Have you ever been too nervous to ride your own horse?

KarinUS

KarinUS

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May 20, 2001
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If so how did you manage to overcome it? Was there something that other people did that helped you?
Is there something other people did that made it even worse for you?
Any good books to recommend?
 
Yep. I had a major wibble with Rupert last year when I was very nervous for no apparent reason...well not really, I coped with a lot worse from other people's horses :rolleyes: I just seemed to regain my confidence for no apparent reason just as quickly I lost it for no apparent reason :confused: :rolleyes: It was very embarrasing and depressing when I knew I was perfectly capable of dealing with far worse than my 13.1hh pony was presenting me with :eek: Especially when I was always regarded as such a confident rider :( However I appear to have recovered again! Sorry can't be more help than that.
 
I lost my confidence with HC several times over the four years I had him.

I regained it everytime bar the last- but then, as you know I had very good reasons for not even wanting to attempt to regain my confidence with him then!

The other times I lost and regained it were for various reasons, ranging from quite nasty falls to just not having had time to ride for a couple of weeks and my confidence mysteriously dissapearing!

I regained my confidence by taking things slowly, and never forcing myself to do anything outside my comfort zone.

The basis of many psychological therapies is to achieve and end on a good note, rather than push yourself too hard and 'fail', thus compounding a problem, and that was the basis I worked on.

So, if all I felt comfortable doing was tacking up and getting on and then straight back off again, that was all I did- at least I had achieved that, which gave me the confidence to then try something else the next time.

I have often asked people to walk alongside, or even lead me, when I have been feeling underconfident, or to accompany me on a hack either on another (sensible) horse or on a pushbike.

As you know I recently completely lost my confidence with all horses as a result of 'the HC situation' and a couple of 'on the ground' accidents with other horses.

My confidence is now coming back in leaps and bounds due to the fact that I found an excellent instructor at a local riding school who listened and didn't push me too hard- she put me on their very safe and sane RDA horse for my first couple of lessons, and told me that no matter what she asked of me, if I wasn't comfortable doing it, I only had to say 'NO!'

I actually found myself cantering again in my first lesson, although I admit I shook like a leaf, but I did it with no mishaps and came away with a huge sense of relief and achievement, and couldn't wait to do it again.

I could go on and on Karin, but I guess you have the picture by now! Small steps, and don't do anything that makes you feel very anxious or uncomfortable until it stops feeling like that!

Confidence is a fragile thing that can easily be lost, but luckily, in most cases can just as easily (although not as quickly!) be regained!
 
Yes, when I first got her.

The first day that I took her down to the field (complete with no skin on my fingers after the loading without gloves episode) she was rearing and playing about practically all the way down. That shook me a bit. I rode her a couple of times but she was VERY spooky (natural as she had moved homes and was working in a new school). That coupled with suddenly realising that I didn't know as much as I thought I knew and not wanting to 'break' her put me in a downward spiral of excuses and nerves. I lunged her a couple of times and she reared, spooked and planted on the lunge .... that didn't help!

Anyway ..... Yann came to the rescue and suggested a hack. I was horrified and tried to get out of it but he rode her on the outward journey and then we swapped. Something clicked and I was ok after that :)

The thing is that through all of this I was happy to get on and ride other horses!

'We're' having tantrums at the moment and being a bit naughty BUT I happily rode her the other day despite this. She was a bit strung out but she didn't scare me .... three weeks ago I wouldn't have gone anywhere near her!

I was lucky in that I was fairly confident before this so it was a temporary glitch, I just needed to see that I COULD cope and everything fell into place!

Thanks Yann :)
 
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Sure, all the time

Ride where no one can see! I hate people watching me, especially if things aren't going well with the pony at the moment. If I'm having confidence issues, I go out super early in the morning when no one's around. That way if I do something stupid, no one can see. I also froce myself to ride bareback, which takes away a lot of my security blankets and reminds me that I do in fact have a secure seat, I just need to use it!
 
I see I should have been more specific.
I was lucky in being able to feel a bond and trust with my own horse right away. From the first moment his owner had told me so much about him that I never doubted he wouldn't be the most wonderful horse.
During my trial ride he bolted, but what I remember is that I was able to circle and stop him. After I brought him home I had such a hard time riding him but I never thought for once that it was him. I just had to become a better rider. When he spooked and sat back in the cross ties I just felt bad for him being so frightened. We went through thick and thin and my trust in him was never shattered. But I WAS LUCKY.
He deserved my trust and our feeling is mutual. He's never caused an injury to me and I would protect him the best I can from harm.
Still riding itself has been scary at times but having my horse DJ has made it easier for me.

My poor husband Ray however has not been so lucky. He got his first horse 5 months ago and they have been off to a rough start. Missy hadn't been handled much for the last 12 months before we got her. Her ground manners were a bit rough but improved greatly. She still can be a very outspoken young lady. Unlike DJ who bonds easier to humans than horses, Missy finds her comfort in the herd.
Anyway. I am drifting off. Ray had two falls since he got her and she bit him once. The second fall really shook his confidence. He had to go to the emergency room with broken ribs.

Today we went to ride them but Missy was a bit upset about a pasture mate and Ray said he was too nervous to ride. I could tell her fast movements also made him nervous on the ground. I agreed. Not a problem. But then he ended up being mad at himself for not being able to get on.

I'd offered to swap horses or I ride Missy first or only I ride Missy or neither of us rides. But he was just so disappointed in himself.

I don't know how to help him! :(
 
I spend my whole life going through confidence crisis. The more I do the better I become, then suddenly I'm a bag of nerves again and purely because I THINK my horse has been a bit out of hand. She hasn't of course as she is rock solid, but I thought she had , so back to square one. Most frustrating.
The only thing I can suggest for Ray is not to ride yet but spend lots of time doing ground work so he builds a relationship of trust and willingness with his mare. Then start riding in a safe environment before graduating to the big outdoors. Schooling work with an instructer has helped me enormously as I feel more in control and my mare is more responsive to my aids ( She was very green in that area as I was and we have learnt together.)
The only other thing may be that Ray and this mare aren't suited. Again I've been there and it took a while ( a year! ) for me to realise it and then understand why I was so frightened of him.
Do hope it works out for him. L
 
I can say one word in the matter "Groundwork!"

Actually, I shall say a bit more if you don't mind:rolleyes:

When I first rode Drummer, after I got him home, I was terrified! He really tried it on with me and after an initial ride which ended in the YO telling me to smack him and him bucking, I didn't ride for 2 weeks! (I was allready scared after a smashed elbow fall)

Everyone kept telling me I should have got a dog, they all thought it hilarious that all I did was take him for walks!:eek: I also spent lots of time grooming him (we had issues there too!) and did very basic Parelli and I learnt to lunge him.

I progressed to riding only when I was comfortable on the ground and then in an enclosed area and I think I only walked the first time!

I've taken it really slowly, if I wasn't comfortable doing it I didn't do it, but sometimes I'd get daring urges and would push myself that little bit further and finnish off grinning from ear to ear! Now nearly 10 months on, I went out on the road alone for the first time.:D :D

I'm sure you will get lots of similar advice and people will give you lots of ideas but I think first and foremost is get your husband to take it slow and not get cross with himself, remember why he loves riding and horses its not meant to be stressful!:)
 
I agree with Drummers mum.It was a year before I got on Sarah-lee but then it was the first time I'd got on an equine since losing my nerve thirty years earlier.
We just walked and talked and generally got to know each other and then one day I just knew the time was right.
If you are at all uncomfortable with the situation so will your horse be.Don't let anyone push you into a situation your not ready for.
I'm just in the process of bringing in a new young mule from Spain and don't intend to even start him until both of us are happy with each other.
I suggest your hubby goes back to basics,join up and get follow up .If she has bitten him it sounds like she hasn't learnt manners unless he was pinching her with the girth or something like that.Do you know why she does these things?The herd she finds comfort with should be yours have you read Monty's "From my Hands to Yours" or Kellys "Perfect Manners" ?
 
I honestly think the biting had playful origins. She never did it before. She never did it after.
Ray has his keys on a leather string and he used to let Missy 'steal' his keys from his pocket. He also wears a leather string around his wrist and he let her nibble on it. She tried to pull it off his arm and she caught skin, not just leather.

The first fall seemed to be related to her training. He last 'assignment' was barrel racer so in the beginning whenever we asked her to go around an obastacle or sharp corner she would expect to come out of the corner running towards the gate. She no longer does that.

The second fall happened, when she started trotting, shook her head and Ray lost the reins. At that point she saw the other horses down in the field and ran towards them. Ray was just a passenger at that point.

I agree on the herd thing and she has gotten a lot better about it but if she feels Ray's nervousness she gets unsure as well.

She really seems to like him but he can't give her the support she needs right now and vice versa. She has gotten a lot better with me, listens, even with lots of distractions and scary things, etc. I don't think it's because I am such a skilled rider (I am not :) ) but rather that she feels safer with me. I trust her more and she trusts me more as well.
 
Ljóssie nearly went back over the 6 months I had him on trial, I was very windy about riding him out alone as he was reputed to be 10 times worse with his bolting.

What I had to do was get to know him and for him to get to know me. His reasons for bombing off were simply that he had no confidence. Vicious circle. I was nervous of him which made him nervous of me and round we went.

I just had to give him more time than an ordinary horse. It was just plain determination and time which did it.
 
Yep I found myself quaking at the idea of getting on once tacked up. Physically feeling sick. I found that by riding every day some of my fear disappeared but as soon as I had some time off it started all over again. However I have recently noticed I don't fret as much now. I believe it was time.

What I do hate is people chasing behind you with lunge crops trying to get your horse to move faster etc. Or being lunged in canter :eek:

I do understand what your OH is going through. I felt exactly that way with myself and still do over the canter. I go through bouts of low points with myself because I want to canter but something is holding me back and not knowing what it truely is is annoying. Also knowing I did not want to ride but wanted to ride (if you understand) right in the beginning. I got through this by realising I had to ride Rhi. Having someone else ride my pony is fine but it is not going to help me get over my fear of whatever is holding us back. So when I was feeling nevouse and someone offered to ride her I'd refuse an say "No I have to do this" It's a bit like taking the bull by the horns.
 
When i first got Gracie i was scared to even go near her in the field. Getting her out of the field was a battle every time, she reared and bolted as soon as i got the headcollar on her. This made me not want to catch her which in turn made me not want to ride. On the rare occasions that i did catch her she was so used to being in charge that she would quite happily snap the bailer twine that she was tied up to and barge about the place. The thought of riding her made me shake, literally.

This was all sorted out when the horses were moved into the smaller paddock, i don't know what happened but since moving into this smaller field Grace (and the other animals) have been a lot less wild! This meant i could catch G more easily, she was better being tied up and i got my courage together and rode her. I honestly do not know what happened when they moved fields!!

But even though she was better to catch, tack up, etc. she had been off work for so long that she started napping. The napping involved either stopping dead and refusing to move, spinning round and heading home and in extreme situations she would do little baby rears. I thought she was in pain so i was soft on her...wrong thing to do :rolleyes: i got a more experienced friend to irde out with me and whenever Grace acted up she told me to, "stop being silly, give her a smack and make her go." This worked. She has since stopped napping and is a great, bombproof hacking horse.

I think that getting someone more experienced and more confident to help you (either to give you advice or just to support you) will really help. Myabe you could try riding other horses to build up your confidence, just an idea.

Good luck, keep us updated :)
 
I modified HairyCob's suggestion and it seemed to help.
Missy was behaving pretty well today. I accompanied Ray and Missy to their lesson.
We were alone in the field and I could tell both of them seemed a little nervous so I walked along side of them and just kept talking until they both got bored (and relaxed :) ) listening to my chatter.

We just walked side by side -me on foot, Ray on Missy around the pasture and when the instructor came she took over and kept walking at their side.

(I had actually secretly called her before and asked her not to make them trot because Ray was so anxious about it)

So nothing happened. Those times Missy started napping he corrected her well. Then I rode my own horse for my lesson and Ray managed to 'put Missy to sleep' by rubbing her forehead while they were watching my lesson.

We talked about him being able to feel comfortable at the walk and I made sure he knew that was okay. Even when we start going on trail rides, chances are we can be perfectly happy to just go at a walk.

But he did it! I wasn't sure he could bring himself to ride, but her did! :)
 
I think it is partially an age thing. As we get more mature we do mature, gain responsibilities, fail to bounce so well, and are more aware of the consequences of us damaging ourselves. I have been through the mill and back again with Conn, [ I have had some cracking falls off her] When Moss does his thing, the toybox gets emptied, but I just sit through it and when he has finished we get back to the job in hand. Just do what you feel happy with and move at your own speed. You are a mature rider after all.
 
My mare bolted with me and i fell into the filler fence the day before i got her and moved her. That on top of the fact her manners and whole attitude were scary for the first two months left me in fear the whole time. In the end she was off for three weeks through bad back and in that time i forced myself to groom her, get to know her, lead her around and basically learn to trust my mare. It did her the world of good to have the time off to settle into her new place and new friends and we learnt to get on. I think it also helps to understand why they are doing certain things e.g she's doing that because she;s scared or because she's not sure what you're asking etc. Makes them seem less scary and more human :)
Your OH just needs to get to trust his mare and in return she'll trust him. I'll second what everyone else has said about in his own time, no need to push it. I understand how he feels, it is so frustrating when you feel fear and you feel so defeated and of no use. But it does get better, especially if he learns to trust her first from the ground.

Am glad he got on her and it went well, one step in the right direction. :)
 
Went up this morning to take nervous breeches an apple or two. Now my Avatar picture was taken a few years ago, not he had to have a headcollar on.....now note, not headcollar but still the same nervous posture, stand as far away as possible and stretch!
 

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He is indeed the kindest horse you could meet, but so insecure, when he goes, he goes, the shutters come down and you are away.

I did used to get scared but I know now he is far, far less likely to go, I can tell when he is about to loose it and take measures to stop him. BUT all these things took a long time, He needed to trust me and I needed to suss him out and find out what made him tick.

Doing simple things like making sure your stirrups are likely to be the right length BEFORE you get on, Silly, I know, but litle things like that would set him off.

I can sneeze whilst mounted now! and look at my watch, I never could do that!

:D :D
 
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