Not Riding Now

Frances144

Frances144

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Dec 21, 2011
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Shetland, UK
www.myshetland.co.uk
My back finally went (prolapse, they think - awaiting scan) so I just can't ride anymore.

My left foot is paralysed and doesn't work at all.

So I had to give up riding my horse. I miss riding more than words, more than breathing. In my heart I think I probably could ride, but when I mentioned it to my daughter she replied "how would you get on .... and off, for that matter?" and she was right.

I just can't do it.

So I walk and I take my horse most times with me. He walks beside me or behind me, tickling my hands which I hold behind my back holding the lead-rope.

We walk about 3 miles a day along a very quiet single track road to a cattle grid. There and back. Yesterday, when we stopped at our destination, I put my nose in my horse's mane and just inhaled. The wonderful smell of horses.

Walking is not the same as riding but it is not bad. Just not riding really. I miss that hugely. I watch my daughters ride their horses and I am jealous of them (and then feel bad for being a jealous cowbag).

They are kind and bring me my horse, out of the field, because I find walking in the field terrifying. My left foot can't cope with the uneven terrain and I trip a lot.

My horse is 25 years old so the clock is ticking with him too. We both know that. He is old and I am crippled. Last time I rode him he refused to canter up the hill like he has always done for the past 19 years. He just stood at the bottom patiently waiting for everyone else while they belted off at 100mph. He knew, I think.

So, that's my lot at the moment. I just wanted to write it down really.
 
Oh you have pulled at my heart strings, i'm not ashamed to say that brought tears to my eyes. I really hope that one day you can get back in the saddle even just so you and him can walk those 3 miles with you on his back. xx
 
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Francis my heart goes out to you.
Having seen my mum suffer similarly for many years I can appreciate how difficult this must be for you, to lose the ability to do something you are passionate about is devastating.
Sending you hugs and my thoughts and prayers.
 
Very, very sorry to read this but very touched by your description of how you still enjoy your best friend's company so much. I get closer to this point almost every day and feel for you - I just cant begin to even imagine not riding my horse or any horse come to that. :( I used to go for long in hand walks with Solly when he could no longer be ridden and I just hope you are getting as much pleasure from the walking companionship as much as I did. I hope you will at least get some pain and mobility improvement - what is the prognosis do they say?
 
Sorry to hear this. Glad you are still able to take the horse for walks, although it must be painful. You must need to sit down for the rest of the day after a 3 mile walk.
I thought you were driving or is that not possible now.
 
I am not a huge fan of driving (pony and cart type). That was Wally. I just ride and do the groundwork with the youngsters.

Anywho, my prognosis. Who knows. Just arguing with the NHS. My GP referred me to the Spinal clinic in Aberdeen, where I went previously. They offered me a video-conference so I was re-examined by another GP who agreed I need an MRI scan and a proper face-to-face appointment.

All I know is the longer the nerves are crushed, the more difficult it is to reverse the process and the more likely the damage will be permanent. But speed is not the NHS's thing. My GP also recommended I had a private MRI. I costed it (over £600 including travel there and back), burst into tears and phoned the local Health Board to ask why I have to do this. They have taken up the baton on my behalf. So we will see.

Meanwhile, I am on Butrans (morphine substitute) patches and have stopped driving a car.
 
Frances I'm so sorry to read this :'(

Sometimes I cannot for the life of me understand the priorities of the NHS. Even on the medical, as opposed to management, side of things the logic of what's provided makes no sense when resources are limited - how can fertility treatment (have you seen the latest thing that it's to be offered to transgender people too?) be provided when people are dying from conditions that are treatable but the drugs are too expensive? Cosmetic surgery versus something like your back or hip replacements? Sorry, rant over.

At least you & Haakon can spend time together, and while you would both like to do more you can do something. And try to take some pleasure in watching the girls, you've taught them so much & their achievements reflect that.

Gentle hugs xxx
 
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i do hope the Butrans can help you - my son has just recently been changed from the Morphine patches to these as the Morphine was not doing a thing other than bring him out in a huge allergic reaction! - but he has had huge improvement on the Butrans so I would love to believe it might make a big difference for you too :) x
 
Oh Frances I'm so sorry :( tears in my eyes here too - sending a big hug to you & your horse.

With very best wishes from another
Frances xxx
 
So sorry to read this, although I too was touched to read about your relationship with your horse. I hope the patches give you some relief and the NHS get their finger out of their a*se and get you in for a scan soon. Best wishes x
 
Yes it made me take a huge gulp as I know the feeling of not riding your best friend is hard I feel it every day with chanter.

As for you all you can do is take it easy not push yourself. I know prolapsed disc are not high priority for the nhs until literally you can’t move I have see many friends like it including my OH.

I hope you get better treatment
 
I am.so so sorry Frances. I hope the Health Board listen and prioritise you.

I do know from working within the NHS that complaints/pressure does work. Patiently waiting your turn is not rewarded.

If an MP ever writes on behalf of a patient we almost always see straight away too.

That Is not how it should work but the system is broken and so normal/routine care just gets overtaken repeatedly by emergencies or complaints or MP requests.

In your case the need is so clear and urgent that I would not hesitate to complain. It's also important to complain 'formally'. That means the Trust complaints policy kicks in which is a totally different process to normal. You can do it verbally but you need yo use the phrase 'I'd like to make a complaint'.

Sorry again and hope things improve for you.
 
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So sorry to read this Francis. Agree, keep kicking up a stink! NHS Grampian are a shower of sh*t. We had to launch a complaint to get our gran cancer treatment. Amazing how fast they work when you say you want to complain and will be going to the press...! You sound to have a great support system with your daughters there for you. I have everything crossed for a speedy treatment for you xx
 
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