Confidence is such an ephemeral thing . . . when it goes, it's really hard to get it back.
I just thought, for the benefit of all the other nervous nellies (and I am a card carrying member myself), I'd share the progress Kal and I are making.
Some background.
I bought Kali (a 16.2hh Polish warmblood - apparently) for my DD and I to share. He was 7 when we tried him. We'd both ridden for about 6/7 years at a (very good) RS and had just shared two mares for a year so thought we were ready for ownership.
If only.
When we tried him he was good as gold . . . so good that Em (DD) felt confident enough to push him into a gallop and then jump and hack him. He didn't put a hoof wrong. We had him vetted and he passed. So we bought him.
In many ways he was as advertised - sweet, affectionate, a little quirky. He also had a club foot and an attitude a mile wide. When we first bought him, we had him on full livery and he was an angel. I hacked him alone, rode him in the school, and could handle him with no issues (mostly). We changed yards (for various reasons) to a DIY yard with 24/7 turnout and we were finally on our own . . . it all went horribly wrong. I hacked him out and he span, reared and threated to bolt. He HATED the yard (wouldn't stand still, was bargey/stressy and lost of loads of weight). He hated the school even more and spooked all the time. I lost my confidence. We stayed there four months. Eventually, I got a place at another yard (where we are now). He calmed down alot even immediately but was still (and can still be) a handful. He spooked haflway across the school and dumped me on the floor breaking two ribs. He has done the same with my instructor (although she stayed on). He has reared on hacks with me (and my trainer). He has towed me halfway across the yard, refused to stand still, been barge-y in his box, etc.
I have had to work hard with him. I have changed his feed (cut out all sugar/molasses). I have bought and used a rope control headcollar for when he is particularly bargey/opinionated. I have spent (accumulated) hours in the round pen free schooling and doing ground work/join up. We have lunged to improve his balance/musculature. I have had my trainer school him. I have toughened up on the ground. I have walked him out in hand (and insisted on manners). I have hacked with others to give him confidence in a new environment and (just once) we ventured a little way down the lane on our own). I have ridden schoolmasters to reassure myself that I can actually do this. I have taught him to consistently move out of my space when I ask . . . but I have also worked on gaining his trust. I have spent valuable time on his back . . . pushing myself even when I was feeling wobby. If I get on and we walk once round the school each way on our own, that can be enough. I have learned to keep my leg "there" (he rushes away from the leg rather than respecting it, but is whip shy - so my instinct has always been to keep my leg off him). I have learned to get arse-y with him when he's pratting about (when on board) instead of backing down (a biiiiiig deal).
I should give you some context - it had gotten to the point that I didn't ride him for four months, I was so scared. I couldn't get on him without someone leading him. The thought of getting on on my own filled me with so much fear that I just wouldn't/couldn't do it. When he spooked when I was leading him, I was nervous (which made him nervous).
Let's fast forward.
I regularly get on him and ride him in the school on my own. I still stick to walk and trot but I don't freak if he gets "looky" and I'm quite prepared to get arsey with him when he prats about/doesn't listen to my leg. I ride into the "bogey corner" on the left rein (which is where he dumped me breaking my ribs and also where he took off with my instructor). I expect (and get) good behaviour from him on the ground and under saddle and when he is quirky or naughty I reprimand him (instead of backing off) and then let it go. I'm planning on taking him into the jumping field tomorrow for a walk/trot round (after he's already worked).
It's clear to me now that he trusts me/we have built a bond. After I had washed him off after he'd worked today we went for a walk around the farm . . . he met (at the same time) a lawnmower and the chickens. He so wanted to spin and take off. I insisted he stand and then waited until he'd relaxed . . . and then we walked away . . . and then we did it again . . . and again. Each time it got scary, instead of just running away he hid behind me. Previous to that I had worked him in the round pen (which is next to the chicken run) and he had spooked at the chickens but stayed with me (he was loose) and when I walked past the chickens again (still loose) he still stayed with me. The old Kal would have buggered off good and proper. He calls to me when I arrive on the yard - and when he's turned out in the field first thing. It's clear he likes/trusts me.
I'm no great shakes. I'm a proper nervous nellie and a very novice owner (particularly of a TB x Anglo Arab x Lord knows what). If I can do this, so can you. Losing your confidence sucks . . . big time . . . and many people will not understand how hard it is to get it back. I seriously thought I was over-horsed, but I love him too much to sell him and believe deep down that we can make it work. Take your time. If all you feel like doing is mounting, walking two or three strides (while led) and then getting off, then do that. Be kind to yourself. Get help (you'll be amazed how many people are sympathetic/have been there/can and will help). But do set yourself little, incremental goals.
Oh - and booking a couple of lessons on a schoolmaster helped prove to me that I haven't completely forgotten how to ride . . . it's just that Kal is not a schoolmaster. We'll get there . . . and so will you.
Happy Easter xxx
I just thought, for the benefit of all the other nervous nellies (and I am a card carrying member myself), I'd share the progress Kal and I are making.
Some background.
I bought Kali (a 16.2hh Polish warmblood - apparently) for my DD and I to share. He was 7 when we tried him. We'd both ridden for about 6/7 years at a (very good) RS and had just shared two mares for a year so thought we were ready for ownership.
If only.
When we tried him he was good as gold . . . so good that Em (DD) felt confident enough to push him into a gallop and then jump and hack him. He didn't put a hoof wrong. We had him vetted and he passed. So we bought him.
In many ways he was as advertised - sweet, affectionate, a little quirky. He also had a club foot and an attitude a mile wide. When we first bought him, we had him on full livery and he was an angel. I hacked him alone, rode him in the school, and could handle him with no issues (mostly). We changed yards (for various reasons) to a DIY yard with 24/7 turnout and we were finally on our own . . . it all went horribly wrong. I hacked him out and he span, reared and threated to bolt. He HATED the yard (wouldn't stand still, was bargey/stressy and lost of loads of weight). He hated the school even more and spooked all the time. I lost my confidence. We stayed there four months. Eventually, I got a place at another yard (where we are now). He calmed down alot even immediately but was still (and can still be) a handful. He spooked haflway across the school and dumped me on the floor breaking two ribs. He has done the same with my instructor (although she stayed on). He has reared on hacks with me (and my trainer). He has towed me halfway across the yard, refused to stand still, been barge-y in his box, etc.
I have had to work hard with him. I have changed his feed (cut out all sugar/molasses). I have bought and used a rope control headcollar for when he is particularly bargey/opinionated. I have spent (accumulated) hours in the round pen free schooling and doing ground work/join up. We have lunged to improve his balance/musculature. I have had my trainer school him. I have toughened up on the ground. I have walked him out in hand (and insisted on manners). I have hacked with others to give him confidence in a new environment and (just once) we ventured a little way down the lane on our own). I have ridden schoolmasters to reassure myself that I can actually do this. I have taught him to consistently move out of my space when I ask . . . but I have also worked on gaining his trust. I have spent valuable time on his back . . . pushing myself even when I was feeling wobby. If I get on and we walk once round the school each way on our own, that can be enough. I have learned to keep my leg "there" (he rushes away from the leg rather than respecting it, but is whip shy - so my instinct has always been to keep my leg off him). I have learned to get arse-y with him when he's pratting about (when on board) instead of backing down (a biiiiiig deal).
I should give you some context - it had gotten to the point that I didn't ride him for four months, I was so scared. I couldn't get on him without someone leading him. The thought of getting on on my own filled me with so much fear that I just wouldn't/couldn't do it. When he spooked when I was leading him, I was nervous (which made him nervous).
Let's fast forward.
I regularly get on him and ride him in the school on my own. I still stick to walk and trot but I don't freak if he gets "looky" and I'm quite prepared to get arsey with him when he prats about/doesn't listen to my leg. I ride into the "bogey corner" on the left rein (which is where he dumped me breaking my ribs and also where he took off with my instructor). I expect (and get) good behaviour from him on the ground and under saddle and when he is quirky or naughty I reprimand him (instead of backing off) and then let it go. I'm planning on taking him into the jumping field tomorrow for a walk/trot round (after he's already worked).
It's clear to me now that he trusts me/we have built a bond. After I had washed him off after he'd worked today we went for a walk around the farm . . . he met (at the same time) a lawnmower and the chickens. He so wanted to spin and take off. I insisted he stand and then waited until he'd relaxed . . . and then we walked away . . . and then we did it again . . . and again. Each time it got scary, instead of just running away he hid behind me. Previous to that I had worked him in the round pen (which is next to the chicken run) and he had spooked at the chickens but stayed with me (he was loose) and when I walked past the chickens again (still loose) he still stayed with me. The old Kal would have buggered off good and proper. He calls to me when I arrive on the yard - and when he's turned out in the field first thing. It's clear he likes/trusts me.
I'm no great shakes. I'm a proper nervous nellie and a very novice owner (particularly of a TB x Anglo Arab x Lord knows what). If I can do this, so can you. Losing your confidence sucks . . . big time . . . and many people will not understand how hard it is to get it back. I seriously thought I was over-horsed, but I love him too much to sell him and believe deep down that we can make it work. Take your time. If all you feel like doing is mounting, walking two or three strides (while led) and then getting off, then do that. Be kind to yourself. Get help (you'll be amazed how many people are sympathetic/have been there/can and will help). But do set yourself little, incremental goals.
Oh - and booking a couple of lessons on a schoolmaster helped prove to me that I haven't completely forgotten how to ride . . . it's just that Kal is not a schoolmaster. We'll get there . . . and so will you.
Happy Easter xxx
Fingers crossed things just keep getting better for you. 
