds to me like you just need to do some horsey things on your own. Do you have any adults you can hack out with on a regular basis? Do you ever just go down to the yard on your own to spend some one-on-one time with Drummer?

I know I hated it when I let my horse be used for lessons. Not so much the other people riding him, because I rode him better than they did :p , but them just grooming and showing affection to him.

It sounds to me as though you would be happier to have a horse of your own, not one you share with your daughter. The situation could perhaps be improved if you did each have your own horse, one that she can bond with and one that you can bond with.

[Skib]

Dummer - I have a hazy memory but seem to recall that you are one of the real riders among us? A returnee after injury? Rather than a starter from scratch in old age. Many of the questions you ask and the doubts, simply dont enter my head.
I guess you ask whether they are really relevant to the present day rider you are, or simply a legacy from a previous era? or do they come up because you live in the real horsey world? And some of us do not.
I wanted to ride so badly.
I didnt care what it cost and I dont care what I look like. I have never been videod!! I dont want to be demoralised. If I were videod you would see that from the right I look like a textbook rider and from the left I look rubbish because due to deterioration in my spine my left hip does not open properly. My seeing it wouldnt help as I cant do anything about it. So why let it demoralise you?
Do the horses care? No.
Do other riders sneer? Probably. But I ride and they cant take that away from me.
Horses learn to compensate for less than perfect bodies on their backs.
With the help of a good teacher, I learned to adjust my riding to get balanced in spite of the inequalities between my two sides. Especially important at speed and round corners.
So what is the question at this particular moment? Whether you should stop riding altogether because you havent overcome the problem with your leg? Or because you have but it is limiting you? Whereas your daughter is not so limited?
or whether you should stop aspiring to ride fast or jump?
Or stop aspiring to compete?
And how can you provide a permanent answer now, which will be fixed for ever? As one's prowess improves and one's brain absorbs the adjustments required by one's injuries, so one's capabilities grow.

Or are you asking questions about deserving? Are you saying you are not good enough for an expensive horse? I would love one. Ladies like us who can no longer sprint for themselves need strong, fit, lovely horses to lend us their speed. I wouldnt buy anything less.

Or are you saying you cant afford one? In which case I would agree it is a bad idea. But due to economics, rather than personal failings.

Or are you saying you would ride better on a taller horse. Which might well be true, since it is true for me.
But that you cant afford two horses, one for you and one for your daughter? Economics again. But you might find a sharer for each? Instead of having two people sharing one horse, Drummer, you would have four people sharing two horses.

Since I am still learning to ride, I am surprised that you describe your hands as less good than your daughters? As if that too were a permanent fact of life.
If you were a learner like me your riding would be in a permanent state of development.
So you could pare down your question to asking how people these days are taught to hold their hands, keep contact and so on. You might get half a dozen replies ranging from the newest bewginners in BHS schools to the experienced RIs on this list, but you would also get ideas from people who learn with classical dressage teachers (as I do) or from NH trainers. Then you could work your own way down the list and see which ideas felt right for you.

Ask your daughter to observe which way gives you the stillness (or softness or movement) in your hands that you personally would like to have.

Going riding is like going to a bazaar. Looking for goodies - ideas to snap up and try out. If you cant sit to Drummer's canter, that could be another item for the shopping list?
I am a good rider. I dont have to compare myself with your daughter. I ride as well as I know how to on any particular day and I bet you do too. And the horses respect that.

But happiness? You say it is an unhappy post. Are you happy riding? Or only competing and doing well?
I am happy riding out. I know that anyone who uses the words "happy hacker" isnt happy. If I get a blissful transition, just when I ask, I laugh out loud. What are the things that make you laugh when you ride?

And is your daughter happy riding? Would it make her happier to compete?
As a mother of gifted daughters, I would warn against putting your own life on hold and living vicariously through your daughter.
Live your life too.
Do you want to ride?
Could you bear not to ride at all?

If you love to ride, work things out to get the best horse you can afford.
If your daughter wants to ride. I mean if she REALLY wants to and is not scared, or riding just to please you, you need to do the maths to enable her to ride too.

If it is just mood and misery, may I suggest an experiment? To boost morale?
When you next ride, pretend to be somebody else. This comes from Perry Wood's book, Real Riding, but I did it before I read him. You can pretend to be anyone - Pippa Funnel, or anyone you admire or even another client at your yard. Ride like someone else and see how it feels. See the effect on the horse. You could immitate your daughter?

Riding like someone else alters the character of one's riding. If you are a novice rider, you may ride ever so much better. If I had trouble with a horse out hacking, I used to put on my Pippa Funnell act and that horse did as I said, at once. And the question then arises why dont I always ride like that? The answer is that I am a very different personality. And I want to ride as myself.
I dont know what your character is as a rider? But this exercise helps one sort it out. It clarifies how one wants to ride and the type of horse one likes to ride. And is capable of managing.
And when you have worked it out, you will have found the answers to all the questions in your post.
I suspect it will be that you have outgrown Drummer, mentally and physically.
That, far from giving up, this is a point of metamorphosis. Your re-education after injury is taking a new direction.

Sorry, a long post. Very little of which is about riding. And a lot about being a mother in the modern world.

[cvb]

D&D

A great post from Skib :D

Someone used the phrase "heart horse" to me the other day. And my old chap, Red, is my "heart horse". I do love Fi, but Red is something very special. But Fi is supposed to be my "grown up" horse. I've always got so far and then gone to Uni, or loan horse has gone home etc etc. And Fi was supposed to be the horse I could grow old disgracefully with.

and now she's lame and its possibly degenerative joint disease (x-rays next week) :(

And she can't become a happy hacker as she's a danger out on a hack (spooks to extreme).

I'm not trying to compete with your lostness - just that is not unique to feel that way, and life isn't a rehearsal so we have to go out there and do what we think is right.

I've kind of got into *my* problems more than I meant to - sorry - but what I wanted to say is - you may love Drummer, but is he your heart horse ? if so, that may be why watching DDJ on him feels so weird ?

[Mehitabel]

DD, it's your money, you've worked for it, you've earned it and you spend it on a horse for yourself if you want to!

don't give up your dream for your daughter - you're giving her a head start by lessons as it is, and it won't kill her to wait until she is a grownup to buy her own horse like you've had to. she'll appreciate it more.

and since when did our riding have to be a certain standard to warrant an expensive horse?? if you want a horse for 6K, you jolly well get one. fair enough don't buy an olympic standard one, but why shouldn't you have a nice one if you want one?
and when did it become law that you have to have certain ambitions and skill to have a horse?

if you love and look after a horse, and ride it to the best of your ability that is all that matters. if you want to potter around the lanes on an expensive and attractive horse, then more power to you! there's no law that says you have to do XYZ with a horse because it cost a certain amount.

[Trewsers]

or did i watch the video tape of us and realise i looked stupid.

im LOST what am i doing, think i am kidding myself :o

Hey, thats so not true I'm sure - no way would you look stupid. You're not kidding yourself, your riding whatever level you're at deserves anything you wish to throw at it, by that I mean, if you want a horsebox, then you jolly well ought to have one - or another horse, if you can raise the funds etc. Sounds to me like you're being hard on yourself, please don't be, (there are plenty of people who will do that for you in life:( ) I'm sure others on here will give you some good advice - my advice is take it!!! :)

[Dummer&Drummer]

thanks skib for that, there are a lot of things in their.

i have to tell myself that drummer, actually not just drummer, any horse would not do or clear 3.3ft 3 jumps with one stride inbetween if i were that bad ........ i need to remember it, it may have not have been good but 7 out of 10 jumps in that round we did first time and i only started jumping 2.3 rounds this may (and not going clear) this is what i have to remember and we came 5th in 2.9 out of a large class

drummer would not do this for DDJ, nor to the point would she want to do it, amy is happy doing flat work in the all weather arena, now happily, this will obviously and hopefully progress, in time he will do this for her and when i say she rides him better....she doesnt, but potientially she could, but this is good

DDJ makes drummer look 'pretty' and this is a natural nack she has and no doubt any other horse i buy she will have a go and will also make it look 'pretty' she has very forgiving hands for a nervous novice child :) i am pleased as drummer was brought for her to go on to

skibs points........

I have a hazy memory but seem to recall that you are one of the real riders among us......thank you :)

A returnee after injury? Rather than a starter from scratch in old age......no the latter im afraid, started from scratch 20 months ago, injury was a born with disability in left side, mainly leg

Horses learn to compensate for less than perfect bodies on their backs - this is probably the case and why my horses will always look pretty for DDJ, my hands are not bad but i physically can not be quite as balanced as her, my upper and lower leg are both different lengths to the right leg

Whether you should stop riding altogether because you havent overcome the problem with your leg? Or because you have but it is limiting you? - never and i wont let it, it makes me work and try twice as hard and makes me more determined

whether you should stop aspiring to ride fast or jump?, nop, but now i have done the 100mph rounds on drummer, i would like my next horse to be slower but more impulsive, ive been practising really hard this summer to 'wait' for a jump to come to me and i'd like that impulsive collectedness in my next horse, a stage i feel i am now ready for thanks to drummer


Or are you asking questions about deserving? Are you saying you are not good enough for an expensive horse? yes

Or are you saying you cant afford one? i can afford the initial purchase but not till april

If you cant sit to Drummer's canter, that could be another item for the shopping list? definately, ill never really sit that well to his canter :)

Or are you saying you would ride better on a taller horse. Which might well be true, since it is true for me....since watching a vid of me on drummer and DDJ on drummer, i would agree with ri that i would find it a bit easier and get a bit more help

Are you happy riding? Or only competing and doing well? i love it all, could not give up either ends of the spectrum

And is your daughter happy riding? Would it make her happier to compete? she would hate competing at the mo, she would not do it, drummer may give her the confidence over time and DDJ is a gradual person, unlike her mom :D

If your daughter wants to ride. I mean if she REALLY wants to and is not scared, or riding just to please you - we are unsure of this really, the good thing about me riding drummer was it took the pressure off of her and she could ride 'if she wanted to' not cos she had to or mum wanted her to. she has just started showing signs in the last 2 weeks that SHE may want to and drummer may be the horse for the job. mum has made him look terrifyingly fast :rolleyes: wheras he is different with her and she is just learning this :)

You can pretend to be anyone - anyone you admire or even another client at your yard. You could immitate your daughter? ive just started trying this a bit and playing

one thing playing on my mind is the livery cost of keeping 2, but our thoughts are that DDJ would pay half livery on drummer for 12 months (we'd hire out the other half of him) id obviously pay for mine and loose 2 lessons a month (i have 8) and after a year if DDJ was really really into this, she is at an age to get a small saturday morning job to chip in also at her age, she may take a break as it will be exam time and no doubt boy time :rolleyes: it will be a struggle though (im in the process of giving up smoking as it is the cost of 2 weeks livery) so the expense of it is in the back of my mind and ive been trying to think practically which has led to downing my riding ability and maybe get in the real world :rolleyes:

[Dummer&Drummer]

you feel obliged to step back and let her ride Drummer, because what mother doesn't want to see their kid happy? At least that's what I think of when I read your post, yes

Do you have any adults you can hack out with on a regular basis? Do you ever just go down to the yard on your own to spend some one-on-one time with Drummer? yes was really has pretty much just been me and drummer since i brought him in jan until a couple of weeks ago (dont get me wrong, i dont begrudge it) do feel a bit lost though and slightly worried livery cost wise

[cvb]

D&D

just a thought - could it be that you just got over the honeymoon and are worried about how married live is going to be ? (if you see what I mean ;) )

[Dummer&Drummer]

you may love Drummer, but is he your heart horse ? if so, that may be why watching DDJ on him feels so weird - he was but i need a bigger drummer and think he is going to be DDJ heart horse so how can i do this.......


don't give up your dream for your daughter - you're giving her a head start by lessons as it is, and it won't kill her to wait until she is a grownup to buy her own horse like you've had to. she'll appreciate it more.... my mouth has already unfortuntely worked faster than my brain and my bank account :rolleyes: ill have to find a way and DDJ may have to chip in next year as well if she wants it that bad, gonna be tight

[Dummer&Drummer]

D&D

just a thought - could it be that you just got over the honeymoon and are worried about how married live is going to be ? (if you see what I mean )


UH :) ???? do you mean financially

[cvb]

No - emotionally. Its like the difference between being "in love" and loving someone ...

When you first get a horse, you are doing everything for the first time - first winter, first spring, first show, first saddle, first worming, first shoeing etc etc etc

But then it becomes part of real life, something that is going to go round in a cycle. So it loses a little bit of its "special" glow - instead of being a fast burning sparkler, its a slow glow ;)

But if you'd got used to the sparkler, the slow-glow may feel a little weird ?

[Ross]

What on earth makes you say you're not good enough for riding club? Of course you are! The novice RC competitions are only 2'6" and 2'9", even at the championships...

And RC is a good place to get adult backup and support. Most RCs run training sessions as well as competitions, along with some social events - and it's always good to go and natter to other people. You'll soon see that most people are also harbouring all the doubts and worries...

When I had an 'I don't want to ride' crisis, I tried it! I got other people to look after the horse and didn't go near for about 4 weeks - and oh boy, was it the wrong thing for me at that time... Is it feasible for you to try 'giving up' for a couple of weeks? I suspect you'll find it isn't what you want at all.

Ross

[happy highlande]

Echo what Ross says - I belong to a RC - with a 14hh highland and we jump 2'3" - and no higher. Join the riding club and if they don't run competitions at the height you want then ask why -and offer to help put them on!!

And daughters are born to ride better than their mothers - mine only rides once in a blue moon, then gets on the Highland and does things I can't - who taught him to gallop and stretch out - yes - daughter did. GRRRRRRRRRRRR

So go for the middle option - continue to ride Drummer - I'm sure he can cope with both of you - get more experience with him - and have fun window shopping on the horse ads in the mean time.

Either you will see something that ticks all your boxes and you will know it is meant for you to get another horse OR you will find Drummer can still do it for you and something will work itself out where you share with DDJ or she gets another pony.

Good luck - you are worth it - believe in yourself

[LizH]

Aren't we all "adults playing in a child's world", we mature riders. The child's world that we've been lucky enough to re-enter. Our childhood dream that we've made come true at last ,now we're adults.And who's to say we don't belong there? No-one.It's anybody's world who loves horses.
You know in your heart that you've got the bug now and it's not going away! This is your life , your dream - buy the best horse you can afford, you deserve it.:)

[NoviceNic]

DD - After having a really bad week last week, trying to get over only 3 simple 2ft jumps in my manage. I couldnt sleep last night because it has dawned on me I dont have the bottle to go on Sunday and try a 2ft clear round. I jumped Captain today and ended up coming out of the manage feeling positivley shook up. But I thought hey I will have a chat with DD later and see if I can get some positive vibes from her. I admire your acheivements. Yes, admire, you are giving me the courage to still have a go. I long for your confidence and successful attempts at 2.3, 2.6, 2.9 and now 3.3. :eek: Not only are you having a go but you are going clear and jumping higher and higher. This is just a wobbley stage you are going through. Please dont give up hope and keep trying. I need you to. I need your positive confidence boosting posts on here every week. :)

[asha]

You should definately go ahead and get another horse, you are doing fantastically well! Don't worry about what other mums are doing, I started riding at 35 when kid was 15, and loved it, especially dressage, at 40 had a little windfall and bought a horse, now at 44 love competing affiliated dressage, but only 2'6 show jumping after nearly 10 years, reading your posts are inspiring so going to try 2'9 next time.
Honestly go for it, you won't regret it and you've still got years to realise your riding/competitive dreams! GOOD LUCK.

[Dummer&Drummer]

Is it feasible for you to try 'giving up' for a couple of weeks? I suspect you'll find it isn't what you want at all -cant do that i love it too much

But then it becomes part of real life, something that is going to go round in a cycle. So it loses a little bit of its "special" glow - instead of being a fast burning sparkler, its a slow glow - no dont think so i love it so much, i do need something to get my teeth into though and i am an extremist making me an all or nothing sort of person (so prob finding it hard the thought of sharing drummer til next april)

Highlande, i never found drummer, he was never for sale he was brought in for me, my leg situation and my nerves and hoping the same will be done for the next one and the 'word' will be put out :) cant be until next april though (wondering if that is why im a bit subdued)

Ross, so i should seriously consider RC next year then, i can do sj up to 3.3 but not very well, but we go clear its just i look a bit silly and takes me a second to get back up ready for next jump, RI reckons ill get a bit more help from a horse as opposed to a 14.1 as i am quite tall and drummer has no shoulders

[Dummer&Drummer]

ar thanks noviceNic.... dont think im giving up hope a few things happened last night. i had a text from RI to say DDJ did great at mini pony club yesterday (3 day pc mon til wed) and i put the phone down and cried ........whats that all about, as i am pleased for her

i think it would transpire that i was really worrying re livery for 2 horses and did not think i could manage it and being a mum, no matter how much i love riding and it was a thing i was doing for myself, as i was a young mum and have given DDJ everything, i would ultimately give it all up for my daughter :o that was the reason for yesterday i think.......... after talking to DDJ it would seem that she would also give it all up for me......

last night we put our money together (telephone banking, great stuff) and between us we have enough money to pay for 20 months livery for drummer which will start from next april (when hopefully ill upgrade) and also DDJ says she wants it enough where she will then get a small morning saturday job in term time and a few days in the holidays when our funds have gone (20 months from april puts DDJ at 15 years old)

we are also saving like mad to cover the cost of maintenance re a lorry for a couple of years as DDJ has just started to talk of sj shows as well, so after a good talk and putting our heads together, hopefully we can just about manage these plans and we can, fingers crossed, enjoy this together

also i know that DDJ is going to come on hard and fast and it is really hard stepping back when you have an all or nothing personality, do feel a bit lost there, but there are still lots of things i can get from drummer - if i get a ride :eek: :)

its hard as i will just have to be patient and use these few months to save lots and ill use it to get myself as good as i can on drummer and get as much confidence before my big drummer comes, gonna find it very hard not to have something to get my teeth into and it would appear that when something is not solely yours i find it very hard to do this, this is also how i push myself as well to keep doing more and more....so this is going to be hard for me, but hopefully the end results for me, DDJ, Drummer and fingers crossed a new family member will be worth it next year

asha.........just keep telling yourself, 2.9 is only ONE hole more than 2.6 and by doing 2.9 you will fly round 2.6 ONE hole thats all

NoviceNic........ive not ridden drummer for 3 days now, its killing me, why dont you go and do 2ft for me on sunday :) you can so do this, just a few things, believe you can do it and want to do that jump in front of you more than anything else in the world, look up, legs on and stay back, thats all you have to do at the mo to experience it all, expect it gets a 'little' more technical or advanced at some point ive been told :) as the jumps get bigger, just maintain the canter rhythm and WAIT for the jumps to come to you (novices tend to go to the jumps esp the higher they get), i used to and working on this :)

believing is 3/4 of the battle, if you believe, your horse will believe, if you really really want to do that jump your horse will do it for you (your mind will work you body differently and all of this mentally and physically will ooze into your horse), honesly if we all believed, we would be doing so much and we are fit and able to do so much, i bet if i allowed myself i could do a course of sj no stirrups and i am betting that most of you all could as well with an 'i can do it' attitude x but we dont let ourselves. also i think that believing so intently and wanting it so much, you are so focused on the jump in front of you, you and your horse just do it, he will pick up from you. you think about stopping, running out etc this will probably happen, dont forget jumps are people scarers not horse scarers x

and dont forget if you are nervous re being hurt etc, this wont happen if your horse jumps every jump, just do it, believe you can do it and jump EVERY jump .......... you wnat him to do this as it will keep you safe and going on this belief you can really do this and give it your all

[Dummer&Drummer]

oh and NN dont look at the jumps, bet this is what you could have been doing the other day, look over and beyond, your horse knows when you are looking at them and will wonder why, he will follow you, look up and beyond them xx tough isnt it

[Anna**]

Look at that advice you've just given NN, you're an inspiration to us all DD. All your plans will work out, just stay positive :) You've got one special little girl in DDJ saying she would give it all up for you and I think this will all work out and you two WILL enjoy all this together :)

ps: patience is not one of my virtues but April will be here and gone before you know it :)

[NoviceNic]

Right then. PMA and do it for DD. That is how I am going to think on Sunday morning. I will practise PMA as much as I can this week and see how I get on. Oh and I am going to get my OH on the sidelines shouting "Sit Back". I think because I am still leaning forward out of the jump I am giving Captain no aids at all regarding which direction I want him to go. Plus how do you look around at the next jump without knocking something over in front of you?? See my stomach is churning all ready. I dont understand why, it isnt as though we have been to shows before and got clear rounds. I just am struggling to do them this year. :confused:

[Dummer&Drummer]

NN, i promise faithfully to think of you sunday and wish you lots of good luck vibes all day and some PMA

get OH to shout 'WAIT' at you, this is a word RI shouts a me, WAIT is basically, get back, legs on, hold the impulsion, be quiet and sit and wait for the jump to come to YOU, eg dont go to the jump - this word wait works really well and by hearing the word WAIT your brain will automaticallly do the above, try it let me know

also if you 'think' you are back, remember you are probably are not and can afford to go back some more, over exagerate for a while until you have this right

TOTALLY TOTALLY forget leaning forwards ALTOGETHER, at 2ft and 2.3 you can afford to sit back, wait and STAY there even going over the jump without being bounced out of the saddle, staying back will make your horse jump EVERYTHING :) and boost your confidence, then play with jumping position, but this week forget is and just stay back where you are going over

Plus how do you look around at the next jump without knocking something over in front of you?? - your horse will go where YOU LOOK (to keep things simple, where you look alters all of your body position and weight, you look where you are going and you will be correct) dont forget when jumping that 2ft pole, you are looking over and beyond the 16ft trees infront of you until confidence is high, do not look down at the jump, always over and beyond

WITHOUT KNOCKING SOMETHING OVER, there should ideally not be anything in front of you to knock over :) your horse will go where you look

I think because I am still leaning forward out of the jump I am giving Captain no aids at all regarding which direction I want him to go - dont lean forwards yet

leaning forwards comes next and the height does not warrant it, next we will do jump off which means in a leaning forwards postion going over the jump, your'll turn him before he lands :D x

[Skib]

Well, I got it so completely wrong, didnt I?
You've only been riding 20 months and yet got so much further than me : you own a horse and you have done all that jumping and you like to compete? I couldnt jump or do what you do in a thousand years.

I'd better come back with a different answer. Which you might not like.

When I started to ride, I decided to give myself at least five years before I gave up and admitted defeat. So my first suggestion is just keep going for 5 years. Persistence is what is it called. I also thought vaguely that it would take five years to learn enough about riding different horses to discover what sort of riding I could do and what sort of horse I would like to own.

You say you like to compete and so it makes sense that the things you are good at in riding seem (reading your post) to be measurable things. One can measure the height of a jump and see how one compares with other people.

I havent learned to jump but it so happens that the things that you feel you need to improve: your hands and your seat in canter - i.e. to reduce the bumping, are things I get complimented on. In other words, you have learned to ride, but covered different topics and in a different order from me.

So if one thinks of learning to ride in terms of a five year course: O level taking 3 years and then 2 years for A level, you can set out the topics you need to cover to complete the O level syllabus. And pin point (as you have) the modules still waiting to be done.

In my third year of riding I spent a lot of time having lunge lessons from a good classical teacher. While still doing other riding as well. I suggest that you do the same. Because that is how I became comfortable in canter and got still hands. I dont take any credit for it (except credit for finding a good teacher and having lunge lessons). I dont take credit for my hands. Because I dont do anything. I dont even think about them. When I said this to my teacher, she said "Exactly".

So it will be a culture shock for you to focus on riding skills that are not measurable, that you absorb from someone else 's teaching and which may be virtually invisible? Yet you have done this before. Other posts have pointed out how well you have trained Drummer, so you have achieved things that cant be measured, but may be they are gradual and not so visible to you or an audience as clearing a particular fence?

If your daughter prefers to go slowly, the change of emphasis may suit her too? And you can be happy progressing together.

It probably wont take you a year because more advanced riders learn these things quickly. My betting is that if you do this and give it time, when you come to buy your ideal horse, you will buy a better one than you would choose now, and will have that inner assurance that you are capable of riding it well.

You will also feel happy when comparing yourself to other riders in a riding club. It was noticeable that my teacher's students take the best rider prizes in both age groups at the local gymnkana. And for the second year running - though different girls.
So that is another class of competition, you might think of winning? And I wish you luck. I'll be there to aplaud.

[Dummer&Drummer]

I decided to give myself at least five years before I gave up and admitted defeat. So my first suggestion is just keep going for 5 years. Persistence is what is it called - im a bit lost, i would never CHOOSE to give up :o i eat persistence for breakfast dinner and tea :)

measurable things, mm a bit i suppose, but not to compare myself to others, i compete against myself every comp :) to better the last one, also i love the height and the waiting for the jump thing it would seem, but it is myself i compare myself to, if that makes sense

your hands, i have soft hands, but DDJ has 'kind hands' and a very very balanced body position

your seat in canter - ill never be able to sit to his canter lol, HONESTLY :) that is on my shopping list, we are reschooling his canter though and it is coming

to reduce the bumping - the bumping is the landing after a 2.9 or 3.3 jump, need to develop a better lower leg, and i really do appreciate to the full that i am running before i can walk, during the winter i do more stirrupless work, bareback and flat work as we are confined to the all weather (i am tending to make the most of xc and sj fields open at our yard and hacking in the summer)

when you come to buy your ideal horse, you will buy a better one than you would choose now, and will have that inner assurance that you are capable of riding it well - that is the plan for my winter flat work, summer lessons tend to be more jump orientated and winter the lessons are good honest flat work in prep for the jumping, i also do a dressage/flat work lesson once a week and grids

also RI is talking of lunging me in canter with no stirrups or reins soon to help build up muscles in back and neck and lower leg, as app you use different muscles jumping 2.9 and 3.3, dont forget on drummer to jump a sj course of 3.3 i have to sit RIGHT back so he can get his front end off the ground and then at that height i have to get out of the saddle and then land :rolleyes: :) a bigger horse would be a little more easier for me i have been told

you might think of winning - hope so :D was well pleased to be placed away from home last month :) i did not sleep for a week thinking about it :)

this i think was my upset, despite the above and my obvious love of it and enthusiasm i know deep in my heart if i had to, i would give it all up so DDJ could do it, but apparently she would for me to

so me and DDJ have to work together to change our lifestyle so that we spend nothing :eek: but it would appear it is what we both want so much and i will help DDJ as much as i can if she is prepared to try and pay for as much of drummers keep once our 20 months is up

me and DDJ are very very different riders mentally, i would genuinely say she is more ready balance wise to do the 3.3 rounds than me and to do them better, but she would not do this for years, if ever. i however will do everything once THEN go back and better it al

[Dummer&Drummer]

thank you so much for all of your replies and for reading the rather long winded answers, it would appear i have lots of things going on in my head at the mo - dont forget riding would appear to be my life now and the older DDJ gets the more i plan to do riding wise and the more spare time i have to do it

bit weird as this is reverse rolls to EVERYONE else at our yard, dont think many realise that the riding malarky was something for me, whereas everybody else lives it through their children, also suppose i am in a bit of a rush, i am 32 years old if i want to compete (i know i can do it for years, but i may not want to) i may want to just enjoy the hacks etc

[Lucyad]

There are plenty of mothers and daughters who go the same shows together. I think that a common interest and activity like riding and competing is good for their relationship, and hope it will be the same for me and my daughter when she growns up. If you have your own horse you will be able to go together, hack togethere, it will be really nice. if you arent sure about expense, you could always get a loan for a while to see how it works out. Otherwise, a good horse doesnt cost any less than a not so good horse, so spend as much as you need to get the one that's for you.

I am sure that you are good enough for riding club - your daughter will be as well! The only problem I see is if one of you affiliates and the other doesnt at that will mean you both want to go to the same shows.

Well done on getting so far in such little time, by the way.

[Dummer&Drummer]

If you have your own horse you will be able to go together, hack togethere, it will be really nice - thats what we thought

if you arent sure about expense, you could always get a loan for a while to see how it works out - we have had 2 horses before and a loan one will the cost the same as our own to keep anyway, so think we are going to use this time to SAVE :eek: :)

The only problem I see is if one of you affiliates and the other doesnt at that will mean you both want to go to the same shows - one of us will have an unpaid groom for the day then :)

think we are going to be going to different shows anyway, DDJ will want to try her hand at the local shows 2 to 2.3 and she is under 14 and i will have a horse 15hh plus, which means local shows i will have to start at 2.9 so ill be looking to go to some comp's as opposed to shows soon, also DDJ is PC and hopefully ill go to RC, but we will go to some together and see if mom and daughter can blast round the open pairs :) also hoping my next horse will take me up to 3.6 rounds - that should do me for a couple of years ;)

[Ross]

Is it feasible for you to try 'giving up' for a couple of weeks? I suspect you'll find it isn't what you want at all -cant do that i love it too much

Well, there's the first answer then :) Don't give up!

Ross, so i should seriously consider RC next year then, i can do sj up to 3.3 but not very well, but we go clear its just i look a bit silly and takes me a second to get back up ready for next jump, RI reckons ill get a bit more help from a horse as opposed to a 14.1 as i am quite tall and drummer has no shoulders

I definitely think RC would be good for you - and you for it! SJ isn't judged on elegance (they used to let me in the teams, after all :)). I tend to agree with your RI - if you can get something a little bit bigger and slightly rounder, with nice rhythmic paces, you'll almost certainly find it all much easier.. And it's not so nerve-wracking if you've got 'something in front of you'. That's not to say there are no challenges left, of course!


Ross

[Dummer&Drummer]

Well, there's the first answer then Don't give up! - i was never giving up, but i know in my heart i would for DDJ if i had to, but she would do the same for me as well, so we are going to give it our best shot financially

I definitely think RC would be good for you - and you for it! - mm im probably the daft blighter to put my hand up for anything whilst shaking in the corner ...and maybe pull it off as well :rolleyes:


SJ isn't judged on elegance - thank god for that, be nice to add a touch of class to it though wouldnt it, that is my next step re next horse, ive pretty much hurdled over all i should and more at my level of riding be nice to work on a touch of elegance and some work skib pointed out and get results with a touch of class as well, hoping next horse will help with that

'something in front of you' - mm drummer has no shoulders and a head that is a bit down on the bit as he has always been ridden in a gag, so there is nothing there, and sat on him i am like a good 2ft higher :) manage to stay on the stops though, only come off his once, so far, touch wood