I feel horrible

[janetj235]

God i just dont know what to do.

ive already had a post about my confidence.

its just not coming back, so today i went to my local park, to help out with the horses, bringing them in from the field, grooming them. thinking the more im around them the easier it will get, but i was shaking when i was leading the horse back from the field, my heart was pounding, WHY WHY WHY. This is getting me so mad as i love them to bits, even sat here writing this i feel horrible, i have a lesson tomorrow so lets see how it goes. I was so thinking just walk away and give it all up. but i cant. i cant let this win

[NoviceNic]

Dont expect to get rid of nerves by just spending one day with horses on the ground. OMG it took me 6 months to get comfortable around my chap. I used to stand on the side less likely to knocked over if he fled. I would stand a mile away from his bottom when grooming and picking his feet out and as for the Arab mare on our yard. Well :eek: :eek: I am lucky to be able to still hang onto the lead rope when she starts prancing around. :o You have the right attitude though. You dont want to give horses up and you wont let it beat you. Get yourself enrolled for an NVQ in horse care. That way you are taught all the basic safety issues around handling horses. When you pass the exam it will give you a confidence boost and you all will have had more practise around them.

[KateWooten]

Sometimes it can take one special horse. Don't give up. And don't be hard on yourself if it doesn't all become easy and wonderful just by being near 'any old horses' .. just keep on keeping on - my bet is that someday you'll come across one special horse and everything will change for you.

[LMS]

I'm so sorry to hear that your confidence has been shaken. How did this happen & when?

It honestly takes time to rebuild it, so please be patient.

You have to really think & be honest with yourself: Why are you shaking? What do you think will happen to you? What are you most afraid of or intimidated of?

If your answer is: nothing, then you're either not thinking hard enough or being honest with yourself.

I have a client that just got her first horse a month ago. It's young, very intelligent & also very bold & knows how to get his way.

She rode him once before purchase and once after when I was there. He didn't want to do anything, so everytime he was asked to do something he would kick out or pull an angry face & try to bite. All of a sudden, she wanted nothing to do with him but kept saying she wasn't afraid of him.

Honestly: she was intimidated by him but would not admit it.

I've been working with him for a few weeks now and he tries to pull his stunts but he's not allowed to get away with it, so he sulks.

But as I talked through every step to show her, that she needed to stand her ground & not feel bad about the circumstances, she finally climbed aboard just recently. That I thought was a huge step in rebuilding her confidence.

I'm hoping that she'll be able to just hack around by the Fall.

The moral of this story: it doesn't take much for someone to get shaken up; but it can take a long time to regain the confidence to carry on.

The shaking that you are experiencing is an anxiety attack. Is there someone that can walk & talk things through with you?

[janetj235]

i do realize that people do go through this, and as i dont own my horse and have only been riding 7months, but i just want these horrible feelings to go away as this is stopping riding properly when im on a hack or on a lesson, also non of my friends are into horses, so im so glad i have this site, and thank you for your advise about the nvq i will look into that.
Thanks kate and LMS, what am i worried about, well being bit and kicked and omg do i sound like a wimp, falling off, yet have fallen but didnt worry me at the time i am so mad with myself for feeling like this

[NoviceNic]

7 month's. Blimey Janet, I have been round horse for 5 yrs and am still very wary of them. It took a special bond with my horse to get my confidence up a bit. He still shocks me now and again but I wont give up as I love being around them. Do some voluntary work at a local livery yard. When you practise being around horses everyday then your confidence just seems to rise everytime you do something special. When you have lessons is do you have a favourite ride?? Maybe you could have ground work lessons with that horse. After all it isnt just about riding. It is about respect on the ground as well.

[LMS]

Alright then, you're afraid that you'll get bit, kicked and fall off.

NO by all means, you are NOT a wimp. These are all valid concerns. A horse is a big animal & capable of these things BUT the majority of them are not going to do this. As long as you respect this difference, you'll stay grounded but if you let this fear take over, it's going to keep you from progressing. The mind is a very powerful thing!

Just like any other domesticated animal: they are all capable of doing these things but they don't necessarily do it on a regular basis, do they?

Why do you have these fears? Did these things happen to you or did you see them happen to others?

If you can volunteer somewhere, that would be great. Over here our therapeutic riding schools are an excellent place to learn. You get training & the instructor can guide you.

Yes, even though the lesson is for the rider, the instructor is actually in charge of all involved & is always instructing everyone really. It's up to the volunteer to take advantage, listen & learn.

I can understand how difficult it is for you when you feel like you're on your own.

Try & pair up with a lovely gentle horse & maybe seek knowledge from someone who can slowly guide you & teach you how to cope with these concerns.

If you try & push yourself beyond what your capabilities are, yes of course you're going to be let down. So don't give up, be realistic & take it slow!

When I write up a training schedule or lesson plans, I have the main goal and all the little goals that will lead me to it.

For example, you want to stop shaking/get over your fears & feel comfortable & confident around horses when handling them.

That's your main goal. Now in order to achieve it, set yourself little goals that will help you attain it.
These will take time, so keep working at them until you are just at the limit of your comfort zone. If you need to take it back a step, do so. Always end on a good note.

So you could start with grooming a horse,
Then taking out of it's stall, grooming it & put it away,
Go out in the field & catch an easy horse & walk around with it for 5 - 10 min & let it go,
Go get the horse (have someone with you) & bring it somewhere to be groomed, then let it back out in the paddock.
And so on...

See what I mean? These may seem silly but they are like building blocks. Once you train your mind that it's as easy as pie & you become comfortable with it: add something else.

This way you have set yourself an attainable goal each time. Do the same thing until you're comfortable with it.

The thing is also, unless you actually get to experience what you fear and have coping skills, you'll be surprised on how much easier it becomes & you take over, not the fear.

[Jester87]

Please dont give up.:(
I sometimes feel that i should just give up with my horse and i should sell him and find something else. ( you should read my post- i have a fear of riding my horse)
When i started riding and i coulnt do something i would get all fed up and think about quitting.
you shouldnt worry about those things happening to you. are you around nasty horses??

[mokiegal180]

Don't worry,the more time you spend with the them the more you will get use and no be afraid anymore. About 2 or 3 year's ago, I was out in a feild catchng horses to bring them in. I tried catching this one mare but she wouldnt let me catch her. I made sure she wasn't behind infact she was off to the side of me. But about 10 seconds later when I had my back turned talking to some other person in the feild she kicked me in my back. It hurt so bad. I thought I broke my back. I had really bad bruising on my back and my arm because her hooves slid of my arm when they were going back tot he ground. i wa sterrified to go out in a feild. But people made me go in them and sooner or later I got over it. I'm still caustious, but I can mostly go into feilds now by myself without being scared.

[janetj235]

Thank you everyone, well just let me say i went for my lesson today,but i wasnt in the book as one of the RI was off for the day so my RI was booked up, then carol who is a stable hand and a lovely woman, said so sorry janet i forgot to put you in the book, i said so you will have to teach me, hehehe, so she said ok cos id made the mistake, well just let me say it was wonderful, most of the lesson i was just walking round on flossie, but talking to carol abuot the way i feel and how i feel that im doing things wrong, and then we did a bit of sit and trot on a long leash, well i felt really good and relaxed and maybe at last after 5 weeks im getting my confidence back a little

[Bay Mare]

I think that you're doing great for only 7 months and your fears are perfectly normal.

On top of the other good advice I would urge you to do some research on body language (horses and humans). It's amazing how much you can tell from looking at their ears, their eyes, the way they wrinkle their muzzles. If you have time go out and watch how the herd interact. The more you're around them the more you'll be able to pick up on their moods. It's fascinating stuff :)

Mokiegals post, while not exactly comforting, shows that you need to be aware of horses (note I say aware, not afraid :) ) and the effect that you're having on them. Maybe being pursued made the mare feel threatened. Horses will generally run away rather than attack (flight not fight!) and will only tend, in general, to threaten (ie pull faces, swish tails etc) unless they feel that they have no other options when they will DEFEND themselves. Horses aren't predators so won't generally seek out a fight unless there's a very good reason.

You will feel comfortable one day and the more comfortable you become the more relaxed you'll be which will transmit to the horses making it a much more pleasant experience for the both of you :)

Give it time and don't be so hard on yourself :)