Spoiled kids!! Your experiences please :-)

beakysian

New Member
Mar 26, 2008
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Durham, UK
A colleague's situation has got me thinking and I just wonder what all your experiences might be. Her 15 year old daughter has her Year 11 'prom' this July and you would have thought it was another royal wedding. :eek: She has already guilt-tripped her mother (my colleague) into spending £100s on a ball dress, will get new shoes, jewellery etc and is insisting that she have spray tan, hair, nails and professional make-up. This is before transport is arranged or spending money handed out.

The rest of us in the office are horrified and are all in agreement that the phrase "no, because I'm your mother and I say so" is a perfectly acceptable phrase. And one we all remember being on the receiving end of :rolleyes: This is even causing ructions for my colleague and her husband because he WILL say no while she doesn't seem able to rein in her daughter's outrageous ideas.

Are we all being unreasonably harsh? In the days of Gypsy Wedding and Super Sweet 16 all over the TV is it giving kids totally unrealistic ideas? Or is it the schools' fault for staging these crazy 'proms' when a Leavers Disco would do fine?? Why do parents feel too guilty to simply tell their kids 'no, end of discussion'? I'm 26 and my mum was still saying that to me until I left university!

Interested in your own experiences with this :)
 
I have heard of this being the norm for younger kids too.
Didn't happen 20 years ago when I was that age thats for sure.
I think its a bit much but then again I am not very child friendly.
 
LOL, I used to have to be a dutiful daughter and attend real fancy balls and dos. My parents had the opposite problem, I'd be carted off to be kitted out to appear in public and they used to have to rugby tackle me and hog tie me to get me into a posh frock.....I HATED every minute.

Shudders at the thought
 
I think it's nobody else's business but the parents tbh so the office can be as harsh or judgemental as they like. It's this sort of thing that really puts me off people and why I'm more of a loaner in life avoiding groups of people as much as I can.

I have to admit that hubby and I have many a disagreement about our daughter. He works long hours but earns a good wage for doing so. Consequently he spoils our daughter when he does see her and it causes me to get upset with him. I personally think the more a child has, the harder the come down when they hit the real world and have to provide for themselves. Setting up an expectation that a child can have whatever they want will ultimately lead to massive disappointment.
 
A friend was telling me about her sons leavers do yesterday - son is helping to pay for it but all the same - I find the whole thing OTT

Tux, stretch limo etc But then I see pics on FB on 4/5yo graduating from nursery school???:poop: if it all starts at the age - what chance do the poor parents have?
 
I am in the same positition now, daughter leaving school in a few months and is looking at dresses for mega bucks, all her friends are having them or have already got them, so what do you do?
its a tough call, even my daughter thinks it a ridiculous amount of money to spend on something she will never wear again but she wants to go to the ball and I dont blame her for that.
She has an older sister by 9 years and she didnt have the same pressures then, she just made a costume herself but the expectations are much higher now with all these big 'American' prom dresses.
 
I dont agree JC

I am the first to put my hands up and say I am a spoiled child

I am 20 and cannot recall one thing that I wanted that I never got (although mum did wait until I was 15 to get me my own pony after I split with my ex who was older than me!)

There is only me and mum as my dad did one down south and I was an unruly teen who did as she pleased but did calm back down. One thing she dis instill onto me was expensive isn't always the best option and she would give me a limit, if I went over it then I paid for it.

With the horse Mum used to pay livery until I worked, and continued to do so. But I paid for hay straw shoes comps, any boots/bandages I felt I needed, feed,treats and vaccs

I think maybe a good compromise would be for your friend to put a limit on what she is allowed to spend ... My mum did this

limit of £250 And I had to budget spending money out of this
Dress was £90 out of argos additions
Heels I already owned
Bag £15
Tiara £25
Hair £30
Makeup mum did

I'm on the left, the girl on the rights outfit come to almost £1000 ... She looked stunning ... But what a waste of money as this dress went up for sale for £150 after she wore it for one night. I think she paid about £750 for it

0f267811.jpg

The rest of the money was mine
 
I went in the January sales with my mum to John Lewis and paid £60 for a dress and then had it taken in. Shoes were £30 and I had a bag already - that was it - job done!
 
I am struggling with this.

My kids ask for very little. They are not materialistic. So when they want something nice, and I can afford it, I say yes because they will remember it forever as having the "right dress" rather than one my mother made or grandmother knitted that was not "right" and I am scarred for life!
 
I find it quite flabbergasting how much is spent on these proms and I wouldn’t be doing it if I had children and would have to deal with the consequences of not doing it quite happily.

I would probably be exactly the same as how my parents were, we were allowed certain items but never spoiled, didn’t do without the ‘essentials’ but above and beyond that really needed to be a ‘necessity’- yes I might of huffed and puffed during my teenage years but the older I got the more I realised why it wasn’t possible. If we insisted as children on things that were out with budgets then we worked by doing extra chores, paper rounds etc for that money and bought things ourselves which taught us a lot.

I didn’t even spend a lot for my own wedding as I felt it was somewhat wasted money! Yes it’s a special day but I was there for the commitment to my husband not for what extravagant things. I have a lot of respect for money and don’t find spending large amounts on what essentially equates to a few hours one evening as using my money wisely. But everyone is different.

More worried that the parent is unable to say no and is struggling with being able to provide? What’s happening with society that the word ‘no’ is becoming extinct?
 
This was my son at "The Beanfeast" Borrowed grandfather's dinner jacket, I took the trousers up, tied the tie and he even nicked the silk Cummerbund, that I was amazed fitted him. Cost him nothing, I don't like wasting money on something I am only ever going to wear once.
RobertHostel.jpg
 
Interesting responses from you all. We suggested setting a budget to be supplemented by pocket money etc but my poor workmate just looked miserable at the thought. Her daughter has her wrapped round her little finger and she can't refuse her anything despite asking us for advice for weeks. The Dress was purchased (and hidden from husband/dad) yesterday - they toured six, SIX, towns to find one :Eek: - and the pressure from daughter must have temporarily eased because she is looking more cheerful today :)

The pressure on parents these days seems to be not just to give their kids nice clothes etc but to make it look like on the TV. Looking nice isn't enough, they want to look like 'celebrities' :(
 
I borrowed a dress from my mum's friend for School grad ball....bought one from monsoon for about £120 for ex hubbys uni ball.

Work colleague has an 18 year old (female) and can honestly say I have been shocked quite a few times over the last few years at what she just expects from her parents and on occassion what parents think is normal. It is a million miles away from when I was a teenager.

God I feel old :giggle:
 
I had a leaving prom (or 6th year prom as we called it) and got the fancy prom dress, hair done and limo. It was fab and a really great way to say goodbye to your school years, it's like a right of passage these days. I don't however agree with schools doing it for when kids leave primary school etc.

I also had a sports ball every year I was at uni and my grad ball. I now have 4 very beautiful ball gowns hanging in my closet that I will probably never wear again, but could never bring myself to sell them or give them away. However, apart from my grad ball dress, every dress I bought (including my prom one) was cheap as chips in the January sale at Monsoon. It became somewhat of a tradition for me and my mum to go to Monsoon on boxing day to pick my dress for the coming year. It meant I got a stunning dress for half the price, and no-one else at the ball would be wearing it! I also wore the same pair of shoes with every one of them, bought cheap bags from Primark and did my own hair and make up. I'll admit to my parents spending a small fortune on my Graduation ball dress and in the end I lost so much weight through the stress of my finals that it didnt even fit me :frown:

I think unfortunately kids don't seem to understand the value of money these days (and I will include myself in that statement - I am rubbish with money!), they see people driving round in huge Range Rovers, everybody has a show house for a home, all their friends coming in with designer labels...and they don't understand that some people can afford that, and some can't. They don't understand that people are getting themselves (and their country) in a lot of trouble by living beyound their means, and that probably these folks with their fancy cars (again, me included) have got them on credit. Kids just see what the others have, and want it.
 
My kids are both 11. Luckily at the moment if i say i cannot afford it they dont push it too much. I dont believe in letting them have everything that they want. My son goes on ebay if its something that he wants and has the money for it. And when my daughter, who at 11 isnt bothered what she wears and her favourite item of
Clothing is jog botts, we will probably go on ebay for a dress and have it altered when the time comes. I would set a limit as they have to have boundaries otherwise what are they going to be like as adults.
 
Personally I think it's the parent's business and no one elses.

I admit I spoil my daughter, she's 2.5 but that's my business on how much I spend on her and how much we give her. Proms are a big deal, they were when I was at school in Aus (at the grand old age of 31 now) I would never buy a dress for one, but always hire. Only fancy dress I brought was my wedding dress but then I only brought that in the sale :giggle:

At my school ball I had rented fake jewelry, shared a limo with some friends, make up was done by a relative who was a professional make up artist for a cheap fee and I had what I needed but as nearly as cheaply as I wanted. I expect to do the same thing for my daughter no questions asked but I wouldn't be paying for a spray tan.

She'll grow up knowing the value of money though, she already has her own savings account which is pretty healthy, but that's what being a parent is about - providing the best for your child in every situation. I have every intention of saying to her when she's old enough to understand money values and how to count. You have £x per month do some activities, it's up to you to decide which you want to do with that money. But once it's gone it's gone. Pocket money will have to be earnt, she already has 'chores' to do.
 
Have to agree with joyscarer if you allow your child to have everything the child wants it's going to be an awful shock when they grow up.Mind you I did grow up in the opposite environment where the hard fast rule was that if I asked for something I was never to have it,sure stopped me from pestering & just had to whisper to Mum what I wanted for Christmas & if father didn't find out sometimes got it.My daughter had nothing special for her leaving prom,her & her friends seemed to have a perfectly nice time as well.One of the boys in her party turned up in a tux,very impressive until you found out it was borrowed from the school drama department :biggrin:
 
I think it's up to parents how much they spoil their kids and if they later have to face the consquences then so be it. If they don't have the strength to say no, then that is their problem IMO!

My parents were pretty hard-up financially, so my sister and I didn't bother asking for stuff as kids because we knew we wouldn't get it. I found it hard enough asking them to spend money on things I needed (eg. money for school trips), let alone expecting them to give me money for non-essential things like clothes and MP3 players. We didn't have an allowance/pocket money - we both had Saturday jobs from the age of 13. As teenagers we both paid for ALL non-essential things ourselves.

I left home at 18 to go to uni and have been supporting myself financially ever since I moved out (I am now approaching 27). My student loan covered my tuition fees and accommodation, and I had three part-time jobs to pay for everything else. In my final term I had to drop two of the jobs so that I actually had time to study for my exams. At one point I was short on money for rent and needed about £100 to cover it. Asking my parents for a loan was one of the hardest things I've ever done - I was in tears on the phone (and struggling to hide it) because I thought I'd let them down by being in that position - it upset me more than I can express to find myself asking for money. IMO you don't get that sort of pride in your independence if you grew up getting everything you asked for!

Being financially independent means a lot to me. I don't care much for material possessions and never have done (although I am madly in love with my pony :wink:). I work hard for my money and I save it up. Growing up in constant financial difficulty is not easy but it teaches you an awful lot - if/when I have kids of my own I do hope they will not be in the same situation, but at the same time I do intend to bring them up with the same values that I had. I would always try be there to help them financially if they needed it but I would also expect them to do everything they could not to find themselves in that situation in the first place!

As an aside, I think some parents don't just feel pressure from their kids to provide them with certain things, I think they also feel it from other parents! Adults are just as susceptible to peer pressure as kids are.
 
Wow I am really pleased to have the children I have! They wouldn't dream of asking for something that expensive for a school prom and if they did want something really special they probably wouldn't ask at all but just save up their own money! Mine definitely don't get everything although they do have nice things for birthdays etc and do get £2.50 a week pocket money to do as they please with although they mainly save it. I'm pretty sure when the time comes my daughter who is currently nearly 13 will be more then happy with a dress from next or debenhams for a reasonable price. I don't think it would even cross her mind to want more tbh. I do think sometimes it depends where you live and what other families are like too though. Where we live ATM is nice and no-one really cares what money you may or may not have but where we lived before people tended to judge others by their image and 'things'. My 9yr old has a school residential trip coming up which is £265 and not once has he expected to go and genuinely didn't mind if we didn't have the money even though you could see he really wanted to go. Of course he is going but the point is he didn't assume he had a automatic right too.
 
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