Okay, I have come on here and whined from time to time so some of you probably know that I've always lacked confidence. That has got worse the last few months after I fell off my share horse and broke a rib, and then her owner also came off and got knocked out. I am doing a bit better now but I feel like I'm on a plateau. Flicks is being ridden regularly and is perfectly sane (she usually is just got a bit whizzy in winter). I managed to ride her on a little intro dressage test a few weeks back. She was very tense, and I reacted by hunching forward, but we did it. But I have to push myself to do more. I was riding better and doing more with her when I first started riding her than I am now! This morning I just rode her for 30 mins but ended up trotting in a 20 metre circle round her owner for a huge chunk of time. I know that my confidence, riding and relationship with F will only improve if I push myself a bit further out of my comfort zone. So I have to make myself do it and not wuss out. I am full of good intentions when I am here - sitting at my desk - but then I let myself make excuses for not doing more when I'm on board. Anyone who has successfully kicked themselves up the backside got any tips?
kick up the behind please...
- Thread starter sophie33
- Start date
Ive rode for a long time but recently due to a number of things have had confidence issues so your not alone.x Basically I found a new Ai who I was totally honest with infact broke down in tears in sheer frustration and feel that was my turning point, thankfully. With my old Ai I felt frustrated at myself he felt frustrated at me too, his expectations of me IMO were too high, he's a lovely bloke but had taught me for years and that wasn't helping. Its funny cause although recently Ive had this issue last week there was a incident with me riding a youngster out and my friend said I wish I had your confidence, if only she knew that I'm currently having to really push myself
The problem being and I'm sure your the same the frustrations almost as bad as the fear, and I couldn't imagine life without horses so I don't feel I have a choice other than to work through it.x
The problem being and I'm sure your the same the frustrations almost as bad as the fear, and I couldn't imagine life without horses so I don't feel I have a choice other than to work through it.x
Don't be too hard on yourself, I too put myself under so much pressure when it came to hacking that I got lost in actually enjoying my horse, I too broke down to tears through pure frustration and that was also a turning point for me, take a break, don't ride with expectations, remember riding is supposed to be fun, it's always going to take time to recover from a knock, just because you haven't done what you wanted on that session it's not the end of the world, just try again another time, horses are animals that have a mind of their own, sometimes they aren't with you for reason we can't understand because we are humans don't blame yourself nor your horse, bad days happen, I spent my time looking at other people ride and what there horses can do I got so wrapped up in following suit I forgot that my horse is unique to me, she's never going to be like any other that's what makes her special, stay safe and thank her for anything she gives you, let's face it they don't have to carry us but they choose to do so x
Do you have a ri that could help you work through the issues your having? My new ri is great, she doesn't push but encourages me, shes relaxed and I feel less pressured, its just good having the support. As my ri said for every rubbish lesson I feel Ive had I may have 5 really good ones and they are what she wants me to focus on. We also try to end each lesson on a positive. x
Thank you both.
Yes! Exactly! I am so annoyed with myself. I'm so lucky I have a kind willing mare who lets me ride her, and yet I am wasting my time and hers being terrified!! Aauggh!
Thanks Jodiana. You are right there is no point beating myself up but right now I think I do need to give myself a bit of a shake somehow so I can move forward.
Ahh. Yes. Flick's owner is a RI. She is a lovely woman and a good friend to me. Once a week or so she comes and gives me tips while I ride. Sometimes it is a lesson in the proper sense, sometimes just a few hints. But I think I have been such a bag of nerves that she has stopped pushing me. In addition she has been injured again herself (not Flick's fault this time, but a RS pony that knocked her over and trampled on her). I probably need to sit down and have a talk with her about how to get past this. Maybe I need to book a few proper lessons with her in her works time. I am very busy in work at the moment but will have a quieter week starting 18 May. Maybe I will try and arrange to ride every day, including a proper lesson or two...
Sending you a virtual kick up the a*rse!lol
Now, I know you've had confidence issues. But, I also know you have done really well with Flicks because she is young / bit green - am I right??? You can go further together and you will. I have had numerous confidence issues, not least the fact I keep madam here at home and have nobody to egg me on save NR! I think if it were me, I'd continue having lessons and just chip away at it. Don't expect too much too soon. Breaking a rib will have hurt like hell! I'd be more cautious after such an event, its normal.
One thing that might help is when you're riding alone, ie, not having a lesson, pick one thing to work on. Be realistic but pick something that niggles you and concentrate on just that for a while. It will take (hopefully) your mind of the what if's. Sending you my best and strongest Lancashire confidence vibes
Now, I know you've had confidence issues. But, I also know you have done really well with Flicks because she is young / bit green - am I right??? You can go further together and you will. I have had numerous confidence issues, not least the fact I keep madam here at home and have nobody to egg me on save NR! I think if it were me, I'd continue having lessons and just chip away at it. Don't expect too much too soon. Breaking a rib will have hurt like hell! I'd be more cautious after such an event, its normal.
One thing that might help is when you're riding alone, ie, not having a lesson, pick one thing to work on. Be realistic but pick something that niggles you and concentrate on just that for a while. It will take (hopefully) your mind of the what if's. Sending you my best and strongest Lancashire confidence vibes
Thank you trewsers! You do really well managing with only NR to kick you up the a*rse! NR is great but I do need a person in front of me telling me to get on with it. But I've got to get past that and become my own motivator...
And you are right Flicks has come a long, long way. She is 9 now but when we first had her two and a half years ago she was very green and very scared of people. For the first six months or even longer (I can't remember now) I didn't ride her at all but just spent time with her. She has come a long, long way bless her. She used to be so scared of anyone touching her ears it would take me 20 minutes to get a bridle on her. On several occasions I couldn't do it all!! My poor friend broke her arm when Flicks knocked her off the box she was standing on (friend is not tall!) in a bridling panic. Now she is like any other horse (just about...) to bridle. And she has come a long way being ridden as well - it is just me that seems to have gone backwards! But yes, she still isn't easy to ride, she still has a tendency to evade the bit by shoving her head in the air, she isn't always keen on going straight, thinking a banana shape is much more fun, and she can be spooky.
Still I know that it is me not her that needs to take a step up now if we are to go forward. Thanks for the 'picking one thing' idea. I had been using a few exercises from the 1001 schooling exercises book - perhaps I should go back to that.
And you are right Flicks has come a long, long way. She is 9 now but when we first had her two and a half years ago she was very green and very scared of people. For the first six months or even longer (I can't remember now) I didn't ride her at all but just spent time with her. She has come a long, long way bless her. She used to be so scared of anyone touching her ears it would take me 20 minutes to get a bridle on her. On several occasions I couldn't do it all!! My poor friend broke her arm when Flicks knocked her off the box she was standing on (friend is not tall!) in a bridling panic. Now she is like any other horse (just about...) to bridle. And she has come a long way being ridden as well - it is just me that seems to have gone backwards! But yes, she still isn't easy to ride, she still has a tendency to evade the bit by shoving her head in the air, she isn't always keen on going straight, thinking a banana shape is much more fun, and she can be spooky.
Still I know that it is me not her that needs to take a step up now if we are to go forward. Thanks for the 'picking one thing' idea. I had been using a few exercises from the 1001 schooling exercises book - perhaps I should go back to that.
Great tips, the only thing I would add would be pick more than one thing to work on, perhaps 2 which you know you can do and 1 that you find hard, I only say this as if you feel you never achieve your aim for a session it can get very frustrating and by only picking 1 thing you find hard you could put yourself in that boat, even if you are making progress with that thing as you are unlikely to perfect it in one session it could still feel like you aren't getting any where, but by picking 3 things you are almost sure to have more positives while also still pushing you and Flicks
I am having a hacking confidence blip at the moment so have total empathy. If I'd come off and injured myself, I expect I'd be nervous about riding alone in the school - nerves are normal. And I sometimes feel like I am going backwards with my riding too. I master one thing only for another problem to pop up! At the moment, for reasons I can't quite fathom, I just can't keep my right foot down. It keeps bouncing about in the stirrup. I've got an intro dressage test coming up and am worried I'm going to really get marked down for that, so am going to have to pull my finger out and practise every day! But I digress - the point is, you're doing brilliantly, so just keep on keeping on, you'll get there in the end.
Well I've had a good week this week. It is next week that I am planning to ride everyday, but in fact I ended up riding three days on the trot this week and then round penning on a fourth. Flicks owner was on holiday so asked me to do more than normal.
To make it more complicated the poor girl has had no turnout this week due to our yard having temporarily taken in two stallions who had been abandoned!! (Thankfully they have gone now). I rode Monday night and she was great although I was a bit nervous and rode badly (I know this is true because my partner filmed me!)
Then Tuesday I round penned her totally on my own (I've tended to do it with a friend recently). We had a bit of an argument - but I won so was pleased with myself! Then I went out for an hour's hack along with Flick's other sharer (on a different horse) who is an experienced hacker and a very good nanny to wusses like me! It was lovely - the sun shone - Flick's was a star and I really enjoyed it.
Wednesday I rode again in the school and then Thursday felt that it would be wise to round pen before riding due to the lack of turnout and the fact that it had been me riding all week so Flick's had not worked all that hard... This time I was not on my own and was glad about it - cos - she was full of beans and had a strop on! I do understand why - she was getting no turnout and unfortunately the supposedly sand round pen now has grass in it. F's believes it is an outrage that she should be forced to run around when she should be munching!
No excuse though for the fact that when I turned her she spun back the other way and bucked and (according to friend) was not too far from booting little old me! Still I am proud of myself in that I kept her going (and it took a while...) until she was calmly w,t, and cing (and stopping) on my command. On the down side I squeaked like a startled mouse instead of shouting at her when she misbehaved! And after that - I must confess I decided not to ride. I just had a horrible feeling my good week might end on a sour note.
F's owner is back today and offered to ride out with me tonight - but I am too busy at work - so have said no despite the lovely sunny evening.
Sorry for this rather tedious 'diary of a week' but riding more has definitely helped my confidence. Onwards and upwards to next week - when I will ride every day, Flicks will have turnout again, and her owner will be on call. I am definitely going to ask her to watch how I make F change direction in the round pen. I think I do it safely but would now like to double check!
To make it more complicated the poor girl has had no turnout this week due to our yard having temporarily taken in two stallions who had been abandoned!! (Thankfully they have gone now). I rode Monday night and she was great although I was a bit nervous and rode badly (I know this is true because my partner filmed me!)
Then Tuesday I round penned her totally on my own (I've tended to do it with a friend recently). We had a bit of an argument - but I won so was pleased with myself! Then I went out for an hour's hack along with Flick's other sharer (on a different horse) who is an experienced hacker and a very good nanny to wusses like me! It was lovely - the sun shone - Flick's was a star and I really enjoyed it.
Wednesday I rode again in the school and then Thursday felt that it would be wise to round pen before riding due to the lack of turnout and the fact that it had been me riding all week so Flick's had not worked all that hard... This time I was not on my own and was glad about it - cos - she was full of beans and had a strop on! I do understand why - she was getting no turnout and unfortunately the supposedly sand round pen now has grass in it. F's believes it is an outrage that she should be forced to run around when she should be munching!
No excuse though for the fact that when I turned her she spun back the other way and bucked and (according to friend) was not too far from booting little old me! Still I am proud of myself in that I kept her going (and it took a while...) until she was calmly w,t, and cing (and stopping) on my command. On the down side I squeaked like a startled mouse instead of shouting at her when she misbehaved! And after that - I must confess I decided not to ride. I just had a horrible feeling my good week might end on a sour note.
F's owner is back today and offered to ride out with me tonight - but I am too busy at work - so have said no despite the lovely sunny evening.
Sorry for this rather tedious 'diary of a week' but riding more has definitely helped my confidence. Onwards and upwards to next week - when I will ride every day, Flicks will have turnout again, and her owner will be on call. I am definitely going to ask her to watch how I make F change direction in the round pen. I think I do it safely but would now like to double check!
Well good week this week! I didn't squeak like a mouse once!!
I am off on holiday tomorrow morning, and although I haven't managed to ride every day I have had a confidence building week. I rode on Sunday after work, a lovely little hack in the sun, and then watched Flicks other sharer jump her. Flicks was a very good girl given that she has done hardly any jumping. Monday was v windy but I still got on and rode and practised a little dressage test, did same again Wednesday and then again this morning. Today was a kind of a big deal for me as I am normally nervous of riding her on Thursday because she has had no one but me ride her since Tuesday and I've got it into my head she will therefore be a mad, super-speedy beastie... of course she was the most chilled she has been all week.
And nicest of all: For the first time ever when I went to get her in from the paddock she came strolling up to me for cuddles instead of me having to go to her. A tiny thing but it made me smile.
I am off on holiday tomorrow morning, and although I haven't managed to ride every day I have had a confidence building week. I rode on Sunday after work, a lovely little hack in the sun, and then watched Flicks other sharer jump her. Flicks was a very good girl given that she has done hardly any jumping. Monday was v windy but I still got on and rode and practised a little dressage test, did same again Wednesday and then again this morning. Today was a kind of a big deal for me as I am normally nervous of riding her on Thursday because she has had no one but me ride her since Tuesday and I've got it into my head she will therefore be a mad, super-speedy beastie... of course she was the most chilled she has been all week.
And nicest of all: For the first time ever when I went to get her in from the paddock she came strolling up to me for cuddles instead of me having to go to her. A tiny thing but it made me smile.
Your not alone so many of us have been there!!
Picking one thing is a great idea.
And remembering to breath if you get nervous.
It sounds silly but if you get nervous start to sing- It makes you breathe.
The other day when you felt it was not right to ride - that is fine there is no shame.
As so many of us know getting back confidence is not an easy road =but you are doing great!
Picking one thing is a great idea.
And remembering to breath if you get nervous.
It sounds silly but if you get nervous start to sing- It makes you breathe.
The other day when you felt it was not right to ride - that is fine there is no shame.
As so many of us know getting back confidence is not an easy road =but you are doing great!
You are not alone Sophie -in going backwards over the winter. I was the same.
I am sorry you fell but you have limited yourself to one teacher and a rather young horse. May be it is time to consider widening your horizons and going for a few lessons elsewhere - say half a dozen or so - with another teacher or on a variety of horses? Or spend the summer hacking from a RS that does hacks and learning how to enjoy it again. I am not riding as often as I would like due to RS schedules and a lot of happy saddle time is what one needs.
Edited to say I replied to the first post obviously and not to the latest happy update.
I am sorry you fell but you have limited yourself to one teacher and a rather young horse. May be it is time to consider widening your horizons and going for a few lessons elsewhere - say half a dozen or so - with another teacher or on a variety of horses? Or spend the summer hacking from a RS that does hacks and learning how to enjoy it again. I am not riding as often as I would like due to RS schedules and a lot of happy saddle time is what one needs.
Edited to say I replied to the first post obviously and not to the latest happy update.
Thank you all for the kind words. And thanks horseandgoatmom for saying it is okay to decide not to ride. I have to be careful because I could end up making excuses not to do it every time, but on the other hand I guess it is okay not to sometimes!
And Skib, you do raise a very good point. I have been wondering about having a few lessons somewhere else to see if it would help me with riding Flicks. I've even considered having a little lesson at EML's place sometime next time I'm visiting my mum. The problem is cash - sharing F stretches me to my limits. But I might try and stretch to it over the summer.
And Skib, you do raise a very good point. I have been wondering about having a few lessons somewhere else to see if it would help me with riding Flicks. I've even considered having a little lesson at EML's place sometime next time I'm visiting my mum. The problem is cash - sharing F stretches me to my limits. But I might try and stretch to it over the summer.
I sing to Roxy all the time. She particularly enjoys my rendition of the 90s crappy club classic, Vengaboys 'Boom Boom Boom (let me hear you say neigh-oh!)'
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