End of my tether and giving up :-(

dragonfarmgirl

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Oct 26, 2008
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Hi folks. Its as the title says. I am at breaking point and want all my horses (and all my other problems) to just disappear.

I have 3 horses, Sylvie (8yr friesian mare), Daisy (17yr haffy mare) and Kessa(3yr arab filly).
To keep them is roughly £1000 per month and I have to work away from home almost constantly to pay for them along with my other outgoings and debts.

I have no time, no money, no life, no joy, no friends (except you virtual lovelies).
I am always on the edge of worry and stress and I am just plain tired.

The short time I am home e.g 3 or 4 days every 4-6 weeks i am running around like a headless chicken trying to catch up with things that need doing and just feel that spending time with the horses is a pressure not a joy.

I have alway said that they would have a home for life but I am starting to think the unthinkable and wondering how to downsize.

The friesian is a complete sweetheart, started, doing well, a nice hack and beautiful inside and out, registered, imported and with low in-breeding coefficient. She may or may not be pregnant and if she is it will be a guaranteed coloured foal from a very good trad stallion that has won loads so I don't she would be hard to sell ,or loan to a perfect home. (but I love her so much !)

I'm not sure about my arab. She is my dream horse so maybe keep her for another 6 months to see how I feel ? I have someone who may take her for a few months to give me a mental break, or maybe a breeding loan for a couple of years ?

But what do I do with Daisy ? Do you think anyone would want a 17yr old haffy, who has occasional sarcoids (haven't needed treating for the last year), who lives to eat and has just, for the first time ever, come down with a suspected case of Lami (vet coming tomorrow) ? She is a lovable character, tolerates schooling but loves hacking and is nice an steady, safe ride (but not quite novice) and who has just started doing cross country and absolutely loves it.
Do you think anyone would want her ? I don't want money, just a loving safe home for her.

I know it may sound callous but i just can't cope anymore. I have done my best for them, even stayed with the abusive Ex for years longer than I should just so I could keep my animals safe, but now I've run out of, well, everything :-( i have nothing left to give them.

Without them I have little meaning to my life but I could carry out a 1 yr plan to pay off all my debts, have much needed time off between jobs, sort out my cottage and garden, and even write the book I have been trying to write for the last 2 years, in other words, try to rebuild some sort of normal life.

I don't know what to do :-(
 

Ale

Well-Known Member
Feb 8, 2012
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Sorry to read this, I'm sure you will find lovely homes for them and hopefully that will give you the break you need to sort your life out
 

Heavyhorsegirl

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Oct 13, 2010
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I do feel for you. It really sounds as if you need a break from everything and some "you time". 3 horses is a big commitment, both financially, emotionally and time wise. I think you need to seriously consider cutting down numbers so that the horse or horses you end up with is/are the ones that you can enjoy. if she wasn't in foal, the Friesian would be the most saleable - but from your post, it seems that she is your favourite. If she is in foal, then you are going to be faced with more expense and eventually two horses again. If you decide to sell the ARab, then it is probably better to sell her as an unbacked 3 year old. As the Haffie is a safe, sensible hack then she would definitely be the one I would want - despite the sarcoids and laminitis. I think you have got yourself overwhelmed and just need to be honest with yourself and cut down on numbers!
 

newforest

Well-Known Member
Mar 15, 2008
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I tend to think of last in first out, if your Arab was your most recent purchase that would be the one I would sell. I am guessing the Arab comes from a good line to consider breeding, no help there as I am not into making foals.
She is your dream horse on the ground I am guessing, she isn't being ridden, competed, shown or doing anything to potentially make you know she is the dream horse if you follow me.

Can you find a cheaper way of keeping? Cheaper livery, sharer, part loan.

To be totally honest if I was only home three to four days out of each month I probably wouldn't want any. I am not suggesting that its just a thought of how little time you actually have.
I would let one go which reduces expenses and helps you see some woods for the trees on the debt you need to clear.

Answering your would anyone want the haffy, yes they would. Have you tested for Cushing's bearing her age into it?
 

Vicki100

Well-Known Member
Jun 12, 2009
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West Mids
Sorry your having such a rough time :(

You have to remember that you are only one person and unfortunately cant do it all xx

As for the haffy you could always try horses4homes, they are such a good organisation....few ladies on here have used them and could not recommend them enough.

I would say re-homing 2 of your lovely horses maybe a good idea, with your time being limited you may find having just one horse easier.

Hope you get something sorted soon xxx
 

dragonfarmgirl

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Oct 26, 2008
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Honestly, just the relief of having put it all down in black and white has helped, and having people reply has made me feel less alone, thank you.

I think I want to keep the arab (if I want to keep any) but it is very close between her and the friesian (if she isn't pregnant) I think I only tried to put her in foal because I was kidding myself I was ok and wish I hadn't now. Just have to wait and see next monday.

The arab is so brave and curious (and cheeky) and gentle and I have had her since weaning so we are very close. She has just capped both hocks on the hard ground so 2 out of the 3 are now sick :-( Good job they are both insured !)

The vet comes tomorrow about the lami (and capped hocks) so will suggest cushings tests. This bout has coincided with a hoof trim, almost 2 weeks off work as sharer (non paying) has got new job, and rain on the fields so new grass. Already asked the sharer if she wants Daisy as a gift or to loan but not interested due to cost :-(

I'll let you know what vet says about lami and then maybe you could ask your friends if they know anyone who wants a haffy ?

The worst thing will be telling the people at the yard who look after my horses and ride them for me. They love them almost as much as I do but have no money to take them on themselves.

This is going to be very difficult but things have to change or I will go mad.
I'll keep you posted, and thanks for reading :) x
 

Ruskii

Well-Known Member
Jun 21, 2000
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I'm another with the first in last out brigade too,although I have to say, I have admired your Friesan for a long time, if she's in foal, I'd be very interested in the foal !
 

Cortrasna

Grumpy old nag
Aug 5, 2009
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Ireland
I can't really add much more advice than the others have already said. Just want to say don't be too hard on yourself, if at the end of the day you keep just one, or none, you will have done it for all the right reasons. And I am sure you could find good homes for all of them should you need to.

If I didnt have Dolly I would be snapping Daisy up - in fact if I lived over there I would still snap her up for me to ride occasionally to enable one of my sons to hack out with me on Dolly from time to time.:biggrin: I think despite the lammi risk and the sarcoids she might well be the easiest one to rehome to a knowledgeable new home. :smile:

I hope you manage to come to some decisions that take the pressure of you, it sounds like your life is incredibly stressful right now.
 

dragonfarmgirl

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Oct 26, 2008
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Its yours Ruski ! lol

The problem with last in, first out is that friesian was last, then arab and Haffy was first (and the one I don't want to keep as never really bonded with her :-( )

I keep them at grass livery with 1 stable (and 2 sick horses now !!) so they are not too expensive just for that, but I have to pay to have them cared for and checked when I'm away, and pay a lovely kind rider to bring friesian on so she is a good ride, insurance, feet, teet, rugs, vets etc all mount up. The people who care and ride for them also do alot more for them than I pay just because they are lovely people and they love the hoses. They will be gutted.
I will def ask if anyone from the yard wants to loan them so my friends can keep an eye on them for me (and maybe I could visit if it doesn't upset me.

I was wondering about putting my arab with a friend for a few months to give me a break whilst keeping the stable on so that I still have the option of getting Kessa back and starting again ? If, in the break, I decide its not for me I could then try to rehome her. It gives me a bit of breathing space to make a sane and carefully thought out decision.

But I have always wanted a horse and have owned them for 9 yrs. I can't imagine being without one. I might disappear in a puff of smoke ???

Why is it that now I am thinking of this I am remembering all the lovely moments with them instead of all the annoying things ????
xxx
 

k8te

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Jun 8, 2008
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Sounds like you have reached your breaking point and with that much going on in your life I am surprised its taken this long (((hugs))) try and take a few days to think clearly, and follow your gut instincts as they are nearly always the right one. I am sure you will be able to find lovely homes for your gang if it comes to it, out of interest how much does your haffi cost your a month if that's the reason the sharer said no? xx
 

dragonfarmgirl

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Oct 26, 2008
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k8te - the sharer rides for free just so disy gets exercise and has some fun but, though she loves Daisy, if she had her own horse it would be something with a bit more scope, and she doesn't want the expense of vets bills. She is really lovely though and has the measure of the Haffy mindset lol x
 

Cortrasna

Grumpy old nag
Aug 5, 2009
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Oh my - dont tempt me! I am very easily tempted by her I can assure you!:biggrin:.....hmmmmm .......toddles off to check if we have enough hay in the barn for an extra mouth this winter.....:giggle:
 

dragonfarmgirl

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Oct 26, 2008
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Mrs C ... being a fatty (her, not you, obviously !) she doesn't actually 'need' much food, but she would tell you otherwise, very vocally !!!
You would be the answer to my most serious worry as Daisy (Lady Lardarse lol) is the one who needs the most careful home. Go check that hay !!!
 

Cortrasna

Grumpy old nag
Aug 5, 2009
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Mrs C ... being a fatty (her, not you, obviously !) she doesn't actually 'need' much food, but she would tell you otherwise, very vocally !!!
You would be the answer to my most serious worry as Daisy (Lady Lardarse lol) is the one who needs the most careful home. Go check that hay !!!

:playfull: I am casually wandering off down to the barn in just a minute or two....whistles nonchalantly as I casually pass Mr. C on the way out!
:bounce:
 

sjp1

Well-Known Member
Sep 14, 2009
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I hope Mrs C has enough hay in that barn!!

If I was looking, haffie would be the one for me. My Tobes had sarcoids and I never found it a biggie really - we got shot of them, and if they come back, we will get shot of them again - albeit not down the Liverpool cream route.

The Friesian and the Arab I am sure are beautiful, and a lot of people love pretty horses, so I am sure you would have no problem moving them on. If the Arab is the one you click with, then I would keep the Arab.
 

Flipo's Mum

Heavy owner of a Heavy
Aug 17, 2009
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Are you sure you're not just having a down moment because of Daisy's laminitis? It's just that, a wee while ago, you were happily seeking a daddy for Sylvie to have a foal to. I know it sucks and maybe this illness is a reminder of why its difficult having any horses, let alone three or four, but is it really worth throwing it all away for? Deal with Daisy's lammi and then see how you're feeling. I don't want to sound harsh, but it does read here like you are most keen on being rid of the oldest one who has current health issues. I might get jumped on for that, but please just remember that this is what happens with horses. It's what you signed up for when you bought three. At the end of the day, you love them and want the best for them, but could you be without them?
 

dragonfarmgirl

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Oct 26, 2008
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Flipo's mum, I'm not keenest to get rid of the oldest sickest one, I am most worried about her finding a special home BECAUSE she is the oldest and sickest and less so about the others because they are more marketable :-(.

I mentioned earlier that the reason I tried to put Sylvie in foal was because I was fooling myself that i was ok and could manage, but I'm not and I can't. I am getting to a very difficult spot financially and emotionally and the reason i know something is seriously wrong is because I CAN imagine myself without them and whereas that was always a horrific thought, now it is mainly relief :-(

I'm sorry you think poorly of me as I value your opinion but I promise you I am thinking of their ultimate welfare as well as my own.
 

squidsin

Well-Known Member
Feb 16, 2013
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Why don't you loan out Daisy and Sylvie (if not pregnant) for now and keep your Arab? You can loan through Horses4Homes as well as sell. Then if you change your mind or feel able to cope again at some point in the future, you can take them back.

Don't feel bad, £1000 a month is a lot of money to find on top of your own rent and bills and must cause you a lot of stress and worry. I'm a great believer in that, if something isn't working, change it and try something else.
 
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