I need help to get over my fear !!!

[loulou1972]

:eek: Help Im 34 and have just returned to riding after a long break.

I am now at the stage where i have to Canter and everytime i get a big knot and got so upset with myself that i really didn't want to go back this week. What can i do to get me relaxed, i seem to panic when he extends his trot ready for the transition and i just go to pot. My instructor is taking me back to basics, you know she is taking control of the horse and she wants me to hold on to the pommel and get the feeling back. I managed last week to sit deep and kick him on to help him in to canter but it still felt unsteady.

At the moment i can only manage about 4 to 5 strides and i am total mush. I've tried talking to myself but that just fuels the what if's.


Help

[Sammii]

You say that you feel a knot when he extends his trot for the transition? It sounds abit like he is running into the canter rather than making a smooth transition. If you make sure you are collect but have the impulsion in trot a squeeze with your calf muscle and give with your hands and he should make a nicer transition which'll make you feel better :)

[Berry]

I can empathise with you - started riding last year and up until very recently was scared of cantering. Still a little nervous before I start but once I get going with it it's great :)
It sounds like your instructor is being really helpful which is good.

It is great that you're managing to get the canter strikeoff - a lot of people can't even manage that - and even if you only get a few strides that's better than nothing! Soon you will get 6 strides, or 7 strides...

My advice is to 'feel the fear and do it anyway'! Just keep trying at it (as long as it's safe) because the more you do the more your position will improve which will make it easier and also you'll gain confidence. I know that sounds easier said than done but the only way I conquered my nerves was by just trying week after week in the lessons. Did a lot of accidentally cantering without stirrups :)

Only other things I can think of is it might be easier to incorporate the canter into an exercise - at my RS we used to do little courses of circles and poles with for example one circle being in canter. It gave you something else to think about and the cantering wasn't the be-all-and-end-all of the exercise, if you managed it that was great but if not then you still managed to do the rest of the exercise.

I also find it helps if I don't get told when to canter too far in advance - if I'm trotting round then just a few strides before the corner so I don't have time to stress about it!!

[fuglyjowls]

have you had any lunge lessons at all - these are great for getting your seat and balance and getting a feel for the paces without worrying about your steering etc.

We all go through stages of these fears - one day you'll look back at it and wonder what you were so scared of (I know I do:D ). I used to be terrified of cantering but a wonderful RS pony with the most comfortable canter ever cured me of it.

As Berry says - you have to feel the fear and do it anyway - it's the only way to get your confidence up.

[Trewsers]

I have lots of sympathy! I got back into riding aged 34 after a very long break (20 odd years) and I found cantering one of the most difficult things. It took me ages and a good teacher and getting my own horse to get it right (even now its still wobbly at times!!!). Didn't help cos the school horse I learnt on initially used to buck going into canter, usually resulting in me being deposited on the floor...........! My own horse has helped me a lot, being able to practice - plus lessons. The older we get the worse it feels!! Try not to think about the what if's - the actual falling off isn't as bad as thinking about falling off (well, I don't think so anyway).

[PonyGirlAsh]

I have sympathy too!! I was falling a lot in the last year, and I would dread going back everytime to those scary jumps! But you really have to tell yourself that in the end, you are out there to have fun and to have a great time. I know it's hard, especially with that awful knot down there in your tummy, but just try to overcome fear with fun! Okay, maybe I'm in lala land...

I do agree with fuglyjowls, some lunge lessons would definitely be an asset to you...that way, your RI can concentrate on getting him into canter, and you can concentrate on your seat, and the feeling of getting into the gait.

[friedegund]

Wow, do I hear you!

I am 38, returned to riding last year after a 20 year abscence, and have fallen off MANY times and become very discouraged. My last RI did not teach me well, I was perching and gripping with knees. I now have a new instructor, been with her for the past year, and believe me, I almost called in quits many times, letting my fear and frustration take over, and sure that I would never get "it"right.

However, I persevered, and before each lesson, after I park my car, I tilt my rearview mirror towards myself, look myself sternly in the eye and say loudly
"You CAN do this!!!!!" I fell off 2 weeks ago over a 2" 6" jump(looking down and getting ahead of the motion) and really scared myself, knocked the wind from me, I have never fallen so hard, sure something was broken.

When I got my wind back my RI said "Are you hurt" I said "no, (though not entirely sure I was being truthful)" ands she said
"Good, get back on and do the jump again"

I felt panicked, and she could tell, she looked at me and said (the same way I look at myself in the car rearview) "You can do this."

I got up, jumped that fence, never so glad to get a lesson over! The next lesson, I jumped the full course, better than ever.

So, the morale of my story, and my advice? You CAN do this. You CAN ride. You just need to believe in yourself, tell yourself before each lesson, "I can do this, chant it over and over! It works! Before long you will be cantering around in complete control!

Why, just a year ago I could not even steer, I could barely canter,I was all over the place, arms flapping like a cowboy.

Good luck and post back with your success story about how tremendously you rode the canter!

[Hallmarked]

Hello - it's me (waving)

Remember the power of positive thinking. If you keep telling yourself you can't do it then you wont:( . Tell yourself you can and you will:D .

Picture yourself riding perfect canter transitions (you can imagine using a video tape in your head if its easier). Do it several times a day, sat at your desk at work, eating your lunch, walking up the stairs, anywhere, until you start to believe it. If you start picture bad things happening draw a big cross in your mind or a big hand in a 'stop' gesture before you get to the end, and re-run your internal video tape from the beginning this time with the correct results. If you have to start your video several times it doesn't matter, just stop yourself before you finish your "what if".

Another tip, when you are riding and it starts getting a bit scary:eek: , think about your breathing. It will stop you holding your breath and tensing up and it will also keep you in contact with body rather than flying off into panic mode. Not easy I appreciate.

Good luck - and remember it suppost to be fun!:)

[Skib]

I am now at the stage where i have to Canter

Sorry, I disagree. You are a grown up person and you decide what you want to do. Canter is not compulsory. And certainly not before you feel ready and happy about it.
Conventional BHS RS teaching gives too much priority to canter. Teaching canter early leads to people falling off which makes things worse. And is high risk.
I began to ride as an older rider and thanks to a young teacher, the whole question of canter was put to one side. Instead I hacked, I had lessons, but no canter. Eventually I felt safe on the horse and decided to canter. I had been riding almost two years and took to canter straight away.
Something else that is often mentioned on this board as a bench mark of being able to ride is cantering with no stirrups. That may be the next big threat hanging over you. But that is not compulsory either.
My own RI taught me to trot bareback, but regards cantering with no stirrups as taking unecessary risks because (I am told) of the downward transition to trot when you've finished. I've found that, if you can trot bareback, losing a stirrup if your horse spooks in canter out hacking is no big deal.
As an adult who started riding as an adult I developed a reasonable philosophy. I ride to enjoy it. I dont do anything that frightens me. I dont challenge myself. I decide what I think is safe.
Give yourself time to regain your ease and balance on a horse and you will just feel when the time is ripe that it is OK for you to do things you didnt dare do before.
What seems a problem to you now will be child's play this time next year.

[Kacey_Baby]

I actually cried the first time i cantered:o lol I was working at the riding school and i was brought along on the ride over flat fell i never new it was a canter ride though:rolleyes: and when it came to the top of the fell i was told i had to canter so i just burst into tears as i was really scared:( But as soon as i started i loved it, was brill:D hehe! Just believe in yourself and like someone else has said.. imagine yourself riding the perfect canter:) i have to admit though i still havent really got the hang of it lol:p

Love Heather x x x

[loulou1972]

:D Thank you everyone your fab, you've all given me to power to do it this week. When i ride Saturday i will use this fear to power myself forward.

I know i can do it, it's just a case of me getting on and doing it....

Will let you all know how i get on Saturday..

Thanks Everyone:p

[Kacey_Baby]

Can't wait to hear how you get on hun:D Im sure you'll do just fine:)

Heather x x x

[Lucy J]

i am scared to canter at the moment, my mare sometimes spooks out hacking at a canter and jumps to the side knocking me off balace and gets unbalanced in the school (my fault as i ride off the inside rein too much and am trying to break that habit) but this thread reminded me of one day i was leading my old horse out for a walk with headcollar and turnout rug on, i can't remember if i was wearing a hat, but as i was walking him in hand the answer is probably no. i got lazy so jumped on (forgetting we were at the bottom of the hill we usually have a good gallop up) he took off top speed with a big grin on his face (just headcollar remember) and nerves went to one side, i was determined there was no way i was coming off at that speed so i just thought "relax, relax, if you tense up your dead" and i really concentrated on keeping my legs relaxes and I stayed on :D

the trickiest bit was when he started going down the other side of the hill and broke into a bouncy trot when i jumped off! but i trusted him 110% i don't have that faith in my current horse!

it really is mind over matter, i was younger then and didn't have any responsibility. NLP (neuro linguistic programming) is great. I was really into this a few years back (sales trainer at work) and managed to get my jumping to over 2ft6in just by visualising it and telling myself i could do it. I've not done much of it recently and it shows in my lack of confidence.

there is a good book, i think its called "riding with nlp" which is excellent. i recommend that!

[rabbit]

The best advice I was given was this:

Don't canter. Wait until you are bored with walking and trotting, and one day you will want to canter.

It does work, and I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from me. I am now getting to the point where I want to canter again... It only took 3 weeks !

I also used this method when I didn't feel like riding (it all got too much). It took 2 weeks of no riding before I was looking forward to riding again.

[ImaLittleBoston]

You lucky you've gotten further than I did when I began riding again, It had been the first time I rode in a few years, Yes we have a difference, But I stopped because my mother had a fall that chickened me out of being in our barn. I have been riding for 3-4 years now, im 13, But when I first got back into it, I rode a 22 year old, professionally trained, APHC ( I think thats what its called) Gelding. He's the smoothest thing I've ever ridden,But when I first got on, I cried. And we were only at the walk. for the next few weeks I refused to walk by myself , And when they let go of the reins I jumped off. Now I tend to gallop ALOT on trail rides. But I wouldnt go faster than a trot for a year. The point is, It took me that long to get comfterble with my horses pace, Maybe your just not used to it yet? But spend a lesson just feeling your horses movement and getting used to it, Take him/her out for grass and bond, I know that works with me :)

[loulou1972]

Well here' my update!!!

Fab it went well i cantered almost a whole circle is wasn't pretty and i need to work on letting my hands down I'm still pulling them into to my stomach but it was much better. I just shouted to my RI go girl you can do i know i can ride and i did it, now i have to sort my technical bits out. It was amazing as soon as i relax thought positive and channeled all that what if energy i did it what was i scared of???

Now the hard work comes perfection heheheh i will have to ask everyone for help on that as well but later.

Thanks everyone with your encouragement I DID IT!!!!!

:) :p :eek: :D ;)

[Friendly Filly]

Hi LouLou1972
congratulations on perservering! I'm sure you can just get better and better.

I'm 47, and began riding lessons last year. I am quite nervous, and need to be able to trust the horse I am riding. As I ride different riding school horses, some lessons are better than others, but my instructors say it is good for me to ride all sorts for the experience. There were two there I refused to ride, as they had a reputation for behaving very badly and sometimes trying to unseat their riders, and I knew I wasn't ready for that.
Canter I still have a problem with, but only if I don't really trust the horse, because I tighten up and it pushes me out of the saddle.
I find that talking to my horse, and concentrating on breathing deeply and evenly, as well as sitting tall with my bum in the saddle, really makes a difference. Keep trying, and good luck - it is such a great thing to be able to ride, and it's worth working hard at it to get better.

[Hallmarked]

Hi LouLou1972,
WELL DONE - I knew you could do it:D No stopping you now:D
Next stop Hickstead :eek: ;)

[Trewsers]

Well done!!!! You'll soon be the cantering queen!!! hehe.

[summerguest]

Well done! glad you perservered and didn't take the advice of never doing anything your scared of! I'm 40 and a natural coward....if I had taken that advice i would never have done anything...
I was once told ( on a climbing course...in a moment of hysteria cos I'm frightened of heights) That bravery is not 'not feeling the fear' but 'facing up to the fear and having a go!' I think you know deep down whether you are capable of something or not and whether you fear is out of proportion to the event. go with your gut feeling! Keep cantering!

[briskgo]

I was hacking 2 years ago and my companion came off. She was severely injured, whisked away in a helicopter, the works.
I was so scared that I thought I would have to give up riding all together. What really helped was Jane Savoies, It's not About the Ribbons. I'm 56 years old and if I can re-wire my brain, I'm sure anyone can.
Geraldine