A fresh start

C

crinklesb

New Member
Jun 18, 2009
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Scottish Borders
www.bowhill-stables.co.uk
Hi everyone.

I'm looking for some advice really and wondered if anyone had an insightful words or ideas to help me out!

I have been off riding since having an operation on my knee in March. From this weekend though my doctor says I can start riding again.

I am really excited about the prospect, at one level, as I've really missed spending time at the stables. On another level though I'm concerned that all of my old confidence problems will return.

I've had on and off confidence issues for the past 18mths. Initially this was caused I think from a pretty nasty fall going down a steep hill on top of the moors near where I kept him. To this day I don't know what caused him to suddenly gallop off but since then I have been nervous about cantering, especially in fields. I did however get back to cantering while hacking as long as I was with a trustworthy companion who could control their horse. Tracks were fine but fields were sometimes dificult for me. Also I didn't really like cantering down any kind of incline.

So that was me doing fairly ok, then this time last year my boy had a horrible injury to his knee in the field which ended up with him being in the Dick Vet Hospital for a month. He got a septic joint and had three op's to flush it out. He almost didn't make it but miraculously pulled through and now a year on he is perfectly sound and you would never know if had a problem.

He was off until the end of the summer when I started riding again, we also changed yards in this time. Since then though I have really struggled with my confidence and can't quite understand why, the new yard is amazing with lots of support, loads of off road hacking and most of it on 'safe' forest tracks but before my op I got to the stage where I couldn't even summon the confidence to canter in the school nevermind on a hack. My OH thinks it is partly the worry about my horse, as when he was ill it was very difficult to deal with and every day we thought was going to be the last, and partly a worry about myself as my knee was very bad and would dislocate if you so much as looked at it.

All I know is that if I ask him to canter now I feel certain that he is going to either bolt off or buck me off. I know that without a severe fright it is unlikely that he will do either, but I just can't shake the feeling. He is a sane but fairly sensitive soul and definetly picks up on it when I am nervous.

So come the weekend how do I conquer this and have a fresh start? I am desparate to put this all behind me. I have tried NLP in the past with not much success. Any ideas would be very gratefully recieved. :help::help:
 
Forget about canter!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

The biggest thing is settng realistic goals - ten minute walk on a long rein in the school is realistic - I havent had any nasty falls and I ont even trot going downhill!

Just dont rush things - you cant expect to be raring to go - especially as your protective instinct will cause worry having had a knee op too - be realistic and dont pressure yourself oo much - just go a little further each time - its about enjoyment not achievement
 
I agree with popularfuball. Why canter?

Do what you enjoy doing and remember why you love riding so much. If you ever do fancy just giving it a go then treat it as a schooling opportunity to practice transitions. Think about doing a set amount of steps going from a good well balanced trot and counting maybe steps and asking for a downwards transition.

I personally wouldn't be looking to canter though until you get to the stage where you are desperate to.
 
Hear hear. Just enjoy bringing your boy back into work and find your feet (?seat) again. That will build your confidence. You can canter when you are good and ready.

I didn't canter Ziggy for more than 6 months after I got him, after the first occasion where I fell off onto my head. Now we canter here and there but I wasn't ready until I was ready.
 
totally agree - forget about the canter.

i also didnt canter for months and months when moet bucked me off! i stuck to walk and trot until i felt that i actually wanted to canter, rather than feeling like i should canter.

has someone else brought him back into work for you? if not can you get someone else to bring him back into work and get him going for you, so that he is more reliable when you are ready to ride him.
 
Excellent advice from all the above - just forget all about cantering, whats the big deal with cantering? If you just take it out of the equation altogether - bet a day will come when you just find yourself asking happily for canter without even realising you are doing it!:biggrin:
 
I guess I have never thought about it like that before, I always just thought that I should be cantering and what the hell was wrong with me not feeling confident enough to do it. I guess I should just take the pressure off myself. I think the frustrating thing is that I am a complete perfectionist, in pretty much all areas of my life, and if I work hard I usually get what I work for. For this though I feel I have singularly failed and that make me very frustrated and upset. I was just looking at photos of me and Bob jumping and some some shots we had at out stables of me galloping up one of the hills in the deep snow we had 2 years back. It makes me sad that I now feel I can't do that but you are all right, I am not yet 'desparate to canter', rather i dread it but berate myself for not being able to pluck up the courage to do it. Then I end up coming back from every hack dissapointed and annoyed with myself.

I am lucky that I have a fantastic sharer for my boy and she is a very confident rider and canter and jumps him so yes he has been kept going while I have been off.
 
So, I rode out for the first time in 3 mths yesterday on one of the trekking horses at the yard and it went really well. She is an angel and very well behaved so it was a good move to go out on her first. My knee stood up well although rising trot is painful so will have to build up to that. My instructor says I will just have to do sitting trot for the next few months, which will be great as I do need to improve my leg position.

So buoyed my enthusiasm, and really quite surprising happiness. I don't think I realised how much I had missed riding, I set up to ride my boy today. Getting him from the field he gallped up, screeched to a halt, tail in the air, it was like 'mummy you are back'!!. My boy is big, 17.2hh, and can be bolshy and sometimes a bad ride can start here, at the gate with him pushing me about and generally starting to unnerve me. It was also blowing a gale.

However, my new mantra is...stay calm, breathe deeply and have some perspective. I told myself that:
1. He is just really pleased to see me and always messes about in the field
2. My sharer took him out on a really long hack yesterday so there is no way that he is fresh
3. It has been blowing a gale for a week now and he's ben turned out in it the whole time...he really isn't bothered by the wind

So, we got down to the yard and I could feel myself starting to get stressed. So I made myself faff about a bit, brushing the yard and spending extra long getting him ready. It worked, the fear subsided and he calmed down muching on his haynet. So by the time we were tacked up and mounted he was chilled and happy.

I then just tried my best to keep calm and relax. I went out with a girl from the yard that I've known for a while and never hacked out with. Turns out..drum roll.........she also has confidence problems. Its stupid, I always thought she was so accomplished and skillful and she is but she is seriously scared of certain things. I spend so much time worrying that people will see that I am struggling and what they will think of me, turns out I think most of us have something or other we struggle with and I'm really not that unusual.

So back to the point, I took all of your advice and just stuck to walk and trot. I was relaxed and happy and Bob was an absolute angel. Baby steps.

Next is out group livery lesson on Tuesday where I've been asked if I want to join the Quadrille team, walk and trot only at the moment though......!
 
Awh fab mrs!! Well done. Bet you're on cloud nine for the rest of the day lol! I sometimes find myself doing exactly what you do - very sensitive to my horse's behaviour before I get in the saddle and using that to decide if I will get on. The more I learn of him though, the easier I find to reason that this is just him and he will settle.
Good luck for your lesson - we're definitely not alone in this feeling and have nothing to be ashamed of. I scream from the top of the hilltops that I have confidence woes and don't care who hears it (they're all probably pretty bored of hearing it now!) but it keeps me and my horse safe and people are then more considerate of how they approach when I'm on him which is nice.
My thinking at the moment (inspired by SJP1 on here) is to face the challenge and ride as much as possible - the only way for the fear to subside. Slowly its working and I'm finding it easier every day but I only creep out of my comfort zone to try some scary stuff before returning to the safety zone for a while to breathe again lol!
anyway, sorry for the witter and again, well done you and your huuuugee boy!:happy:
 
Thank you and for your encouraging words. I forgot to say that when I put him back in the field he teared off at full pelt again back to his mates. That is just him, he is always careering round the field playing. I must stop judging how I think he is feeling and what mood he is in before I ride as it just sets me off on the wrong foot. I now realise when these feelings are coming and I must walk away, relax and get myself together before I go back to him.

Hi is a really sane boy but does pick up when I am nervous so thats my mini objective for the next few weeks. Canter will come sooner or later when I am ready.

I'll let you all know how I'm getting on!
 
I have the same problem - my boy is totally tuned in to how I'm feeling and loves showing me how scared I am. His favourite move is just to NOT let me get on when I'm feeling this way. Very frustrating - but a sure sign of how well I'm doing when he stands like a rock lol! Wonderful creatures aren't they.:giggle:
 
I am glad it went well for you. I have only just seen this thread and it rang a bell as I pretty much stopped hacking after a crashing fall and then had an op from which I needed to recover.
The combination of a fall and medical problems made me limit what I did for a long time, just till I felt happy doing something again. So I do have a few more observations.
1. Labelling - a fall and/or illness are good reasons to take extra care, so I never for one moment thought of myself as a nervous rider or needing to join the confidence club.
2. Recovery took longer than the doctors sometimes say. Dont feel you have to meet any deadlines. Six weeks was too early for me. And I didnt get back to normal for over a year.
3. Both me and the elderly mare varied from day to day - Even with a fit horse, some days I feel like going fast and other days we potter around.
4. I therefore agree about not cantering - Once you have learned to ride and have ridden for some years, you dont need to prove you can canter by cantering, if you see what I mean. And if one isnt 100% fit one is more likely to fall off cantering anyway.

This is not a judgement on you that YOU are not capable of something. You are a person taking time to recover lost ground, and believe me you will get there. Sometimes it is simply the time spend in the saddle that replaces the old apprehension of being out there in the wild, open? The girl I ride with told me to take my time - it would all come back, and sure enough about 8 rides later, we were cantering up that field almost as if I had never had a break.

But I didnt go near that field, until one day I felt I'd like to - no challenges, no daring, no consistency, and no effort. A had an RI once who said riding should be like eating an ice cream - just enjoy.
 
Thank you so much. You are completely right and I am going to continue as I am, just walk and trot until I feel I really want to canter.

I have thought about it alot this weekend and I think I've come to the conclusion that its much better for me to only do what I feel 100% comfortable with every time I ride, that way every time I do ride I should enjoy it and feel good afterwards. Then I shoudl get to my target of cantering much sooner and with less stress.

By pushing myself out of my comfort zone sometimes I might succeed and feel great but the nerves and stress do not contribute to a relaxing ride and the risk of something happening is greater. That will then I fear send me back to square one, or worse.

I have my lesson tomorrow and I wil post again top let you all know how it goes. xxxx
 
Yes, definitely take your time cantering - I sometimes have to go right back to square one (atm we aren't doing any!) with cantering and I sometimes think I am just being silly etc, but I don't want to scare myself or push myself completely out of my comfort zone (my confidence is very fragile!!!). As others have said before, why canter? Not unless you feel happy doing so. You'll know when it feels right to have a go, just like I did a few months ago (before Storm's hock probelms started up again). I just thought, well, tis a nice day etc and went for it. Ask me to repeat it over this windy weekend past and that would be a different matter altogether!!!! BAby steps indeed..........Good luck.
 
Just as an inside out view... if your horse had been badly hurt in an accident and required an op... would you be pressing him to canter or go where he had the terrible accident?

Just food for thought :D

PS Sounds like you are on the right tracks - heck I have had madam for two years, and am the kind of person to jump on any horse - yet I get anxious about riding her! I worry about her napping (so I have just avoided hacking solo and dread working in the school) and find cantering in the school a rather wobbly affair and too avoid it. It was only having an RI out at the weekend who made me work her and get her to concentrate that I realised how much I was avoiding doing "for fear of" - including picking up any kind of a contact! :eek: I hate the confrontation of "having a contact"... yet having worked her for the hour on a contact, she went beautifully and didnt nap once - and the same again yesterday! Sometimes these things take time...and at some point things will "fall in to place" in two days, two weeks, two months, two years... who knows - but its a long road and the trick is to travel steady on that road
 
It sounds as you are doing really really well.

I had to stop riding for 6 months after a fall in the school when I broke my back as a RS client.

I couldnt wait to get back and although I never rode the same horse again I did have confidence problems..

I have tired to tell myself how destructive these emotions are; that, and combined with a GREAT new young teacher, means I have moved on to being able to compete, even in jumping.

You sound as though you are doing really really well and have developed a positive attitude to it. With that, and your knowledge of how capable you really are, you will get there and banish those nerves.

Onwards! xxx
 
Wow you broke your back, thats awful. I hope you are fully recovered. My hubby insists I wear my bp everytime I ride or he says he will sell Bob....!

So, tonight I did the weekly livery lesson/quadrille practice we do at out yard. Bob has hardly been in the school in 3 months and has always found quadrille really exciting. Riding in formation close to your partner just sends him into a tiz. When we arrived I was ok, tried my best to stay calm by drinking a cup of coffee VERY slowly! Then into the school momted up no probs. By this stage Bob's eyes were on stalks, most of the other people doing it were on mares and the last few weeks they have all decided he is the one and have been flirting like mad over the fence at him. After warm up, we pair up and my partner is Dolly....what does she start doing as soon as we get close, start nickering at him and skirting. She's in season great!

So, I concentrated very hard on relaxing, I caught myself a few times physically tensing up one time almost pushing myself out of the saddle my legs were so tense. So breathe deeply and relax, the good thing about quadrille though is that you have to concentrate really hard on where you are going, where your partner is, no bulldozing into someone else that it actually takes your mind off it.

So we were doing fine with the routine in walk and only having a few probs when we had to pass by Dolly's bum, more squirting, sqealing and acting like we are a stallion - tail in air, snorting. Then RI was "ok now in trot everyone". I immmediately felt myself tense up and predictably Bob did a cat leap and starting jumping round on the spot. I did compose myself though and persevered and by the end he was starting to go really well for me.

So, concluusions from today:
1. My horse is a complete tart
2. I paid close attention to my stress levels and amazingly I could track most of the minor incidents and the cat leap to me tensing up just before
3. I can do it, I am a good rider and I need to have more faith in my lovely boy - he wouldn't have put a foot wrong if I had been relaxed

xxxxx
 
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