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newforest

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Mar 15, 2008
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OK recently I discovered that my dad of xx years in fact might not be. I do know who the other person could be, the previous husband. Its a case of I could be related to either because of how close the dates are.
The ex MIL was convinced in fact I was her grand daughter, she did some tracing years ago, unbeknown to me. I had an odd feeling that I could belong to someone else but that's not scientific!

Now my quandary is, do I ignore and just hide under the nearest carpet? Could you or would you really want to know. Bearing in mind I am an adult of xx years, not in my twenties etc. So why bother?
Would it change anything, no, I still see my dad as my dad. But my concern is I could be tracked down. Obviously if this has just come to light in conversation, then the other party also could bring things to light.
 
I'm not sure I'd be curious. I know who my biological dad is but he's useless and my stepdad has always been Dad to me. If you have a happy family, my inclination would be to leave the can of worms closed!
 
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Unless there's some serious genetic disorder that early treatment makes a difference to than I think I'd leave well alone, but that's easy to say when I'm not involved.
 
Difficult. My OH's father died believing his father was his genetic father when in fact he was not. Weirdly enough his wife (my MIL) knew as she was told by her MIL. I don't know why? So technically, my OH has another granddad out there! But of course, his grandad was fabulous and loved and nobody was any the wiser. OH often wonders (he's a deep thinker!) what his father's "real" dad was like. Apparently he was American. I think tracing him would be hard as a lot of the people involved are now dead.
Its hard to say in your case what I would do. Part of me would most likely say leave things alone.
 
I think I would be intrigued but I would be inclined not to get into dna testing etc if your content with your family, why rock a solid boat? My dad id useless, I stopped speaking to him 20 years ago, my step dad has always been better to me and I consider him family more than my real dad.
 
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If it were me I'd leave well alone, my Dad is my biological Dad, but even if I found that he might not be, he's the one who brought me up, loved and cared for me, taught me so much and is always there for me, so no I wouldn't be curious, but everyone is different and some people feel they just need to know, which I do understand.
 
I think only you can decide what to do, and how you feel about it. It might be nice to know who your biological dad is however on the other hand, it could open up a a massive can of worms and disturb everything you know, or do nothing.
 
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I don't think I am curious, but its bothering me being told something like this.
I doubt I will do anything but it just shows things have a habit of surfacing.
 
I don't think I am curious, but its bothering me being told something like this.
I doubt I will do anything but it just shows things have a habit of surfacing.


Yes its strange how things sometimes have a habit of coming up.
Year before last, OH and I had the strangest of emails from a person waaaaaaay back in the past. Where they belonged - in the past. 'Nuff said.:cool:
 
My mum & natural father split when i was young, as he was abusive towards her. My mum remarried to the man she has been married to for the last 20 odd years - He is the man i call dad because he has brought me up, and dealt with the crap i have no doubt flung his way during the years. I had no desire to meet my natural father for a long time because my dad gave me what i needed (on emotional levels) - until i was in my mid twenties when i became curious to meet my maker (for want of a better expression) .

I stayed in touch with him for several months, and met with once but it felt odd and un natural and i felt like i was betraying my real dad (even though he was fine with us being in touch).

I also couldnt accept the fact that he had been violent towards my mum ( and possibly me) so i ended contact with him. I am glad in a way that i met him as it answered some questions about my other side of the family but it made me realise that my dad is my dad even though he is not my blood father.

Do you want to meet him?
Do you want a relationship with him?
What do you envisage happening if you start getting to know him?
What would your mum say? (or siblings)

Personally i would probably want to meet him - just to satisfy my own curiosity. I would discuss with my parents beforehand though as there maybe a very good reason they have kept this from you.

Good luck - hope all works out for the best. No matter what decision you make :)
 
I wouldn't want to meet no, my concern is them wanting to track me me down to see if I am their daughter.
I did say to mum that if he traces her I don't want to know.
Its just bothering me as it upsets the apple cart and it could have been resolved, if it needed to be, years back. Though guess DNA wasn't about back then.
 
My OH traced and met his 'real' father many years ago when we were first married. It was an unmitigated disaster from day one. But on the other hand it did quell all his long held slightly romantic images of exactly who his biological father was.:eek:

Very difficult one, I used to day dream that I had been stolen from some very English, very respectable and upper middle class parents. I blush with shame now and excuse myself that it was very difficult in the 50s being educated in a rather good English school and hailing from an Irish immigrant family! Let sleeping dogs lie.;)
 
I wouldn't want to meet no, my concern is them wanting to track me me down to see if I am their daughter.
I did say to mum that if he traces her I don't want to know.
Its just bothering me as it upsets the apple cart and it could have been resolved, if it needed to be, years back. Though guess DNA wasn't about back then.

ahh ok. In that case i would perhaps not rock the boat for the time being.. and perhaps just expect something to happen in future. Do you think he would try to trace you? Its possible he may not even know you exsist?
 
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His mum knows I do as she tracked my mum down. So it could crop up at some stage, its cropped up for me now.
In a way she needn't have said anything! Oh by the way its possible that your dad isn't. Thanks for that.
I should have had a brother, even that didn't surface until two years ago.
 
His mum knows I do as she tracked my mum down. So it could crop up at some stage, its cropped up for me now.
In a way she needn't have said anything! Oh by the way its possible that your dad isn't. Thanks for that.
I should have had a brother, even that didn't surface until two years ago.

Meant to reply to this last night but forgot..It all sounds like a sucky situation to be in and even worse because its not of your doing.
I am sure that your parents must have had a good reason not to mention anything to you, and that they didnt set out to cause upset but non the less it has caused some understandable upset/confusion about who you are. Having your "roots" (so to speak) unsettled is not a nice feeling.
I am not sure whether you have discussed with your parents or not (not sure if you are close ?) but if i were in your shoes i would have a chat with them about the situation and say you are feeling a bit hurt that nothing has been mentioned in the past, and you would like to know a little more (or has this been done already). Not a fun conversation but if you have questions you need answering then best to do now than at a later stage when the SHTF and peoples emotions make things worse.

What a pickle -I am sorry to hear you are stuck in the middle of it all. :(
 
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