Feeling let down

eventerbabe

Well-Known Member
Dec 16, 2004
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Nobody told me one of the most stressful times of wedding planning us waiting for RSVPs! Our invites went out at the end of January and since then two of my oldest friends (who have known the date since last year and confirmed they were coming) have refused to attend. I'm gutted. Devastated if I'm honest. If you can't rely on your oldest, dearest friends then who can you rely on? I don't have a massive social circle as I'm not really a sociable person! Think that's also why this has hit me so hard. Am I the only one to think it's a bit off??
 
My upset comes from them both telling me to my face they would be attending, then when the save the date cards went out both telling me they would be attending. Then when the official invites go out they send "wedding regrets". Correction one sent a card (with no reason) and the other texted me. The text said her boyfriends dad was visiting that day so she had to be there. I find it very odd they said they were attending right up to the invite proper going out. If the shoe was on the other foot, there's no way I'd miss their big day without a pretty big reason. We've guests coming up from Manchester, Cambridge and even Winipeg!! Glasgow and Montrose are practically next door compared to the trip some of our guests are making. Yes I feel a cull coming on!! I haven't spoken to either since as I just feel I've nothing to say.
 
Just to add there's no mitigating circumstances with the boyfriends dad. He's not ill or just up for the day. I suspect his large wallet and her desire to hook his son into marriage ASAP might be behind this!
 
That's just bonkers! I cannot understand why they'd say they were coming then suddenly back-track with no good reason.

I'm sorry EB, I'd be upset too!
 
hmmm do they like your fiancee? thats my only thought? i think its way way out of order they have cancelled, tbh i probably wouldn't talk to them again and if they get in touch then id be clear as mud why you are unhappy!!!
 
My thoughts would like similar to what Julie has said, as in do they like your fiancee ? If they do or have not given reason to not like him, then I would be saying 'Cheerio' and and wouldn't be speaking to them again.
 
Yep, I would be wondering of they are happy about the wedding and your choice of partner.

Are the two of them friends also? If so I would be getting my arse down there for a chat to see what on earth is going on....but be prepared for a few home truths.
 
They could also be jealous, you mention at least one of them is desperate to get married, if they feel they have failed your pending wedding might be making them reassess their own lives or perhaps they thought they would be bridesmaids given they are some of your oldest friends, things like weddings do funny things to people!
 
I had a genuine reason for not acting as chauffeur to our oldest friend - as on that day we were moving house! Moving dates can't be changed and are pretty stressy but we still managed to make a quick appearance - only just mind! Lol he'd wanted us to collect him and drive him to the venue - but it just couldn't be managed. He was a bit miffed but we did at least explain. And we did show up too.
 
I have to confess that when weddings are 'no kids' I tend to send apologies. I totally get that people have the right to exclude kids for all sorts of perfectly good reasons (cost, atmosphere, behaviour, wedding style! ) but the logistics of childcare for 3 kids for an overnight stay away from home were a nightmare. So they have a right to exclude kids and I have a right to not go! But I can't think of any other reason I would not go to a close friend's wedding. And I was happy to explain my reasons.
 
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To be honest, I'd talk to them.

Are they bridesmaids or were expecting to be? Have you stipulated no children? Were the invites to just them or their OHs or plus one?

Without talking to them - you'll never know & it'll be a shame to lose your oldest friends without trying to understand their side. I can see why you're feeling upset though. X
 
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All good points there.... Neither have met my fiancé! They live far enough away that when we have met up, it's been in my hols and Keith is working. We (well that should be I!) have relented and kids have been invited to the wedding. But neither has any!

They don't know each other- one is a school friend, the other a uni buddy.

My sister, who was friends with one of them, raised the jealousy point. This friend in particular is so used to being the "happy" one. Now I've a wonderful partner and a dream house my sis is dead certain she's just jealous.

Totally agree MrC, they aren't true friends. I was so bloody miserable after my ex and I split up. I'd hope they'd be happy for me. Just shows what bad friends they are!
 
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I have had to tell my best friend I can't go to her wedding. It is in Australia, and we just can't afford to fly the 4 of us out there this year. It would cost us a good £5K all in. I still feel bad about it.

I don't like 'no kids' invitations either, KP Nut, not that anyone except for my princess of a sister has ever requested this, and since having kids herself she's the first one to get all up in arms when she gets a 'no kids' wedding invitation! But in our circle of friends, if you said no kids now, you'd basically be sitting in the church on your own!
 
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Hmmm then I would say it's a case of jealousy. Time to move on with your new life I think!

We r going to a 'children not invited' wedding in June, and actually I'm rather looking forward to a weekend without sophie lol

I didn't go to my best friends wedding - unfortunately they got married in the Carribean and we just really really couldn't afford to go. Her own brother didn't go though either so I didn't feel too bad about it. In hindsight I wish I had gone, but hey ho we had no spare money at the time :(
 
In defence of the jealous folk, I hate weddings because I'm not married not even a hope of getting married and feel like folk who are in that place look down on me.
I wouldn't go for those reasons and yes that maybe entirely selfish not to want to celebrate your perfect day but when you've had to witness so many folks perfect day and not had your own you get a bit jaded having been bridesmaid three times, shouldered the burden of helping arange the damn weddings and being all but ignored on the day and old age convinced me that I shouldn't have to do something I don't want to do.
I know how busy the bride is on their big day and wouldn't expect Her to have time to spend chatting to me, so I assume she won't miss me if I don't go as I would hardly know anyone anyway probably.
Sorry just thought Id give the other perspective. Not saying this is how they are thinking but it's possible.
What I will say though is that in the slimmest chance that I am ever getting married, I will not invite anyone other than close family and friends. If I'm not willing to go to theirs, I don't expect them to come to mine.
 
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