How do I grow a pair?

[Tina2011]

Sorry I haven't read all the replies, just having a quick catch up or I will be on here all night lol.

I think Virago's idea with NLP is really a good one. It is amazing what visual imagination can do.

We all did it as kids, it part of playing and learning but it does really work if you make the effort.

I once remember as a child having trouble getting a horse to canter. I dreamed it time and time again in my mind as only had weekly lessons att, and a lot of time to think. I imagined making this pony canter, focused on the aids and everything the instructor had taught me. It worked, next lesson I put the dream into practice and it happened in an instant much to the awe of my peers lol. That is just a small thing but the essence is capture your dream, repeat it over and over with happy consequences in your mind and it will happen:smile:

 

[sjp1]

It really does. I just feel like I was doing OK but have taken a big step back - I don't even feel like I can ride properly any more. In my 20s, I'd have laughed if she took off - now it would put the fear of god into me. I suppose having to be responsible as an adult (and parent) gives you a strong sense of responsibility and that involves 'what ifs.'

Try not to look at it as a step backward, more as a 'this is what we have to work on'

Yesterday evening Tobes was on evil mode. He double barrelled in my direction when I was collecting him from the field and was proper full on pushy and nippy in the stable.

Instead of getting angry or worrying about it, I simply did a bit of the NH groundwork that he so HATES. I insisted he back up in his stable and made him wait. I also made him wait in the yard whilst I was nattering to someone, he pushed at me and I backed him up again and kept him away from me. This morning he was a proper kevin whilst hacking out with a couple of other liveries, being silly about lots of things and baulking. He did get a fair few whacks with the crop, and then no grazing in hand just straight out to his paddock.

This evening, more standing to attention and waiting (which he HATES), but he tried to nip me less, and backed up and stood quite nicely whilst I was chattering. So we grazed in hand.

I do believe horses test you constantly. A few a lot more than others, (most horses I have had are all for the easy life) but with those that do test you and do try it on, you have to counter that with making THEM do the moving. Which is very annoying and time consuming, and I wish he would just get on with it sometimes!!!

 

[squidsin]

I totally agree, I need to shift my thinking. I think one problem is - and I may not have mentioned this before - I actually suffer from anxiety anyway. I was referred for CBT last year but never went as we moved house. So I think I may just have moved the focus for my anxiety to my horse. I've decided to take positive action and actually go to the CBT this time! I feel a bit better just for having made that decision. Me and the YO also have a plan to take Poppy for a hack at the weekend, on a lead and we'll see how we go with that, and if all is well, we'll take her off the lead. Right now, I am not sh***ing myself at this idea so that's positive! I believe she'll be calm and happy if I am calm and happy - she is my mirror. On the ground, where I have no worries about her, we have no problem! So I just need to transfer that to my riding. Just (she says confidently!).

 

[sjp1]

I think that is great that you have a supportive YO, and it sounds like a good plan.

I think you will be fine.

 

[squidsin]

Well I am feeling much happier after a really good lesson today - I actually rode her instead of just sitting on her thinking 'if I'm really gentle maybe she won't notice I'm here so she won't buck me off!' Which is nonsensical but a panicking brain doesn't make sensible decisions. She did what I wanted and I felt in control. Hurrah!

 

[sjp1]

Well I am feeling much happier after a really good lesson today - I actually rode her instead of just sitting on her thinking 'if I'm really gentle maybe she won't notice I'm here so she won't buck me off!' Which is nonsensical but a panicking brain doesn't make sensible decisions. She did what I wanted and I felt in control. Hurrah!

And that is why I have always maintained being worried myself a lot of times, that lessons really do make the difference.

Lessons make you push them when they don't really want to do something and I truly believe that has a knock on effect on their mindset. You control their feet, even though there is someone there telling you to do x y or z, but for them, they believe it is you. Your instructor gives you the confidence to push on and do x y and z, and that feeds back to them.

I am having a lesson Sunday morning - am having to be collected by friend as Tobes is on a bit of a melt down after moving yards ........... but I think it will be good for us - and we will have to hack back from the lesson alone which will be a good 15 minute ride. Am hoping he will be tired and calm .........!!!!

 

[Flipo's Mum]

Well I am feeling much happier after a really good lesson today - I actually rode her instead of just sitting on her thinking 'if I'm really gentle maybe she won't notice I'm here so she won't buck me off!' Which is nonsensical but a panicking brain doesn't make sensible decisions. She did what I wanted and I felt in control. Hurrah!

Glad to hear this. Its a difficult lesson to learn though isn't it. Our gut sometimes says tiptoe around and hope for the best.

 

[squidsin]

And that is why I have always maintained being worried myself a lot of times, that lessons really do make the difference.

Lessons make you push them when they don't really want to do something and I truly believe that has a knock on effect on their mindset. You control their feet, even though there is someone there telling you to do x y or z, but for them, they believe it is you. Your instructor gives you the confidence to push on and do x y and z, and that feeds back to them.

I am having a lesson Sunday morning - am having to be collected by friend as Tobes is on a bit of a melt down after moving yards ........... but I think it will be good for us - and we will have to hack back from the lesson alone which will be a good 15 minute ride. Am hoping he will be tired and calm .........!!!!

I'd say good luck but I've just seen this and it's Sunday afternoon now. How was it?

 

[squidsin]

Glad to hear this. Its a difficult lesson to learn though isn't it. Our gut sometimes says tiptoe around and hope for the best.

I've just been reading your blog - right from the start, I've got to the end of 2011 so far! I find it really inspiring, and you write so well. I had no idea things were so bad with Flipo at first. The one thing I do have that gives me hope with my Pops is that she and I have bonded - she trusts me, which means a lot as she's not a horse that trusts easily. Also, the problem really is that I am such a novice that any tiny problem is quite a big problem for me! But the only cure for that is time and persistence - you've shown to me that it does actually work!