Bonding and special relationships

[Skib]

Arising from the sharing thread.
I have been riding Ella since July. On the ground I sorted one or two things that were annoying her.
Staff said I should bond with her but she isnt my horse and I told them that unlike her teenage admirers, I wanted to avoid pretending she was mine.

In spite of that YO says she knows me and I like to hack her. The question is, does our friendship make her special or does it just show one could relate as easilly with any horse in a similar short space of time?

 

[Jessey]

I'd expect any horse to recognize you after the first meeting, their instinct is to learn to ID things very quickly and if they are friend or foe, if they 'like' you would depend on the prior interactions.

I haven't seen Indie in well over 5 years, but there was definite recognition of me when I went to fetch him. He was never my horse, I used to visit occasionally (he was in Sussex) but I wasn't there routinely, of course when I did see the little foalie I did fuss him a lot I might have sat on him once (I can't really remember), but I walked up and fussed him all over his face without a flinch. Since I have had him home friends have come to meet him and he acts exactly as his previous loaner, sharer and breeder said he is - head shy due to his previous eyesight issue and quite timid. But he genuinely never flinched and I went straight for his face as it hadn't even crossed my mind, his breeder is adamant he has positive memories of me and I am inclined to agree.

You don't have to pretend she is yours, or even fall 'in love' with a horse to bond with it. A bond shouldn't be seen as a negative thing, trust is part of a bond, and not something you can avoid just because she isn't yours.

 

[carthorse]

I agree with Jess, they soon learn to recognise us and associate us with good or bad things. That, to me, is a bond. Like people they can have more than one bond, so a new one doesn't necessarily weaken old ones, and also like people some will be acquaintances, some friends and some partners. You can also get bonds that are negative when horse and person just seem to clash and nothing will redeem it, but they are unusual. Horses are very social animals, it's in their nature to form bonds and remember them.

What I do dislike is when people seem to think they an form some sort of near instant magical bond that will allow them to do anything with a horse and that will replace horsemanship and riding skills. That belongs in fairy tales, not real life! Look into any exceptionally strong bond and you'll find work, time and skill, plus often blood and tears - in my experience the horses that seem to form bonds of that depth are rarely the easy ones and their respect and desire to please isn't earned by pretty words, selfies and the odd carrot. Rant over!

 

[Trewsers]

I have a bond with Zi though he's not mine, he's OH's horse first and foremost. Our relationship is different again to the one I have with both girls. It's not something I could pin point or explain but I am pretty sure he knows the difference in personality / human whatever you want to call it between OH and myself. It's just something that happens when you spend time around them. As it happens I probably spend more time on the ground with him than OH due to his work commitments. I like to think he has plenty of respect for me (he better have, given his size and my size!!!). I think it depends on the horse in general too and what type they are in themselves. Zi is fairly laid back and level and will let most people (I should imagine) do pretty much anything with him.

 

[Frances144]

Bonds take time. Many years with some. You could replace the word bond with trust and then add mutual respect. But recognition is a different thing completely.

I completely understand not wanting to bond as it is not your horse. I don't bond with the horses I know I have bred to sell. I like them but there is no bond.

 

[PePo]

I think it's a sign of a horse person if they can create a two way relationship based on equal importance, mutual respect & understanding of intent - whether they've known the horse for a few minutes or a longer term relationship.

For sure, some horses might be easier or more challenging to achieve that with but I cant think of a situation where I wouldn't want that as a goal - regardless of who owned the horse or how often I was involved with them.