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View Full Version : Judging/Am I a Pushy Mother?


Nimbus65
16th Oct 2006, 08:13 AM
Our RS runs mini competitions from time to time and this weekend they ran a dressage competition for the kids at the "lower" end of the school. Two tests - Class 1 (just walk and trot) and Class 2 (walk, trot, canter).

A bit of history about the school and the way it works. While I love riding there (nice horses and some really good teachers), there are challenges (which I suspect we would find anywhere). The woman who runs the place (her parents own it) is rather tactless, a bit of a snob and tends to favour both the kids she teaches and owners. They have a "helpers" roster too that kids can sign up to when they turn 10 - my almost 11-year-old daughter is STILL on the waiting list and because helpers hang out with the Manager and are visible, they tend to get preferential treatment too.

We are not owners and my kids don't help, however, I ride 2x a week and the girls ride either once or twice, depending on schedules/what's going on.

So (per or instructor) I entered them for the Class 2 test. They both canter regularly in the school (indoor arena, outdoor arena and the mini cross country field) and are both jumping (fixed fences and showjumping). They're 8 and 10 and have both been riding for at least 2 years and have both done at least two prior dressage competitions (one with canter) at the school.

Last weekend - one week before the competition, the Manager tells me that she's bumping both girls down to Class 1 because "they're babies, not very experienced and won't get canter." I was livid but figured they'd have a better chance of placing so swallowed it and promptly booked for them to have two more lessons so they could practice the test. Thursday of this week (two days before the competition), they call to cancel the girls' Friday lesson because they had a ton of birthday parties - when I threw a strop because the girls had only practiced the W/T test ONCE, they reinstated the lesson but they cut it short by ten minutes (I wasn't there or I would have made a huge fuss).

Saturday - the day of the test - we pitch up to find that my older daughter's allocated pony was lame and she was on another pony she had never ridden before (he's lovely, but he's bigger than she's used to and - well - she's never ridden him before). Two minute's worth of warm up and she's in the arena on a strange pony. I thought she rode really well - accurate, good position, rode deep into the corners, nice straight lines, accurate circles but the pony wasn't going forward because he needed to pee (he always pees in the arena). Second daughter rode and also rode well and we watched the rest of the Class 1 riders, most of him were little 'uns who looked extremely cute and rode very well for their age (6 and 7 mostly) but were wide on ALL their corners, rode wibbly circles, forgot diagonals, etc.

Guess who placed and who didn't? Those who placed? Owners, helpers and cute younger siblings of both. Oh, and there was a girl in the Class 1 test who was only there because her pony is a stresshead in canter but she is about four lessons above my girls so, of course, she won.

You know, I didn't expect either of my girls to win it, but I really felt like they should have placed this time. I'm NOT a pushy mother (at least I don't think so) - I know when they could have ridden better and they didn't deserve to place in the previous tests - but dammit, I'm fed up of seeing the same kids win and I'm fed up of my kids being dissed by the damned Manager. She doesn't teach them. I think she underestimates my older daughter (who's desparate to help) because she's small for her age but in the same breath she'll say that the helpers are so much more confident and win all the awards.

She does the same thing to me but I don't mind so much. I've been riding one of the better school horses recently - Rocky - who's also something of a stresshead and I've been learning counter canter and flying changes on him. The other day she said (in a very condescending tone) "so have you managed to get canter on Rocky yet, you have to sit VERY quietly?" Silly cow.

Rereading the above it sounds like so many sour grapes - it isn't intended to be. Two of the girls' friends placed (one in Class 2 and one in Class 1) and were were thoroughly thrilled for them because they deserved it/rode really well (they're also both helpers, coincidentally). I was just really disappointed for my girls - what message did that send? Ride really well and accurately and you won't get a ribbon because the judge can't see past the cute 6-year-old brother of one of the owners? He was very sweet but my daughter's both rode better than he did.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh.

N

curlycal
16th Oct 2006, 08:50 AM
You don't sound like a pushy mother to me!
you're girls must be a bit disappointed. Its not nice when the same old favourites win all the time.
Was it a riding school judge or an independent one?
At my Rs we allways have an independent judge who marks very fairly.

Cal x

stroppymare
16th Oct 2006, 08:53 AM
I don't think your being pushy - you are simply standing up for your girls! Nothing wrong with that.

One observation though, you say that you yourself are having 2 lessons per week and your daughters have at least one lesson if not two each per week - it would probably be as cheap to have your own horse mother/daughter share!?

Crazyhorse
16th Oct 2006, 08:58 AM
That is a shame, but seems to happen a lot in showing:o I rode in a RS comp and in the open class was in with some kids. I knew I rode fairly decently and like your girls was accurate. I was placed third but the two above me only rode half the figure of eight, but looked very cute! Can you try riding somewhere else, as you don't sound like you are getting with any respect.

Nimbus65
16th Oct 2006, 08:59 AM
Mother/daughter share will be tough for a while. My girls are quite small/slight (and only 8 and 10) and I'm (ahem) quite chunky so finding a horse we can all handle will be a challenge.

It was a RS judge - and one who doesn't teach either of the girls. When I showed their sheets to our instructor and talked her through it, she said this particuar instructor/judge wouldn't have been looking for accurate turns and corners or diagonals (then what WOULD she have been looking for)????

It isn't about the ribbons - it's about the biases.

I guess I have choices though - we could always change yards. This one's so convenient, though, and they have nice horses and (mostly) good instructors.

Ugh.

cloang
16th Oct 2006, 11:10 AM
Don't worry you're not a pushy mum just disappointed for your girls. One pushy mum we met at gymkhana games this summer (games means fun I thought), literally pulled her little one off the pony in ride and run and THREW him down the track screeching RUN, RUN!!!!, when he fell flat on his face and came last she was FURIOUS. (the poor little soul looked like a bowling ball).

Thats a pushy mum.

Hope your girls try again and dont let this put them off.