My most urgent question is "when I can't wake up the horse I am riding then what am i doing wrong or what am I not doing to wake him up" Worth a try.
I dont know you or the horse. I am an elderly RS rider and returning to ride last year (after an accident) meant I had to take 2 proficiency tests. Some years ago I even went to a RS for 6 lessons to teach me to tackle these tests, or to try out a horse for sale or to share.
Because I am old and vague I am always given the slowest RS horse for these tests.
My tactic is to ask how the RS horse is used to warming up. This is like the question you have in mind. Yes do ask. And ask again. Some of the best lessons I had were when instead of struggling, i would ask the teacher how she would ride each thing she asked me to do. She was an eventer. I asked what she did and then did the same myself.
But dont think of it as you doing something wrong. Dont blame yourself. Every horse is different. Some need to warm up with a long brisk trot going large. Others need to walk and do some turns and then try a genlte trot. But the information is important.
After the inital warm up, I gee the horse up by riding transitions going large : walk 5 then halt. Walk 5 then halt. Then 5 trot 5 walk. If one is at halt and asks the hose to move and it doesnt give you the quality of step you want, Rashid's advice is to reject that step. Come back to halt at once, and ask again. Dont try to speed up the walk. Reject it. And ask again.
However - there is another hint for you there. If the horse doesnt listen to my leg, I use my whip on my boot - sharply if needed.
For me, rding these transitions gets the horse listening and quick off the leg.
Later in the test (or lesson) one is asked for canter. My approach is to trot the horse and ask any RS horse to canter as one gets to the corner. But if I feel that there is no canter available in the trot, I dont even try to ask for it. I stop the horse and tell the teacher there is no hope of canter and ask the teacher how she would prepare the horse to canter.
By doing this and seeking advice, I am told that I have had horses canter for me that most people cant canter at all.
My problem is different from you. My most recent test, the RI had to see me canter and did not imagine that I could ask for it myself so she waved the schooling whip and shouted canter. Now, like eml, a riding teacher previously on this forum, I cant bear not being in control of my own horse. I dont mind being lunged, but when riding, I need to be the decision maker and in control.
My current share is bliss to hack but reluctant in the school. I used another Rashid exercisee to speed her up. Assuming the school is empty apart from you. Ride towards any letter on the school. Halt at the letter, turn the horse and head off in trot towards another letter chosen at random. halt, turn and repeat. This trotting across the school with a definite target escapes the treadmill of just going round and round riding large.
I have thrown ideas at you and hope it helps a bit. I agree it is hard to discuss with an RI - Like you I am better with horses than I am with people and that goes for most RIs too. None the less it is important to talk to the RI to ask for suggestions. And also to feel free to repeat things that havent actually worked, without feeling that it makes you a bad rider. Nor to blame.