Had a bad lesson last night

[mojo]

Hi Everyone!
I need a bit of advice come reassurance really.
Last week I started my new riding course following on from last term. I ride at an agricultural college. Anyway this term I have moved up to the intermediate group. But not only have I started at a new level but also have a new instructor as my old instructor has just left. So this new guy knows nothing about my riding other than I have just moved up from the beginners group.
Anyway last week I got there and was put on a grade B showjumper who must have been about 18 hh. I was a bit daunted at first as i have rarely ridden a horse so big and certainly havent ridden one so talented before. Anyway the lesson went well and he seemed to go really steady with me. We worked in open order (i have only ever done this twice before) and then the instructor set up some obstacles to manoevre around in sequence and then everyone cantered around and around the school to finish off. Everyone was really nice and said I had done really well as some of the group find this horse a bit of a difficult ride so I came away exhausted but pleased with myself. However last night was a different story. I arrived and there was a shortage of horses so I rode an old favourite of mine who I have rode many times in the beginners group. In fact he had just been used for the beginners who ride just before us, so lazy boy that I know he is I knew he wouldnt be happy knowing he had another hour to do. Anyway he is a real sweetie and i love him to bits but he is reluctant to work and really takes it out of you and I knew he wasnt going to be brilliant at any complicated maneovres. Well it was a tough lesson. We had to perform a 'Ladies Chain'. For those of you who arent familiar with this and I wasnt until last night. The horse/rider at the back of the ride has to weave in and out of the other horses until he/she is in front and this continues until everyone has been to the front twice. You had to either walk, trot or canter your horse accordingly to time it to get through the gaps between the other horses. I was a bit scared to tell the truth. Well I messed up at the end and made a right pigs ear of it. I was a bit embarassed and said out loud " god that was awful" (I am very self critical at times)and my instructor said "yes that was bloody awful". My old instructor would never have said anything like that. She would probably have said something like "never mind you'll get it next time" or "don't worry it'll come". Also I was having trouble getting my horse to work for me and was feeling rather tired and lost concentration and cocked up one of the circuits that we each had to complete in turn. I completely went the wrong way (actually this happened a couple of times). My instructor made what seemed like a bit of a sarcastic comment about me only having to watch the others and copy as if to say "its not rocket science for godsake". I finished the lesson feeling a complete idiot. I spoke to him afterwards and said I felt like I needed a couple of private lessons as the others in the group are much better riders than me,they have all been riding for years whereas I have only been riding for 18 mnths +. And I told him that I had found it hard to keep my horse going and to concentrate fully. Anyway he then said to me it was probably partly to do with me not having the right horse to work with and that I needed to have a more forward going horse which wouldnt tire me out as much and allow me to concentrate more, in which case I feel he had been a bit harsh with his comments. He also said that I needed to exert more confidence. I know this probably sounds silly but its almost as if I felt he had picked on me a bit. Last term my old instructor praised how much more confident a rider I had become and after last nights lesson I feel my confidence is undermined again. Do I just need to adjust to different teaching methods than I'm used to? Does a higher level mean stricter and more critical means of instructing someone? Does he think I'm a big wuss that shouldnt even be on a horse? I am quite a quiet person and sometimes performing in front of a group i do find intimidating, especially when they are quite a bit more advanced than me, but last night i almost felt like telling the instructor to 'f--- off', if you'll pardon my french. Or do you think I'm being over sensitive?
I must add I do think this guy knows his stuff and he is fabulous with the horses, really respects them and is very thoughtful and kind towards them! and I can see that some of his methods are really effective and have helped me with my balance already. I feel so deflated though and dont know how to handle his blunt approach! I am also struggling with a fear of falling at the moment as I havent had a fall as yet and feel there is one due. I know others out there feel the same(like in Shellsings post) so I feel this is possibly holding me back confidence wise also.

[Tootsie4U]

you've got your flowery instructors and you've got your chili pepper instructors. You lucked out and get to try both.

I have found that the chili instructors make me more determined to ride better.. and even though I dislike them, it makes me learn quicker and push myself in a way I might not if I was told that "oh, its ok, you'll get it one day".......

Roll with the punches. Riding horses isnt easy in any aspect!!!

[vickie]

everybody feels like this sometimes! you've just gone up a group and feel like everybody is better than you. you were fine the first time, this is just a combination of a horse not really co-operating and having to do things you've never done before. stick with it. eventually you will become one of the most experinced riders in the group. the others will all have been in your situation.

in my experience the better you get the harder instructors are on you. i had a disasterous leeson the other day. i had been backing and schooling my 14.1hh pony and went for a lesson. i rode an extremely strong yet also lazy 16.3hh ex grade a sj. we were only jumping 2ft6. he felt huge, i felt unbalanced, i couldn't get him to work on the flat i couldn't hold on over fences! i lost my stirrup 4 times nearly fell off twice and just generally felt like an imcompetent fool. i ride this horse quite a lot and normally get on like a house on fire with him. i finished the lesson embarrassed and totally demoralised.

i went home and the next day rode my youngster. she rides of your seat aids, works through properly from behind and is a relaxed and confident pony all my own doing. made me feel loads better and also made me realise it was just a bad lesson stick with it youll probably have a great lesson next time!

[cvb]

I know we all need a bit of positive feedback now and then, but think ahead to when you might have your own horse, or even just be riding by yourself on a loan horse or share or something.

No one will be there to say good or bad. So you have to have a feeling yourself. And your comments make me feel that you are already developing this sense.

If you said it was awful, and the instructor agreed - then isn't he just confirming your own feedback ? I doubt he meant it seriously, more comradely. As you get better, you find that the mix of technical instruction versus coaching and mentoring starts to move more towards coaching. Then your own self-awareness and self-assessmen becomes more and more important.

I think this guy just has a different style, IMHO it was not meant in any horrible way, and the feedback afterwards sounds positive and constructive.

To put the other point of view - if he had ignored you and said nothing, bet you would have been even more deflated and ignored !

Keep up the good work, and go with the flow..

[mojo]

I'm probably being a bit over sensitive. He does seem like a nice bloke and hopefully I will do better next time. Although I am feeling nervous about it already! It probably is just the changes and getting used to them.
Afterall I like chili peppers of the edible and musical variety so who knows I may end up liking the instructor variety. I can tell I could probably learn a lot from him so I will stick with it.Just feeling a little out of my depth at the moment. Thanks for the advice everyone!

[Laetitia]

Stick with this new instructor, he's obviously giving you what you need, that is why you don't like it much. Have fun. L

[KarinUS]

Hm, from reading your post it almost sounds to me that you are the tougher critic! Don't be so hard on yourself. It doesn't sound like your instructor thinks you are doing bad at all!

[kedwards]

No, I didn't think so either. In fact, my impression from your description was that he actually had quite a bit of faith in you. When we criticize ourselves, it may reflect a lack of confidence, but it also reflect a drive toward becoming better. We get upset, because we expect more of ourselves. A good instructor can help us by giving feedback about when we are being unrealistic in our expectations (i.e., "look, you've just started and your not going to learn this overnight), but can also spur us onward when we aren't living up to our potential ("You can do this, you just need more confidence in yourself). I would take the latter sort of advice as a compliment rather than a criticism, as it reflects that the instructor really believes in you.

That said, I'm impressed by the work you are doing after 18 months of riding. I've been in lessons over 3 years and that "lady's chain" thing in canter sounds a bit intimidating to me.

[mojo]

Thanks guys. Its great to be able to get a different perspective on things. Sometimes its hard to see the wood for the trees. My riding has become really important to me in spite of all the aprehensions I have about it (and theses are plentiful)and I think I do seek a lot of reassurance. I suffer from a lack of confidence and am a terrible self critic. I guess I will have to try to take it on the chin a bit more. Your comments have been very encouraging and made me think that perhaps my instructor dosent think I'm a complete idiot after all.
Willlet you know how I progress with this new guy.

[Tim]

I'm nowhere near your level, but we all have lessons like that. I'm relatively new to horses, only been riding for nine weeks at 1/2 hour week, so 4 1/2 hours is my sum total but I was doing well on the first horse I had, he'd be around 17hh. Then 3 lessons in I was moved to a smaller horse, (about 15hh), and the whole thing started to stagnate and my last lesson could have been done better by a 2 year old. My instructor is losing the plot with me says I'm not doing it right and I might as well start again, the main problem is the size of the horse, no confidence on smaller horses, I'd prefer that 18hh horse of yours (me being 6'4" tall). I don't know for sure, but if horses are like everything else, you will get less leeway the more advanced you get and you will be expected to show competence commensurate with the level you have reached and the chances are your instructor will push you harder. It won't stop you having bad days though. Unhelpful comments from instructors don't help anybody but at least you have considerable experience to help you, I don't have as yet, enough to help me to help myself, so to speak. Everybody tells me to keep going, not to give up, so I'd say the same to you. Good luck

[Peace]

Tim - I know how you feel! My first lesson I was on the instructor's personal horse, a big old 17 hh QH, who made me feel as secure as sitting on the sofa at home. Next time, it was a wee little mare, very narrow, who, to top it all off was pregnant and in a perpetually rotten mood. I was sure she was going to drop me any minute! (Not sure I'd have blamed her. )

At 6'4", it does look like they'd find a bigger horse for you. I'm 5'9", and my fellow is about 14.3hh, and everyone told me he'd be too short for me! He's not, but that's because he's built like a barrel and takes up most of my leg. If they can't find a taller horse, maybe a wider one would help?

[mojo]

I'd never considered the height thing before. My friend is about 5'9 and her horse is only 14 hh and she feels more secure on her little mare than a bigger horse. I'm only 5'3 and quite slight in build so anything over 16 hands feels very high up to me. I think my fear of falling off has a bearing on my apprehension of riding tall horses. I hope this will pass!
Tim I know how it feels to have only had a few lessons and feel like you're not getting it. It wasnt that long ago that I was in your shoes. You're instructor should have realised that being on a horse you had never ridden before and being such a new comer you were bound to experience set backs. I have ridden lots of horses on my lessons and each one is different and it takes time to get used to the differences in each horses size,stride,gait,temperement etc,etc. When I first started riding I had a horrible instructor, and I mean horrible. I since found out that she had a bit of a reputation in the area for being useless. Of course at the time I was bowing to her 'superior knowledge'. The difference with this new guy is that in spite of my apprehension, now that I do have a bit more experience under my belt I know I have so much to learn from him. I respect what I have seen him do so far and i think that's maybe why I was a bit touchy about his criticisms. The best of luck with your lessons. Your instructor should'nt be getting exasperated with you after only 4 lessons. I have had lots of lessons so I guess i should'nt be let off the hook quite so easy. I'm not suggesting that you should be let off the hook either but being a beginner your instructor should be patient and trying to build up your confidence with bags of encouragement. Happy Riding to all who replied to my post. I have my next lesson next monday and will report back. Cheers!

[Tim]

You'll be fine comes next Monday, have a good lesson. Strangely, I have no fear of falling off, don't get me wrong, I wouldn't be too impressed if I did, but I just don't imagine it. It's for sure that if I fall on me head I won't feel it, where there's no sense, there's no feeling ! I dislike being bitten by horses though, and I have been, many times, thankfully I haven't been kicked by them though. I reckon 'Peace' has it right by suggesting that a wider horse might be of benefit to me, I think that's the first thing I noticed on the smaller horse, she wasn't as wide, and I ws un-nerved. I think I've just about got over my absolutely disgraceful performance on my last lesson and I'm resolved to stop mucking about and get some serious work done and stop making a fool of myself always assuming I can get on the right sized horse.....

[FRED]

Reading your coments I think you did well, I don't know many horses that like being overtaken let alone having another horse weave between them.
Thinking about Falling can become a big issue, I found that to just stop thinking about it was a big help, although thats much easier said than done.Maybe you should read the book EE by HM, its very good and will ring many bells when you read it, your not alone in your thoughts for sure.

Tim, im 6"2 and of strong build, hence a lot heavier than the majority of riders{people never believe my weight, {varies between 14.5 and 15 stone}, I ride horse from 17 h and down to fjord height of 14h, to be honest I would never blame size of horse for getting no where, the smaller horses go just as welll as the big at a full gallop or canter I have little problem keeping up with riders a good deal lighter than me, we change horse often too
The best tip I can give is relax, and your ridding improves no end

[mojo]

Just letting you all know i rode on monday night and had a great lesson. There was only 3 of us in the group this week, which was great! A lot less intimidating and of course each of us got more attention and the instructor was absolutely fine with me. I was definately being over-sensitive! Rode a 16.3 TB and strangely once I got on didnt feel in the slightest bit nervous. He was a lovely ride and really forward going. I've asked if I can stick with him for the next few weeks and the instructor has agreed to this. So am feeling a lot happier!!
Fred I have just ordered that book from Amazon. I had been meaning to get it as it has been recommended to me in the past, and then it kind of went out of my head, so thanks for reminding me. Hopefully I will find it as helpful as you and others have.

[Tim]

Glad you had a better time this week Mojo, I had a better lesson this week as well, although my instructor is still icy with me for complaining about the smaller horse. This week I was on the bigger old fella again and felt a lot better. I'm resolved to finding either another riding school or an additional riding school where I can perpetually ride a bigger horse because I've been told I'm not going to be riding the big horse every week at the present school. My progress is definitely better on a bigger horse. Still trying to build bridges with the instructor though, she takes things too literally and thinks my comments are a personal vendetta, which they are not. Hope you continue to have good lessons.......

[FRED]

well done, when I ride a new horse im always a little nervous
Tonight I rode a beautiful section D welsh cob for two hours,I was a little nervous because its the 1st time ive sat on his back.
He was so light on his feet, even a little happy buck before canter, yippee! he seemed to be saying. {it was a sensible canter too, not zooming about}
Tim, I find at canter im very happy on the 17h horses, but poor at sitting trot, yet on the lighter section D im much better at sitting trot and a little unsteady at canter, well at least for 1st few times.
Its all a puzzle why. I think you have every right to ask instructor lots of questions

[mojo]

Tim I think you are right to try an additional riding instructor/school. I think when you are just starting out it is confidence building to stick to the same horse whilst learning the very basics and as you progress you can switch to riding different horses each time. I don't like the sound of your 'icy' instructor. But as you get more experience you will know whether he/she is good for you or not. If you do decide to ride somewhere else at the very least you will have something to compare your current instructor by.
I have found that the best instructors don't take riders comments and concerns as personal affronts to thier teaching methods. Glad you had a good lesson. It may not be just a height thing it could be that you have just clicked with this horse. Its odd but the horse i rode this week felt so 'natural' to me. Yet one of the girls in the group, who is a much more experienced rider than me won't get on him come hell or high water, she hates him!(apparently he has bolted with her a couple of times) Since I have been riding there have been only 3 or 4 horses that I have felt were in a sense 'made for me' so to speak. Of course it's all relative to levels of confidence/experience etc. and I do believe that you outgrow horses as you progress but it sounds as if this 17 hander is good for you right now. Can you not re-arrange your lesson times to make sure you have this particular horse at least for the time being? After all its you who's paying.

[Tim]

Mojo, your first sentence is exactly what I've tried to get over to my instructor, word for word, you're absolutely right in what you say and I agree 100%, sadly my instructor doesn't, things have to move at the speed of light for her to be satisfied and God help anybody with an opinion !! That's the main reason for the icy treatment, because I dared to have an opinion, what? a learner with an opinion ? unheard of surely? I don't dislike the instructor though, funny that, you might think she's totally unlikeable, quite the reverse, she's a very likeable sort of person, just unable to adapt to her customers wishes ( or unwilling). I am resolved to get an additional school and see what the difference is and a friend of mine has offered me some help using her own horse, which can only add experience. I'll see how things go, I'm going on holiday soon anyway so I'll have a chance to reflect at leisure...

[mojo]

Trying a different school is definately a good idea. Sounds as if you like your instructor as a person but are unsure as to whether her teaching methods suit you. You may indeed find you prefer her after all. Good Luck!
Oh and by the way it was Oscar Wilde that said work is the scourge of the drinking classes. Sorry! had to pull you up on that one.