Loss of Confidence

TWH Addict · #1 29th Oct 2004, 11:04 PM

Im 42 and not sure whether i want to continue riding at the moment. I was bitten quite badly last week and seem to have lost all confidence in myself. It so weird, ive never been frightened like this before, now I cant even approach my mare without my stomach tensing up and feeling scared. Even grooming her is a trial now. (it wasnt her who bit me, my mate Sachas mare who I was taking to the field and turned on me when i was putting her halter on). I really feel like giving up.. What the hell is wrong with me. Ive tried deep breathing exercises etc etc but now when I approach ANY horse i just want to run away!!.. Horses were such a pleasure for me, now when im getting ready to go groom my mare or take her out I feel physically sick. How the hell do I get my confidence back..

kedwards · #2 30th Oct 2004, 02:38 AM

The thing with fears and anxieties is that they don't have to make sense. Sometimes, after an experience like that, associated fears develop no matter how unreasonable you tell yourself they are.

It will pass, it really will, but the first step is accepting that you have this fear (reasonable or not) and work from there.

Approach your own self the way you might approach a frightened horse. Stay within the barrier of what's comfortable and only progress in small intervals at a pace that remains comfortable. As with dealing with horses, be patient and unhurried, and you may be pleasantly surprised by how quickly you move on.

Best of luck. Don't be hard on yourself.

hackedoff · #3 30th Oct 2004, 07:10 AM

We all feel like this from time to time especially us *ahem* more vintage riders!!! I havent ridden for nearly a month after my last fall and frankly the thought of getting in the saddle makes me feel queasy. I look at the photos I posted up here of the carefree rider with the loose reins and the big smile and wonder if I'll ever be there again frankly (see my avatar pic) get someone to show you Tellington Touch if you can- its really helped my confidence on the ground and improved my boy's manners to boot!
Let us know how get on.

SarahC · #4 30th Oct 2004, 10:41 AM

Hi there,

So sorry to hear about your experience....confidence can be such a fragile thing and easy to loose but hard to get back.

Just one suggestion as regards just being around your mare, tacking up, grooming etc that helped me....is it possible for someone to be with you or even carry out the tasks for you for a little while while you watch?
My horse used to bolt when leading him, so I asked someone to lead him for me for a few days, then for them to walk with me while I led him for a week or so and now I'm fine about it. It really helped as regards handling him from the ground. Obviously this probably won't help much with the actual riding!

Either way, I really hope things work out for you...take it slowly, don't expect too much of yourself, having pressure put on you will only make things worse.

Good luck.
S

cazrider · #5 30th Oct 2004, 02:41 PM

Oh TWH Addict.. I'm so sorry to hear what happened to you. Your wonderful story about importing your horse was one of the first things I read on this forum, and I loved the photos you put up.

Like you, I am 40ish and I have lost confidence before, big style. I commented to a friend on the yard I ride on this morning that I felt nervous before getting onto Sennie to hack out this morning. Can't understand why, as apart from some napping, he's been great. However, my last horse tried and succeded in getting me off, and these odd nerves are a result of that. I have had many battles with myself and still try thinking of excuses not to ride when I'm off up to the yard... bad weather, too much to do later etc etc. However I have kept at it, and the bond with him is now there. I had a lovely ride by the way, I always do when I get on with it, despite the shaking (yes, honestly!) at the start. I suppose what I'm trying to do is give you heart that if you plug on with your lovely mare enough, it will go away eventually and become much easier again. It wasn't her that bit you, and if you take it a bit at a time you will regain confidence in her.

Just keep at it. Your mare is not this other horse, and she's worth the effort.

I really really hope it works out for you.

TWH Addict · #6 30th Oct 2004, 06:30 PM

Thanks all for your kind words and suggestions. I spent a long time today with my mare, just grooming her, picking her feet out and generally just being around her. It did help that my OH came with me and just him being there helped my confidence. I think this will just take time to get over, but it brought home to me how strong horses actually are and what damage they can do. Never really considered this before, but Im concentrating on the positives and trying not to think negatively. Annoys me that now when my mare puts her ears back (shes never liked her girth line groomed) that im tensing up and pulling back.. Grrr, so silly I know as shes always done that and normally id just tell her to stop pulling faces and say NO! Im going to stick to just working with my own horse from now on until I get my confidence back, which will just take time.

Suzikins · #7 30th Oct 2004, 08:21 PM

TWH Addict, I'm sorry about your bad experience. I think we've all lost confidence at some point - seems to go with the territory with horses! The last time I fell off, I was shaking like a leaf every time I got back on for the first month or so! Even though I hadn't even gained so much as bruise from the fall. Very silly really but you can't help your natural defense (and self-preservation) mechanisms kicking in! The thing is, don't be too hard on yourself - most of us would feel exactly the same as you. Take it a step at a time and just do what feels comfortable. Little by little, what feels comfortable will increase and before you know it, you're back at the confidence level you were before (especially since you didn't have a bad experience with your own horse). Just don't put too much pressure on yourself - give yourself time. This is supposed to be fun so don't hold yourself to a super human standard. This is a temporary setback to your confidence but you'll overcome it. Keep us updated and good luck!

kedwards · #8 30th Oct 2004, 08:49 PM

No sense in being annoyed at yourself. The fact that you are paying attention to signs of threat in the horse just shows that your own alert system is working. You may over-react for a little while, but the increased awareness may serve a good function in the long run. Once you become more comfortable with your ability to judge true threat from display (and react accordingly), that same sensitivity to the horse's signals will be an asset.