Now on week 14 of box rest...

[Mary Poppins]

I can’t sleep so thought I would post a little update on Ben.

We have reached week 14 and he is now much happier and more content. There is no more door kicking, barging or stressed behaviour. He is almost back to his old self being cheeky and affectionate.

He has swellings on his sheath, stomach and legs. With the swellings and his muscle wastage I now have no idea what shape he actually is anymore. It is sad to watch my once toned and fit horse change so much. He has regular physio and massages where he is always found to be tight on his right side, but that is hardly surprising when he is only allowed to move for 10 minutes per day.

At the last vet visit he was still 4/10th lame in his right hind. He had this stifle reinjected but I know it still hurts him. He lifted his whole leg off the ground when I picked up his opposite diagnal yesterday and this is not a good sign. His right stifle is warmer than the left, but the experts tell me this is a sign that healing is happening inside.

The vet comes back in 2 weeks. I know he won’t be sound. So what to do then? It keeps me awake at night worrying about it (hence why I am writing this at 5am). I can’t turn him out knowing he has no cartilage to cushion the joint, this will just make him worse. As he is now settled in box rest and happy in himself I think I will opt for another 8 weeks of box rest to take the total box rest up to 6 months. If he is still lame after that, I really have no options left. It is incredibly hard to face the possibility that he may not recover. It is so unfair. When the option to have him put to sleep is way in the future, it is easy to say that is what I will do. But when it comes down to knowing that I probably have to do this in 10 short weeks, it is heartbreaking. He means everything to me. It is not about riding him or doing things with him, his companionship is enough for me. What will I do without him?

 

[Kite_Rider]

To answer your question 'what will I do without him' well firstly you haven't got to that point yet, secondly, hard as it is you will do what everyone who's lost someone they love does, you'll grieve, you'll feel like your heart is literally broken, you'll feel as though your world has fallen apart and slowly, slowly you'll come to terms with it and start to feel a tiny bit better, loving someone be that an animal or human is a gift to be treasured, but comes at a price, one we all know is worth paying for the love we have and feel while they are with us.
Keep on keeping on MP and whatever happens you will have the strength to deal with it x

 

[Trewsers]

To answer your question 'what will I do without him' well firstly you haven't got to that point yet, secondly, hard as it is you will do what everyone who's lost someone they love does, you'll grieve, you'll feel like your heart is literally broken, you'll feel as though your world has fallen apart and slowly, slowly you'll come to terms with it and start to feel a tiny bit better, loving someone be that an animal or human is a gift to be treasured, but comes at a price, one we all know is worth paying for the love we have and feel while they are with us.
Keep on keeping on MP and whatever happens you will have the strength to deal with it x

So well put, and very true.

 

[Mary Poppins]

People often ask me if I will get a new horse or give up for a while if he does go over Rainbow bridge. I just don’t know. He is my horse of a lifetime but without a horse in my life what would I do with all my time?

I think everyone experiences the grieving process differently. Some people I know who have lost a horse go straight back out and get another, while others never ride again. In some ways I feel lucky that I get the chance to think about it and prepare in advance. Yes I know he isn’t there yet, but after all this time and treatment, if he is still reluctant to weight bare on the joint, it doesn’t look good and I have to be realistic. A sudden loss of a horse is harder to take I think.

 

[Jane&Ziggy]

I am so sorry that he is not recovering as we all hoped. I suppose there's still a chance for him, but I absolutely understand why you are thinking about the what ifs.

I don't imagine there's really any way to know how you will feel until it happens, if it happens. I know if it happened to me I wouldn't get another pony, but as you say, many people go straight out to replace their lost horse and I can understand that too.

At least he is happier now and you can rebuild the friendship you had before the box rest started. Poor big chap, what a long road for him. And you.

 

[Trewsers]

When J was pts we had to get another asap because I did not want Storm kept alone. In some ways it helped us both hugely having a new arrival. It was nice to look over Joe's door and see a lovely friendly new face. Put it this way, it stopped me from crying so hard I was sick! But of course keeping them at home is a different situation to being on a yard and having one. I feel your upset and worry @Mary Poppins all I can say is cross bridges when you get to them. As already said, you will deal with it when you have to, nobody and nothing can prepare you, but hopefully it won't come to that just yet. Lots of positive vibesxxx

 

[Jessey]

It's good to hear he's more settled and back to his old self, but must be agonising for you that you don't see him progressing as you'd hoped. Healing vibes coming his way x

 

[Lemme]

Keep faith and keep strong.