Can I do this?

Thank you everyone for your advice and words of support, they really do help. Lots of things that have been suggested I have tried before but to no avail. KP nut, I hear what you are saying, but my brain doesn't view 'controlled' people or objects in the same way. It is the unpredictable things which worry me. If I am hacking over the fields and I see someone I know with their dogs I am fine, it is when I see a stranger I panic.

I had a chat with my yard manager this morning and I think that it is time for me to just get on with it, feel the fear, face the panic and then come out of it the other side.

I have a plan. On Monday morning at 9:30am three of us are setting off on our hack. I am going to go in the middle with my yard manager in front and a groom behind. We are going to go off site, over the road and ride to a river where I am going to take Ben for a splash around. This is the goal of the trip - to play in the river as part of our TREC and XC training. It is about a 30 minute walk I think but we will put in a few trots and so the whole thing should take less than an hour.

I am going to ride Ben in the school first and do about 15 minutes of trot/canter work before we go. I am going to kit myself out in all my high vis gear that I have never worn and we will cross that bloody road.

If I hate every second of it and if I have a full blown panic I will be able to make the decision to give up off site hacking completely knowing that I have given it my best shot. But I am strangely excited about reaching that river. I can do and I will do it! I will report back on Monday!

Thank you again for all the help. I feel I have the whole of NewRider behind me. Watch this space, we WILL be doing sponsored rides this time next year.
 
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Yes I think its awesome to have a purpose and place in mind.
I think its sooooooooooooo much better than just heading out with an unknown time or distance -..
Then it eliminates the how far is "far enough" should I go more -- am I going too far- have I gone too far.
Plus there is a "Fun" at the end-- and you will be posting some AWESOME photos!! :D
 
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If the pixels are not too high its easy
You can put them on your computer and then just drag them into
the area your typing in and it comes with box at bottom to attach it

I had to reduce the pixels on my camera to be able to post.
My phone was already low enough pixels.

Your going to have a SUPER time!!
 
The other thing you can do is use visualisations: your emotional brain is not very good at telling fact from imagination which is why you can trigger a full blown panic attack (which is the fight or flight response) just by thinking of something scary. You can do the exposure work in your head. Same rules apply - picture the ride and as soon as the anxiety goes up freeze frame the ride in your mind at the point you get anxious and keep your attention on the imagery until the anxiety drops, then move ahead with the ride. So by the end you should be able to visualise the ride vividly while feeling calm and positive. Hope it goes well.
 
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I like to have a plan when I hack out alone - I find it far easier riding to somewhere, to a lesson or to meet someone, than just to do a turn round the block or whatever. Good luck. You are going to crack this!

PS Roxy hates rivers. Took her XC schooling yesterday - the most fun, but it took a good 5 minutes of persuasion to get her into the water! I had visions of her cat leaping across it and me flying into it bur luckily that didn't happen!
 
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Well I did it!!! Ben was perfect, I couldn't have asked for a better behaved horse.

We didn't quite make it to the river as I decided that trotting was out of my comfort zone so we walked the whole way. We went for a real 'proper' hack. We started from the yard and through our woodland, crossed over the main road, through more woodland, went onto a track next to a crop field, squeezed through a tiny hedge and onto a small country road which we followed for about 10 minutes downhill. The we went back into some woods, up a hilly track and over some big open field, along a path next to a hedge next to the main road and then crossed the road back to our woods. Phew!! It took about one hour and 15 minutes.

I was so nervous to start with, I couldn't speak and had a few tears. I did feel the fear but I did come out of the other side. What I love about my horse is that he doesn't react to my nerves. Ben was very nosy, he was looking at everything with his ears pricked, but he wasn't tense or scared, he was just really interested. My YM's horse spooked quite badly at some bins and I had a mini panic attack but Ben was fine. He didn't even look at them.

I now feel shell shocked and relieved that we actually did it. My aim now is to hack as much as I can with anyone who will put up with me. Hopefully it will only get easier now.
 
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WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Well done! And yes it does - to the point where you don't even think about going for a hack while you're eating your breakfast, much less have the nerves and racing heart etc.
 
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squidsin said:
WOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Well done! And yes it does - to the point where you don't even think about going for a hack while you're eating your breakfast, much less have the nerves and racing heart etc.
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I hope so. I am not going to go offsite without my YM for the foreseeable future, and she obviously isn't always available to take me, but I am going to make a huge effort to ride on our own land with other liveries and also venture through our woodland much more often. We have about 30 acres of private woodland on my yard and until today I hadn't ridden on it for 18 months. I am going to go out there with someone else tomorrow.
 
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Mary Poppins said:
I hope so. I am not going to go offsite without my YM for the foreseeable future, and she obviously isn't always available to take me, but I am going to make a huge effort to ride on our own land with other liveries and also venture through our woodland much more often. We have about 30 acres of private woodland on my yard and until today I hadn't ridden on it for 18 months. I am going to go out there with someone else tomorrow.
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You don't have to push yourself out of your comfort zone or even worry about it - the day will come when you think, there's nobody about so I'll take Ben out on my own, but there's no rush to get there. Anyway I think it's more fun hacking in company, I don't mind going out on my own but much prefer it with someone to chat to. You and Ben are brilliant - that's a huge thing to do, to take a big step towards demolishing that psychological block. I am impressed!
 
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Mary Poppins said:
Thank you both. I am so exhausted though - I think it is emotional exhaustion as I have been worrying about it all weekend. It's a non working day today and I am sitting in my conservatory looking at the mess of my house but I can't be bothered to do anything about it. All I can think of is 'I went on a hack!'.
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I was like that the day after the Windsor sponsored ride - I literally spent a whole day admiring the photos of me and Roxy!
 
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@Mary Poppins Well done!!! that sounds like an amazing start! I hope I don't feel the same sort of nervousness when I first do it but wow, you should be so proud of yourself for actually following through!
 
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