Stuck between a rock and a hard place...

[sammyantha]

I've owned my IDxTB for 5 years and i can honestly say we have never really clicked. I am woman enough to admit that this is my fault. I don't spend enough time with her, and on the many occasions I've attempted to start something new training wise with her, i haven't seen it through. She is good when ridden, in fact once in school (hacking is a little tricker as she is very spooky) and with her mind on something, she is a normal horse with normal and surmountable minor issues. However, when tied, especially on the yard away from her field mates, she is frustrated and stressed, pawing at the ground, pulling at her rope, and constantly squashing her side against the wall. I literally have to shove to get her to move over. She has always been like this to an extent, but this year it has become much worse and she will now not stand in a box without making me fear for her safety. She comes out dripping with sweat and any bedding is totally ruined.

We need help, and really we need to go back to the very beginning, work on simple things like standing tied, and just helping her to understand it's ok to be away from her mates. A lot of this stems down to me, and how I appear to her. I believe she has no confidence in me at all, and simply sees me as an obstacle to whatever she wants to do (usually get back to the field!). The last few days in a row I have come away from her feeling frustrated, upset, and defeated, like there is no hope and I really should just sell her I'm actually crying as I write this because I feel it's a betrayal of what i essentially promised when i bought her, i.e. to keep her safe, "do something with her", and make her happy. I would also like to be happy... nothing about this situation is like the perfect dream of horse ownership i imagined as a horse crazy child lol.

What made me post here essentially was that I just have to get this all off my chest. I feel a complete failure. This is compounded by the fact i have posted here on similar issues in the past, and clearly they have not gone away. I do have the occasional lesson, but in all honesty, she is ok when ridden, it's just handling her and trying to have any kind of relationship. I would like to work with a NH associate/ person and have considered it many times, but I feel embarrassed of the fact that they will come and see that literally, my horse and i cannot even stand in the same space together without stressing each other out. Anyone looking at us would not believe i've actually been riding and handling horses for over 20 years!

The confidence issue is obviously caused by all of the above, but also compounded by the fact that on the very rare occasions I have fallen off her (only 4 time in 5 years so not too bad going lol), she has taken off back to the yard, without a moment's hesitation or thought for me. She's never actually tried to get me off, but it's when she has spooked and i've lost my footing and just slipped off. Luckily this has never resulted in anything more than mild bruises for me, but it makes me very aware that if i did not have a clean fall, things could be very, very different. And it scares me that she has no concern for her own safety, but simply to get back to her mates as quickly as possible. Although this has happened so rarely, when we are out she is tense and spooky, and I end up feeling as though she will spook and have me off at any moment, and then she'll be off. This just makes the whole ride and unpleasant, stressful experience.

I have books by kelly marks, richard maxwell, monty roberts, the parelli stuff, clicker training manuals, to works lol. But I find all of it hard to implement by yourself. I also do not have the endless funds to have regular NH sessions with a trainer, much as I would like it. So I feel kind of stuck. I won't consider selling her as i don't believe i've given us both enough of a chance to really set things right yet, and i also worry what would become of her. I part loaned her for a while a few years back and it worked out well, but i missed her terribly and was so glad to have her back. I really don't know what the solution is.

Has anyone else ever experienced these same problems?

 

[Native Lover]

I really think an occasional lesson from some with NH background could help you big time with your ground handling confidence.

I cannot really help with advice, as I myself am not the most experienced person when it comes to NH type stuff but I do believe it could really help in your situation.

I know a friend had real confidence issues with horse swears by the NH local trainer so much so that even though I have no real serious issues I am planning to have lessons with him this next spring, mainly because my partner is enjoying learning NH. I have had success with clicker training a small problem my mare had.

I think the fact that at the moment you are not confident around her, kind of makes you dislike her currently is probably rubbing off and it sounds like it is all spiralling out of control and affecting your moods and emotions aswell as your confidence.

Step back a little and take the pressure off, groom her in her field or give her a scratch only do a little bit and work up from there. Ride only when you start to feel you have a better relationship with her. Your negative thoughts will be affecting her. Horses can be very sensative to our moods and emotions.

 

[Native Lover]

I know you mentioned money being short at the minute but a lesson even monthly could help and give you lots to work on during the month.

I know several people on this forum have been in similar situations and over come it with help.

I would suggest you take a look at Anna Reeves diary (Anna & Rosie Blog) in the diary section. I find her writing to be inspiring and along a similar vein to your problems. Just reading how someone else over comes these problems might help motivate you more.

Also see if there are any NH groups in your area that meet for play days, there is one in our area and they also have an online forum. you may find support this way. Look on Facebook if there are any Parelli/ NH groups

Also copy and paste in the NH forum you may get more specific replies which could help.

 

[CMP]

I feel for you. I remember you posting on here before about problems that you had with your horse.

My horse is pretty much ok ridden though he likes to throw a wee curveball sometimes just to keep things interesting :biggrin:
I have now had my chap for 15 months and I had a lot of the issues that you mention. He still has many of the issues that you mention but they are now refered to as quirks!

My boy is incredibly intelligent and perceptive and spots a weakness in someone immediately. He will act up if he thinks he can get away with it. e.g someone was putting on his turnout chaps the other day and he would not stand at peace. She gave up... confident pal goes in, puts them on and ferries him off to the field. Job done! Does this sound familiar? It can be a viscious (sp?) circle.

My boy is a "one person" horse and I wonder if your horse is too? What kind of livery are you on? I was on the completely wrong yard for the first 3 months I owned my boy, the YO told me I would be a much happier horse owner if my horse was on full livery. WRONG!! We were on assisted at that yard and I am now on DIY and I swear Caymen and I could not be happier. He is really happy and so am I. Now that I do almost all the care for him, I have bonded with him more than I ever thought I would, or could. We all help each other on my yard so he is generally turned out for me in the morning and I bring him and his friends in at night after doing his bed. I wonder if you spend more time just "being there" and around your horse that it will help? Sorry if that is not relevant to your situation.

I have still had issues with my boy. I had a catching issue with him in the summer time. He actually tried to double barrel me and he meant it. I was devestated but I got some fantastic advice from a NH associate and with his help, I resolved the catching issue almost immediately and doing a kind of join up with him literally made my heart sing!

I honestly do think there is hope, if you really want to persevere. You just need the determination to do it and we are all right behind you when you feel down. Good luck, I really hope things work out. x

 

[Flipo's Mum]

When I started out with my boy I couldn't even take him out the field I was too scared. He got all jumpy and squealed and about mowed me down on several occasions. I couldn't even consider riding as he just didn't trust me at all. I'd go to catch him and he'd run away from me. Someone suggested that he was reflecting back how I was feeling - I wasn't happy about the situation so he was just helping me acknowledge that 'if you're scared mum, I'm scared!'
Its going to seem like a huge mountain to climb at this moment, but if you're willing to try and can break it right down into manageable chunks then you will maybe be surprised at how quickly things could turn around.
First off, forget about feeling embarrassed about the situation and too scared to call out a RA/RI/NH person. I liken it to going to the gym. No point in being too nervous about being seen to be fat....thats what gyms are for! These people exist to help those of us with issues like these. I would say the majority of us have wanted/ needed help at some point. There is no shame in seeking outside help.
Secondly, ok finances may be an issue but you don't have to keep getting someone out to see you every week/ month. If they give you a good starting point then maybe you'll have some stuff to work on for a little while, you might want to get them back a wee while later, you might find its the boost to get you going. You don't know unless you try. You're not committing to a long term relationship if you call someone out. Its your money, your time, your choice.
Thirdly, think about the way she is being kept. Is your horse happy with her feed, turnout, atmosphere, companions? If she was ok with the previous loaner, what has changed?
After considering all of this, I'd start very very small. If you and her are not happy working outside of the field, don't. Go right back to the beginning and spend a little time walking her around the field, getting her to stick to your shoulder, backing her up, just generally moving around together. Pen off a section so you are away from her fieldmates. Then maybe take it a step further and do the same just outside of the field so she's near them but still listening to you. To reiterate what I was told - if you don't seem like you'll keep them safe, they will take charge to try and keep themselves safe. Their herd instinct is to constantly ask questions to see who is higher up/ lower down the herd. If you are not consistently offering answers which suggest you are boss, a horse will very acutely sense this.
I'm still aware that my horse doesn't think I'm his safety net. If I fell off he'd run for home, I know it. I'm finding clicker training is helping our bond. Might be worth finding if she's interested in this and start from the very beginning with it - it really depends on her motivation.
Sorry for waffling, your post spoke to me as I regularly reflect on the relationship I have with my horse and worry that he doesn't love me, doesn't care what I think, doesn't want to be with me. But he's a horse and his temperament isn't such that these are the types of affection he would show me. I need to accept that or find another horse that will call to me when I arrive at the field, or follow me about the place. Maybe thats just not his bag. Your horse is being a horse. Don't feel like its a personal slight . She wants to be with a reliable herd. She wants to be safe. Its something that you should be able to work on, but you need to want to do it.
Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[Skippys Mum]

I'm another one who has been there and done that. I've had my boy since he was a foal and although I loved him, I didnt really like him much . Everything seemed to be a problem and he was constantly stressy and on edge.

First thing to do is look at her feeding. With Arnie, things improved beyond belief once I removed all sugar from his diet - including any form of beet pulp, feed balancers and carrots.

Then get yourself help from someone who does any sort of nh. It doesnt really matter what they are calling it - its all pretty much similar. You just need someone to get you started.

Then buy yourself 101 Horsemanship Exercises by Rio Barrett. That book covers more or less all the exercises that the various types of nh cover. Its a great book but you still need one or two lessons to get you started so you see what you are doing.

Honestly, you will be amazed at the turn around you will have!!

Good luck

 

[Shetlander]

I feel for you and you are not alone either. I'm not in the most helpful place myself to be offering any advice but would agree with what the others have said about motivation and outside help.

Having read your post I felt very emotional too as I'm trying hard to do the right thing and feeling like this plan isn't working for us... I realise I just need to think about it then try something else... but there will be a way forward and things will be good again. The thing that seems clear is that you love your horse. What better starting point for any relationship?

I do think we maybe all get a bit hung up on how our horses feel about us but it would probably help us to remember that horses don't experience relationships the way we do and we "humanise" a lot of their behaviour which really doesn't help us or them a lot of the time!

Take a small step today and praise yourself for that xx

 

[Flipo's Mum]

I do think we maybe all get a bit hung up on how our horses feel about us but it would probably help us to remember that horses don't experience relationships the way we do and we "humanise" a lot of their behaviour which really doesn't help us or them a lot of the time!

Take a small step today and praise yourself for that xx

This is exactly what I was trying to say - shetlander you put it so much more eloquently!!

 

[crinklesb]

Hey there.

I really feel for you and your horse. I have had on and off similar issues with my boy (also a big ID x TB!) and I continue to battle with them at times. Like you my boy is good when ridden but on the ground can be a real handful. He goes through phases of breaking free when tied up, barging me, standing on me etc. Reading through the problems you are having I see so many similarities. Particularly with the hacking which struck a chord. Why are we fine in the school but super spooky out on a hack?

I have had my boy for nearly 3 years and we've had many ups and downs along the way. I too came very close to selling him and even placed an advert on H&H but like you did not want to give up on him. After a lot of false starts and trying a lot of different methods though I think I am starting to get the measure of him (all fingers and toes crossed). We still have our bad days, I am currently sporting a very bruised arm, but we are definitely getting there.

Even though he is a big (17.2) bruiser of a horse he is actually a big scardy cat inside. Problem is he acts the big man and when he is scared/unhappy/in pain he reacts aggressively. He has never kicked or bitten me or really meant to hurt me but there is a lot of whacking me with his head, standing on my toes and pushing me out of the way. I found this very hard to deal with at first and for our first 2 years together just figured he didn't like me, was aggressive and bolshy and would much rather be anywhere else than with me. We would have occasional days where we would have a lovely time having a good groom, he would get really sweet and cuddly and try to groom me too but these days were few and far between.

We were saved when we moved to a new yard. The owner is very experienced and she strongly advocates groundwork for all horses no matter the age, experience or behaviour. Looking back I can now sum up how to tackle the problem as:
1. Training/Obedience
2. My personal confidence
3. Fixing any pain issues ASAP

We started doing a regular routine everytime I was at the yard (3-5 times a week). This involved simple groundwork such as walk, halt, back, pole work and progressing to shoulder in, pirouettes etc. I did this even if I had no time to ride. Very quickly we saw big improvements. He was much less bargy and more respectful of me. I also found by handling him in this way I could see much more clearly the tactics he was using to get the better of me and nip them in the bud quickly. (I would recommend the 101 Horsemanship Exercises book as well and it is something you can get started with straight away). However we still continued having problems and I can't say I was happy. We would regularly have fights on the yard and I began to worry that all I ever did was shout at him. I knew that his problems stemmed from the fact he was not confident in me as a leader, not confident in himself and the only way he knew was to react by pushing me away. My instructor taught me that I must above all be consistent with him. As the leader of a herd the rules are always the same, the leader will always react in the same way. My boy is cheeky and pushes the boundaries all of the time and constantly telling him off and correcting him was very tiring. I see now that this was simply him testing me as a leader. We went through good phases when it all felt really easy and then we'd have months on end when he was just a nightmare. I also have issues with him in the stable. He is fine in the winter when his friends are all in and its cold outside but if I try to keep him in the summer he sweats up and screams constantly. He just won't settle. I'm hoping he will be better this summer but I do accept this may be something we never resolve.

So there were other things going on. My 2012 resolution is to really listen to him when he is unhappy. He has a recurring problem with his shoulder and hock, just stiffness and soreness but from time to time as a result of an old injury but when it gets worse he needs a few sessions of physio. Problem is he never goes lame, is fine with me riding him etc so often when he is sore it takes some time to work out what is wrong with him. I have now realised though that his behaviour on the ground gets worse when he is sore. We had 3 sessions of physio before Xmas and I have to say he has been an absolute dream over the break.

Finally, and most importantly CONFIDENCE. Things didn't really click for us until I to posted on this forum back in June. I was coming back to riding after an operation and had a number of confidence problems after some bad falls. Gradually after lots of advice and determination we are slowly getting there. I realised though that my boy takes so much from me. I realised that particularly when out hacking he would be tense and stressed but looking back the mood I was in prior to getting on was exactly the same, often pure terror! If he spooked I'd be terrified he was going to tank off with me, that made me more stressed which made him spook more. Just awful, stuck in a never-ending vicious circle. You can look back on my thread 'A fresh start' to see the advice people gave me which was spot on!

We are definitely not the finished article yet however we are on the road. Sorry for such a long post, and all of it about my story with my horse, its just that after reading your post it struck so many chords with my situation.

In summary:

1. Start doing your groundwork ASAP. Buy the book and start with the simple stuff. Its hard at first as your horse will probably make it very hard for you but persevere and do it as often as you can. It really does work

2. Make sure she is not in any pain. I visit from your local physio should not cost you any more than £50. If she has a niggle that is sore this will make her react even worse to you.

3. Most importantly! Work hard on being as calm and confident as you can around her...even if you are not feeling that way, you may need to develop your acting skills!! If you feel yourself starting to panic or get upset, walk away, make a coffee, clean some tack and when you are calm again go back to her. Only do things with her that you are 100% confident doing and as you progress start to do things that stretch you a little. If you are terrified of hacking her don't do it! Instead walk her out on the ground so she can see you, the leader, looking after calm and confident. Then gradually work up to riding her.

I don't think you need to worry about teaching her to tie up again or go back to basics, she knows the principles she just doesn't think you will keep her safe if she is restricted by being tied up away from the herd. I think as you work on your relationship these things will probably just fall into place, they certainly did for me.

This may take a while, its taken us 8 months and we are still not the finished article but I believe if you implement all of these things you will get there!

 

[ConfidenceCoach]

Hey there.

3. Most importantly! Work hard on being as calm and confident as you can around her...even if you are not feeling that way, you may need to develop your acting skills!! If you feel yourself starting to panic or get upset, walk away, make a coffee, clean some tack and when you are calm again go back to her. Only do things with her that you are 100% confident doing and as you progress start to do things that stretch you a little. If you are terrified of hacking her don't do it! Instead walk her out on the ground so she can see you, the leader, looking after calm and confident. Then gradually work up to riding her.

One of the most effective methods I use to get people over confidence issues is to make them go for a run. This changes your bio-chemical cocktail which is within your system. I don't allow people to go near there horse until they are confident. When you are not confident you give off a pheromone, and our nose is, even to this day, the early warning signal of danger. This sense has a direct pathway to the flight/fight part of the brain, the Amygdala. So... this trait we share with most mammals. If you go near your horse frightened, they smell your fear. If you are suppose to be the Boss and you're scared, then they become hyper vigilant, and want to evac to where it's safe..back with the herd (pals).

Have you ever noticed when doing exercise, that you release a 'feel good' response. Endorphins make you feel confident, relaxed and what's more you will give off this smell. There are lots of other things to do such as the advice you have been given below etc. All excellent. One caveat, is that you build confidence by slowly learning something which takes you out of your comfort zone. You do this and slowly your confidence grows. When you have lost your confidence, then you cannot remember those skills that you have learnt in the past, because your mind closes down. So... Get confident first. Confidence is a skill, not a 'something' you have or dont have; it is something you do.

When you develop a behavioural dynamic system, as you probably have with your horse, then you have to change that and persist. That might mean, as has been pointed out, go back to basics, but more to the point, do something your horse would not expect. Put some music on an Ipod and dance around near your horse, with a big smile on your face..acting I think was mentioned.. The horse will think you have either lost your marbles or are happy, either way, it interupts the pattern of behaviour and it will be intrigued! (Trust me this kind of thing does work!) I had a lady a few weeks ago, who was about start chasing her horse around the field, to try to fight thru the fear. I stopped her and told her to walk away (as her horse was already doing) and the Horse intruigued, turned around and came towards her. This immediately broke her pattern as the horse had never done that before.

You wont like your horse at the moment, on a subconscious level, because your bodymind, is saying this is dangerous, but not in words, in feelings, so... Your headmind is deciding it must be because you dont like your horse. Actually, if the horse did as you wanted and you were riding around perfectly happy, you would love your horse. It sounds like you have made an unconscious decision. Dont forget we are rationalising animals, not rational, Hope that helps..)

 

[sjp1]

I would say get a NH instructor for even two sessions if you can afford it.

My horse was horrible. See my diary!!! He barged, kicked, bit, knocked me over, freaked over everything.

The first session with the NH instructor, he reared, kicked out at her, wouldn't move away from pressure ................ the list went on. I did not have the confidence she did, and to be honest, she really got after him. Anyone who thinks NH is all airy fairy and kissing, is dead wrong. I think the phrase they use, which is use as little pressure as possible but as much as necessary is spot on. When he came straight at her he had that carrot stick across the head and she really had to do that.

Long story short we are a long way from there, but even after my ineffectual attempts at groundwork, things are much improved. In fact as we have now moved to a bigger yard and several times I lead other people's horses in and out from the field - which is a long way - I am struck by how much nicer mine is to lead!!! Something I never, ever would have thought I would be saying!!!

Also, I now get him in alone with no other horses coming in, and he comes straight in with me happily - he does however plant coming down the track with other people - so I am guessing we are on the right track.

Honestly, it will come - get the 101 groundwork exercises and get an NH instructor - it really is money well spent.

 

[sammyantha]

Just came back today and saw all your replies. I feel so much better already to know I'm not alone I actually do have 101 horsemanship exercises already. I really need to sit down and study it.

At the moment she is out 24/7 in a small herd of 5 with one other mare. She gets a bucket of chaff with apples and carrots through winter, nothing in summer.

I do try to walk away when she is acting up and i feel frustrated, however when i go back the same thing happens again, so i believe we have set up a viscous circle which will take a lot to break.

 

[Jane&Ziggy]

First, sympathy for your situation, and we've all been there...

Here's my experience to add to the mix! I've had Ziggy nearly 2 years. He has never ever been a nasty horse (and TBH he is only a pony), but he is often frightened, and when he's frightened he is strong and difficult to handle. I'm very glad that I got the Rio Barrett book early on and learned how to do simple exercises like moving his quarters and getting him to stand still.

I couldn't recommend that book more highly. If money is tight for you, I will lend you mine. The great thing is the exercises come in order so you can work through them, and she makes it clear that you don't need to feel ashamed or dumb however long it takes you to get through an exercise. I can now lead Ziggy without a rope and groom and tack him up (including picking his feet out) in the field with his mates around him - but I still can't get him to move sideways, or walk calmly over a coloured pole. Horses are all different.

What I would say to you is IT'S NOT PERSONAL. Your horse isn't out to get you. She sounds as if she is lovely in some ways - so as everyone says, go a step at the time and help her to become the horse you want her to be. One day you'll look back and say, "Wow! When exactly did we click, I wonder?"

 

[Flipo's Mum]

I do try to walk away when she is acting up and i feel frustrated, however when i go back the same thing happens again, so i believe we have set up a viscous circle which will take a lot to break.

Is it maybe that she acts up to get you to leave her alone, then she settles down when you do move away? Friend's horse did this. Got very nippy and aggressive in general when she went anywhere near her, but as soon as she walked away she would be quite happy. Maybe don't move away until she's settled?

 

[Trewsers]

What I would say to you is IT'S NOT PERSONAL. Your horse isn't out to get you. She sounds as if she is lovely in some ways - so as everyone says, go a step at the time and help her to become the horse you want
her to be. One day you'll look back and say,
"Wow! When exactly did we click, I
wonder?"[/QUOTE]

That is so true!!! I could not say really when Storm and I properly clicked but I know wr have now. I think unless you are very lucky it is always a journey with quite a lot to learn along the way and quite a lot to teach and be taught! OH is jusy now learning the ways of the "mare " with our new girl Chloe!!

 

[sjp1]

I would agree with the whole 'taking it personally thing'. For example, today was 'pig oil day' which we have about once a fortnight. Tobes likes to get out in the morning, he can hardly wait to have his rug, over reach boots and halter on and out the door. Therefore, having pig oil on all four legs is not his favourite occupation. If I could do it at night, I would, but he has wet legs then.

So rug on, halter on, and PIG OIL. Cue much moving around. I stand quietly, ask him to move back up, he concedes. Back legs waving around while I apply it.

For the first couple of years this would have turned into me taking it personally, and getting up tight, him turning his backside on me and threatening to kick me - and believe you me, he used to mean it.

In our third year, I tell him not to be stupid and get on with it, he realises I mean business, job done.

Really, it will get better. And the more ground work and desensitising you do with him, (which we have done lots of) and also moving his feet - which I really still don't do enough. Note to self, get back on with the 101 exercises!!

 

[carthorse]

Here's a big question for you, & you don't have to answer it on here but I'd suggest you seriously think about it.

Do you really want to keep this mare or would you rather have something else?

 

[sammyantha]

Here's a big question for you, & you don't have to answer it on here but I'd suggest you seriously think about it.

Do you really want to keep this mare or would you rather have something else?

In an ideal world I would have something else AS WELL! So that she can be my project, while I have another horse to simply enjoy. However I'm not so naeive to think it would all be roses, and that any other horse i bought wouldn't be just the same unless I put a lot of time and effort into it. Besides which, i can't afford another, even if I sold her, which i don't really want to do.

On the plus side, since I last posted here we have had a couple of good days. The first night i started by tying her in the field and giving her a brush, which lasted all of 5 minutes before she got stroppy and wanted to be off. I took a deep breath, and walked her round the menage instead, for which she was very good and not at all spooky. Feeling a bit better because of her good behaviour, i let her loose in the field and played some move over, back up, move forward exercises for little treats, and she was sweet as pie. Went home feeling much better Then the next night and tonight i brought her up onto the yard, with a haynet, to groom and give her a fuss,and again she was lovely, with the minimum of fuss. Not sure if it's the nice weather or my being more relaxed, but she's been good ever since i posted this LOL! I plan to keep this up.. just small steps every day, grooming, fussing, playing games in the field, bringing her up onto the yard with a haynet to keep her occupied. I was tempted to ride tonight as she was in such a good mood, but not sure if it's too early for that yet?

 

[Jane&Ziggy]

WELL DONE for working with her and I am so glad that things are feeling better!

When to ride her? That's a tricky one. Here are 3 options:

1. Follow your instinct, ride when it feels right.
2. Wait until she has been nice and easy to work with consistently for 5 or 6 days, then ride.
3. Ride her, but be prepared to jump off and lead or move her feet from the ground any time she gets spiky.

My preferred option is (3) and that's what I do with Ziggy. I am never ashamed to jump off and be on the ground with him. Fortunately though he's only 14.1 so it's not far to get down and back again!

 

[sammyantha]

She's not too much bigger at 15.1 :giggle: Thanks for your input. She's really not a problem when ridden, but it kind of feels like we're not really accomplishing anything when i'm in the saddle because she just does what i want her to and doesn't really engage at all. I#d love to get to a point where we understand each other on the ground and she actually enjoys being with me, then when i ride, it will feel more like a shared experience. Does that make sense to anyone or am i just making this more difficult than it needs to be? lol. Going up just now to groom and have a play with her. I plan to make time this evening to sit down and read some of 101 horsemanship exercises. I guess what's been stopping me is not having anyone there to tell me what to do, how to do it, and in what order. I just need to do the research and get cracking. Will let you know how we get on.