Should I try riding again--or try something else?

FindingMyWay

New Member
Apr 1, 2015
27
10
3
United States
Hi, everyone. I've been away from horses for a long time, and I really miss being around them, but I don't know where I belong in the equine world. I just can't decide if I should give riding another try or switch to something else entirely--like driving. Also, I apologize in advance for the length.

I took riding lessons for about six to seven months in 1996, when I was in my early teens. I rode Western for about three months and felt a lot more secure in a Western saddle, but my instructor retired her gelding and bought a green filly instead. No one else taught Western, but I decided to stay at the barn anyway and switched to English. That was a big mistake!

I've never been a confident rider...While I've never even fallen off or witnessed an accident, I have a severe phobia of heights and chronic "what ifs" that traumatized me every time I got on a horse or pony. I started out feeling more nervous than usual in the new, smaller saddle (I missed the saddle horn, too), and I quickly learned that my English instructor had no patience whatsoever for timid riders and was prone to screaming fits and using threats to push me past my comfort zone. She rushed me into cantering (which frightened me senseless) and had me trotting over poles without asking me if I even wanted to learn how to jump. Finally, she stormed out of the ring one day after telling me she couldn't continue working with someone who was so afraid. She said she was going to give my number to a more patient instructor at the barn, but no one ever called, and I still haven't worked up the nerve to get back in the saddle again.

I do think about horses quite often--and even more often these days, because I've recently started updating my goals/life list to better reflect who I am now. My phobias and worries have made the possibility of riding again a challenge at best! Walking in an enclosed arena was fun for me, but I didn't like trotting unless I could post on a very smooth horse (Jogging and sitting trot always made me feel like I was about to fall out of the saddle)--then I was fine. I honestly have no desire to canter ever again, and galloping and jumping don't appeal to me in the slightest. My best memories of horses, except for when I was riding very slowly, have usually happened while I was on the ground. I loved grooming, tacking up, petting them, and just watching horses out in the pasture. The tension and fear I felt shortly before and during my lessons always melted when I dismounted....I can't remember feeling that way when I rode Western, though I didn't exactly long to get back on the horse right away, either. Perhaps my relief had something to do with both my volatile English instructor and the missing the solid Western saddle!

I do like the idea of trail riding, but then I start to panic when I think about all the things that could go wrong. What if my horse got spooked by something or decided to take off after another horse that bolted? Since I'm not ready to own or lease a horse, my main options are riding lessons, trail riding, or driving lessons. Driving sounds like so much fun, even though I'm aware of the dangers, but I do wonder if I should give riding another try first-or in addition to driving. That was, after all, what I wanted to do long before I ever considered driving. It just seems like the reality of riding was much different than what I expected, and I feel so guilty that I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. Maybe I should give driving a go first and see if that's enough to fill the horse-shaped hole in my heart...I just don't know.

Sorry if this post is rambling and confusing at times. I hope some of you can give me your insight and offer different perspectives on things. Thanks for reading!
 
Last edited:
That instructor didn't sound very helpful at all! I think you'd benefit from being around horses and learning lots of stable type things. Do you have any horsey friends at all that you could just offer to help muck out etc with? What about putting an advert in your local tack shop / feed merchants offering to help with horse? I think if you just enjoy being around them its a start and a way to stop thinking about the what ifs. More experience would certainly help you and be enjoyable too. And who knows where it might lead? You don't have to spend your life cantering and galloping but it does help if you know how to do them safely which is why it would be an idea to start off small and have lessons again - but explain your fears and become really comfortable in walk and trot. Trail riding / hacking is a nice way to spend riding time, but unless you know the basics and are comfortable with them you will always be worrying about the what ifs and what might happen if your horse does spook - even well mannered RS horses can see something odd on a hack. Sounds like you definitely need a sympathetic teacher and not someone to shout at you. I don't think it did much good. Are there not many yards where you can learn nearby?
 
  • Like
Reactions: Kite_Rider
Hello and welcome, don't apologise for your post, we all come here to have a ramble, moan, let off stem, shout about our acheivements and no one minds in the slightest.
Your post made me sad, I cannot imagine being treated the way your completely unsympathetic and downright rude instructor made you feel.
I would start by maybe looking for a horse to hug and get to know before you even think about getting back on board, once you do decide please find yourself a better RI than the last one and don't ever put up with that again. Some people thrive on the 'bullying' tactics and if you do then that's great but most people do better with support and encouragement, especially if they are particularily nervous.
Basically everything Treswers says above ^^ but she put it much better than me :)
 
Trewsers: No, I don't know any other horse people around here. I do live in a very horsey state, though, and there are plenty of stables and therapeutic riding centers in the area--even a horse park. I know several of the therapeutic centers offer riding lessons to volunteers, and some of them have driving, too. Maybe I could look into volunteering at one of those places...

Kite_Rider: I think you and Trewsers are both onto something. I should probably start getting comfortable with horses from the ground up again and slowly progress from there. Also, I will definitely look for a patient, sensitive instructor next time--preferably one who has experience with fear issues.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Trewsers
That's true what KR said - some folk do okay with a bullish shouty instructor. It wouldn't work for me tho. I think it sounds like a great idea to go to volunteer.
 
Riding lessons I think. And Western if you like that best. I say lessons because some of the things you list that you cant do or hate doing, are things that have to be taught and learned for yoiur own safety. Like the two times table. Seems easy. But no one recites it till they have been taught it. The same is true of sitting trot whether it is a Western jog or English riding.
Sitting to a trot is an essential part of learning to balance on a horse - most easilly learned in the UK in lunge lessons where the teacher takes full control - and explains to you what you need to do.
Until you are balanced on a horse and learn (are taught) how to adjust your body to stay balanced you are bound to feel insecure and frightened.
Once you are balanced in trot, the curious result is that you are unlikely to fall off if a horse you are riding gives an unsolicited canter. So that is one less worry. In the UK the rule is often that one cant hack until one can canter properly. I couldnt canter but the RI noticed that when the horse cantered a few steps by accident, I wasnt that troubled. So she judged me fit to hack out. In USA you could easily trail ride, but it would be best to get hapy and balanced in trot before you join a group. As a tourist I have often bean trail riding in the USA and sometimes a horse in the long file may trot to catch up the horse ahead. So best to know you will feel safe.
I too (by the way) was scared of riding or trotting over poles, but that is not a prelude to jumping. Riding over poles is an exercise that helps horses to pick up their feet and helps new riders ask for just a little more action from the horse in trot without actually going into canter. The extra energy needed may make the trot boucier than you are used to, but it is good learning practise. Trotting over poles you are increasing your control of speed. You may also be improving your steering by steering straight down the middle of the pole or poles, as some horses may prefer to go sideways to avoid the poles and the extra work entailed.
I never much liked trotting over poles - had a special lesson on it which removed my fear and then this week after a long gap, rode over poles again. And made the mistake I have just described to you, of asking the horse to go forward but not preventing her offering me canter. The horse is not offering to jump - just responding to your request to use some energy.
 
I think all of the above - being around horses on the ground is not only therapeutic, but is useful for gaining confidence and really responding to a horse's body language. And that instructor sounds appalling. When you're very nervous (and I've been there!) you need support and encouragement, taking it just in baby steps. Pole work is very good for learning balance and I have found it has boosted my confidence, and doesn't have to lead on to jumping.

So find another yard - where they will be patient with you and let you take things at your own pace, even if that means not actually get on a horse yet!
 
  • Like
Reactions: Trewsers
As an adult, there's a rational part of me that understands (even appreciates) the reasons why an instructor would expect me to learn the faster gaits. I might choose not to ride fast, but I need to be prepared just in case the horse speeds up for some reason. That applies to peaceful trail rides at slow gaits, too.

Unfortunately, just the thought of riding faster, or simply sitting a trot/jog, brings out the terrified thirteen-year-old girl I once was. I can feel my chest tighten with panic and my stomach knot up if I start to dwell on it, and the frightened part of me keeps insisting that I really, really don't want to learn those things! It doesn't help that I have coordination and balance issues, either. Like I said before, I bounced around a lot while trotting and jogging and felt very insecure, but I also pitched forward in the saddle the first time I cantered. That scared me senseless. I felt like I was going to fall off and get trampled.

Regarding pole work: After reading some of the responses here, I wondered why I had associated it with jumping...Then I recalled there was also a small jump set up in the middle of the ring throughout my last few lessons. At the end of a lesson, my instructor had me go over the poles, then walk or trot over the obstacle. I asked my mother about this, since she had watched every single one of my rides, and she, too, remembers it being there.

I'm still not entirely sure what to do (other than taking things slow and staying on the ground until I'm ready to do more). I would consider switching to, or at least starting with, Miniature Horses, but I don't know if that's even a possibility where I live. The same goes for riding donkeys and/or mules or the gaited breeds...Interesting options, but not exactly practical. Driving really appeals to me, and I know of several stables that offer driving lessons, so I haven't ruled that out yet. I'm also considering doing some volunteer work with horses.

My main conflicts seem to be with riding and getting out of my tiny riding comfort zone.
 
Last edited:
Sadly the reason many instructors rush people into faster gaits is that they run out of ideas for slower gaited lessons. I now teach adults only, mainly beginners or late starters many of whom have no desire to rush into cantering or jumping. Some do but generally after a longer period of learning than do the children who will generally be cantering after a few lessons ( practically it is easier to teach kids as a helper can run with the pony while holding the child on!!). There are lots of things you can learn while only walking and trotting, eg do complex dressage movements and even ride high level dressage tests just at a walk not a canter, do a course of poles on the ground, it is great for steering and a well trained horse will not jump them, ride out on a safe horse on private roads / tracks not used for cantering. Try to find a more sympathetic instructor but I would also get involved with the theraputic centres as the more you are around horses the more confident you willl get as you understand them.
 
eml: I would be more than content to do those things you mentioned and nothing else! There's at least one stable around here offering dressage lessons, but I hadn't even considered dressage because I assumed it would involve cantering.

After giving the subject some more thought, I'm pretty sure I miss simply being around horses more than I miss riding. The most important thing is for me to get comfortable around horses on the ground first. After that, I'm leaning towards taking driving lessons. If I do get back into riding, I'll take Western lessons next time since the English style seems to trigger more of my phobias. I've also heard that the lope is slower than a canter...If that's true, then I'd feel a little more comfortable with the idea of going faster.
 
Western jog is slower than a trot and a lope is slower than a canter only because we riders create that slow pace and teach it to the horses. And you can do the same with a horse in English tack. Maisie would do a Western jog for me.
 
You can simply tell your instructor that you don't want to canter or jump - you are paying them so you call the tune! It's a shame you had someone so horrid and unsympathetic, they're not all like that, although it can be a challenge finding someone who suits you. I like an RI who is somewhere between the shouty and the touchy-feely 'you're doing brilliantly!' (even though you've lost both stirrups and are sliding off sideways) types! Learning to ride again as an adult is definitely scarier than when you learn as a child (I've done both) but it is so much fun.
 
Hmm...Maybe I should look for a Western instructor who will let me post the jog. That would be the best of both worlds! :)

squidsin, I really would prefer to stick with walking and trotting or jogging. I just worry that not learning to ride the faster gaits could cause me to panic should the horse or pony ever run away with me. At the same time, even thinking about going faster is frightening...
 
  • Like
Reactions: squidsin
Hmm...Maybe I should look for a Western instructor who will let me post the jog. That would be the best of both worlds! :)

squidsin, I really would prefer to stick with walking and trotting or jogging. I just worry that not learning to ride the faster gaits could cause me to panic should the horse or pony ever run away with me. At the same time, even thinking about going faster is frightening...
When I started riding lessons after a load of bad experiences with my ex-horse that shattered my confidence, I asked them to put me on the horses they use for Riding For The Disabled! I pottered about on them for a few lessons until I felt confident about going up a gear. Remember: you can take things at YOUR pace - it's meant to be fun after all - and if you only want to walk, that's FINE! The horse won't care! And in the school, it's highly unlikely you'll be run off with. I only walk and trot my mare on hacks - my horse, my choice! This is easier said than done, but maybe don't think too far ahead, just take one lesson at a time and only do what you feel comfortable doing. It's too expensive not to do it your way and enjoy it!
 
In a training situation it is reasonable to expect to be given a horse that will not canter if you can't!. We spend a lot of time teaching our horses only to canter when the rider sits well in trot and applies corect aids. Avoid places where horse are kicked ( or use of stick) into canter from a fast trot as those are more likely to canter accidentally. There is absolutely no pressure to do all paces ,Thiink of Grade 1 Para riders who only walk but with perfection!
 
I'd give some thought, when you're not near horses, to trying to understand your own phobias and concerns. If you better understand why they exist, you could also looking at coping mechanisms and work you can do with cbt or something to help with the negative thoughts.
I had some issues with my horse a few years back and Id almost say I had a broken record playing in my head. I could visualise in my head that I rode the long straight the school but upon reaching the corner my horse would spin and run. I would lie in my bed at night and see this happening in my head over and over - and it just perpetuated my riding fear when I was with my horse.
I had to very consciously stop myself from allowing these broken records to play in my mind and visualise good experiences. I had a colleague who as training in emdr therapy (eye movement desensitisation therapy) and he helped me with a few sessions simply focusing on replaying these movies in my head and forcing good outcomes. It wasn't a talking therapy as such. That and taking videos of my actual riding, playing them back when I was sitting at home having these fearful thoughts, all helped me.
I appreciate you say you haven't had a specific bad experience that could cause this fear of yours, so I would just be wanting to investigate psychology a bit - if you understand why you have this fear, then maybe you can help yourself deal with it.
All I'll say is not to fight it. Treat it like a friend who requires gentle encouragement. Do not overface it but try to push for progress very occasionally.
 
I guess I just worry that a new instructor will eventually get bored with my refusal to do more than walk or trot and put an end to my lessons. I was thinking that I could only go so far in lessons, and then my only options will be buying, leasing, or trail riding--and that's when I get anxious. Is that silly?

squidsin, your suggestion of riding therapy horses is a good one! I was so nervous on those calm lesson horses (and pony) that it might be better to start off with a horse like that. I know therapy centers have very strict temperament requirements when it comes to adding horses to their programs.

Flipo's Mum: I'm definitely aware of the reasons why I fear riding...Those same phobias have affected other areas of my life as well, unfortunately. I'm most afraid of either dying in a riding accident or being seriously injured.

I've been in CBT therapy before for general anxiety and phobias (among other things), and my experiences have been mixed because I struggled to find the right therapist. If I can find someone who's a good match, then I would consider going back into therapy before riding again. I'll look into emdr, but I'm also fascinated with the idea of hypnosis, so I'd like to explore that, too.
 
Last edited:
Interestingly and I hope encouragement for you today I taught someone who I origionally taught to ride 20 odd years ago. She has recently lost her horse who she took to a high level in Dressage competitions and has two horrendous experiences trying new horses, one bolted with her and another bucked until she had a hard fall . She came to regain her confidence, said her target for today was to get on and walk while I was close, we ended up doing walk and trot , circles, rising and sitting, , me standing in the middle and tried indoor and outdoor schools. Even tried a few strides of canter.

A good horse and patient instructor really helps. I personally am not concerned if someone wants to take things slowly, there is so much to learn in riding even at halt and in walk that fear should never become an issue.
 
That is very brave and inspiring indeed, eml! I can't imagine having the courage to get back on after not just one but two traumatic experiences, let alone working up to a canter in a single lesson...I'll have to remember this story. If she can handle all that, then surely I can work up the nerve to get back on a horse again!

I feel better knowing that I can have some input into my lessons...I think part of my fear came from feeling like what I wanted to learn didn't matter to my (second) instructor. She was pushing me into things I didn't want to do and wasn't ready for. Also, I never spoke up to my Western instructor and asked her to teach me how to post to the job, but I wish I had. Whether I choose to ride again or take up driving--or do both--I plan to look for a more patient and understanding instructor.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Native Lover
I think you should definitely start off just being around horses - maybe helping out in a riding school or similar. If you're paying for lessons then no reason why you have to move into canter if you don't want to. It took me a year of lessons before I cantered and that wasn't because I didn't want to but just getting the basics right first. Best of luck with it all, I also fear falling off, largely as I have a pancreas disease and already live off very strong painkillers so in scared a fall could spell the end. But I've had a few near falls not least my horse bucked on 2nd canter but I hadn't even realised he had until they told me (I knew he had done something) and actually I'm glad he did as I realised I sat it fine and perhaps the long time building up to canter and concentrating on balance was worth it. Good luck
 
newrider.com