Am I outgrowing this lark or is it just the weather

[Lucy J]

I've got a new job which is hard work. My mare has been lame the last few weeks and quite frankly I can't be bothered with it all. My focus is certainly shifting. The wake up call for me was forgetting the equine chiropractor was coming (when previously I'd have planned a days holiday or sickie from work!)

my mare has been really grumpy and nipping, then she ran away when i tried to clip her. the (huge) stable is letting in water and I need to empty it all out frequently (not too much of a problem horse out 24x7 but I don't have the time)

my 3 year old son is driving me mad and quite frankly i can't be bothered anymore. it all seems to be a chore these days (even riding or popping up to make a feed) and everything i try and do I'm not very good at. i asked the farmer for a big bale of hay last week and he must of forgetten as he hasn't got it for me yet

is my mum right, have I finally outgrown my childhood horsey dream, or am i just stressed, busy, fed up and miserable? all i seem to do is work, eat and sleep. i stopped playing in the local orchestra too. just don't want to do anything. tips?

PS, holiday or time off is not possible! my new job is self employed but i work for a company, if that makes sense. and its pretty much a 7 day a week job, but its random, so i can't get into any kind of routine :-(

looking for inspiration.

[Whatanejit]

Sorry to hear this Lucy - it seems that you have taken on a lot, you are putting yourself last and so are beginning to suffer the consequences and your are at risk of not coping.

Sounds like you are going to be ok though as you are already talking about it with your Mum and have typed it out for discussion with us lot.

Something is going to have to give....

Do you like this new job? Are you getting positive challenges from it and is it going to pay the bills?


What about getting a sharer for your mare?


Could be the weather too, mate. These dark evenings are a struggle but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

(hugs)

[BeachRiding]

Your just busy, let it go a few months! I have been going through the exact thing, and then this week I 'woke' up,and things are finally fun again! It will come, I do this every winter...

[Est]

It could be the beginning of depression, some of the things you said rang a warning bell (forgetting things, tired, stopping any "non essential" interests, everything seeming like it's too much to cope with) and an irregular work routine coupled with no/few days off won't be helping matters at all.
I could be way off base, but both myself and OH have been there (luckily at different times!) and this sounds very familiar.
At the moment you must feel like you're running along on a hamster wheel! Tired and fed up, but no way you can stop running and take stock of what's happening.
But you *can* stop the wheel and give yourself a little breathing space to take control again.
Has the vet been out? (Sorry I may have missed previous posts :o ) As soon as the lameness is sorted, you could get a sharer. Even at this time of year there are mad people who want to muck out, ride and feed several times a week (must be bonkers! :p )
Are you able to rearrange some work so you get at least one interrupted day off a week? Preferably one that you know you will have a little way in advance so you can look forward to it and plan your supermarket shop/clothes washing/bubble bath/DVD and wine/etc so you don't have those annoying outstanding household jobs nagging away at the back of your mind all the time.
Does your mum ever take your little boy for a few hours? Could she do a few regular evenings each week and/or take him out on a Saturday so you have a cup of tea and enjoy some peace and quiet?
Make sure you look after yourself. I started eating loads of carbohydrates when I was depressed (apparently this is quite common) and the doctor said to eat several pieces of fresh fruit each day even if I didn't feel like it. I have also used Bach Flower Remedies and vitamin/mineral tablets. Getting out in the daylight for a walk even for just 15 mins in the middle of the day really helped too.
Above all, don't beat yourself up about this. You're probably feeling frustrated and cross with yourself for forgetting things and not coping as well as you want to with leaky stables etc, but these are symptoms of something else and you need to be gentle with yourself while you gradually fix the real issue.
{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}

[rohan]

Lucy J

I think we have all been there at some time or other I think it any oneof the receint changes would be enough to stress . but you might also have a toutch of S A D which makes you very sluggish. a few rants here with lots of sympathic posts will cheer you up .

[Stella2]

I agree with EST, some of the things you say suggest it could be the beginnings of depression. This doesn't mean it will get worse, just take extra care of yourself, try to find time to just chill out, avoid stress as much as possible and if it does get bad, see your doctor before it gets very bad.

Also, having had a horse now for 5 years, I have experienced that 'can't be bothered' thing in the winter. I have an instinct to hybernate and I loath being cold :o Its less of an issue in the last 2 1/2 years, since I have had my mare Flora, but it is still around. I am fortunate in being on full livery (although in the summer I'd rather have the time to be on DIY!), so I have stopped fighting it and pushing myself to ride or go down when I just want to do something else! I have great confidence in my yard and I know she is taken care of very well and they ring me if not sure about anything. I have settled into a routine this year of just going down/riding on Wednesdays, Saturdays and Sundays and its working fine. I currantly have an ear infection :eek: so I haven't been this weekend. I miss her and wish she was closer so that I had the 'popping in' option, but going involves an hours driving and that, added to cold and wet when I'm there does put me off in the winter.

Giving-up would never be an option with Flora, but I have considered it in the winter with other horses. what I have learned is never to make a decision like that in the winter. As others have said, hang in there and see how you feel when the sunshine of the spring comes, the foals and tha lambs are arriving and you are riding on a sunny, warm morning :)

[Lucy J]

well, today she decides to choke. had her 5 years and never seen her choke! teeth were done 5 months ago, but something not right, she is just not eating well - maybe thats why she is nipping. so my 30 minute visit turned into an hour and a half! she is just about sound now, vet has been out as has remedial farrier but it will take a few months shoeing to get her right. basically my last farrier (with no explanation) took her off natural balance put her into rolled toes and her feet have been slowly collapsing since. i used a different farrrier and she went hopping lame so i gave up and got the vet who luckily is friends with the farrier who put her in NB originally 3years ago. anyhow, i digress, but it just seems like one thing after another. i had to quit my last job in IT as it all got too much (i was working away a few weeks a month and it gave me problems with childcare and marriage.) i do enjoy this new job, and the money is more than paying the bills, its more than i was on in IT. (i look at each piece of work as a step closer to that big house with its own paddock!) but everything is all very hard.

i do have a sharer, who is fab :cool: , but i suppose it is the responsibility that weighs me down a little, and the fact my mare always seems to have something wrong at the moment. unfortunately my parents live in scotland so it is always just me, husband and son, no few hours off, i keep meaning to find a childminder/babysitter, but it seems to slip down the list of things to do. He is in nursery from 9.15-3.15 Mon-Wed and till lunchtime Thurs, Frid, but most of my phonecalls need to be done afternoon time, so you can imagine the joy I have working with 3yr old in background! when i was in IT he was in a private nursery on the business park from 7.30am - 5.30pm Mon-Fri! (i'm rubbish at this mother lark!) unfortunately there are no private nurseries near me, only term time ones.

main problem with the new job is it is investigating car insurance claims, so i have to wait for people to have an accident! some days may be quiet, other days i may get 10 claims at once, but there is no way to predict so it is hard to plan. luckily a lot of it can be done via phone, but i do tend to hang around my laptop and emails. the reason it takes up evenings and weekends is i frequently have to visit people to get forms signed and take statements, so for your average Mon-Fri worker this has to be evenings and weekends. monday morning is the quietist time, so i try and keep that to myself. i'm determined to go for a hack tomorrow morning as i know i will feel better after it. i am sorry to go on, but it really helps typing it on here. all anyone else says is 'ditch that silly horse, you can go riding anytime, you don't need to have your own' but they just don't get the whole horse thing, although i'm beginning to wonder if perhaps they are right and us horse owners are all obsessed mad idiots!

[Stella2]

Lucy, you sound depressed, might be worth having a chat with your doctor, everything is harder - even the little things, when you're depressed.

[moli]

It sounds like a case of winter blues to me. I am going through the same thing just now. Have 3 weeks to go of my nursing training after a career change from IT and it seems to have been a very long 3 years. I am on placement just now which is full time and I also do bank work. No time left for my horsey and I often wonder why I am doing this. One of the reasons I left my well paid job was to have a job with flexible hours. I am lucky if I am riding once a week and also getting it in the neck from family. However, I do believe that we are all a bit mad and that it is a way of life that only we understand. If you are like me at all you will feel so much better after you have had your hack. Hang in there as once Xmas is past we are nearly there.

[Ptaty70]

Hi Lucy. I really feel for you. Sounds like you have an awful lot to juggle. I think you need to evaluate with a clear head what you want to do and what makes you happy... it can't all be work and motherhood. Everyone needs something that makes them happy, and I know your mare is having lots of problems at the moment which is causing you heartache, grief and probably guilt (?) plus the weather can bring all of us down, but if everything was okay with her, do you still enjoy her? is there any way of getting some private time?

You may need to bite the bullet and putting a babysitter/minder at the top of the list, so you get some 'you' time and can relax. Horses are great for that (when they aren't constantly poorly...).

Think of warmer, balmy days - of a lovely hack and an invigorating canter. I find riding helps me sort out problems as I have time to think, away from everything.

Good luck and PLEASE look after yourself!

[RustyMary]

I agree with the others that you sound slightly depressed, and the most obvious symptom here is that you can't manage to do the things that will make your life easier. I once spent a very depressed and cold winter unable to get around to lighting the fire (admittedly a difficult task at the best of times in that house) - but it would have made such a difference if I could have gathered the energy to stay warm! Put getting a childminder to the top of your list of things to do this week so you can get some time to yourself. The other thing is about organising your work so that you can get some time off. As the business is going reasonably well surely things would wait for a few hours a couple of times a week? Then you could really have 'my time' - at the stables, or wherever else you want to go, without your laptop and mobile following you around. Two free mornings while your son is at nursery would do you as much good as a whole day off, which at the moment is probably too much to organise. And in answer to your original question, it's definitely the weather, not that you are outgrowing horses!

[summerguest]

A lot of what you say seems familiar! But then you go and have a really enjoyable ride and it all seems worthwhile again.

You can't do that when your horse is lame, so its all work and no play.

When I feel like what your describing I make sure
1. I'm getting enough sleep
2. I'm eating healthy stuff
3. take some vitamins
4. getting enough exercise...even tho you feel knackered its wierd how some aerobic exercise can get enough endorphins flowing round to buck you up.
5. Have some 'me' time....have planned todlar and work free time
6. Put some happy music on while doing horsey chores and convince myself that without horse I would have to spend hours in a gym anyway or I would end up a fat flabby blob.
7. Try and get out between 10 -12 in the morning during the winter as this seems to be the best time to catch a glimpse of sunlight / or just daylight.


If you still feel the same way in the spring....then maybe you do need a break from your horsey lifestyle.

I need my horsey / outdoor bit of my life but can feel like breaking down in tears at the thought of cooking tea in the evening, or clearing up after the kids for the umpteenth time..

Hope your mood lifts soon and you start enjoying life again.

I think how you are feeling is very common, especially when you are trying to juggle career , motherhood, and hobby. If your like me you start to feel guilty about the time spent on your hobby, and stressed that you haven't enough time for the 'grown up' areas of your life.

If you do feel its spirraling out of control...chat to a doctor or there are some excellent books on dealing with stress or books on 'being positive' are very helpful. Good luck

[Little Dolphins]

I deeply sympathise, Lucy J! Way back, when my sons were small, they took up EVERYthing I had to give.

So you are amazing, working and keeping a horse, too!!

Makes me think I was a wimp, as I had no horsey and a part time job when the boys were two and three, yet I was exhausted and frazzled most of the time:rolleyes:

The youngsters on the yard are down and blue at the mo, saying they're "fed up with horses", with all the chores and lameness issues too. And they live at home still and get their dinners cooked for them:D

It's good you're having a moan, you've a right to!
But the others are right, go and see the doc. Not wise to battle with depression all alone, if that's what it may be.

Hope you feel better soon x

[Lucy J]

thanks guys, it really does help being able to vent on here, makes me feel happier too. I'm a bit scared about going to the doctor as I haven't been since I had to change surgery as we moved house. so i don't actually know who my doctor is. my last one was cool. but i will try to be brave!

i will force myself to ride tomorrow rain or shine and hopefully that will help. i do wonder if perhaps my mood is rubbing off on my horse, we both just seem to nark at each other at the moment. maybe she is mirroring me.

i do think as well though that as i am self employed and a lot of my work is done from the house, that I am perhaps lacking some good office banter too, i used to go swimming at lunchtimes when i was in the office and then everyone would stop for a chat at certain times of day. its still early days with the new job i just tend to be working working working, and I am looking forward to christmas when i will get a few days off and my parents are coming down so i will get a little break from my son. its only a few weeks away, but it is going to feel like an eternity!

[teabiscuit]

support and hugs

xxx

ps it's always hard with the horses in winter :(