Think I have made a bad decision and dont know what to do

K

kat1

New Member
Jul 15, 2007
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Lancashire
I decided last Thursday that I really needed to put my beloved mare out on loan, with the girls, their ponies and a baby I am just not riding her, she was getting fat in the field and naughty to be caught as I was just not getting the time to spend with her..she has a badly surnburnt nose purely because I just didnt have time to spend hours catching her to put lotion on which she hates!
I advertised for the benefit of my horse and by Friday we had a perfect loan home just 15 minutes drive from home and only 5 minutes from my daughters school...couldnt be better.
I am now having second thoughts, she has gone on a two week trial, I have cried since dropping her off last night and am just in constant floods. I keep putting it down to the baby blues but I think it is more than that, I simply cant live without her,
I have done a loan agreement and know with this I am within my rights to have her back any time but I would now feel awful on the loaner as she is in love with her already and is spoiling her rotten. She says I can see her anytime and even ride her but I feel out of control and like I have lost my soulmate who has been with me since a yearling, before I had children and we have even been to hell and back through colic surgery.
The loaner is a lovely lady, I trust her and the yard has a good reputation for livery but I keep thinking I have made a drastic mistake which has spiralled out of my depth now. Are these feelings normal, will I be ok in a few days or should I admit to the loaner that I have made a mistake and need her back!!! Anyone been in this position? Part loaning is a possibility but I like my horses to live out and my field is a good 40 mins from the loaners home. My hormones are wild at the moment, I know that but I cant help thinking I have done something silly here :bomb:
 
awwww, poor you!!! I can imagine that you must be feeling terrible. You are trying to do the best thing for your girlie, maybe just try and do your best to see how you get on over the two week trial period? Then you can re-think your decision if necessary?

I guess the other thing you have to think about is if you have her back, can you give her the time, or will you feel just as bad having taken her back and still not be able to give her the time she needs?

Maybe once you feel a bit more settled you could ask for one day a week with her?
 
The good thing about your situation is that it can be reversed at any time. She is still your horse, and you can have her back at any time. This doens't have to be a long term solution and it doesn't mean that she is no longer yours.

Of course you are going to be upset that she has gone. She is a huge part of your life and it must be very strange to not see her everyday, but I think that you need to give it some time. If you have happy with the way that the loaner treats your horse after the trial period, why not set another time limit for 3 months? Then you will have time to adjust and see if it is what you really want.

I have 2 small children (aged 15 months and 4 years) and it is very hard to balance the demands of family life and work, with horses and time for yourself. After (probably) deciding to have no more children, I am now at the stage where my baby is allowing me to sleep at night and is not as nearly as demanding as he was. I'm starting to think about buying a horse myself and doing more for myself. Before you know it, your baby will be old enough for you to have your horse back and you can have both in your life.
 
Maybe take her up on her offer of visiting whenever you want, give it a few days for you to settle down and get used to the situation. If your feelings don't change, maybe you can organise a more equal sharing arrangement or have her back. I wouldn't rush to reverse the situation because you have put her on loan for her own good.

In the meantime though, ((((((((((((major hugs))))))))))))
 
Give it some time. You thought through it all before you put her on loan, and it does sound like putting her on loan is the best thing for the horse. I think you have to be strong at this point for the sake of the horse and your family. It is going to be a difficult adjustment to make and if you are feeling emotionally vulnerable it is going to be even harder. It sounds like you've found a really good loan home where you can keep an eye on how she is getting on, don't make a rushed, emotional decision to take her back from there because you might not find one that is as ideal again.

Give it time, you will get used to the seperation. You need to keep reminding yourself about the good reasons why you've done this in the first place.
 
Been there!

I put Wee Robbie out on loan last Oct - cried all the way over to yard when dropping him off, cried all the way home again.... I gave myself a few days before I even dared ring them to ask how he was incase I blubbed all down the phone!

Fast forward 9 months - he's happy, correction - he's very happy and spolit by loads of adoring children and i'm happy that he's so happy

You can always ask for them back when they go out on loan.

Now go and treat yourself to something nice, try not to think about making a choice right now, leave it for a few more days and then phone or go and see her and go from there
 
Could you change the arrangement to a share with you doing one or two days a week? I'd be totally honest with the lady - say that it's nothing to do with not trusting her but you'd never guessed just how badly loaning your mare would affect you.
 
I can honestly say i know exacually how you are feeling.

I decided to put my mare out on loan when my daughter was a mth old, i had a c sec and was in no fit state tbh to look after her properly. hubby was doing the horses and he didnt know alot really just what i had told him.

I found a lovely lady, she lived considerably further away than i had wanted but she was very nice so i put my horses welfare first.

On the day she went i was happy for her but it felt like i was looseing one of my kids. for weeks after i actually can say my heart ached for her.

but it did get easier. i kept in contact and regular up dates, alot of what involved me being told how naughty she was being.lol

The loan lasted around 7mths i think. we went to visit her for the first time as the distance n new baby etc and the lady mentioned she was in two minds as she had lots of love for luxor but she was being a right C*W to be precious.

Without hesitation i told her that i would have her back and the following week i arranged for her to come home.

I have her and a new additoin what we brought my daughter.. i can honestly say i dnt really do much with her apart from look after her needs and she has everything she wants n needs. ok she isint being ridden atm as i dnt have the tym or energy tbh but i am now in the process of advertising for someone.

you have to do what you feel best and i really do believe that putting her on a trial is the best thing for you and your horse, just give it a little while to adjust and then decide.
 
Give it some time,I still hate putting ponies out on loan even when they are semi retired field ornaments..time helps although I want sometimes to interfere sense prevails!!

I thought of putting my then horse on loan when I was pregnant..he was a 4 yo I didn't think I should ride, but opted to keep him on grass livery with the YO riding him regularly, still didn't feel that worked although I got back a well schooled horse who I had a great relationship for many year after!
 
I so feel for you.......however a 'grieving' period, as thats what it is, is to be expected.

Stick with the two week trial and see how they get on, its strange but
once you hear an excited loaner telling you of some great 'success' they had that day and all the Plans they now have of what they want to do and try with your Horse you suddenly realise that actually you HAVE done the right thing for your Horse, he/she IS happy and having a busy eventful life having their time filled with a person who has time to devote to their every need.

It will all work out and get easier:wink:
 
Thanks everyone...think I will have to ask for the option of doing her myself 1 or 2 days in exchange for say paying her insurance ot for her trims. Is that fair?
I will give it the the two weeks first and if I still feel this bad I will have to do that...if it is a problem to the loaner (although she has said I can see her whenever I want) then we will give up and bring her home..

My husband threatened to hitch up late last night and go and get her...he said he cant cope with me like this :unsure: However I still deep down know it is right for my horse...really surprised myself as I was fine up until the point of dropping her off but I am just so not fine now...sleepless nights and bad nappies dont help:sleep:
 
I think it will be difficult for your loaner to have you there a couple of days a week. I know I sound really horrible, but I think you have to make the decision as to whether you want to loan her or not. I know when I put my boy out on loan I cried and cried whilst I loaded him and made them go very quickly or I would have unloaded him immediately.

Not easy for you at all.
 
Reading your original post again it all happened very fast........I don't think you really had time to let your decision sink in before you found the loaner.


Thing is you agreed to a full loan, not part loan and I think its a bit unfair now to suddenly announce you want to do your Horse a couple of days a week yourself which would almost make it part loan which isn't what they
signed up to.

Just let them get on with the trial, be honest and say how hard you are finding it all but give it a month then see how you feel. I think you need to seriously sit down and think things through, write a list of the reason you made the decisions to full loan in the first place, what will
change or improve for your horse now if you bring her home?

xxx
 
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hugs

that could have been me a couple of years ago with our lead rein pony - I wanted to go and get him back - it lasted a few weeks to be frank but it did pass as with time I realised it was the right decision for all the right reasons but omg did I panic and worry and cry over the decision

You have done the right thing and you've not sold your horsie so you can always have him back when things are easier for you

But I do understand your pain - but it does ease with time, I promise xxxx
 
I do understand how hard it must be for you. It is a grieving process you're going through plus it must be hard with a baby too.

However, I think you have been so lucky to find such a lovely loaner who is also so close and that you can visit any time. Sometimes it's so hard to find the right situation when loaning a horse out and it sounds like you have found the perfect arrangement. Am I right in thinking you have other ponies too? So you're not missing out on horsey time, just really missing your mare. I don't think you should see it as a mistake, you've done the best thing for you all. It's natural to feel guilty but I think you felt guilty anyway for not giving her the attention you feel she deserves.

Remember, it's not permanent. You haven't sold her. You know where she is, you know she's happy and you know you can have her back at any time.

I wouldn't rule out the possibility of maybe having her one day a week, though the loaner may feel a bit put out but you might be doing them a favour. You won't know until you ask. Unfortunately, when loaning, things can change, sometimes at the drop of a hat, loaners do expect this to a certain extent. Goes with the territory.
 
LauraGeeGee said:
Remember, it's not permanent. You haven't sold her. You know where she is, you know she's happy and you know you can have her back at any time.
Click to expand...

This ^^^

I know how hard it is, i have my mare out on permanent loan, and i sobbed my heart out when i dropped her off and felt awful for ages afterwards.

But i`ve been to visit, and i know she`s settled and happy. I only saw her a couple of weeks ago. She is looking well, and i can see her anytime i want to, no problems. I know it doesn`t help you now, but i just wanted to give you a hug, i know how you feel, it does get easier x
 
Thank you everyone....having a bad day today with massive regrets..crying my eyes out and wish that I had not done this...I am trying to give it time...honest! I just want her back so bad.

I had been considering loaning her for months before making that final decision and I was so pleased that I had been brave enough to do it but now my heart just aches and for the first time in 11 years she is not here. Crikes what have I done!!!!!! We have my daughters loan pony and the two shetlands but it just not the same...so angry with myself...I still know it right for my horse but the what ifs are at the forefront and I just want my horse back ... sorry to be doom and gloom but I thought I could do his and I was wrong so wrong :poop:
 
(((HUGS))).

As I said before, talk to the lady who's loaning her & see if you can sort something out that suits both of you. I'm sure she'd be horrified if she knew how upset you are!
 
Aww i really feel for you :( I put my Welsh D out on loan a few months back, as after moving to new place i just didn't have enough time to spend with him. I was fine day he went, but now i miss him like mad as i know hes not coming back any day soon. I know hes on loan and i can ask for him back anytime i choose, its weird! Hope you decide whats best. Ive decided to give it a year till the loan is up for renewal and decide then, as i put him out on loan for a good reason and my circumstances really haven't changed. He was my baby (still is) and its hard seeing someone else with him as much as they obviously love him! Big hugs! xxx
 
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