It has been over 10 weeks since Ben left and I have found it very hard indeed. However, I have moved on from the crying every 5 minutes phase and while I am still left with a deep longing and sadness about losing him, I also found myself feeling really fat and stodgy by spending so much time in the house. Part of this is due to the family having COVID over the last 4 weeks, but I really miss the exercise and outdoor life that horse ownership brings.
I did attempt to share a horse immediately after he died, but I found that I didn't gel with that horse at all so I quickly gave up. A week or so ago, quite by chance, I saw an advert for a older mare looking for a sharer. I will call her Sally here (as she isn't mine). She had a kind face so I spoke with the owner and saw her yesterday. She seems very sweet and kind. She has some health issues (mild arthritis and COPD) and apparently is very food orientated and can be strong to lead at times, but I felt a good vibe from her. The yard seems friendly. It is quite run down but has a school and a field to ride in, plus good local hacking.
I have explained to the owner that I will need to take the ridden part very slowly and to expect me to really wobble when/if I decide to ride her. I know that I will compare her to Ben and feel a huge rush of sadness, and that if she does anything that Ben didn't do I will find it hard to adapt. I would want to keep to the school and the field for the foreseeable future (maybe forever) because it took me years to gain the confidence to hack out Ben and will have to start again with Sally. The owner said she was fine with that and that anything I can offer would be great.
Sally lives out in her own field (she can be a dominant mare around other horses) and won't be stabled, so in terms of yard duties I will just have to poo pick, put hay out and feed. She has a stable where I can tie up outside to groom etc. The owner seemed keen to have found an experienced adult to share as previously she has had teenagers who have let her down. I have asked to see the owner ride her next week so I can observe from the ground, and if that goes well I will suggest a trial period of a couple of weeks to see how it works out. Apparently Sally is 'very safe', but absolutely everyone says that about their horse, so I take it with a pinch of salt. She does walk out quite briskly on hacks which is something that I am not used to (Ben had the slowest walk in the world), but as I'm staying on the yard for the foreseeable future I don't have to worry about that until I am ready. My plan would be to get to know her on the ground, and then walk round the school. I'm not wanting any more than that right now. The owner assures me she is straightforward to ride in the school and has been well schooled in her younger days.
Days wise, the owner is happy for me to do whatever I want, so I have suggested 2 set days per week with the option of a weekend day if I don't have other plans. The yard is a good 30 mins drive from my house which is a disadvantage, but also it is nice to be somewhere completely new where I don't have memories of Ben everywhere. So, as long as Sally is sensible when her owner rides next week, I will agree to a 2 week trial and see how I get on.
I did attempt to share a horse immediately after he died, but I found that I didn't gel with that horse at all so I quickly gave up. A week or so ago, quite by chance, I saw an advert for a older mare looking for a sharer. I will call her Sally here (as she isn't mine). She had a kind face so I spoke with the owner and saw her yesterday. She seems very sweet and kind. She has some health issues (mild arthritis and COPD) and apparently is very food orientated and can be strong to lead at times, but I felt a good vibe from her. The yard seems friendly. It is quite run down but has a school and a field to ride in, plus good local hacking.
I have explained to the owner that I will need to take the ridden part very slowly and to expect me to really wobble when/if I decide to ride her. I know that I will compare her to Ben and feel a huge rush of sadness, and that if she does anything that Ben didn't do I will find it hard to adapt. I would want to keep to the school and the field for the foreseeable future (maybe forever) because it took me years to gain the confidence to hack out Ben and will have to start again with Sally. The owner said she was fine with that and that anything I can offer would be great.
Sally lives out in her own field (she can be a dominant mare around other horses) and won't be stabled, so in terms of yard duties I will just have to poo pick, put hay out and feed. She has a stable where I can tie up outside to groom etc. The owner seemed keen to have found an experienced adult to share as previously she has had teenagers who have let her down. I have asked to see the owner ride her next week so I can observe from the ground, and if that goes well I will suggest a trial period of a couple of weeks to see how it works out. Apparently Sally is 'very safe', but absolutely everyone says that about their horse, so I take it with a pinch of salt. She does walk out quite briskly on hacks which is something that I am not used to (Ben had the slowest walk in the world), but as I'm staying on the yard for the foreseeable future I don't have to worry about that until I am ready. My plan would be to get to know her on the ground, and then walk round the school. I'm not wanting any more than that right now. The owner assures me she is straightforward to ride in the school and has been well schooled in her younger days.
Days wise, the owner is happy for me to do whatever I want, so I have suggested 2 set days per week with the option of a weekend day if I don't have other plans. The yard is a good 30 mins drive from my house which is a disadvantage, but also it is nice to be somewhere completely new where I don't have memories of Ben everywhere. So, as long as Sally is sensible when her owner rides next week, I will agree to a 2 week trial and see how I get on.
