Disillusionment with the horse world

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Ninepins

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Dec 12, 2008
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I have ridden for many years and my life mainly revolves around horse activities. But I’ve had a recent run of bad things happening - very special horse I’d had for years died unexpectedly last year. After that I summoned all of my energy into trying to find a suitable next horse, bought one, turned out to rear and buck. Previous owners said this behaviour had never happened before so I don’t know if that is true, or if I somehow ruined this horse. After trying to persevere but having fall after fall, and some serious injuries I decided i could not keep going and in the best interest of the horse, and for me, I sold that horse on. This was a terribly tough decision to make, and if this was not difficult enough, I’ve had backlash about turning the horse over quickly.
I’ve been trying to get back into lessons on school horses but I’m finding that hard going. My confidence is completely shot and the last thing I want to do is buy another horse. I’m too worried about it all going wrong again. I can see everyone around me progresing, having fun and enjoying their horses, and don’t get me wrong I’m very pleased for them and I love seeing other people succeed, but I’m going backwards fast and it’s a horrible feeling. For the first time ever, I really feel like giving up on horses completely. I’ve just lost faith in the horse world.
if anyone has been in a similar situation did you find a way forward?
 
I’m in a similar situation in that I lost my horse last summer. I investigated a few share horses but after having my own for so long I didn’t have any inclination to look after someone else’s horse. It was the bond between myself and my horse I missed the most.

I have therefore taken a break from horses completely. It is hard sometimes watching others, but I needed time and space to grieve. I’m starting to look at potential new horses and feel like I am almost ready to start again. I don’t have any advice for you because we are all different. All I can say is to follow your instinct and do what helps you. My grief has got better with time, although I still get upset when I visit my old yard.
 
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bel71 said:
Thanks for your reply @Mary Poppins It’s hard, isn’t it? I wish you all the best with your journey.
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I wish you all the best with yours. I haven't wanted to go for lessons in a riding school like you have. I can't think of anything worse than someone telling me what to do. I like to spend my time getting a feel for the horse I am riding and have no desire at all to ride round in circles with someone shouting at me. I'm in the process of looking a different yards and am going to make a new start on a new yard with a new horse. That isn't to say that I won't still keep in touch with me horse friends from my old yard, but I'm starting a new chapter of my life without Ben (my old horse) and I'm feeling fresh and optimistic about starting again. All I need to do now is to find a yard I'm happy with, and to buy a new horse. Easier said than done, but I'm feeling better each day and inching forward.
 
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I have not enjoyed the lessons at all. It’s very different from just being able to get on your own horse and go. I am only doing it to try and get some confidence back for when (if) I go and look for another horse but it’s actually making me lose confidence. The last lesson i had I was told I’d never be able to ride a warmblood as I ride too quietly. (I’ve owned warmbloods for the past 15 years….)

All The best with finding a new yard. That is abounds hard as finding a horse! But when you get a good one, it can change your life For the better.
 
I'm so sorry for the loss of your horse, that must have been very difficult. And then buying one that didn't turn out to be what you were expecting also sounds very challenging. Try not to blame yourself there, you sound experienced so I highly doubt you did something to bring on that behaviour out of nowhere.

I haven't been in these situations before but I've lost my confidence from falls and just not feeling capable. It came back from moving to a good riding school (if you get comments like that it doesn't sound like you've found a good one!) And then sharing a wonderful horse who I really bonded with and gained trust.

I hope things improve for you, alot of riders go through falls in their confidence. Alot of them get it back though, it's just everyone is different so can take a different amount of time for each person. Probably alot of those people you see enjoying their horses now have been through similar battles with confidence at times.
 
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Don’t let your recent purchase put you off from a long standing passion, you were unlucky, and moving on was obviously the right thing for you to do.

I would tend to agree you perhaps haven’t found the right school if riding quietly is considered a fault!

Could you maybe consider leasing a schoolmaster for a while to get you back on track? Something older, been there, done it, and reliable would probably really help your confidence, then once you feel better resume your search for something of your own.
 
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Like @Ale and @Jessey I would question the quality of instruction with a comment like that. Quiet doesn't mean ineffective, and why should any horse need a loud rider? I'd be looking for somewhere else, or at least a dfferent instructor if they're big enough to employ several.
 
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Jane&Ziggy said:
Stuff and nonsense! Do they want to see someone constantly ordering the horse around, fiddling with its head and giving unnecessary leg aids? Tosh. No such thing as a too quiet rider.
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Completely agree with this. How can a riding instructor tell anyone they are too quiet? It is an attribute to be congratulated on in my opinion.
 
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I used to be super confident, ride anything, then i had a horse go up in the air on the road and rear over backwards on me when a car clipped us. Not the horse's fault, I had him on loan and next day rode him, he napped a little thought he was going to go up again, got off. Sent him back to his owner.

Decided to buy a horse, went to look at 60 over the summer, most of them not as described. Went to see some very flashy horses in Epsom with the yard owner where I used to ride before I moved and could keep them at home. She had picked out some for me there, i went with her, took one look at them, and refused to try any of them. She yelled at me what the heck is up with you, you used to get on anything, you could ride any of these. I just didn't feel i could, as I had lost my confidence completely.

Some of the horses I went to see on my own I did ride, some I watched them being ridden by owner and just said not for me, one i rode got vetted, failed the vet miserably, which was a shame but he was buted up to the eyes. lovely tb, joy to ride. I bought a 6 year old cob mare as the best of a bad lot.

When I went to see Buddy, I hadn't ridden in 8 years, but I hadn't had anything nasty happen, so still felt ok about getting on. Confidence is a funny thing, you don't need to work with folks who bring you down. when i looked for a trainer to help me with Suze, I went to see or had some people come to see us, i rejected them all as being too harsh for season or I wouldn't get on with them. I went to see a horse show, stunt horses, and one of the riders caught my eye as he was so quiet with the horses, spoke to him afterwards, he came and helped me with Suze and he was good at explaining stuff to me and breaking it down to being very simple. And I still use the things he taught me.

I had a previous break from riding when I got my first job, so about 10 years, I went to a couple of riding schools and hated them, and I found a horse on loan at a livery yard, and that suited me much better. When that horse got sold from under me, I shared three with a mad Irishman, I got the one he wasn't talking to, so lucky as these were high class horses and lovely rides. When he moved I found an ex eventer whose owner had a toddler and little time, Humphrey was a bit of a hard ride and bolted with most folks you just had to know how to ride him. Never canter where he expected to or in a field as you will do several circuits and no point heading for a hedge to stop him as he was a grade a showjumper and would just jump it!

So maybe see if you can find a nice horse to share for a bit. After all, you know you can ride, you've done it for years, you just need to find a horse and owner you click with as an interim step.
 
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Huggy said:
Would love to hear more about the "mad Irish man"!
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Jim, he will be long gone by now. He was in his 60s, had 3 really nice horses, he never hacked only, only showjumped and hunted. So I got them to hack out. One a big grey Oliver was lovely, very sour as he was stabled all the time, and never got long rides except when I did him. Duke, was a youngster, big bay like Buddy but fine and Prince was another grey, he was so sweet, he was sold on. He had major issues with his feet and was pts when he was only 10.
 
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I had 2 horses. First I lost Minto that I had had for 14years (catastrophic tendon injury). This hit me incredibly hard. I ended up in a psych hospital. 7 months later I lost Soli who I had had for 5 years (he ripped his foot off). I was totally broken. I ignored everyone’s advice and bought a new horse after 3 months or so. I knew from day 1 he was the wrong horse. We mutually hated each other. I bought him as I felt I would never get the bond I had with Minto back and so bought the horse that ticked the boxes on paper. I hated riding him, I couldn’t get him to do anything.

I was miserable. Horse shopping is horrible. I saw many who were never quite right. After 6 months I sold him. I was treading water till I could sell. I was relived when he left. He is still with who I sold him to with mutual admiration.

The hunt started again. And I found Robin. Immediately I laid eyes on him I knew. I had ridden a couple of friends horses but didn’t really enjoy it. Robin came home and I have just as special a relationship with him.

I have huge anxiety and have ocd (actual ocd not just “oh I am a bit ocd”) about him and if he is ok. I find it hard not to panic about if I get to the yard and find him fatally injured. He was almost pts this time last year but thankfully we got him through. That anxiety I don’t expect will ever go. So you are not alone. It was immediate that I wanted Robin. And I was wrong, I have got that bond again and feel lucky I have.
 
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