How do I become my Horse's Best Friend?

S

Sparklyspurs

New Member
Feb 9, 2009
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Hi,
I've finally got a horse on full loan and I'm very excited. I know he's not mine, but he's mine for the next year and that's good enough for me. I've been riding him for about 2 months and he'd been on full livery so not much for me to do other than the nice things like riding and giving treats.
Now I've got him on loan I've moved him to my yard. The move at the weekend went well and he's starting to settle but since I've moved him his manners have changed. When I go to his field to bring him in he turns his back on me and drags me off when I'm leading him. He sometimes barges into my space and walks away from me if I go to remove his rugs in the stable. I know he's trying to set boundaries, but I've never done any natural horsemanship and I'm not sure how to speak to him. I just want to be his friend and let him know I'm his.

Does anyone have any tips on where I start?

Thanks
 
By being his leader and you set the boundaries not him. It's about who moves who's feet and he's doing good job at moving you all the place.
Horses like you to be consistent and not act like a predator.
 
It takes time and you have to spend as much time as you can with him.

Learn to use your body, your body and the immediate area surrounding you is your personal space, making yourself big, standing tall, puffing up and looking at him, is you saying back off bud, this is mine and at the moment I dont want you here.


Tie him up when your doing rugs in the stable to begin with, he has to get used to you doing what other folks used to, so until you 2 become very aquainted, safety must come first.

When leading, make sure your leading from the shoulder, dont look at him but gently talk to him.


It wont be so much him setting boundries, more him thinking oi whats all this and where is so and so that used to do it for me.

Time spent grooming and just being with him will help him to understand that its you and him now.
 
"How do I become my Horse's Best Friend?"

Find his special itchy spot! :rolleyes:

For the other stuff, you need to be firm but stay calm and try not to get angry with him. Be certain what you want of him, and ask for it clearly. Reward behaviour you like and discourage behaviour you don't like (or find ways to avoid it in the first place). Do this consistently. If you have to correct him by whatever method, don't make it into personal issue and after the event restore an attitude of goodwill straight away. Don't go acting the "alpha" horse if you want to be his friend - being a good leader to him is not the same as being dominant.

With patience and consistent handling, his attitude will soon become more cooperative and your relationship will blossom.

Good luck!
 
It sounds like you need to work on being his boss before you start worrying about being his friend. He's not meant to be the one setting boundries :eek:.

I'm not really into NH etc, I'm more old-fashioned firm but fair with a good slug of common sense thrown in. With the specific problems you describe & without seeing him (sometimes my approach changes dramatically when I see the horse) here's what I'd do:
When I go to his field to bring him in he turns his back on me I'd take a couple of treats in my pocket & make sure he knows Ihave them. He'd get one when I walked up to his neck & another when I'd put the headcollar on. If he swung his bum on me he'd get a bellowed "NO!" & a smack on the bum with the lead rope (not the clip end) then an immediate "good boy" when he turned round.
drags me off when I'm leading him I've got a few different tactics here depending on the horse. I have a Dually that I find very effective if used properly - use a long rope (or two normal ropes attached to make one long one). Keep the rope loose unless he goes to pull away then take a step back & to the side, brace yourself & give a sharp back & down tug. The shock value means it often works really well. Or put together a simple bridle (no noseband & tie up the throatlash) & again lead with a long line. Either way you must watch him while you lead him & be ready to act on the slightest sign - he'll shift his weight or tense up or turn his neck slightly away or give some other clue & that's what you act on. Don't hang on to him because you'll never win a pulling match, keep the rope loose until you need to act but then act in a 100% determined way. Walk level with his head not his shoulder. Wear good boots, gloves & a hat. The other thing I sometimes do is keep treats in my pocket & stop at irregular intervals for a reward BUT you must decide when to stop, not him. The idea is to keep him focused on you & earning a sweetie - horses are simple souls, a bit like men ;)
He sometimes barges into my space so barge him back out of it! A push back on the chest with a firm "get back" or "no". If he's not very sensitive or is determined then throw a hand at his face & take an asertive step towards him with big body language,a stamped foot & angry "No". If that doesn' work then belt the rude sod! Not beat him but one hard smack. Watch a boss horse in the field, they wouldn't tolerate this & their punishment is mch harsher.
walks away from me if I go to remove his rugs in the stable tie him up. Also check they're comfortable, you aren't hitting him with the straps & you aren't roughing his coat up the wrong way. Is he too warm? Check him half an hour or more after you've rugged him up because he may be telling you something.

WHEN he's behaving politely instead of being a thug then you can set about being is friend, but to be honest he'll probably want to be a lot friendler once he sees you as boss. Mine love in hand grazing & having their itchy spots scratched, one loves cuddles but the other looks as if that's embarrassing & tries to disown me. I'm sure you'll soon find out what he likes.

Have fun with him!
 
Sounds like he's doing the typical horse moving house thing! Our pair have done it to us on more than one occasion (when they moved home they reverted to previous cheeky behaviour!). you have to set boundaries - you really do - and don't worry about being their friend - that as somebody else has already pointed out - will come later. Be consistent - be firm but fair and do whatever it takes to make you feel safe when turning out and leading in, ie, hat, gloves bp etc - even steel toe caps if you need 'em! It can quickly escalate into something monsterous too if you don't start as you mean to go on - I made the mistake of being far to lenient and too lax - and it resulted in madam (quite literally) walking on me when being brought in and turned out! good luck!
 
If you are not yet established as the boss remember to wear hat and gloves when bringing in.Rope burns on your hands take days to heal and they hurt.
 
how big is he ?? and how big are you ?? :)

if he is huge and you small you may need a bridle to lead at first.....then take it off when he gets better

you might need to practise leading to brush up on the manners, lots of tied up grooming, be calm but firm and always make him stand where he was if he moves

that would be a good start point, hope ou get sorted :D
 
morph yourself inot a bowl of speedi-beet:)
at the risk of falling out with many people here [pls dont all shout at me] - i always feel abit uncomfortable when i meet horses who are more tuned into their human owners than other horses/ponies - Ruby would only consider me as a possibel friend if she has run out of any equine options [ even geldings;)] & that for me is as it should be - my role is to provide sane & consistent herd leadership, make the BIG decisions [as trial & error has suggested that ruby makes poor decisions in a crisis - well - they tend to be poor for me:eek:] & to ensure that she has her needs met :)
 
All really good suggestions thanks. I know I am far too soft for my own good and was just so excited at having a horse that feels like my own finally, the leadership kinda went out the window.
And to the poster asking the size, I'm 5ft 3 and he's 16.2hh so I need to become a leader fast!

Thanks all - you always amaze me with your wonderful suggestions and good advice!
 
Your question was 'How do I become my horse's best friend?'

IMO, if you want your horse to have the best possible life - YOU DON'T.

You allow him to have a normal social life with other horses, who he recognises and interacts with as horses, and you allow that he has the intelligence to know perfectly well that you are not, never can be and would not want to be, his 'best friend', which situation smacks to me of the hand-reared foal who has never learnt to interact properly with his own species.

Of course you can become your horse's partner, leader, favoured companion, trusted mentor and all sorts of other things. But do him a favour - let him be a horse and choose his own friends from members of a compatible social group of his own species.
 
Thanks Old Woman, rest assured he gets plenty of time to socialise with other horses and time allowed to just be a horse (I'm not a complete idiot) but I do think it's possible to build up a bond of trust with a horse that can be described as friendship, or at the very least closely resembles it, otherwise what are we all in it for?
 
Sparklyspurs said:
Thanks Old Woman, rest assured he gets plenty of time to socialise with other horses and time allowed to just be a horse (I'm not a complete idiot) but I do think it's possible to build up a bond of trust with a horse that can be described as friendship, or at the very least closely resembles it, otherwise what are we all in it for?
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I agree with old woman re the wording but I think what you might be aiming for is the same as me.

Whilst I'm somebody Joy enjoys being with I wouldn't want her to have me a best friend. I want her to be more like I see her. Something she enjoys being with who adds a spark to her life and she can rely on. My best friends are human. :)
 
Sparklyspurs said:
Thanks Old Woman, rest assured he gets plenty of time to socialise with other horses and time allowed to just be a horse (I'm not a complete idiot) but I do think it's possible to build up a bond of trust with a horse that can be described as friendship, or at the very least closely resembles it, otherwise what are we all in it for?
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I think we can all have on our own views on how best to describe the relationship we have or want with our horses,and TBH I think your way of putting it sounds just fine:)

Like you said we can't be friends in the same way people are friends,but we can be something close to it,if we find the right partnership,and I very much hope you have found yours.I think your enthusiasm,and obvious delight in being your horses new 'person' will take you a long way in getting the relationship you want,just have to show him you won't be pushed around by him!!

I think consistency,patience and a firm but kind approach will enable you to establish a good basis with your new lad,good luck and keep us up to date with your progress:)
 
Sparklyspurs said:
All really good suggestions thanks. I know I am far too soft for my own good and was just so excited at having a horse that feels like my own finally, the leadership kinda went out the window.
And to the poster asking the size, I'm 5ft 3 and he's 16.2hh so I need to become a leader fast!

Thanks all - you always amaze me with your wonderful suggestions and good advice!
Click to expand...


you may want to use a bridle just to have more control. until he respects you :)

dont worry he will , just be firm with him , but dont do too much to it tho :D just get the upper hand by being strict about what you want but keep calm and be determined rather than agressive

youll get a better attitude from him :D
 
Ok I didn't read all of the posts but here's my 2 cents! When leading if he takes ANY pull circle him and keep doing it until you can stop and start as much as you like! :) Might take some time depending on him but dragging you, biting, kicking etc. is a no go! Everything starts from the ground and if he doesn't behave on the ground he won't in the saddle. The whole being the best friend is just spending time with him, try just chilling out in his stable, bring him on walks, grooming him, rubbing him all over etc. Be careful how many treats you give him because he may start to nip you for more if you overdo it. Hope that helps
 
old_woman said:
Your question was 'How do I become my horse's best friend?'

IMO, if you want your horse to have the best possible life - YOU DON'T.

You allow him to have a normal social life with other horses, who he recognises and interacts with as horses, and you allow that he has the intelligence to know perfectly well that you are not, never can be and would not want to be, his 'best friend', which situation smacks to me of the hand-reared foal who has never learnt to interact properly with his own species.
Click to expand...
Best human friend surely? That's how I read it anyway. While horses can indeed form abnormally 'equine' attachments to humans, that generally only happens when they are deprived of a proper social life, as you point out. I read nothing to suggest Sparklyspurs' loan horse was socially abnormal.

The word 'friend' has certain connotations when used in connection with a horse - it suggests that the horse enjoys your company, likes the way you behave towards it, and would happily hang out with you in the field and follow you around without being specifically trained to do so, as opposed to being aloof, indifferent or actively avoiding you. If an equine friend neighed when I called to him/her, or greeted me with nickers, I would not be surprised. For me it is almost the same as your 'favoured companion', with perhaps a smidgin of 'trusted mentor' (though being liked and being trusted are clearly not the same).

But anyway, these are just words. I personally don't think there's anything specifically sinister or worrying about 'friendship', any more than there is about 'partnership', say. (If anything, I'd consider 'leader' to be more problemmatic because there are good and bad forms of leadership, and the word can mean very different things to different people.)
 
Thank you Francis Burton!

"Best human friend surely? That's how I read it anyway. While horses can indeed form abnormally 'equine' attachments to humans, that generally only happens when they are deprived of a proper social life, as you point out. I read nothing to suggest Sparklyspurs' loan horse was socially abnormal."

La La is not socially abnormal, and he's not so ill mannered as to drag me all over the field (I agree with a previous poster that's it could be a moving house and moving owner thing as much as a challenge to leadership) it is merely my choice of words causing the debate. Friend/favourite human/trusted mentor any or all of these words are substitutional for the relationship I'd like to have with him (perhaps another thread should be started on what words should be used to describe the relationship we want with our horses rather than here?).

Issues with semantics aside, there are some really good practical suggestions here which will go a long way to helping me become a 'good human' for La La with appropriate leadership skills which will strengthen our relationship, so once again I thank you all.
 
Sparklyspurs said:
I do think it's possible to build up a bond of trust with a horse that can be described as friendship, or at the very least closely resembles it, otherwise what are we all in it for?
Click to expand...

This is always the line of thought I have had! That by being a sympathetic ear and understanding when he's worried about things he would learn I was only looking out for him and would trust me. As I see it, this is a slightly different relationship to the one where you become a "dominant leader".

I have recently read a very good book about it, I may have read you wrong but if this what you mean try "Mark Rashid, Horses Never Lie" :) He explains it very well and it's well written too. Hope I've got the right end of the stick here!
 
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