I can totally understand being hurt at not being told about it, but perhaps if the only time you have seen/spoken to her was at your 40th she was trying not to overshadow your day? Grasping perhaps but that's me, I give people way too many chances.
I got married and it was awful and didn't last 6 months before he was gone, if I were ever to do it again (not that I have any plans to) I would want an amazing day of course but I would be very apprehensive about inviting a lot of people and would probably only have those 'in the know' ie (geographically) close friends I see every day and I can't avoid telling and even then I probably wouldn't have all my everyday friends there, because I am honestly totally ashamed about how badly things went last time and how I totally misjudged a man who turned out to be a sociopath. I can just imagine telling my best friend from school I'm getting married again, that look she would have of concern, knowing and judgment of the new Mr and me, so I probably wouldn't want her there for fear those types of looks, not because I don't love her dearly and don't value our friendship). Hell I probably wouldn't even want to tell my own mother for similar reasons. The first time round has left me pretty scarred.
I do understand being hurt at not being told, but at the end of the day a wedding is only about the 2 getting married, not inviting people is their choice and I'm sure you agree given you eloped yourself, but as you said you told your closest friends none the less. Weddings and funerals do strange things to people, I normally just let things at those super stressful times roll over me as people will act down right weird sometimes.
I got married and it was awful and didn't last 6 months before he was gone, if I were ever to do it again (not that I have any plans to) I would want an amazing day of course but I would be very apprehensive about inviting a lot of people and would probably only have those 'in the know' ie (geographically) close friends I see every day and I can't avoid telling and even then I probably wouldn't have all my everyday friends there, because I am honestly totally ashamed about how badly things went last time and how I totally misjudged a man who turned out to be a sociopath. I can just imagine telling my best friend from school I'm getting married again, that look she would have of concern, knowing and judgment of the new Mr and me, so I probably wouldn't want her there for fear those types of looks, not because I don't love her dearly and don't value our friendship). Hell I probably wouldn't even want to tell my own mother for similar reasons. The first time round has left me pretty scarred.
I do understand being hurt at not being told, but at the end of the day a wedding is only about the 2 getting married, not inviting people is their choice and I'm sure you agree given you eloped yourself, but as you said you told your closest friends none the less. Weddings and funerals do strange things to people, I normally just let things at those super stressful times roll over me as people will act down right weird sometimes.