How do you over sensitive people cope in the horse world??

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speedygonzalez

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Apr 11, 2007
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I am asking this pretty deep question as i have found it so hard to deal with my issues (over sensitivity) in the tough world of equestrianism. Look at these questions and if you answer YES to ALL or MOST of these then you may fall into the "over sensitive" catagory aswell and offer me advice:


Are you unable to tolerate criticism?
Do you hate loud noise or loud music?
Do you feel other people's pain and suffering more than anyone else?
Are you different in body shape/size than peers?
Do you stop for more than three minutes when you see an accident on the street in order to watch?
Do you find it very high to tolerate high or low temperatures?
Do you find it very hard to gain muscles by working out?
Do you have lots of mood swings as a result of small events?


I would really like to know how those of you cope on a livery yard where day to day "unwanted advice" or "critism" is the norm. Obviously horsey people do like to give their opinions etc, but what if you, like me take it so personally that you punnish yourself for days ??? Would you tell people if coming onto a new yard that you are over sensitive, or would you just let people find out. I only ask this as, i myself cant cope at a livery yard but wish i could as life having horses on your own is a little lonely.

Here is an article re over sensitivity: (click on link)

http://www.content4reprint.com/busi...e-turn-your-remarkable-gifts-into-success.htm

Thanks, Speedy xxx
 
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I'm not over sensitive so this probably isn't helpful - but I find the best way is to be honest with people. I used to have panic attacks years ago - I found that by telling people that I get them I stopped getting them with people that knew about them, if that makes sense. I think trying to cover it up was the bigger source of stress, once people knew the panic was less.

So in your situation I'd tell people, not make a big deal of it, but tell them. Not all livery yards are like that anyway - ours isn't :)
 
It does sometimes feel like for every nice horse person there's 5 know-it-alls or well-intended-critics.
I once unloaded my horse onto our new yard to be met by 2 liveries who immediately 'helpfully' critiqued his conformation :eek:. What they said was true, but there was no need.

I find the best way to deal with unwanted critique is to get on with your own thing :). Listen to what people say and be non-commital when you respond. I personally wouldn't tell them I was over-sensitive, but I can see the sense in doing this.
I remind myself that even the top eventers differ in their views on horsemanship, and I don't have to justify myself to anyone.
But I empathise. Over 20 years in the saddle and I don't think you ever get used to horseworld mentality :p.
 
I am oversensitive and take everything far too serious and think everything is aimed at me. I wouldn't cope on a large livery yard but I am lucky in that I have my own yard and my only 2 liveries are a lady who is lovely but I dont see often and give full care to her mare and angelofages who of course is fantastic and I spend time with on and off the yard.
I've only ever been on one livery yard and it was only me and the yard manager and although she was lovely her parents would criticise what i was doing and would question MY vet about MY horse etc.....they were also most ''helpful'' in helping me load my mare who was terrified of loading by sticking a hose pipe on full power and spraying her with it..I started screaming at them and crying..even though my mare had gone in I was worried about her and cried all the way to my new livery yard got mare out at other end and cried to new YM:eek::eek::eek:
 
I'm not sure I'd describe myself as over sensitive all the time - but I definitely have my moments and I'm not the most secure person in the world. When I was younger (like teens and twenties - gosh that makes me sound ancient!) I was definitely over sensitive, withdrawn and insecure. I've thought long and hard about writing this response because when you write something it misses tone of voice and stuff and its easy to get misunderstood - and I don't want you to misunderstand me.

I think you're very brave writing this post at all - even if web names etc hide your identity a bit.

The way I found to deal with it was to bluff. Pretend. Literally. I'd pretend I didn't care. Pretend I was a tough as I thought every one else was. Pretend I knew what I was doing - even if I had to go look it up later! After a while I found I actually really didn't mind comments over much. Then I found I actually did know what I was doing - which was quite a confidence boost. Finally I found out that the people who comment and criticise were almost as insecure as I had been.

Its a sort of passive way of standing up to a bully. Often they don't mean to bully you - but if they make you feel bad then that is what is happening. I wouldn't tell them you're over sensitive - pretend that you're not and sooner or later it will be true. In the mean time - find a freind or freinds to cry with and to laugh with. Don't give up - you'll make it! You are stronger than you think.
 
oops.. i spent so long writing my reply it logged me off :rolleyes: now i have to start again, forgive me if i don't communicate too well! serves me right for babbling on..

I'm also over sensitive and will dwell on things people have said for days or weeks. It's unfortunate the horse world is so full of nasty comments etc as it can spoil it for every one.
I don't have experience of being on a livery yard, so can't really comment on how the system works etc. However, I do firmly believe that the horse world can bring out in everyone, over sensitive people included, an unbelievable self confidence. The bond you can have with a horse can be the best kept secret in the world, you don't have to shout about your achievements, you don't have to prove anything to anyone. Once I realised this I changed, because no matter what anyone said to me or thought about me, i had something so strong and so deep it wasn't important. I was lucky, and nobody could change that. It's that kind of self confidence that is the best kind.
If people criticise or shout at me now, I just sit through it and after they're gone I try to laugh about it. These people who feel the need to exert authority don't have everything, nobody does. What I do, i know this sounds odd :eek:, but I try to just watch people, observe from a distance, you can learn an awful lot about people that way. Once I do this I realise that they're just people.. not gods or horse gurus. Everybody has their weaknesses, once you learn to notice other people's you should hopefully feel more confident about yourself. Obviously I don't mean you have to stalk them just see these people for who they are.
I really hope you can sort everything out and I wish you all the best of luck :)
 
I agree about not showing how you feel, bullies love a sign of weakness and think it is funny to make someone cry. I know this as two of my sisters are like this, they made my childhood a misery and even though I'm 43 now still regard me as 'weak' and pathetic. I'm much stronger now, I guess I grew coping mechanisms but I still don't feel I'm the same as other people and have huge social confidence issues.
In the past I could have answered yes to most of the questions but not now. It is possible to tough up but don't feel too bad about yourself, I don't even have the confidence to book a riding lesson, I haven't ridden for months :(
 
im way too sensitive when somebody critisises my riding. i really take it personally. that is due to me not having the confidence in myself, maybe not necassarily being over senstive. i think it is very different for different people
 
From an almost-70-yr-old who has learnt to deal with all sorts of unwanted, useless, unnecessary and hurtful criticism - from the fact that 40 years ago I wasn't considered 'good enough' for my then-boyfriend (now husband of 40 years!) and was told so in no uncertain terms, to the fact that now I am told by many people that I am 'too old' to have my own horses and ride daily for many hours, I have long since learned to not allow the criticism, spite or jealousy of others to upset me.

DON'T tell people that you are over-sensitive. Knowing that will make no difference to the way that nice people treat you, but will give an extra weapon to nasty people - a weapon that it is better they don't have.

However, you must learn to hold your head up high in all situations. YOU must be the one in control of your emotions - you are giving up the most precious part of yourself if you let others control your emotions without your consent. Don't give anyone that power!

But guess what? I cry when I see assistance dogs helping their masters, and cannot even talk about the history of the Brook Hospital without gulping and swallowing sobs. I make knit warm baby clothes for underweight African babies and raise money for Ukrainian orphans, and cry about their fate, too. But I would never let people who have got nothing better to do than be nasty, spiteful or jealous - or possibly all three at once! - have any input into, or effect upon, my emotions.

If you are upset about something that is genuinely upsetting in and of itself - animal cruelty, baby deaths, destruction of the rainforest, whale-hunting, feral cats, road accidents , the homeless - whatever - then DO something constructive about it. Learn first-aid, raise funds, make woolly gloves, join an organisation, become an activist.

If you are upset about someone's petty remarks, ignore them. You are an independent human being and as such are above responding to such bait. Even if you secretly worry about what was said, show no outward sign of it. A response of "Really?" said with raised eyebrows (and a supercilious sneer, if you can manage it!) is all that is needed.
 
im 20 and so over sensitive cant stand people accusing me of something. im not on a liverly yard anymore due to selling my horse a while ago. But hated people telling me things about stormy or me and still at school i still melt if i feel like im being picked on
 
I cope by trying to take as much control over my life as I can. This means renting my own land and getting as much information about choices and methods as I can.

Other people always end up letting you down so I prefer to be self reliant.
 
I just listen to their critasism etc and nod along. Once they have finished I say something sacastic and walk away with an eyebrow up kinda face. It usually leaves them stunned.

If they want to take it further and start an arguement then let them because they very rarely win.:p

At my yard its ok. Its only small. There is something like 13 horses and less owners.
I will admit there are 2 sides on the yard but I try to be civil to everyone. The only thing I find difficult is at the moment there is an arguement between the YM and one of the other liveries that I'm good friends with.

Me and one of the other liveries (my best mate) are getting it in both ears from both of them and we just nod and keep quiet so not to cause anymore trouble between them!

But other then that I can take it quite well. I know that some people can't. I know that my best mate finds it hard at times but she has me watching her back so if anyone starts on her they have me to deal with! :p:cool:
 
*stands up and applauds OldWoman's post*

that is the best thing i have read on this site for a VERY long time. Please do listen to OldWoman and take her advice (especially the bit about not going round announcing to people that you are over-sensitive), she is very, VERY wise.
 
I also applaud Old_woman's post :D.

I can be quite oversensitive, find myself in some form of tears at least 4/5 times a week, either because of something sad on the news, reading something sad online, or something on my course (I'm doing physio and we're studying some very sad neurological conditions now :(). I used to take things people said on the yard very personally when I was riding, used to get upset when certain people watched me ride as they'd just have to stick their noses in and say something. I've learnt to (most of the time!) ignore it though. I now actually find that when I'm around horses I tend not to be as over-sensitive as when I am in general life, as it's a part of my life I now feel very confident with and can ignore what people say. I learn't at the yard to just nod and say uncommital noises like "mmmm" when people told me I was doing something wrong or my riding was rubbish, then when they'd gone away carried on doing exactly what I'd been doing previously! The only people I listened to were those whose opinions I really trusted.
 
I'm horribly oversensitive-moved yards cos I felt that people were looking down on me and my common little pone! My best defence is to take a deep breath and go back later with a response to whatever criticism has been levelled at me. I refuse to allow others to bully me. I'm the boss at work but find it incredibly hard to stand up for myself outside of work.
 
I am over sensitive too, but have my own land so don't have to worry at the yard at least. But instructor had me in floods of tears when at a clinic he said my horse was worth 30p and should be shot. Horsey people can be a little blunt!!!:eek:
 
Not half! Someone told me Beau was only enough to be giving donkey rides on the beach! Being horsey doesn't give you the right to be so darn snotty with others! I've never been in such situations before becoming involved with horses: it took me by surprise. V glad that my yard is nothing like that! If you ride badly, someone will offer a free lesson!
 
I can be sensitive. I think this is due to a few horrible people in my life and rather than picking myself up and getting on with things it seems to have affected my inner confidence and self-esteem. I do think i have always been a sensitive person though, i manage to cry at the silliest of things!
I find though that being able to 'shut-off' and not listen to peoples comments is the easiest thing to do, i know its not easy but its not worth getting yourself upset over petty people. Knowing which people you can talk to and which always have their nasty remarks is one of the most important things you should do when going onto a new yard.... after checking out all the horsey bits and bobs of course! x
 
cinammontoast said:
Not half! Someone told me Beau was only enough to be giving donkey rides on the beach! Being horsey doesn't give you the right to be so darn snotty with others! I've never been in such situations before becoming involved with horses: it took me by surprise. V glad that my yard is nothing like that! If you ride badly, someone will offer a free lesson!
Click to expand...

No its charming isn't it! I just try to ignore people like that and currently looking for a more constructive trainer!! I love my horse thats the main thing and I'm sure your Beau is lovely too :)
 
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