So scared

[Lisa83]

Hi,

So me and my daughter are getting our loan horse at the end of the month. I'm so excited because I've wanted my own for a long time.

I have had a 15 year break from horses. Used to have my own when I was younger but she passed away and I never had Time or money for another one. my daughter started showing interest in horses so she started lesson 2 years ago and is a confident little rider. This gave me a chance to start riding again at the riding school and I picked it all up again pretty quick.
I would class myself as a very nervous novice.
I got so sick of paying £40 for a half hour lesson each for us that I decided to look for a loan horse.
We found the perfect mare for us. Shes 21 and is in very good health and is sane and sensible.she is for hacking only. As I said I'm very excited but I'm also doubting myself.
I so worried that I won't have the confidence to ride her. I don't know why. I'm always thinking the worse and what could go wrong instead of enjoying it. Is this normal. I feel like I don't know how to ride properly but I do and that I'm not capable but I am.
I have a lovely lady on my yard who will always help me but has anyone got any tips that can help me and tips for helping my new horse settle in.
Thank you

 

[Lollykay]

I am sorry but you really should keep up your lessons. Quitting them might be creating a recipe for disaster, especially for your daughter.

You admittedly consider yourself a "nervous novice". The nervousness will transfer to the horse.

If you were not satisfied with your recent instructor, please find another one and budget for same. You won't be saving any money, if you or your daughter get hurt and it could have possibly been prevented by continuing your lessons ----- lessons which will give you the confidence you need

 

[Lisa83]

I didn't stop my lessons because I didn't like my instructor. I stopped because all though I say I'm a nervous novice I fell back into riding quite quickly and can ride properly but I'm not as confident a's I used to be when I was younger and I spoke to my instructor and she said I was ready for my own if we make that decision.
I would never put me or my daughter in danger all I was asking for is tips on building confidence while hacking a new horse because I'm doubting myself as it's a big thing.

 

[misty]

Hi, all these feelings are very familiar for me too. I too class myself as a nervous novice although I have 15 years of riding experience and have loaned too and been fine. There's still something that likes to sit on my shoulder and whisper in my ear that I'm not good enough.

What I wonder is how much do you know about your loan horse? How old is s/he and how much have they done? Are you loaning at owner's yard?

All these things will make a difference to how you feel. One of the best horses I loaned was at his owner's yard and she was usually there pottering around with her other horse. She was able to tell me what he liked/didn't like. Why he was nervous about something and what to do if he was acting in a certain way. This all helped me to overcome my worries and in no time I was schooling on my own and then hacking on my own.

The right horse will make all the difference - that's something I've come to learn over the past few years. However, I'd personally find a private instructor who can come out and, at least initially, give you some lessons on your loan horse. This will help you and your daughter get to know the horse in an environment where you feel safe.
Tell them about your lack of confidence and a good instructor will work to help you to build that up. My instructor at the moment does a lot of work with me on control. We've been doing demi pirhouettes and turns on the forehand. Then she's been setting up a little maze using poles and we have to navigate through it. Yesterday the horse didn't like it and backed up a little but she taught me how to give her confidence and move her forward through it - it's good because it makes me realise I do have control and with the right instruction she will listen to me.

Anyway, I can go on so as a very nervous rider myself who has been through this here's what I think from what I've learnt:
- take it easy - don't run before you can walk. Take some time getting to know the horse before trying to do anything too much
- if you're going out hacking take some one with you (on horse or on foot) until you get the confidence to go on your own. At first I sometimes like to take a lead rein - not once have I used it but it gives me confidence that it is there.
- get an instructor who you like and feel comfortable to work with and ask them to help you work on your confidence. It's even better if you can identify what it is that's worrying you.

 

[Skib]

You titled this thread So scared. As people here have said, it doesnt make sense.
We can choose whether or not to buy and own a horse and for most people the support and information will come from a good livery yard , its owner and the trainers who teach there. You will be able to rely on their vets, farriers and saddlers. Even if a good yard costs more, it is what will see you and your daughter through the first couple of years.
When you owned a horse as a child, there was probably an adult around who took responsibility. That is what you have to do now. Learn the stuff you need.
As for the riding -no one on a forum can comment on your riding skills. You certainly shouldnt ever hack out on a horse you are frightened to ride. As Richard Maxwell says - you dont take a car on the road till you have good brakes, steering and acceleration.

But you say you had a 15 year break from riding. Riding as an adult (I learned as an adult) is different. Yes, balance and physical touch come into it, but so does knowledge and the need to use your mind - to make many choices about how to ride and communicate with the horse under you. Plus how to fix the problems that come up - by schooling the horse. Those of us who learned to ride as adults - who read books, watched videos, went to clinics, read Forums like this learned to do that and then we got some practice at it too. It is not a situation where one never makes mistakes. You just learn from the mistakes. In riding and teaching stuff to horses there are usually alternatives to try if something you do doesnt work.

Then you say you feel you cant ride. Or cant ride properly. I used to feel like that. But how do you feel once you are sitting on a horse? Do you know what to do then. Do you feel comfortable when the horse walks? Trots? canter? Can you prevent it going too slowly or from getting overexcited? Can you steer? I could do all those things and it seemed second nature. So did leading the horse, grooming and tacking up. But my RI pointed out that I had gone 60 years of my life not being able to ride - You have gone 15 years as a non rider. So when we think of horses or see other people riding them, our inner mind has not adjusted to realising that we can do that too. It still looks hazardous and impossible.

My only tiny reservation about your RI and her advice is to ask whether she stands to gain financially or in any other way from your buying your own horse? As people have suggested above, owning a horse doesnt mean you and your child dont need continued professional teaching. The teacher may well be called a trainer not an instructor - but you will both need lessons. Make sure you have enough money to pay for instruction as well as for keeping your new horse.

Horse ownership is not something one goes into on one's own - one is surrounded by experts and a team of specialists. That is where your confidence will come from. Moreover you dont have to buy a horse just because your teacher suggests it. Legally, as adult, we are not obliged to obey instructions from an RF that we consider might put us in danger. The choice and responsibiity of what an adult does with horses and out riding remains with that adult.
This means that you do what you want to do. Owning a horse is not compulsory and many of us here cant afford it.

 

[Lisa83]

Hi.
Than you for your reply. The horse is a 21 year old mare. 14'2 Welsh sec D.
I have rode her a couple of times and she was perfect for me and my daughter. Never put a foot wrong. Lovely ground manners and has been there done it. Her owner has had her 10 years but has a younger horse and can't keep both hence her loaning the 21yo. She has been loaned by a complete novice before me. She was advertised as a novice ride and I believe she is and I believe she is safe for my daughter too. It's just me and my silly confidence. My daughter will continue weekly lessons at her RS because she can't learn to jump on the new horse so I'm not worried about her.

We don't have a school at the yard so we can only hack but this is where my confidence comes in but again I only wanted a hacking horse. Im fine in the school, i think it's because it's a enclosed space and they have little choice of where to go if they decided to bolt.
I just see all these silly scenarios in my mind of her bolting of down a road with me clinging on for dear life.

I will definitely look in to a instructor coming to help me and I've already told my husband he will be coming out with me on foot until I'm confident enough to go by my self. There is also other horses to hack with so that's not a problem.

I hate that my confidence holds me and puts doubts in my mind. I've wanted my own horse for a while and now I'm getting her my lack of confidence is taking away the excitement of getting her.
How long should I leave it before I ride her. Everyone has very different opinions on this.

 

[Lisa83]

SKIB..I was typing a reply when you posted

My riding instructor has no gain from me having a horse. I asked her if she thought I was ready to have my own again and she said yes. I have become good friends with her and asked her to be honest.
I haven't made the decision to have a horse lightly. Its something that I have thought about for a long time. In the past 2 years that I've been riding again I have put a lot of time in to my lessons and learning new things about horses. I have helped at a yard for the past year where I have learnt a lot and gained lots of experience.
My only issue is confidence on hacks.
Sorry if the title of my thread is misleading. I'm worried that I won't have the confidence to hack on my new horse. Nothing else bothers me except that doubt in my mind. I have had my instructor take me out on hacks to learn how to school while hacking but it just keeps coming back to my confidence.

 

[Orenoko]

I think deep down you have the tools you need to succeed with this loan given your past experience. I recently started my first share and felt the same - how would I cope not being told what to do by an instructor? What if this happens? What if that happens? I haven't taken my share horse out alone yet as I'm still building up to that, but it's helped massively to have other people to hack out with, both on horses and on foot. Sounds like you already have plans in place too. I think it's natural to be nervous taking the step you're taking.

Other people with vastly more experience than me will be able to give you more tips about building the relationship through groundwork etc, but I just wanted to add my views having recently felt similar to how you're feeling. Get an instructor in to help, hack out with others, spend time with the horse, all of these things will hopefully help.

 

[Lisa83]

I think deep down you have the tools you need to succeed with this loan given your past experience. I recently started my first share and felt the same - how would I cope not being told what to do by an instructor? What if this happens? What if that happens? I haven't taken my share horse out alone yet as I'm still building up to that, but it's helped massively to have other people to hack out with, both on horses and on foot. Sounds like you already have plans in place too. I think it's natural to be nervous taking the step you're taking.

Other people with vastly more experience than me will be able to give you more tips about building the relationship through groundwork etc, but I just wanted to add my views having recently felt similar to how you're feeling. Get an instructor in to help, hack out with others, spend time with the horse, all of these things will hopefully help.

Thank you. I hope you are right. Like I said I haven't just had 1 riding lesson and gone and got a horse and I hope that it doesn't come across like that. I had my old pony until I was 17 so she was solely my responsibility as I got older.
I feel like this new pony will give me the confidence I lack but it will take time.

 

[Kite_Rider]

Firstly, of course your nervous, it's a huge thing being responsible, not only for the horse but for you & your daughters safety, but, if the horse is safe and sensible, you know you have the skills to deal with it, the right horse can make a huge difference.
I have to somewhat disagree with those who've said 'don;t do it' 'stick with lessons' I classed myself as a nervous novice when I bought Belle, she's given me back confidence I thought was gone forever and we all have to start somewhere.
So it sounds to me like you are doing all the right things already, getting someone to walk out with you on foot and or going out with another horse, assuming the other horse is a sensible type.
I would also get an instructor to walk out with you too, that way if anything remotely scary happens, (even if that's just in your head) they can advise how to deal with it calmly and keep you progressing.
I think you will well remember how to 'ride' once you have the horse and am wondering if your nerves are more based on 'holy crap, i'm getting a horse again' scary excitement, rather than a real fear of riding?
Good luck with your new horse and remember - we like photo's

 

[squidsin]

Basic rules of hacking safely:
- Don't go alone, at least for your first few rides. It's best to hack out with a sensible horse and rider. Failing that, bring someone along on foot
- Wear high viz
- Make sure you know where you're going!
- Stick to walk for the first few hacks
- Don't always canter in the same places otherwise your horse will expect to do this and may tank off with you
- Stick a martingale/neck strap on so you've got something to grab onto if need be
- Bring your mobile phone

Enjoy!

Just to add - I also came back to riding in my late 30s after a 20 year break, and now own two horses. I have a riding lesson every week. Although I can ride OK, I still feel like a novice and have SOOOO much to learn. If you can afford it, I'd recommend keeping up the lessons, even if you only have one a month. More than anything, my riding lessons with great instructors are what have given me confidence.

 

[Trewsers]

As kiterider says we all have to start somewhere. After owning for over thirteen years I am still a nervous hacker! Good job I didn't just keep having lessons in the hope one day I'd be confident enough to own lol I'd have missed out on all these happy years
Squidsin's list is good, you will do fine following that. Personally, I like having someone on foot, it just boosts my confidence no end.
It's good you are on a yard too, and that you have someone who can help and advise. Other than that, I'd say read read as much as you can! I found monthly mags like Horse and Rider very helpful in the beginning.
Horse settling in wise, well, you can't beat just making friends with them - spending time just being around grooming, scratching etc. They soon let you know what they like and don't like! Good luck and keep us posted on how things progress. And yeah we love pics

 

[squidsin]

Forgot to add - wear a back protector. I always do for hacking. Better safe than sorry!

 

[Lisa83]

As kiterider says we all have to start somewhere. After owning for over thirteen years I am still a nervous hacker! Good job I didn't just keep having lessons in the hope one day I'd be confident enough to own lol I'd have missed out on all these happy years
Squidsin's list is good, you will do fine following that. Personally, I like having someone on foot, it just boosts my confidence no end.
It's good you are on a yard too, and that you have someone who can help and advise. Other than that, I'd say read read as much as you can! I found monthly mags like Horse and Rider very helpful in the beginning.
Horse settling in wise, well, you can't beat just making friends with them - spending time just being around grooming, scratching etc. They soon let you know what they like and don't like! Good luck and keep us posted on how things progress. And yeah we love pics

I will definitely post pics when I have her. I have some now but with her not being mine yet I don't want to post them.
I feel the same about my lessons. When is enough to say you are ready to have your own I could go on for another 10 years but still not be confident to hack out. My instructor said that having my own will make me a better rider as it's more time in the saddle rather than a hour once a week.
Since helping at my friends yard Ive been riding her horse but not as much as I would like but it's good to ride different horses.
Thank you for everyone's reply's. I do think I'm having a wobble over the thought of all the responsibility but it's what I've wanted and I know I can do it but that doesn't make it less daunting.
I'm definitely going keep having a lesson once a month and like I said the lady on the yard is amazing and will help me a lot.

 

[Lisa83]

Forgot to add - wear a back protector. I always do for hacking. Better safe than sorry!

Yes I've been looking in to them. Ive seen some shocking accident's when I was younger and now as a adult I value my safety a lot more. My daughter never gets on a horse without her on.

 

[squidsin]

Yes I've been looking in to them. Ive seen some shocking accident's when I was younger and now as a adult I value my safety a lot more. My daughter never gets on a horse without her on.

Mine makes me feel safe - I've got an air vest too but I much prefer the back protector. I've fallen off wearing it and been fine, so I trust it!

 

[hormonalmare]

I used to get dreadful wobbles out hacking - I think that, as an adult, you tend to focus on all the things that could go wrong, and how badly you could get hurt in the process - whereas when you're younger it doesn't cross your mind.

What gets you through it is....lots of hacking!

What I do is really focus on breathing....breathe in down to below your belly button, as that seems to anchor you more firmly in the saddle somehow.
And sing. The Wheels on the Bus has a really good rhythm for walking out, as does Nelly the Elephant Your new horse sounds safe and sane, so trust her to do her job. And enjoy!

 

[SeeingSpots]

I'm a nervous hacker but I'm improving every day. I have complete faith in my pony but road users scare me. You just don't know who you're going to come across whilst out. The gate to the off road riding is so stiff and I can't manage it whilst mounted so I have to get off and the fields on either side are full of sheep which can occasionally make him jittery so getting back on if I dismount, is a complete nightmare. I have no option but to stick to the roads if I am out alone. Don't worry, you get more confidence the more you go out. xx

 

[KP nut]

I don't think more lessons are the answer to overcoming hacking nerves. Its not your riding that is the problem but your head!

Hacking nerves are very common and usually just getting on with it step by step builds confidence. Pony sounds great and you have a plan which is great too. Try to stay centred in the present moment. Focus on here and now. Dont let your mind 'what if' you. Sing, breathe, count the horses footfalls. Anything to keep you focused on thd present moment.

If you really cant control terrifying imagery/ catastrophic thinking and are unable to progress with patience and practice, then there are hacking confidence instructors who can help. Good luck and have fun!!