Bullying by Riding Instructors

Cheko

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wonder why the job of riding instructor seems to attract people like these you have written about on this board? I must admit I haven't come across one like this for years but then I dont ride at a riding school. I have individual lessons with Falcon at the yard where I keep him. If I do have an instructor who is sarcastic, nazi like or whatever, he/she will get a good lashing from my tongue and it wont be very nice. Seriously tho there are a lot of younger people riding at schools and having private lessons at livery yards that I guess some of these power crazed trainers (call them what you will) think they have the right to speak to younger people (or indeed anyone else) in the manner they do. They're the sad, unfortunate ones and tragically, they can never hope to teach anybody to reach any sort of goal (or whatever) in their chosen sport, simply because they're so inadequate and inarticulate themselves. Phew!!!!! :eek:
 
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hannah:)

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May 10, 2005
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Lora, completely with you on that.

How can any instructor hope for any pupil to learn something like riding through being screamed at? Riding is difficult, it involves learning physically and mentally and at times it can be downright scary! Since when did humilating a person help anyone to learn? As for taking the p*** out of someone's height - what's all that about?

Yuck can't stand bullies, wherever they show up. :mad: Vote with your feet! There are lots of really good instructors about.
 

XwonderX

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Jun 6, 2005
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My instructor told me that when she was about my age (12 or 13), she had an instructor who was just awful to her. This woman would tell her she was fat and a horrible rider and just all kinds of things. It made me so sad since I know my trainer is a beautiful inside and out and she's a wonderful rider who really cares about her horses.
 

sidesaddlelady1

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Feb 25, 2005
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Said it before and I'll say it again........

It seems rather obvious to me that if an instructor is rude to you or attempts to bully you, you put him or her politely but firmly in their place immediately. You are paying this person, if only indirectly, and you are entitled to the same courtesy that you would expect from any one else from whom you were purchasing goods or services. Would you buy a washing machine from an assistant who told you you were stupid or remain in a restaurant were the waiter shouted at you?

Having said the above, I did once go on an assertiveness training day where the course leader, very politely, asked me why I was there :D
 

PollyAnn

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Sep 19, 2021
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I arrived on this board terrified of riding teachers and riding lessons. I was rescued by the experts on New Rider simply because I never needed to come face to face with them.
When a friend asked me to write about learning to ride in my sixities, I felt it impossible to give any account to the BHS without mentioning first the bullying and rudeness I endured. Riding can be an enjoyable and positively therapeutic experience but the bullying and humiliation which I describe is a serious obstacle to those who want to learn to ride - and for some livery clients as well perhaps.
I hesitated a lot before plucking up courage to complain to the BHS. Most of us who escape from bullying instructors want to move on and put it behind us. And I am frightened of alienating my present wonderful teachers and riding schools. I guess one could write anonymously and not mention names.
But could I ask anyone else on this list in the UK who has themselves been a victim of bullying or is aware of bullying in a riding school or in the training of students to come forward and write to the BHS, Stoneleigh Deer Park, Kennilworth, Warwickshire, CV8 2XV or e-mail [email protected]
I suspect that I am not the only adult learner to suffer in this way, nor to abandon lessons in riding schools for this reason - though few are willing to talk about it.
My daughter has just turned 9. She is dyslexic and finds school hard. Riding is so important to her but three weeks in a row she has been in tears and I am mad at the instructor who shouts at her, humiliates her, says horrible comments. Why would you do that? Anyway we are looking for a new livery. I'm not putting up with it. The horse senses she is upset and the whole lesson goes from bad to worse. I am so disappointed. She tries hard, she loves horses, she is kind and does her best. So not on.
 
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Jane&Ziggy

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Hello @PollyAnn , welcome to the forum.

I'm not sure if you're aware that you have answered a very old thread. This might affect the number of responses you get, so you could consider starting a new thread for your thoughts.

I can't add anything or help in this situation, but I do hope you find a good solution for your daughter soon.
 
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Skib

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Dec 21, 2003
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I will add to this. I was the older beginner being bullied out of my mind. The problem was solved and I am still riding almost 20 years later.
I am so sorry about your daughter. You are completely right to look for another teacher. But might it be possible also for you to be there on the ground and to participate in lessons?
Not every teacher understands how to approach autistic children and in UK schools there is often a teaching assistant appointed to help with the interchange and the learning process.
 
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Sassylady

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Oct 4, 2021
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I have experienced bullying where I currently ride. He is rude, condescending and short. I was nearly in tears within 10 minutes at my last lesson but put a brave face on. He is absolutely awful. It's a BHS approved riding centre too. I've paid for a block of lessons to I'm tied into it for a while and am not a defeatest but I don't know how he manages to keep clients or maybe it's just me he bullies as he sees me as weak, novice.......
 
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Sassylady

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Oct 4, 2021
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I have experienced bullying where I currently ride. He is rude, condescending and short. I was nearly in tears within 10 minutes at my last lesson but put a brave face on. He is absolutely awful. It's a BHS approved riding centre too. I've paid for a block of lessons to I'm tied into it for a while and am not a defeatest but I don't know how he manages to keep clients or maybe it's just me he bullies as he sees me as weak, novice.......
The google reviews of the livery yard/riding school say what a rude obnoxious man he is. I don't ride here much I do have somewhere else for lessons but he is a bully.
 

carthorse

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Jan 6, 2006
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The google reviews of the livery yard/riding school say what a rude obnoxious man he is. I don't ride here much I do have somewhere else for lessons but he is a bully.

Ring the centre and ask for a refund, telling them you found the RI rude etc. If they say no then tell them you will report it to the BHS since this is not what is expected from an approved centre. And as a lesson learned book one or two lessons before booking a block.
 

Sassylady

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Oct 4, 2021
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The google reviews of the livery yard/riding school say what a rude obnoxious man he is. I don't ride here much I do have somewhere else for lessons but he is a bully.

Ring the centre and ask for a refund, telling them you found the RI rude etc. If they say no then tell them you will report it to the BHS since this is not what is expected from an approved centre. And as a lesson learned book one or two lessons before booking a block.
He owns the livery yard, house, riding School so it's basically calling him. It's like everyone is scared of him even the liveries. I should not have booked a block I agree it just worked out cheaper. He was nice on my first lesson with my first lesson as my husband watched a dry sense of humour but my last 3 lessons have been awful.......
 

Sassylady

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Oct 4, 2021
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Ring the centre and ask for a refund, telling them you found the RI rude etc. If they say no then tell them you will report it to the BHS since this is not what is expected from an approved centre. And as a lesson learned book one or two lessons before booking a block.
I didn't join the Rider Forum to talk about the bullying I joined to find out when was the right time to get a horse after returning to the saddle. But I saw that others had experienced bullying so had to share my experience so it doesn't go untold.
 

carthorse

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Jan 6, 2006
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@Sassylady maybe take your husband or a friend along to watch for the rest of the block, perhaps he'll watch his tongue that way. Do you think it could just be his manner rather than intentional rudeness? Maybe, if you've got the nerve, try calling him on it if he does it in the next lesson even if it's in a joking sort of way.
 

bel71

Trying to halt square after 20 years
Dec 12, 2008
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I’ve given the sack to a number of instructors over the years. As a natural people pleaser I grew up putting up wth a lot of nasty riding instructors, just kep my mouth shut and took the abuse. Now I’m much older and still find it hard and unpleasant but I will ditch an instructor who bitches about their other clients to me, gives more instruction in a group lesson to riders who use them more ($$$$$) call you stupid, to you face or behind your back, thinks it reasonable to ask you to ditch work at short notice cause they want to move your lesson time and gets angry if you don’t because you’re ‘not committed enough’ or sees fit to comment on my or other riders weight. And yes, all these things have happened to me. I’m in a fortunate position where I have instructors to choose from. I’m always stunned by those who can’t see that WE are the client and will walk if we aren’t happy. The fact these people will then bad mouth you says nothing about you but everything about them.
when you find a great instructor, hold on to them tight and enjoy them.
 
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