I discovered why I am scared of riding in enclosed spaces and being watched...

Joyscarer

Joyscarer

Active Member
Dec 30, 2006
20,288
5
38
50
Hampshire
Background

It's not just a case of hating it, I won't do it at all (I have tried to do 5-10 mins in the riding paddock when nobody's about but find reasons not to) and it is impacting on Joy because she needs to be schooled, as do I! She's a great fun hack though, as am I!

I started learning to ride as a 7 year old child out on hacks round my local town. It wasn't a proper riding school and there was a big gap in my knowledge of technical side of riding and doing anything other than hacking which included galloping and jumping where possible (as you do when you are young!) and coping with hacking in every situation a town can throw at you.

Up until yesterday I thought that the only formal lessons I'd had were as an adult returning to riding, I now know this isn't the case. I'd always thought that I'd NEVER had a group lesson and that any formal lessons were only as an adult returning to riding and been private because of me being self concious about my weight but this isn't the case either (although it doesn't help).

The reason

The night before last I had a dream. In it I relived a formal group lesson I'd had at a riding school as a PE option when I was 15 and at senior school. That's where the problem came...

Before my first lesson I was watching the end of the lesson before mine. I was told horse I was going to be riding and he was in that lesson. He was very hot and sweaty and obviously unhappy having been used for an hour already and the riding kept smacking him with the whip to push him on. I was just about to ride him for my hour lesson. I found out he was called Selwyn and that he was 28 :eek:

I had never needed to use a stick before as the ponies I'd ridden were all rather forward and enjoyed hacking and the rider was using the whip a lot. This was to be my first 'proper' lesson in a school which was nerve raking enough in itself, it was with people from my school that knew me and it was to be on an unhappy looking 28 year old horse that had already been worked for an hour and was being whipped a lot :(

I felt sorry for him. It didn't feel right to be pushing on an oldie that had already been worked for an hour and I didn't want to use my whip like the first rider had because he wasn't being naughty he was tired so it was a punishment. Obviously he sensed my reluctance and he didn't want to work hard anymore and so didn't and plodded like a donkey. I kept getting told to hit him but didn't want to push him on and so we went round slowly which obviously disrupted the lesson, I can understand the fraustration of the RI.

The instructor accusingly shouted out in front of all my friends that she thought I said I could ride? I was mortified and she told me to bring him to the middle and made us stand there for the whole lesson whilst the others rode round us. I never went again as I felt humiliated. So much so I'd actually blocked out that 1 lesson and only remembered it a couple of nights back in my dream. :eek:

This also explains my long break from horses as that was the last time I'd rode regularly too. I'd always thought I'd given up because life got in the way. Since then until my full return to regular riding 17 years later I'd only hacked out occasionally on special occasions :(

Returning to riding at the age of 32 meant I had to have lessons but all of them have been private ones and anytime there was a spectator hanging about I couldn't concentrate and never relaxed. When I bought Joy I stopped having lessons appart from a block of 5 on a schoolmaster to get me through a crisis of confidence and proove that I actually could ride well and was prefectly capable of being a good owner.

So that's it. That's the reason I gave up in my teens and now don't ride or feel safe in enclosed areas. It's why I'm so self concious when riding, why I like horses you have stop rather than start and my dislike of whips. It explains my aversion to the 'horsey set' and not wanting to be on a livery yard. Lastly it explains my preference to ride alone. :eek:

I can't believe that I had blocked all of that out for 20 years and just how the effects of that one lesson has changed me in so many ways :eek:
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Tillytoo
Seems your brain was ready to let that one out, to present it for throwing out after acknowledgement.

What a witch of an instructor.:( No wonder, anyone with anything less that an iron will and constitution would have been made to feel dreadful. Teenage years are not always the kindest anyway. It only takes one unguarded remark to a teenager to set them off in all manner of ways.


Mind you, I was given a thoroughly worn out, pony to lunge in one of my BHS exams, He was not lazy, he was tired out. The examiner was adamant that he was idle, I was adamant that I was not going to lunge him again as I'd seen him lunged by another 4 students and that was not acceptable......they got me another horse to lunge :D :D

Sometimes you have to meet the horsey set bully head on. Especially the ones who are out to big themselves up at the expense of others, in public. Take heart in the fact that that instructor was probably lacking in a lot of ways and did not have the skill, tools or imagination to help you cope with the pony you had. The problem was not you, or the pony, it was the teacher.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Tillytoo
That's fascinating, it was clearly an experience that has affected you very deeply. Do you think you will be able to start overcoming it now this has happened? Hope so :)
 
Wally said:
Seems your brain was ready to let that one out, to present it for throwing out after acknowledgement.

What a witch of an instructor.:( No wonder, anyone with anything less that an iron will and constitution would have been made to feel dreadful. Teenage years are not always the kindest anyway. It only takes one unguarded remark to a teenager to set them off in all manner of ways.


Mind you, I was given a thoroughly worn out, pony to lunge in one of my BHS exams, He was not lazy, he was tired out. The examiner was adamant that he was idle, I was adamant that I was not going to lunge him again as I'd seen him lunged by another 4 students and that was not acceptable......they got me another horse to lunge :D :D

Sometimes you have to meet the horsey set bully head on. Especially the ones who are out to big themselves up at the expense of others, in public. Take heart in the fact that that instructor was probably lacking in a lot of ways and did not have the skill, tools or imagination to help you cope with the pony you had. The problem was not you, or the pony, it was the teacher.
Click to expand...

Thank you.

I'm now sat in floods of tears. It's so hard to work through the memories and awful to think about the effects on me now. Come to think of it my riding isn't the only thing to suffer, I'm so self concious with everything in life, I give up easilly and avoid putting pressure on myself or measuring progression in case I make a fool of myself :eek:

Ridiculous isn't it as it's now been 20 years since that happend. Time to set things straight I think :eek:
 
Yann said:
That's fascinating, it was clearly an experience that has affected you very deeply. Do you think you will be able to start overcoming it now this has happened? Hope so :)
Click to expand...

I think so. Recognising the problem and why things happen gives you the clues as to how to best target your actions to overcome that challenge. It's not just me 'being naughty'! :p

How very NH minded of me :D
 
I find it very sad that one misguided person can, in a short space of time, upset a child so much that it can affect their lives for many years. You seem to have several issues that you have now identified, all stemming from this incident. I hope that you can find the strength to overcome these, working on them one by one until that issue is no longer holding you back. Say to yourself 'I am not that girl in the lesson any more. I am mature, and confident, and I can do anything I set my mind to'. Good luck - this self-revelation is the start of the next phase of your life :cool:
 
You only have to watch "freaky Eaters" on the box to see how much damage can be done to a person in childhood by well meaning, but over bearing parents.
 
Joyscarer that made me really sad. Without going into detail I can really relate to a lot of the issues raised in your story.

Identifying what's happened in the past will hopefully be the first step in changing things in the future for you.
 
What a vile woman.What she did was incredibly abusive. However the one positive that you can take from the incident was the humanity you showed to that tired vetern pony -and the price you paid was to suffer humilation for the his sake.
In your posts you are known for your common sense and compassion. Even as a youngster you were principled enough not to whip a tired horse on for your own ego. Its time for you to put the ghost to sleep and be angry with that idiotic woman and proud of yourself.
 
Joy,

I think people who are attuned to horses can be very sensitive which is why an instructor yelling at us like that in front of others can be so nervewracking. :(

I feel for you, about 10 years ago, I wanted to take up riding again and made the mistake of telling the instructor that when I had last ridden (about 10 years before that) I had done a couple of dressage tests. Well I was having trouble with my seat and getting the horse to go, and she ridiculed me and my 'pretensions to say I had done dressage'

I dropped the instructor and unfortunately, dropped riding for another 10 years. But I still care more about what my horse thinks of me than what my instructor thinks of me.

I had an opposite situation with an old mare (around 30) who was only being used for one lesson a day. The RS wanted to make it easier for her but I could tell she was fed up with being in her stall all day with only 30 minutes out. So when I had her, she wanted to go and I let her. We cantered a few strides when she got too much energy and I brought her down to a trot but not quickly enough for the RI who said, she's too old to canter, we don't let her. In truth, the old mare was having fun and I let her have a little before bringing her back down. And she was fine the next day and the day after and the day after that.
 
Did we have the same old instructor? It's awful isnt it, but hopefully now you know why thats the way you feel, you can try and combat it.

I'm sure some of us NRs would be happy to volunteer to spectate for a schooling session (and to only coo over how lovely she is and how well you are doing with her ;)), so you have at least a known quantity.
 
my RS has a few oldies that i and many others have been saying should of been retired a while back. for example harry is atleast 25, not enjoying hios work as he keeps beginners chucked on him, is in clear discomfort and tends to go lame for atleast 3 months of the year. Yet the RS still haven't bought any new horses in atleast a year so are just using him til he stops. 2 other oldies were eventually put down last year aswell:( yet they always seem to be buying new ponies and wonder why their teen/adult groups are dissappearing:rolleyes:

now you see i have the oppossite problem, i'm scared whitless of riding in open spaces, but i think thats down to my 1st ever hack with a RI i didn't now who wasn't too happy that day and 2 teens bullying me for the hour. I left for around 3/4 years after that and i still feel looked down on by certain people there, hence why i never go and help on the yard like most of the other teens there did:eek:
 
Last edited:
I believe it was freud that said the conscious mind can be compared to a fountain playing in the sun and falling back into the great pool of subconscious from which it rises.

How very apt. It must be upsetting but at least you can see a viable source...and hence tackle it. Far easier to fight a visible foe.

Makes you wonder what else one's mind is blocking though.

ETA: Ooer get me. Rather close!

The conscious mind may be compared to a fountain playing in the sun and falling back into the great subterranean pool of subconscious from which it rises.
Click to expand...

Just missed out a big word ;)
 
I had a similar realisation in my 20s (but totally off topic), hopefully now you can deal with it and overcome your fears, knowing where they come from can be half the battle. I really hope it's the start of moving forward to where you want to go. That RI should be totally ashamed of herself.
 
Hopefully now you've realised what happened you might be able to let go and start riding in "public" again. What a hellish thing to happen to you.

Big hugs xxx
 
That's really interesting, and sad. But how nice that you were able to give the old guy a rest, after all. Do you now feel better when riding enclosed?
 
newrider.com
Top Bottom
Back