Tell the truth or make an intricate fib up? Wwydo?! NOW WITH UPDATE!

Trewsers

Trewsers

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Oct 13, 2004
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Okay long story short. Davros (sorry MIL) is about to have her daughter visit from overseas for a month. Now instead of just embracing this happy event and enjoying having her stay with her grand son she likes to inflict herself upon us. This event takes place every summer whether I like it or not and I normally find myself having to hide in the stables for hours on end because I can only tolerate. MIL, plus daughter plus 10 year old for so long! Anyhoo, things are different this year as OH is mad busy with freelance work and there just aren't enough hours in the day for him - he's worked from 8am until 10 for the past two weeks - which is fab as he adores his job and the money is great.
Plus, we are in the process of converting the out building and our bedroom - so we are quite literally camping out here in the caravan!!! There is no way into the back of the house atm due to building gear and the loo, kitchen etc are non existent so hardly good for entertaining people - least of all my demanding MIL! As it stands I tell her as little as poss, as we don't get on and she is so nosey and gossips a lot. The village is small and she knows people who live there. Atm all our plans for horse holidays / b& b are low key and we haven't finalised anything yet. So, do I tell the truth when she starts making her visiting plans or tell an elaborate fib to keep her away????
I am simply NOT prepared to entertain a bored 10 year old who has NO interest in horses - and my grumpy MIL and SIL !!
So, fibs or truth?
Sorry for the long thread and whinge.
 
The easiest thing is to tell the truth of course and it's less likely to trip you up later, but I sense your reluctance for the "Spanish Inquisition" that will follow said truth telling.
The alternative is to just say NO. I don't like you I never have liked you and I don't want you in my home. That's not going to happen is it, realistically so you need a line. Can you say you are having re-plumbing done and there will be no water / sanitation, so you will visit them briefly instead when Mr T has a gap in his busy schedule?
 
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Calluna said:
The easiest thing is to tell the truth of course and it's less likely to trip you up later, but I sense your reluctance for the "Spanish Inquisition" that will follow said truth telling.
The alternative is to just say NO. I don't like you I never have liked you and I don't want you in my home. That's not going to happen is it, realistically so you need a line. Can you say you are having re-plumbing done and there will be no water / sanitation, so you will visit them briefly instead when Mr T has a gap in his busy schedule?
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Lol how I wish I was brave enough to say no! But I have to consider Mr T, she is his mother afterall....hehee
I too was wondering if telling her we were having some plumbing work done might do the trick, but then the trouble is she will hound me for details of why's and wherefores - she will want to know every last detail!!! Hmmm.
I wonder if I take the lead first and suggest we go somewhere instead - worth a try. You see normally Mr T would entertain them but he really can't break off atm, work is flowing so nicely.
 
nat17 said:
What does Mr T want to do? Does he want to see his sister and niece?
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Not particularly! His mother "forces" their relationship. Every time his nephew lands it is like she has to force them to get on - and his sister too. There is no real love lost between them - I guess you could say they just rub along. I think he feels a sense of duty toward them, but given the choice wouldn't bother!!!
 
eml said:
Echo what Calluna said, don't make up elabourate story but just tell her enough of the truth, ie house currently uninhabitable due to builders, and offer to visit her!!
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Yes I think if there is a grain of truth I might not come unstuck.
 
I'm with eml...... visit them and keep them off your premises. Um... how's your neighbour? Since I've been away for many months I haven't been able to keep up with his escapades.....
 
domane said:
I'm with eml...... visit them and keep them off your premises. Um... how's your neighbour? Since I've been away for many months I haven't been able to keep up with his escapades.....
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Hehee - ah yes the neighbour... Well, we haven't actively communicated for over four years now but he is enjoying (not) the builders who are a rum lot and masters at shoulder shrugging when he pops up from his side of the wall with his squeaky voiced questions! Hehe. They are a great team and have given him a run for his money this past month. He was forced a while back to come and knock on my door to ask permission for something on my land. Of course I said yes, but only if he said please and thank you "properly". Needless to say he left red faced and not a little annoyed:p
 
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I agree with EML. After all, that is true, you are not lying, but it is not conceivable they can stay under those circumstances.
 
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Think I will also add in about having the wood worm attended to. The beams are full of it and it isn't strictly a fib as they've been treating them as they go along. The stuff they use is very smelly and potent so I will mention this as it might just put them off any surprise visits, specially if I say its toxic etc and nobody should go into the house. If I just mention no plumbing etc they will still land out of noseyness and probably expect to hang about with me entertaining them so I think the wood worm treatment will help.
 
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Can't Mr T say something to her? She is his mum after all. It sounds like he's let her get away with dominating and taking over his whole life, but he needs to stand up to her for both your sakes.
 
squidsin said:
Can't Mr T say something to her? She is his mum after all. It sounds like he's let her get away with dominating and taking over his whole life, but he needs to stand up to her for both your sakes.
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Tell me about it! lol He is firm with her but she goes "deaf" when she does not want to really listen!!!! He has always felt an extreme sense of duty towards her as his father died when he was only 21 and so he took over the head of the household thing and I guess its gone from there.
I am extra dreading this years shennanigans as the boastful cousin is also visiting from over the pond complete with two VERY annoying kids (trust me when I say they are annoying, they are completely obnoxious!!). Humph. My family are so scattered yet so quiet. I never have this trouble as one of my brothers is quite reclusive and the other is so busy he doesn't even see his immediate family !!!
 
It does put you in a difficult position. I think, if you say anything, your MIL may choose to blame you and believe that Mr T doesn't feel the same, and therefore, she'll carry on acting the same. Mind you it sounds like she thinks that anyway!
 
I think that the poisonous woodworm treatment is the best excuse, I would leave everything else out, and suggest you all meet up at a pub for lunch, one with a playground or something for the child to do, and that puts you in control of when you leave as well. I find it harder to leave someone's home than a neutral environment. Or just tell her to bugger off.
 
:oops:Well, OH made the phone call to MIL. I honestly do not know what to think. This is the short version:
MIL: Your sister and nephew land tomorrow are you coming to my house to meet them as soon as they arrive?
Mr T: No, but I will drive over at some point during the weekend.
MIL: Well thats no good because they are going off for the day Sunday.
Mr T: Fine. I will come Saturday.
By the way, we're having the whole house wood wormed so we are in a mess and there is no plumbing etc.
MIL: Oh well we will still have a ride down!
Mr T: NO! There is no point as we are in such a mess and I really don't want to entertain people in this state.
I will come over and we will go somewhere instead.
MIL: No! We will just have a ride down and not stay long. We won't go into the house.
Mr T: No, I am busy and have work to do so I will fit you in and come over there as and when.
MIL: No, we will have a ride down and we won't stay long.
Mr T: No, I don't want to have people here - the caravan is too small.
MIL: Well we will just have a ride down and not stay long.
(Repeat this several times).
Mr T is ill with the whole thing. She simply will not have it!!!!!!
Anyway, I think she will still turn up. I can't hide because of the girls and knowing my luck she'll come in the middle of me bringing them in! So, if they still turn up I intend to sort the horses out then jump in the car with Mr T and they can suit themselves!!!! I don't care what she thinks because she is just so dam rude about it all.
Sorry for the rant but I might explode shortly. Its like talking to a brick wall.
 
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I suggest you put the girls out early morning and then you and mr t take a day trip somewhere. The beach or shopping. A nice landmark. Sod them if they turn up.

Alternatively hide in bushes and set booby traps up round the caravan and yard and laugh
 
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Is there a pub or something nearby. Can you get straight in there with a "we told you not to come" steer them off to the pub and abandon them pronto (after the first weak lager)?
Really sympathise. My MiL is nowhere near such a problem, but does have the same propensity to ask the same question again and again and again until she gets the answer she wants. It seems to be a skill bred into some of that age group!
 
Calluna said:
Is there a pub or something nearby. Can you get straight in there with a "we told you not to come" steer them off to the pub and abandon them pronto (after the first weak lager)?
Really sympathise. My MiL is nowhere near such a problem, but does have the same propensity to ask the same question again and again and again until she gets the answer she wants. It seems to be a skill bred into some of that age group!
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Yeah there is a village pub which I can steer them towards - of course it will depend on when they land as I may well be able to hide in the caravan!!!
I think she's got worse over the years - she just has selective hearing....
 
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