This isn't really anything to do with riding but this is the only place i could come for help.
I was wondering if anyone could advise my in how to proceed with this, as i really have no idea what think of it.
I was argueing with my boyfriend because of my jealousy and it made me think of how i treat emotions and it doesn't seem 'correct'.
I'm smart, at university, good grades etc...but i can't deal with people. When my boyfriend mentions his sisters i flair with unexplained jelousy...almost as if my mind feels they're a threat. I feel such a strong hatred for them, just because he gets on well with them, and i know on some low level that what i feel is silly, but i can't control the angry feeling.
Also, when i see something which upsets others, it doesn't do so for me. For example, when i was young, my friend tripped and fell and i felt no sympathy and actually almost felt annoyed that people were fussing over her. I find it hard to feel sorry for people or things. I also feel embarrassed if people have sympathy for me. If i fall off, i;m frantic to get on and be fine so people don't mention it. Its hard to describe, it just doesn't make sense.
i do such stupid things. I rehearse things i'm going to say in my head, but then most likely never manage to say them. I have a routine of checking everythings off at night. When i was in school i couldn't revise coz the fact that my notes may have been slightly untidily written frustrated me so much i spend the entire time rewriting them. I could spend a whole class writing and rewriting one paragraph because my handwriting wasn't how i wanted it. But i couldnt bring myslef not to do it.
There's other things but i dont want to just post them openly.
Does anyone have any advice, or help, or explanation? Its just getting so hard.
I was wondering if anyone could advise my in how to proceed with this, as i really have no idea what think of it.
I was argueing with my boyfriend because of my jealousy and it made me think of how i treat emotions and it doesn't seem 'correct'.
I'm smart, at university, good grades etc...but i can't deal with people. When my boyfriend mentions his sisters i flair with unexplained jelousy...almost as if my mind feels they're a threat. I feel such a strong hatred for them, just because he gets on well with them, and i know on some low level that what i feel is silly, but i can't control the angry feeling.
Also, when i see something which upsets others, it doesn't do so for me. For example, when i was young, my friend tripped and fell and i felt no sympathy and actually almost felt annoyed that people were fussing over her. I find it hard to feel sorry for people or things. I also feel embarrassed if people have sympathy for me. If i fall off, i;m frantic to get on and be fine so people don't mention it. Its hard to describe, it just doesn't make sense.
i do such stupid things. I rehearse things i'm going to say in my head, but then most likely never manage to say them. I have a routine of checking everythings off at night. When i was in school i couldn't revise coz the fact that my notes may have been slightly untidily written frustrated me so much i spend the entire time rewriting them. I could spend a whole class writing and rewriting one paragraph because my handwriting wasn't how i wanted it. But i couldnt bring myslef not to do it.
There's other things but i dont want to just post them openly.
Does anyone have any advice, or help, or explanation? Its just getting so hard.