Nerves...I just don't get it!

[SarahC]

This whole confidence thing is really starting to get me down (sorry for the moan in advance!).
I just don't understand how nerves can affect me so badly and not others. I've realised I always question certain things before I ride....how long since she's last been ridden, its a bit windy so will she probably spook, she's been in all day and is probably a bit fed up so might misbehave etc etc etc. And these things can determine whether I even ride or not!

A girl at our stables took my girl out on a hack today (in company) and she told me that she was absolutely as good as gold, but then said she'd had a spook at the 'scarey farm'. Now, I'm not saying she wasn't as good as gold, a spook at said farm is certainly nothing horrendous, but it instantly worried me. I just thought oh no, I couldn't have coped with that. Whereas my friend then turned round and said, can I take her out on her own next time?! To her, the spook was absolutely nothing, in fact, she didn't even break conversation with her companion while Spangly had her little jump around!!
My friend is young (early 20's...young compare to me!), but jumps to discovery level and is an excellent rider. Unfortunately her showjumper is off work on box rest at the moment, so she's really down which is why I offered my girl for her to ride.
But I really really really want to be able to do things with Spangle and just feel that my nerves completely and absolutely rule me, my riding ability and my experiences.

Sometimes, I feel much better and do more 'daring' things, I've even took her down the road by myself, but I'm fed up that I'm having to battle this (still, after 4 years!). Its exhausting!
Its absolutely nothing to do with Spangle as she really is a dream and things are improving, its me...I just wish I could buck myself up and get on with it!

Has anyone tried Fizz coaching?

S

[Miriam]

Sarah I've not tried Fizz coaching and to be honest still trying to find out where my confidence has come from. It seems to have sprung up out of nowhere since riding a 16hh Thb called Paz (she has a lot to answer for )


Since then with the help of April and Daz (who's wife owns Paz) I've come on in leaps and bounds.


However along with my new found confidence it looks like it is time for me to move on

[icnmary]

I haven't tried fizz coaching but at the moment your post reads like a familiar mantra in my mind.... I HATE that there are teenage girls at the barn that will ride anything but I become a complete basket case at the thought of a spook. My horse is a fairly steady animal and I know that he's picking up on my fear. I just keep hoping that my nerves will improve once my riding skills improve.

[ambatt]

Hi there,
If you look at The Truly Terrified thread it is all about my battle with my confidence or rather my lack of it - and I am being Fizz coached by Tina Bettison.

Truly Terrified

Feel free to PM me if you need any info - you are only down the road!

[ponypinkyp]

Hello there!

I am in exactly the same situation with my horse! Its always been a dream to own my own horse and I managed to afford him 2 years ago! I have the same problems as you,,, whats he doing that for??? whats the matter with him?? Hes being really 'off' with me today??? Hes not in the mood for riding today?? Hes cold,,, hes hot?? FOR GOODNESS SAKE,, WHY CANT I JUST GET ON WITH IT!!!!
hES ONLY GOT TO PULL A FACE OR STAMP HIS FEET AND IM OFF FOR A FAG TO CALM DOWN A BIT!!!!

I even find him really difficult when im tacking him up too! but today 'my trainer and yard owner' took him by the headcollar 'when he actually bit her' and shook his head and shouted at him like my father used to shout at me!! and it bloody worked!!! After this he was a diffferent animal!! So ive got to do this, every time he intimidates me! cuz he know's that if im worried that day 'about anything hes doing' he plays off it!! and he wins!!!!

So stick with it,, and push yourself! 2 years on and if im scared on the ground with him,,, it puts me off riding him too!!! yet hes as good as gold in the menage or on the roads!!

I keep thinking 'its just me' and i am right!! IT IS!

[ponypinkyp]

p,s,,, always end the days tasks on a good note too! Make sure you have overcome something that day, however small it may be! You will set yourself a task 'a little bit harder to achieve' on a daily basis,,, lots of groundwork works wonders! Then you will feel calmer in the saddle when hes playing up!

[vjoy23]

Sorry sarah have to say it but everything you say is so scary to me as it's exactly how I feel each time I think about riding. I'm getting there tho, just keep going out on quiet gentle hacks with various people (getting her used to new horses) and each time shes good I feel a little bit braver. At the end of the day the only way I think the both of us are going to over come our fears is to take it slowly and take each day as it comes. I'm sure you too have a 5yr old so maybe your the same as me and are just taking her slowly?? I'm scared of pushing my mare to quickly and avoid going to places that she might get upset. You'll get there!!!

[dotsanddashes]

Hi folks hope you don't mind me adding my 10p worth but I can totally relate to what you are all saying, I am 37 with 2 kids and a cataglogue of accidents to dwell on.

Essentially the frightening bit is the....what if's......you play scenarios over and over in your mind. It's windy so 'she will probably spook.....' so then you imagine what will happen and, because you always block the image before a conclusion you see either a frightening or stressful end or stop because 'you couldn't handle it, you KNOW you couldn't deal with 'that' sort of behaviour, that is only for better riders than ME'.

I have been there, chose to dive sideways off a napping horse 3 years ago because of what he 'might have done' - he might have galloped off, might have reared, might have not been able to be pulled up......even the language of the problems reveals the nerves.......why don't I think of it as not being able to 'stop' or 'ride into a halt'? Why is it 'pulled up? Have walked for miles home on a hack because the horse I was on knew EXACTLY what buttons to press and how to make sure I got off and walked beside him home. (and we do this for FUN?!)

My book shelf is crammed with every book I can find on the subject of nervous riders/nerves and performance issues. I can still end up in tears over a new horse cantering down the field with me if I wanted her to trot. But I then think about what actually happened - not that it scared me but I rode it, I sat up, relaxed my seat muscles and dropped my hands, I didn't fall off, slip, become unsteady. On that particular horse (friends mare who I had not ridden before) I then walked her in circles around the field, putting in halts, and turns, did some upward and downward walk/trot transitions then asked for a canter on the uphill side of the field. Got a lovely canter and came back down to trot again - successful conclusion to wipe out the scary bit...

The best advice I have ever been given was to deal with the NOW not the what if's. We have all been riding for a while, think about how much better you are than the first unsteady lesson or two, think about how upward and downward transitions are automatic now, not having to think, leg on, other leg back, sit up, etc etc etc. Now that is a HUGE achievement. Thinking about the now has changed my life and my riding. I posted this some time ago, but thought it might illustrate what I mean......


I found I could almost picture the scene, horse 'deciding' to go quicker, me tightening my grip on reins and heart beating faster, horse going faster and head in air, me going fowards in the seat (foetal position!)...that was were I always stopped the image.
The negative part of the picture was all I ever saw.

Then I got told to keep seeing that picture but seeing myself in foward seat, hands on his neck but relaxed and then see myself going back into canter and having a wonderful canter, to see myself asking for trot and getting it immediately and enjoying a quick trot before sitting quietly and coming back to walk. The next time I found myself getting worried about what MIGHT happen and thinking about this image I did what my mentor had told me to do.....shock horror ......after a few times, I could see myself in charge and reacting to what was going on underneath me, not what MIGHT happen.

I turned the corner and now - yes I can be heard singing if I get a bit nervous - but I find I can better cope on rides where I get a little out of my comfort zone by reacting to what IS happeing, not what might happen.

For those that want something to read, Ride with your Mind is excellent. The principles of Fizz coaching are similar and I have heard good things about it.

I am not on here that often now, but anyone who wants to PM me to talk about nerves issues or run though excercises and tactics to beat nerves when riding is more than welcome.

[vjoy23]

Am I an odd ball then? I'm only 20 going on 21 but I still have these nerve problems. My main problem was jumping (had a habit of landing on the horses neck and then sliding down it). I used to always fall off in the school as I never had much of an option to hack out. I can try all the methods in the book but at the end of the day its the thinking part that makes me worse. If I just get on and go out then touch wood I'm ok. Its when I think "oh no she's just gone into a new field full of grass, she's gonna be full of it" or "OMG she hasn't been ridden for 2days she's going to be really fresh". I think women do think about the what ifs too much and I wish there was a cure as then I'd be fine. I also need to learn to breath when I get scared or upset myself on board a horse so a cure for that would be great.

[Trewsers]

SarahC, is there a really good confidence giving instructor at your yard? I too sometimes wonder where the younger riders get their confidence - not like me at 35!!! I'm always worrying about stuff that "could happen". Anyway, I've started having lessons with a great teacher who is really calm and patient. She understands my many "hang ups" about where I can have lessons (I don't particularly like the outdoors when its windy ). The thing is though, she plays down my fears and builds my confidence no end, plus I don't feel silly expressing my concerns. I'm not saying its cured me overnight or anything I still have worries but really its helped me so much. I had a great lesson last night ! By the way I think Spangle is a lovely name!

[eventerbabe]

i second trewsers, a good instructor who understands you can help immesurably. this time last year i wouldn't jump a 6 inch x pole as i'd had so many nasty falls off my jumping pony in the past. started having lessons with a friend and before i knew it she had me jumping well over 3 ft and talking about getting me eventing.

i used to be (and still am at times) an incredibly nervous rider and am a natural worrier, but one day i decided that it all had to stop. i wasn't doing my beautiful horse any justice and if i'd carried on that way i was, i was contemplating selling to someone who would fulfill his potential. you just need to have confidence in yourself and your abilities, and trust in spangle it took a reality check to make me change my ways but i'm so glad i have as i'm enjoying toby so much more.

[DITZ]

Sorry you're feeling like this Sarah. Cant give much advice other than try not to expect the worst and analyse what it is that you are afraid of. Break the spook down. Is is that you are worried she will bolt or that rear or jump sideways or just nap and you not be able to deal with it? Maybe once you have realised what it is exactly you are worried about you can deal with it.

I did an xc lesson at the weekend and lost my bottle half way thru and found myself saying that I didnt want to do the jumps. I was 'bullied' into continuing and glad I did as there was nothing to worry about. I dont know what I was afraid of really but I think it was more to do with feeling out of control than fear of falling off.

[Miriam]

Ditz I know that bullying feeling. When I found I could canter on Paz but got on Rhi I found that it went out of the window. A lot of persuasion I would call it (rather than bullying) put me where I am now. Lots of new found confidence and I hope I keep it

[DITZ]

If it was anyone else I'd call it gentle pursuasion but it was DavidH so it was bullying!!!

It's completely irrational though isn't it sometimes?

[Miriam]

Oh dear that does not abode well for group meet as he has something to show me to help me correct my riding Should I be scared ?

[DITZ]

no not at all. I chickened out of one jump before that one (i think the'yre called coffins - rail, ditch rail?) and he didnt push it but when I chickened out of the next one which was a rail double he knew I was capable of doing it and just being silly so he got on my case. He was right, I could do it of course and felt much better for it. I was having difficulties with ditches tho so he didnt push me on that one.

[Miriam]

Thats the kind of instructor I like. One that knows I'm capable and will push but not if they know I can't do it at the time. Sounds like he makes on great instructor

[SarahC]

Have read through all your replies with interest (thanks by the way!).

I do have an excellent teacher on site who is patient, understanding but also knows when to push me. However, I've not been able to have that many lessons just recently due to having no job at the moment! I'm sure thats not helping, but not alot I can do about it just at the moment. He has faith in me...I went to see him have a jumping lesson with a coach to the Olympic team and he took both his horses, a 16.3 and a 17.2 (both huge!). When he swapped, he asked me to take the larger of the two down to the other end of the yard and load him in the lorry. I quietly explained that I'd never loaded a horse by myself before, never mind one quite so big and he just said 'so, you'll have no problems' and off we went. No problems!! I would never ever had done it if he hadn't have had that faith and trust in me.

Essentially the frightening bit is the....what if's......you play scenarios over and over in your mind. It's windy so 'she will probably spook.....' so then you imagine what will happen and, because you always block the image before a conclusion you see either a frightening or stressful end or stop because 'you couldn't handle it, you KNOW you couldn't deal with 'that' sort of behaviour, that is only for better riders than ME'.

Absolutely spot on! thats exactly how it is!
Things are getting better, some days are so much better than others and I am definitely having more of those days than not. Yes I'm taking things relatively slowly with Spangle, but its myself that is getting me down (if you know what I mean!). I just don't want to battle these feelings when I want to get on my gorgeous horse, who is an absolute dream. I feel they are unjustified feelings and totally over the top...so why can't I just stop them?!!!

Cant give much advice other than try not to expect the worst and analyse what it is that you are afraid of. Break the spook down. Is is that you are worried she will bolt or that rear or jump sideways or just nap and you not be able to deal with it? Maybe once you have realised what it is exactly you are worried about you can deal with it.

That too is spot on! I always expect the worst, complete disaster and that I won't be able to deal/cope with it. I always think a spook will result or lead to a full on bolt, rear etc, basically something really nasty.

Anyway, again, thanks for all the replies. You lot are as always, incredibly helpful and supportive.

S

[Jessey]

I also need to learn to breath when I get scared or upset myself on board a horse so a cure for that would be great.

If you know you stop breathing try singing, you can't do it with out breathing

I also went through a stage last year where I was scared stiff to get on my horse, this is the same horse I brought as a (nearly) wild, entire 2 year old and backed myself, so why was I scared - I have no idea, I bullied myself into getting on with it and now I am totally relaxed with him again (but now having issues with one of my other horses so I'm not totally cured yet!! ), to the point that a few weeks ago we went to the beach with a horse that he normally plays up around on a very windy day........and had the best day ever

Sometimes fear is totally unfounded, some times it is really deep routed, I found the key was to decide what it was that really scared me, then think about it logically and calmly and decide how I was going to deal with it, and no matter what I made myself stick to my plan and once you have done it once or twice and realise you can do it your confidence will sore.

Finding someone to be your sounding board, someone you can tell how you feel and discuss where you are going next is really helpful.

Best of Luck

J x

[SarahC]

Thanks jessey.

Unfortunately, I'm not that confident a person in everyday life either...in fact, my riding instructor says I put myself and my ability down far too much and that in itself is a solid mindset. If I were to recognise my abilities and believe in myself a little more, my confidence would improve.

I'm not sure whether my fear is unfounded or deep routed to be honest!! I had a few nasty riding accidents as a child...so it could stem back to then...or it could be that I'm just an under-confident person!! Not sure!

As I said, I do want to stress that things are getting better and its in no way a reflection on my girl, she's not naughty or nasty in any way whatsoever...its just sometimes I feel that the battle with myself is so exhausting!

S