The Inconvenience of Owning a Horse....For Our Family and Friends.

Flipo's Mum

Heavy owner of a Heavy
Aug 17, 2009
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Perthshire, Scotland
Today I am going up to my sisters house for tea, picking my parents up en route and all arriving together. For the last few years, it's been a tradition that I would cook for my parents on New Years day, as they'd have been working all day and my sister and family live about eighty miles away and generally had New Years day on their own.
This time round, my parents are now retired and have moved closer to my sister, and further away from me, but I still offered the same cooking arrangement assuming my sister was doing her own thing as usual. Then my sister messaged saying she was now inviting us all to dinner and would that be ok.
I stupidly assumed that since she knew I was cooking for parents (my mum must have told her) I also assumed she'd know what sort of time I was expecting to arrive at.
She has just text me to ask if I'm on my way yet. I said no, I have to feed the horses first and the very earliest I would even consider doing that is four pm (and only because the weather is very mild otherwise it would be later). She text back saying she'd misunderstood and assumed I was coming up earlier.
I suggested if this was going to make things too late (she has young children) then she should just go ahead and I won't bother, but I got the normal 'no that's fine' response.

It just frustrates me. I have owned a horse for five years. Folk know how important he is to me. But I'm always met with rolling eyes or sarky comments over the fact that I have to work my schedule around feeding and checking on him.
'Do you have to check on him everyday?' Grrrrrr. Really?! Do you have to check your children every day? 'cant you just get someone else to feed or check him?'
Yes, I could. But he's my responsibility and I choose not to constantly ask others to see to my horse. I would rather save those sorts of requests for times when I really need the help - like when I have to work away, emergencies, etc.
Anyway, sorry, I am just a bit put out that my choices are not respected by other folk around me. My sister is fab and I'm not slagging her off at all, it's just disappointing. Anyone else experience this with their family and friends.
 
Well you wouldn't believe the amount of times since we announced our "move" we've been asked: "are you taking the horses with you"?
Gob smacked. I mean I expect that from MIL but from my own family and friends?!!! Wtf?!
 
My mum knows how I am with the horses, similar to your way of thinking, she often asks me to get someone else to do them so I can go down to visit her for more than a few hours but she says it because she wants me to take a break and have a rest not because she doesn't get it.
I don't have many non horsey friends now days because they don't understand just how much you fashion you life around having them.
 
I was so bored for my few days at home without the horse! Bit it was kind of nice being a able to drink what I wanted and not have to worry.

I usually try to fit the horse in, even if it means getting up at the crack of dawn to do him. I don't like the horse dictating my social life (there is more to life than horses), but I also don't like neglecting him too much.

I must admit I over indulged last night and have had to ask a friend to shove a haynet in for him tonight. Bad mum!!
 
Totally understand, FM. It is worse when you have more than one! They've never come out with it directly but I can definitely sense a "Why the hell have you got four?" But then I can distinctly remember some of my friends asking me why I was pregnant for a third time when I already had a son and daughter. I have battled horse-jealousy from my mum since I had Cherry in 2005 - indeed it was one of the contributing factors to us falling out many times over those years. Her double-standard was her own attitude to her little dog, but she couldn't possibly comprehend my love of my horse(s). My middle daughter has suffered a lot of mental illness during that time too and has also given me numerous emotional guilt trips. Thankfully she is on the right combo of meds now and has a loving partner so she has settled and got a lot more tolerant.

I am driving my youngest home in half an hour and will finally be able to spend more than just feeding time with my boys from tomorrow..... she "thinks" she understands but her whole body language tells me a different story.
 
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Trewers that is my thinking. They are not a chore to me but a pleasure.

I am lucky most people I know are horsey and they ones that aren't have known me for long enough to know better than make a comment.

We even plan work do's round my horse times
 
Close family (mum, dad, sister) understand. Extended family haven't a scooby! We had a recent family trip to the panto and trying to explain that we couldn't make drinks and nibbles at 4pm as we'd horses to do and dog to walk, then a 45 minute drive to theirs was like banging my head against a brick wall. Now they are at home and we've a big house means family tend to come to us which suits us all fine.
 
My family know I've waited all my life to have my own horse,they all know how important she is to me. My sister has 3 collies 0 kids and they come first in everything so she understands the most. None - horsey people don't seem to understand, unless they have pets themselves !![emoji57]
I work full time, long hours so some days I can't get up and we all help each other out. On a normal week I get up 5 days, but over the Christmas period (3 weeks ) it's more like 2-3 days.
Thank god its over for another year [emoji122] [emoji1]
 
This is why him on an assisted DIY livery yard. I adore my horse & would do anything for him (the fact he's still here despite everything, I feel is proof enough :D ) but I do like the fact it means I can be more flexible - if I want to make unhorsey plans, I can without disrupting Pete.
 
My mum is constantly saying "think of all the things you could do if you didn't have horses" don't think she realises there is nothing I want to do more!

There are times that I have to suck it up and miss out on horsey time, and christmas is one of them. I still see them both everyday but there is so much going on over the festive season that I do have to ask favours of friends to have brandy brought in and fed in the evenings on occasion. I've been off work for two weeks but have managed to ride only three times!

I'm not looking forward to going back to work, but I am looking forward to getting back to normal with the boys!
 
I think I am on the fence on this one.

If I get invited anywhere I make an arrangement re what time. I never assume. My sister would know my arrival or I would know what time she plans to cook for. I would have fed earlier as its just the one day after all.
Its only two days a year I get invited out, perhaps its a little different as we have staff, mine lives out and only gets a token feed, so not actually a hard feed. I can pay someone to check her if I needed to.
 
For years I didn't realise my Mother hated horses. She spent a lot of time avoiding visiting us here despite having a warm self contained ground floor bedsit when she came. I always knew she was not confident around them , my grandparents and great grandparents had working horses but she was a town person! She generally offered to care for my RI s kids when we went out
on a horsey day but being a teenager at the time thought nothing of it!.

I only realised how bad it was when she was in a nursing home towards the end of her life and refused to see the 'pat a pony visitors 'on the ground that I had far too many and she didn't want to see anymore.Sadly looking back at photos of her with Emma or I and horses she never looked happy.

Lesson learned do not expect others to share or even understand our enjoyment
 
For me its finding balance - I share with my daughter - I say that loosly as she lives20 minutes away and I am on site so to speak so I do tend to do a little more that she does in general care during the week but that is my choice - both of us work so I like to be organised but over the bank holidays/weekends she will do extras meaning if I want I can take some time away to do other things I can - my OH and immediate family all know and understand the responsibilities we have but if we have a family event that means we could not meet times then we have no problem asking a friend who we trust to feed them etc - the horses are a big part of our family but not the be all and end all that excludes eveyone else - life does include compromise
and providing we have their welfare covered then thats what matters to us.
 
Well as you all know sox is my world. However I will make arrangements to see others in the day, I just have to be up early enough to do all my jobs and get someone to bring in and fees him. But as long as I have notice I am quite happy doing that. Though I normally have to see my horse at least once a day but normally twice. Days with friends can also mean them coming to the yard with me while I bring sox in lol. Same with bf. If he can't accept I spend at least 2 hours with sox a day it won't work out lol x
 
I am happy to make arrangements around the boys and it is my ever suffering OH that will do the boys if I need some help. But they are my boys and my commitment. In the summer it is easy for me as they live out but the winter is harder and if my OH does have to see to them I make sure that in the morning all the jobs are done so he just has to bring in change rugs and feed,

I am a two times a day person and I feel on edge if I have not checked them over myself
 
This is why I have no friends now except my boyfriend. They were not willing to make allowances for the fact that I go and see my horse twice a day pretty much every day and I wasn't really willing to compromise on this. So we just drifted apart. And my family do not understand at all, even my horsey mum. Obviously when important things come up I am there for them, I remember when I got the
call from the hospital saying my dad had a heart attack I dropped everything to go and see him and ended up down the yard at about 11pm afterwards. But other than that my horse comes first I'm afraid. I'm never home for dinner, I never watch tv with them or have much time to chat or do much with them at all really.
 
Gosh I sound really selfish and horrible! I'm a nice person really I swear, tbh I just prefer the company of my horse, I have had a lot of problems with my family and I don't think they really miss me that much anyway so I don't feel guilty about the time I spend with my horse or my other major hobby cycling
 
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