my dreaded in law visit is approaching fast..

minkersmum

minkersmum

Active Member
Aug 4, 2009
1,131
0
36
Scotland
Many of you have heard my gripes about my in laws. They are due to arrive at the chalets 2 miles from us on Friday. Again they are bringing my husbands brother and his family who live a mile from them whilst we live 200 miles from them.

They have a new baby around 5 months and the 4 year old. My husband is already goading me saying i bet our kids won't be allowed to stay over because ofthe baby. Which also tells me my husband as usual will just go round playing happy families whilst once again its all on their :poop: terms.

Last time we went to visit our home town, they told us not to bother visiting because we had my cousins child with us (our daughters age) nad my husband was raging at the time but now this has just been forgotten about. My mother in law also texted saying we created a 'shambles as usual' which i just find so insulting.....

My eldest child is from my 1st marriage and when i was pregnant with my last baby, baby number three, she texted me saying did i need anything for baby E number 2. I find her so cutting. Not to mention irritating.

Wish i could disappear this coming week.....:help:
 
I don't envy you one little bit.

What will happen will happen but I'm wondering if there is anyway you can train yourselves to alter your attitudes to it?

I remember when hubby and I first got together. I was a right old stress head about everything. He was laid back and just coped with things when they happened. It didn't mean that eh cared less but his acceptance meant that he was less wound up the whole time like I was.

We've been together 17 years now and I've become far less stressed (although am probably still a complete nightmare with expectations that are far too high!) than I ever was because I have learnt over the years that I can't control everything that happens.

Is there anyway of accepting what you know will happen or making some sort of a joke out of predicting it and ticking off each things on your prediction list as they happen...like a game of bingo.

I know all that comes across as being very fascille and I apologise if I've offended but expectations are what lead to disappointment and resentment so if you can expect nothing and expect and predict the worst then maybe it will be easier?
 
Just hope that the time passes quickly! I have my own problems with the inlaws. My father in law and his wife are not speaking to us because I wouldn't bring my baby into his smoke filled house at Christmas. The doctor has particuarly told me not to let him near anyone who smokes because of a medical condition he has, but apparently that isn't good enough for them and I'm just out to cause trouble. I have come to accept that they are the ones missing out on my childrens lives, and if they are not interested in seeing them, there isn't much I can do about it.
 
Nothing will irritate them more than you putting on a smiley face & saying how sorry you are that they are missing out on their grandchildren's early years & how you can never get them back.
When you think about it it's their loss
 
oooooh, loads of sympathy vibes missus - I can imagine your pain...........Just hope it passes quickly! I can't offer much advice (got a similar situ later this year as usual) which am not looking forward to, but, as others have said, just try and keep a smile (even if false) plastered on your face and hum a silent tune in your head - and think about the time when you can let it all out when they've gone out of your life for the rest of the summer.............
Feel free to off-load on here anytime - I'll always listen!!!!!!!!!!
 
artemis said:
Nothing will irritate them more than you putting on a smiley face & saying how sorry you are that they are missing out on their grandchildren's early years & how you can never get them back.
When you think about it it's their loss
Click to expand...

Totally agree with this idea:biggrin:
 
Joyscarer said:
Is there anyway of accepting what you know will happen or making some sort of a joke out of predicting it and ticking off each things on your prediction list as they happen...like a game of bingo.
Click to expand...

We do this as a way of dealing with my mother. Can be hard to keep a straight face sometimes when the prediction happens - then it's "what are you all laughing at?" Otherwise, I'd recommend it.
 
At the end of the Day she is your Husbands Mother. If ONLY we could
pick our nearest relatives, we would all be swopping:giggle:

No matter how rude she is you only see her a few times a year and although
I wouldn't usually say its a case of 'putting up and keeping quiet' I would
attempt to do so for your Hubby. What is the point of letting MIL come between you or causing the two of you any stress as a couple. LAUGH
about it hard as it may be.

I had the MIL from HELL, believe me, but managed for almost 26 years to
get along with her without letting her have all her own way but with no
major fallouts either. When I split with the EX she decided to ignore her
Grandchildren in the street, TWICE, so she was cut from our lives then
anyway.............

Maybe your feelings are deeper routed in that you feel she doesn't see
your Child from your previous relationship as one of her Grandchildren. Well, hard as it is, its not her Grandchild, and as long as she treats the Child
decently rather than indifferently when visiting I can't see a problem.

I am in the position where my Grandaughter has a Brother and another actually due today. Although a little different because my Son is her
Father and New Partner Father to her Brother and new arrival (when it arrives, lol) as she lives with her Mum and new Partner. Her Brother calls
me Nanny because obviously thats what he hears, and I always buy
him gifts for his Birthday/Christmas etc., and totally adore him..........as I am sure I will the new Baby.
However, I am also aware that he actually has two sets of 'real' Grandparents
and adore him as I do, have to be 'aware' of that and not 'overstep' the
mark incase I upset them:smoke:
 
WE have done the same as Sparky Lilly. The same set of comments, word for word used to come out, some days we'd be shoving hankies in our mouths trying not to laugh.

It makes it a bit easier, it's like imagining them naked on the loo. It empowers you in a way, as you KNOW and confirm to yourself it's all a load of spiteful rubbish.
 
Funny isn't it, I think at 54 I have NEVER heard a Male moan about
his Father-in-law.........is it just a 'Woman' thing?:biggrin:
 
fairlady said:
Maybe your feelings are deeper routed in that you feel she doesn't see
your Child from your previous relationship as one of her Grandchildren. Well, hard as it is, its not her Grandchild, and as long as she treats the Child
decently rather than indifferently when visiting I can't see a problem.
:
Click to expand...

This isn't a problem for me. Probably more for my hubby who gets annoyed when i refer to them by their names to my son rather than gran and grandpa. But its not that they treat HIM differently its that they treat all our kids differently to the other set of grandchildren who they see everyday.

They never see our kids without having the other ones there and then that just irritates me no end. They are all at the chalet and my 4 year old daughter asking to sleep over gran says 'well ok but if you cry for mummy Gran will be angry because 'other grandaughter' needs her sleep':stomp:
I took her home that night crying because i hadn't let her stay as i was worried she'd cry for me (given that she is never away from me and lets face it hardly knows them she just might) and that she would not enjoy seeing gran 'angry'. TBH i was raging about this.

Similar type thing... my eldest, probably 4 at the time, at the chalet, saying 'i'm hungry'. I say 'ask Grandpa if you can have a banana', he replies 'no can you ask' so we have this going on for ages and grandpa asks whats the problem, i say 'oh he is hungry so i have said to ask you for a banana', 'oh right' he says. So finally my 4 year old shyly pipes up 'grandpa can i have a banana please', Grandpa- 'No'. End of conversation and probably the last time my child has asked him for anything. I cant stand him.

A well i'll be taking my time at the farm tmrw. They aren't coming til late afternoon as the are bringing the baby with THEM, the brother,wife and eldest child are following later. Husband asked if they would come here for dinner. No reply just oh em well we'll text you when we get there.:throwball::throwball:
 
newrider.com
Top Bottom
Back