Hi, everyone. I've been away from horses for a long time, and I really miss being around them, but I don't know where I belong in the equine world. I just can't decide if I should give riding another try or switch to something else entirely--like driving. Also, I apologize in advance for the length.
I took riding lessons for about six to seven months in 1996, when I was in my early teens. I rode Western for about three months and felt a lot more secure in a Western saddle, but my instructor retired her gelding and bought a green filly instead. No one else taught Western, but I decided to stay at the barn anyway and switched to English. That was a big mistake!
I've never been a confident rider...While I've never even fallen off or witnessed an accident, I have a severe phobia of heights and chronic "what ifs" that traumatized me every time I got on a horse or pony. I started out feeling more nervous than usual in the new, smaller saddle (I missed the saddle horn, too), and I quickly learned that my English instructor had no patience whatsoever for timid riders and was prone to screaming fits and using threats to push me past my comfort zone. She rushed me into cantering (which frightened me senseless) and had me trotting over poles without asking me if I even wanted to learn how to jump. Finally, she stormed out of the ring one day after telling me she couldn't continue working with someone who was so afraid. She said she was going to give my number to a more patient instructor at the barn, but no one ever called, and I still haven't worked up the nerve to get back in the saddle again.
I do think about horses quite often--and even more often these days, because I've recently started updating my goals/life list to better reflect who I am now. My phobias and worries have made the possibility of riding again a challenge at best! Walking in an enclosed arena was fun for me, but I didn't like trotting unless I could post on a very smooth horse (Jogging and sitting trot always made me feel like I was about to fall out of the saddle)--then I was fine. I honestly have no desire to canter ever again, and galloping and jumping don't appeal to me in the slightest. My best memories of horses, except for when I was riding very slowly, have usually happened while I was on the ground. I loved grooming, tacking up, petting them, and just watching horses out in the pasture. The tension and fear I felt shortly before and during my lessons always melted when I dismounted....I can't remember feeling that way when I rode Western, though I didn't exactly long to get back on the horse right away, either. Perhaps my relief had something to do with both my volatile English instructor and the missing the solid Western saddle!
I do like the idea of trail riding, but then I start to panic when I think about all the things that could go wrong. What if my horse got spooked by something or decided to take off after another horse that bolted? Since I'm not ready to own or lease a horse, my main options are riding lessons, trail riding, or driving lessons. Driving sounds like so much fun, even though I'm aware of the dangers, but I do wonder if I should give riding another try first-or in addition to driving. That was, after all, what I wanted to do long before I ever considered driving. It just seems like the reality of riding was much different than what I expected, and I feel so guilty that I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. Maybe I should give driving a go first and see if that's enough to fill the horse-shaped hole in my heart...I just don't know.
Sorry if this post is rambling and confusing at times. I hope some of you can give me your insight and offer different perspectives on things. Thanks for reading!
I took riding lessons for about six to seven months in 1996, when I was in my early teens. I rode Western for about three months and felt a lot more secure in a Western saddle, but my instructor retired her gelding and bought a green filly instead. No one else taught Western, but I decided to stay at the barn anyway and switched to English. That was a big mistake!
I've never been a confident rider...While I've never even fallen off or witnessed an accident, I have a severe phobia of heights and chronic "what ifs" that traumatized me every time I got on a horse or pony. I started out feeling more nervous than usual in the new, smaller saddle (I missed the saddle horn, too), and I quickly learned that my English instructor had no patience whatsoever for timid riders and was prone to screaming fits and using threats to push me past my comfort zone. She rushed me into cantering (which frightened me senseless) and had me trotting over poles without asking me if I even wanted to learn how to jump. Finally, she stormed out of the ring one day after telling me she couldn't continue working with someone who was so afraid. She said she was going to give my number to a more patient instructor at the barn, but no one ever called, and I still haven't worked up the nerve to get back in the saddle again.
I do think about horses quite often--and even more often these days, because I've recently started updating my goals/life list to better reflect who I am now. My phobias and worries have made the possibility of riding again a challenge at best! Walking in an enclosed arena was fun for me, but I didn't like trotting unless I could post on a very smooth horse (Jogging and sitting trot always made me feel like I was about to fall out of the saddle)--then I was fine. I honestly have no desire to canter ever again, and galloping and jumping don't appeal to me in the slightest. My best memories of horses, except for when I was riding very slowly, have usually happened while I was on the ground. I loved grooming, tacking up, petting them, and just watching horses out in the pasture. The tension and fear I felt shortly before and during my lessons always melted when I dismounted....I can't remember feeling that way when I rode Western, though I didn't exactly long to get back on the horse right away, either. Perhaps my relief had something to do with both my volatile English instructor and the missing the solid Western saddle!
I do like the idea of trail riding, but then I start to panic when I think about all the things that could go wrong. What if my horse got spooked by something or decided to take off after another horse that bolted? Since I'm not ready to own or lease a horse, my main options are riding lessons, trail riding, or driving lessons. Driving sounds like so much fun, even though I'm aware of the dangers, but I do wonder if I should give riding another try first-or in addition to driving. That was, after all, what I wanted to do long before I ever considered driving. It just seems like the reality of riding was much different than what I expected, and I feel so guilty that I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I would. Maybe I should give driving a go first and see if that's enough to fill the horse-shaped hole in my heart...I just don't know.
Sorry if this post is rambling and confusing at times. I hope some of you can give me your insight and offer different perspectives on things. Thanks for reading!
Last edited: