Knowing I should be in touch, but finding a wall instead

Dark Storm

Well I'll be a Krampus's Auntie! :D!
Jan 4, 2009
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Does anyone else struggle to stay in touch with family? As much as I like mobile phones, I'm not an advid talker.. I freeze when I ring someone, and don't know what to say because my mind just seizes up..
It's embarrassing.. :unsure:
I want to keep in touch with my Grandad, but find it hard, because I never know what to say.. My sister starts a text conversation about how are you etc, then starts asking xyz, and I just think "here she goes again", and shut down.. I know she means well, but pushing me isn't going to achieve a goal, it just makes me put my head back in the sand and ignore her..
It's also the travelling, I don't just live around the corner, can't just pop by when ever either.. and I always feel as though other family should be there, it doesn't feel right to see him alone (always been family gatherings)..
I've never been to see him, when he's on his own, so it's gonna be strange :unsure:
Help please guys, i'm not sure if it's lack of confidence in myself or worrying i'm going to be shocked bout any changes in him, as he was ill recently..
We're not a close knit family, and slowly drifting apart as time goes on, I only see my dad once a year!
 

clashnoir

Active Member
May 19, 2010
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I feel quite stressed speaking to people, even family and hate those moments when you stuggle to find another subject to speak about.
I also feel I am interupting people by calling them and get paranoid they are trying to get me off the phone, even if its someone who has called me.
Hence I rarely phone people and probably get thought bad of for it.
Try and speak to your Granda though as you'll regret it later if something happens to him. Probably be interested in anything you have to say as grandparents love contact.
 

Dark Storm

Well I'll be a Krampus's Auntie! :D!
Jan 4, 2009
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Before he was poorly, and I last saw him (Xmas) I knew then, he'd already started to change, he seemed not quite with it, if you know what I mean? When I last saw my Nana, I was shocked and upset as to how frail she'd become.. I'm not sure I could cope if Grandad went the same way.. I like to remember them as an active couple, walking the Dales with little Chester (Border Collie) at my Grandad's side..
Memories of the good times............... where did they go :frown:
 

clashnoir

Active Member
May 19, 2010
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Most of mine died when I was quite young so I didnt see it but I watched my last granda die very painfully from cancer and couldnt speak to him for crying when I seen him. I regret not doing more now. Hindsight and all that.
I hate seeing people get old and find it quite traumatic quite frankly and my folks are heading that way too.
Chin up. Memories will always be there but he wont so maybe just try to find some strength x
 

Skib

Well-Known Member
Dec 21, 2003
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I post this as a grand parent but also someone who has to visit an elderly aunt - frail and not mentally capable any more. You are lucky your grand dad can still manage a phone.

My advice is to make a little list of about six things to ask him or to talk about.
I like to remember them as an active couple, walking the Dales with little Chester (Border Collie) at my Grandad's side..

Chester might be a good place to start. I bet your grand dad will like to remember him too. You could ask questions about Chester - where he came from etc, and move on from there to ask about other previous dogs your grand dad may have had when younger.
Say how much you enjoyed the walking. That is another subject old people like to remember walks they have been. If you have photos of places he loves, take them in.
Let him tell you about his past. You can ask all sorts - like where he went to school , his favourite food , what he remembers of the war - how he met your granny. What the wedding was like.
You can also - take pics of you and your horse to show him. Your home. new stuff may not interest him as much, but you can try just a bit.
Old people like little presents too so take him some soft chocolates or soft cookies - or if he has a favourite like fudge, take some.
He will be so glad to see you - you arent passing a test - you are cheering him up by letting him talk about the things he has liked in life.
 

Mary Poppins

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Oct 10, 2004
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I post this as a grand parent but also someone who has to visit an elderly aunt - frail and not mentally capable any more. You are lucky your grand dad can still manage a phone.

My advice is to make a little list of about six things to ask him or to talk about.


Chester might be a good place to start. I bet your grand dad will like to remember him too. You could ask questions about Chester - where he came from etc, and move on from there to ask about other previous dogs your grand dad may have had when younger.
Say how much you enjoyed the walking. That is another subject old people like to remember walks they have been. If you have photos of places he loves, take them in.
Let him tell you about his past. You can ask all sorts - like where he went to school , his favourite food , what he remembers of the war - how he met your granny. What the wedding was like.
You can also - take pics of you and your horse to show him. Your home. new stuff may not interest him as much, but you can try just a bit.
Old people like little presents too so take him some soft chocolates or soft cookies - or if he has a favourite like fudge, take some.
He will be so glad to see you - you arent passing a test - you are cheering him up by letting him talk about the things he has liked in life.

Such good advice. Do go and see him, I'm sure that he would love to see you and what have you got to lose?
 

annareeves0

Active Member
Dec 18, 2007
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If you dont like talking on the phone how about a good old fashioned letter? It doesnt have to be long, or even inside a pretty blank card just to say you are thinking of them and saying a little of what you are doing. If you feel their eyesight might be going, write big or type a letter - much easier to read.

How you keep in touch is less important than the fact you do :)
 

Tina2011

New Member
Mar 23, 2012
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I am hopeless at staying in touch with relavites and the longer its left, the worse it gets. I think a good letter to the old ones is good.

Since the invention of 'Face Book' and e-mail I can keep track of them all and found we have huge amounts in common which makes it alot easier with the face to face stuff when we do eventually have a 'Wedding' etc.

I hardly ever used to speak to some cousins and neices and nephews. Now we have little daily catch ups and I see all their photos etc, its lovely.

I only have one old relative left, my mum, I wish she would do face book 'cos she often feels, left out. She did try a computer bless her but she was to scared of it:rolleyes:.
 
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