Nervous Nellies.....

domane

domane

Retired cob mum
Jul 31, 2005
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Have you always been nervous? If not, is there one thing that happened that shattered your confidence or was it a built-up of things? I'm interested to know...

This is my story....

I came back to riding in 2005 after a 21 year break. I'd had 3 kids and was 42 by then so naturally I was a little more cautious than I had been before I took the break! However, I swiftly bought a bombproof-but-forward-going cob mare and my confidence was sky-high with her. The only thing I wibbled about was jumping but as Cherry had blown a tendon it wasn't something we did a lot of. But we did do some poles in the school and even entered a jumping class at a local show! Once.

Then I progressed onto ex-racer Roo and gradually my confidence disintegrated. Don't know why as Roo was a perfect gentleman on the ground and on board but something just faded and died over time. The final straw was me attempting a stupid little jump in May of last year which resulted in me falling off. As I hit the ground, the remains of my fragile confidence shattered into a million pieces. I still wanted to ride, just not Roo, and I said I would never, EVER, jump again. Just watching other people now puts fear in my belly.

With hindsight, I should never have parted with Cherry... but there you go, decisions are made and we have to live with the consquences of our actions. The ladies that loaned her from me for a year, bought her and worship the ground she walks on so there is no hope of her ever returning. She has a home for life with them... and it's a brilliant one at that. I'm happy for her.

I'm an assertive owner. I'm great with them on the ground, I set boundaries and I expect manners. I don't allow them to push me around or take liberties, but put me in the saddle and I turn to jelly.

Fast forward to this spring and Roo went off on loan and has now been bought by a lovely lady. Very un-planned, we found ourselves owners of Jack a mere 5 days later. I wanted a short, fat, hairy and got a skinny 16hh Clydie cross who has "issues". Nevertheless, for the first time ever, my other-half fell in love with a horse and so Jack rapidly seems to be becoming his horse. I've had some lessons on Jack but now I haven't ridden him for over a month :redface: And thus, the nerves are back. I've now realised it's a size issue. Roo was 16.2 and Jack is around 16hh. I want a small one. I want one where I'm not so high up. This was proved at the weekend. I went to an annual horsey meet-up which is lot of the old NR "matures" - back in the day we got fed up with the original NR format of only being able to post horse-related threads only so we set up our own little forum which still runs. We're all very close and a lot of us see each other regularly IRL. So we have the annual camp/BBQ at Bourton Vale Equitation Centre... it's fab.

On Sunday morning, very low key, I hopped on a little 14 hander patchy-pony mare and walked, trotted and cantered with no qualms. Then.... I popped her over a small jump :eek: Yes... ME!!! I dismounted and was shaking like a leaf but I bloody DID it and I'm so proud of myself!! What is HAS done is reinforce that little ones are the way to go for me. Pony-squishing is what I want to to and that's why we now have Arthur. The Comtois are known for their placid nature and Arthur is currently 14.2 or 3 (to be measured) - he's going to be my riding boy.... and Albi is going to be my driving boy....

And hopefully my confidence will start to re-build... brick by brick....

(PS I know we will have baby wibbles as they are young but I feel far more able to cope with the shorter ones having a strop!!! :giggle:)
 
Think much of my nervousness came with age. i rode for a while, over 20 years ago, as a teenager. Went from horse to horse and had numerous bad experiences, fell off many times! Think this may have come back to haunt me now though. I ride the most placid easy going riding school horses but I'm a nervous wreck. My RI thinks I'm ready to canter but I'm petrified. Think this is deep down because once a horse bolted with me on board and promptly threw me off! Silly I know! Good luck! xxx
 
Not always been nervous, infact was never nervous before bought Flipo. Had own ponies as a kid and was completely fearless. The usual 'I'm invincible' mentality of the young.
Fast forward ten or so years to age 29 and found perfect weight carrying friend, quiet, docile, just the perfect horse I'm looking for to get back into riding. First fall wasn't nice - realised he was a nervy character and decided to seek safety in the school. Second fall in the field made me think 'holy crap, i've bought a horse that isn't safe at all'. So I guess it was the first fall that made me think mmmm this isn't going to be straight forward, and the second really cemented the sense that this horse wasn't right for me.
Looking back, buying Flipo wasn't the smartest purchase for a gung ho occasional rider returning to the saddle. But you couldn't have told me that, I had to experience it for myself. I'd forgotten that no horse is 100% bombproof and now realise that your horse becomes perfect for you as you become perfect for him/ her. I only remember the last couple of years of owning my ponies when we knew each other so well it was like telepathy.

I've been told to sell him fifty million times and if it was just about the riding then I might have, I was pretty close to it but I rediscovered how much I get out of just spending time with a horse again and slowly we've bonded. I've tried heaps of different things to get my confidence back, its such a foreign feeling to be so nervous. I've had quite a love hate relationship with riding over the last year and coming back to it after the winter was a nightmare but I've learned so much and am now applying the same philosophy I used for stopping smoking. Every day I didn't smoke it got a tiny bit easier. Every day I ride, the nerves lessen ever so slightly. Simples. I just keep chipping away at it and am amazed to find myself doing things I never thought I would again.
 
My nerves came after falling and breaking my collar bone. I'm now very nervous of hacking on my own (or though I long to go out on my own, and actually throughly enjoy myself cantering about when I am on my own) but every time I get my gear to go out I get really nervous. I am also a lot more nervous of other people riding with me and falling off, so I can't win really!
 
Similar situation, got Ed as a first pony at aged 45 (me, not Ed!). He's a full up 14.2 sec D. Not too small for me,as I'm 5' 5" and 10 stone. Some might think he's not quite a 'horse' but to me it's a great size.

I can mount/dismount easily (if needed), despite a rickety back. Have come of him a few times since owning him, but he's near to the ground :wink: and it's less effort to tack him up and rug him :dance:

Good luck with Arthur. Sometimes it takes a while to find the right 'one'. :biggrin:
 
Rode as a girl with no issues at all, dabbled a bit not much riding in my 20s but when I was 32 got my own horse so pleased and I realise now how inexperienced I was but managed to get away with it as she was so sensible after many years I retired her and bought another 'sensible' horse. I realise I should have thought this through and taken someone more experienced with me but as she was the prettiest tb Ive seen I got her, she was so spooky and bolshy I eventually lost all confidence in riding. I would arrange to ride with others and pray that the weather would be bad so we didnt have to go, I didnt want to give in and say I had bought a horse that I couldnt handle so stuck with her but spent all my time checking for anything that could spook her and panic setting in if I heard a motorbike, cycle or dog coming near me often jumping off for fear she would run off with me. I had lessons on her which were great in the school but out on a hack back to normal fear. When I lost her due to an accident in the field I was unsure about getting another but my daughter encouraged me and we really looked into what we were getting this time had vet checks etc. and rode her several times before we purchased.
 
My confidence issues came not from horses at all.

I lost some when i had my fourth child and all of it when i had my fifth child. Because he has a condition that makes life dangerous unless rules are adhered to i went a bit nuts and saw danger in EVERYTHING. from getting on the bus to walking down the street and of course riding is high risk anyway. Just before the birth of my son i lost confidence in people as well as due to looking at selling/loaning my old mare just before my baby was due it seemed that people arn't always what they seem and a lot of time people's intentions are only for what suits themselves, even at detriment to others that are meant to be their friends. Luckily my mare is in a fantastic home now with a loving family.

I have got my confidence back now though and am doing well!
 
I'm not entirely sure when/how my confidence got shot to bits, but I like to blame an instructor I had. Their idea of teaching you to ride was to get you on the pony, make you sit properly (heels down, toes up, elbows in etc etc) and then scream LOUDLY at you for an hour.

No actual riding was being done, you were just sitting on the pony going 'round the school being screamed at!

So, when a situation arose you didn't know what to do. One new pony would tank off if you used your legs - how the heck were you supposed to stop?!

Another pony hated one of the other ponies and would try to kick him - how do you stop that happening?!

Several of the ponies copped on that the riders had little or no control over them and would play up - most of them used to fall asleep during the lessons, and if you were riding in the field, then the ponies would be eating grass the whole time... one would entertain himself by seeing how many ways he could get rid of his rider - he scared the living daylights out of me, and I lost my nerve completely for jumping

I had a "nasty" fall while jumping a horse (not my own pony) but it didn't scare me or put me off, I saw what was happening, but I couldn't stop myself coming off, I did manage to "tuck and roll" and avoid any injury - big difference between being thrown off and falling off!

My own pony used to tank off with me on the road (due to the way her previous owner had ridden her), I'm too scared to go out on the roads now - I have gone out but I didn't like it much!

I did gain a lot of confidence with my own pony otherwise, especially for jumping - she wouldn't refuse anything, I had problems with the braking and steering though!

With my new horse I've a few issues - especially asking for canter, the day I tried him out I got so over excited that I started to flap, and he freaked out, and took off, some pigeons flew up from wherever they flew up from and startled me (I have a slight phobia about things waving near my face, so I was a bit catatonic for a circuit or two!) and the first saddle I bought didn't fit properly and he'd half rear when I asked for canter and motorbike around the corners. I'm getting a bit braver about it now though by making myself ask for a transition properly (the pigeons are gone too!) and we have a new saddle that's not causing any problems!

Gawd at this rate I might start jumping! :giggle:
 
I am generally pretty confident but I did have some major wobbles at one stage with Izzy.

For me it was feeling his power beneath me and realising that if he so chose, he could basically do whatever he wanted and I had very little control. Some days I would drive up to the yard for a lesson and be thinking of the reasons I could give my RI so that she would ride him! Or I would drive up thinking 'it's a bit windy/rainy/hot/dark/ bright/late/early, maybe I will just do groundwork'.

And there were definitely times when I wondered if I had taken on too much with him - usually after he had bucked me off!

What helped me was lots of lessons and complete confidence in my RI. And I also could objectively look at the situations that were worrying and see the positives eg, he spooked and turned for home but stopped when I asked, or he got worked up in the school cause the other horse left, he felt like he would explode but he didn't actually do anything but call.

I guess my confidence wobble lasted 2 or 3 months and now I am confident again. I trust Izzy and although I know he will test me, I feel that I can handle it.

And I have a neck strap which is my BBF!:bounce:
 
I witnessed the jump (and the following elation!). :D it was fab although you did try to sneak it past when we weren't looking!

I’ve never been a very brave rider but I think I’m getting braver, well, I am brave on my horse, I know him like the back of my hand and trust him with my life! I think though my issues are more to do with total control freakery, everything has a place and everything has to be in the right order and has to happen when it’s planned to happen, horses don’t usually follow these rules. I’m very much a one horse girl.

(although I’m hankering after a New Forest pony I can’t justify the time for two and worry that Henry would get left out!)
 
My loss of confidence (which was the reason I joined NR) was simply through watching other riders.

I had fallen a couple of times and didn't hurt myself, but watched a friend have a serious fall and watched my daughter's lesson and see horses take off with kids on board.

I use to stand there saying 'I'm not riding that!'. In fact one ri wanted to ban me from watching the kids!!

We had a new ri take over our Thursday lessons and at first we (my friend that had the serious fall) and I, would go into lesson stating 'I'm not riding that horse' and 'I'm not cantering'. We had mental lists of horses that we would and wouldn't ride!

The new ri took us really slowly and has improved our confidence loads. In fact our Tuesday ri says she can tell we are taught by the Thursday ri because of the improvements we have made.

This week I rode an advanced horse and loved it. My friend was told it is her turn next week. We get lots of confidence off each other, so if one can ride a certain horse then the other knows they can too.

We both also get confidence from my daughter, if it is one neither off us have rode, I say my daughter had rode it and we are both fine!! Bad mum or what :redface:

These days the list of horses we won't ride is a lot smaller than the list of horses we like to ride.:biggrin:
 
You can't be THAT nervous, Lots.... look at that hooge jump you went over on JB at midnight!!!
 
A very, very interesting and honest post, one that I could have written myself but not brave enough too!!!! I stopped riding Dolly (Your Cherrys lookielikie who you know!) when my mum became ill. To this day, I'm not sure what happened to me, as I'm still passionate about my horses and care for them a million % and love being with them, but my riding days have gone. I have a saint, and have no desire to ride:cry:....If you were still in Wiltshire, I'd pack her off to you!
 
I am yet another one whos done the lot in earlier years. Was my brother's crash jockey for breaking in youngsters, broke my own in, worked as a groom abroad riding very highly spirited young sport horses.

I think my first sign of losing my nerve came after a young arab I was breaking in launched me, with great gusto, between her ears and I landed very badly on my head. That was the back and neck injury that still blights my riding ability now. But the worst of that was that my sons, then aged about 6 and 9, witnessed it and were inconsolable with worry and fear that I was dying! That made me feel far worse than the pain of the fall, felt ashamed for risking myself with a young family. Became a far more cautious rider after that.

But then over the last 10 years or so as all the aches and pains just make me such a crap rider that I know I don't have the stickability I did have, hence I stress more about falling off!:redface: Plus I think when you have many, many years of experience behind you - you are so aware of what can and does happen it makes you even more nervous. Plus if you have a handful of friends who have actually been killed over the years when horse riding it just all gets a bit scary TBH!:cold:

Even now with Dolly, because I cant ride at the moment, as each day goes past I am getting more nervous about getting on again??? Just a hopeless case I guess.:giggle:
 
I'm not nervous as such except for when it comes to jumping, probably happened when I was about 4-5 and use too be put on this pony called Hannah everytime you went to jump her in a lesson she would stop dead just before the jump and I'd go flying over her head. Since then I've been so nervous about jumping!!

However about a year or so ago, my riding instructor after a jumping lesson with me in tears, told me to stay there. She went, got one of her daughters show jumping ponies, chucked me on, tyed my reins up and led me round on him, she then told me to close my eyes and led me around a small grid of jumps, she then told me to keep my eyes closed and put me in the centre of the school, she went and did something then came back, told me to still keep my eyes closed and to just go with the pony. She sent him of and he jumped.
She then took me back in the middle and told me to open my eyes, I did and the jump I had jumped was near the top of the wings!!

Since then I've been alot more confident but still get pretty nervous!
 
Interesting reading all your stories, so many triggers and different reasoning behind the way we all feel.

Maybe i'm alone in my fear, as so far i've never really had a bad experience riding. Have only ever fallen off once, from a little 14hh pony whilst out on a hack a couple of years ago, she spooked and we parted company but it didn't hurt much and I got straight back on (well on another horse anyway!).

I'm fairly sure my riding anxieties have come about not through my experiences with riding, but with my lack of experience with riding.

As a kid, from the age of 10 or so all I wanted to do was learn to ride, but my parents would not allow me, stating that it was too dangerous, risky and I could get killed. All absolutely true and they only had my best interests at heart but it successfully sewed a seed in my mind. By the time I could afford my first sit on a horse at 17 I was already a bit nervous.

I rode a nice pony in my first lessons but had to give up after only a few short months, my transport was no longer available and my folks would not drive me, it was not on a public transport route so that was that for many years.

Then I decided about 4 years ago to start again, me and a work colleague with much more experience (and far too much confidence!!) started having lessons, and I found my first share shortly afterwards with a lovely lady who taught me, for the first time in my life, how to help care for a horse. He was wonderful and we had fun but my friend came off and broke her ankle, so I ended up hacking alone (another first!). He was brill but SOOO forward going that I lost my bottle and gave him up. I still miss him and he gave me my first proper canter, still regret giving him up :rolleyes:

So then after another break, I finally decided to do it properly and have regular lessons. My OH also wanted to learn, and we've been riding at current RS for over a year now, albeit not evey week sadly.

New share horse now, looking forward to learning more but I fear that my 'what if' mentality will always interfere. It's my dream to own my own dope on a rope one day but who knows.

One things for sure though, all those dreams I had of riding when I was a kid.. fear never featured. Oh to be 10 again!:cry:
 
Interesting thread - I've been thinking hard about what actually triggers fear in me. I'm discounting the pre-ride 'butterflies' type of nerves i.e the feeling you get before a special event at work, a complicated train/plane journey, going out to a party/wedding or whatever. That's normal 'coping with life' cautiousness.

Unlike some of you, I was never a bold, try anything rider as a child, even though I rode from 8 -17 yo at least weekly. I wasn't fearful, and would do anything the RO asked without hesitating, but I lacked natural talent. (I knew all the breeds, colours, parts of the horse, parts of tack, etc., so was very keen but not an instinctive rider). My best friend was less classically correct in her seat, but could ride anything, and always went leading file on the bigger, trickier horses. So I was never gung-ho. In the early 80's I came back to riding after a long gap, and go to a stage where I was a competent RS rider. I even led hacks out on occasions. Confidence levels were OK, and I did little classes at the RS in equitation, SJ etc.

Then another break, at which point I think the rot set in. I had a build up of experiences of riding once/twice a year only, when on holiday. First - a beach ride in Tunisia where the pony (little lightweight araby thing with lumpy alien tack) that was entirely voice controlled by it's owner. Spookiest thing ever, and it made no difference what I did in the way of aids, it only listened to instructions from 'the boss', who insisted on careering up and down the beach like the charge from Lawrence of Arabia. Then, a big ginger item that charged round a small cross country course several times on the bum of the lead horse, taking not a blind bit of notice of me once again. (Too far from the fence, took a huge flying leap, too near, just cat jumped!) Cue another ginger mare, ex-hunter who carried me on an exhilarating beach ride in Northumberland. An big bay (another ex-hunter) who put the fear of death into me whilst on a fast hack (not requested) in Pembrokeshire.

I was always honest about my riding experience (rusty RS weekend rider, not saddle fit). I think these places (mainly in holiday areas) just used to fact you could ride to utilise the mounts that were not suitable for holiday trekkers and total novices. I was over-horsed, and my skills cabinet was bare when it came to managing very strong and keen horses in open country.

But the odd thing is I was never in danger of falling off, don't even recall being off balance at any point. There was usually great exhilaration and a huge adrenalin rush after the ride was over, and if asked I would have said I enjoyed it. BUT the fact was I thought (frequently) at that moment that I was going to die!:wub: There's a fine line between an adrenalin rush and sheer terror. I never realised at the time that I'd crossed it, but I had.

And from that point on, once I returned to riding 2-3 years ago the fear ebbs and flows. I'm older and wiser now (I only book lessons when I'm on holiday - not hacks! - for the moment!) I'm managing it, putting myself carefully into more challenging situations. I love riding, and being around horses. There are more days when I ride than find excuses not too. I'm confident in the school at 95%. I'm doing stuff with less than perfect ponies (see my other thread on Dave'ing)I've started to hack out a little too, but still have an issue with big horses and open spaces.

But it's fun, I'm getting better, and I love it (mostly!). It's so very worth it.:happy:
 
It's interesting that you speak of "butterflies" in your tummy, selside.... sometimes when I plan to ride and I'm driving to the yard I realise I have butterflies.... as a child I used to get butterflies every Sunday morning but it was the EXCITEMENT of going riding. Over the years I guess that feeling has been more attributed to worrying situations and now I'm wondering whether I'm misinterpreting my own body and rather than fearing riding, I should be feeling excitement... Hmmm..... interesting thought.....
 
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