This is a very difficult situation

Murphley Moo

New Member
Jun 5, 2009
From the yard where i keep my share horse a lady phoned me the other night to ask me if i wanted to consider taking on her horse with a view to buying it in a years time. I got very excited at the thought of having my own horse and pretty much said yes please. We spent about an hour on the phone discussing the situation.

Now, bearing in mind i still consider myself to be a very novice rider, her 7 year old mare has not been ridden for 15 months. She lives out all year (due to a previous health problem) but apparently is a sweet natured horse.

Well, after talking with my partner, i realised that i was running before i could walk and that i would be silly taking on a first horse that hadn't been there, done it and worn the t-shirt and is also a mare whom i believe although sweet can be quite opinionated!

Yesterday, the lady concerned was going to talk to my current share owner, who is a friend of hers, about the situation, and i was obviously worried that she may be upset. Last night i sent a text to the new lady (i was out with no ringing credit) saying i had been hasty in my decision and that i would phone her later to discuss things more. She sent a nice text back saying that's fine - see you later in the week, and when i tried to phone her later she was engaged,

I am now very concerned that this may cause upset at the yard - and i am mortified about this. I hate anything like his that can cause bad feelings and almost feel like not going up there again. I feel very sad this morning


New Member
May 25, 2008
I would just tell the owner of your share horse more or less what you have posted on here.
I am sure she will understand how you got carried away with the thought of owning your own horse, I know I would.
I would just try and make light of it with both of them, you haven't done anything wrong.
Try not to worry.

Murphley Moo

New Member
Jun 5, 2009
Thank you so much - i feel a little more at ease now......haven't slept half the night....good job i'm not riding today - would probably jump onboard and fall straight off again !!!!!


New Member
May 9, 2009
Good advice given.


I would imagine your share horses owner will be annoyed that the other owner, you say they're friends :eek: went behind her back to offer you her horse.

Murphley Moo

New Member
Jun 5, 2009
oh - i feel so grotty about it all. I think it was done with all good intentions as they all know that i am looking to buy my own horse next year anyway. My share horse was never taken on as a long term share - it was just to gain experience and the share owners were aware of this from the beginning. Why is it that whenever life seems to be swimming along nicely, some little complication always seems to creep in ! :confused:


New Member
Nov 26, 2008
agree with others; she sounds a pleasant lady, just be honest and discuss everything with her. and maybe you could help her, and get to know her horse over the next month and find that you are well suited to each other, and take it from there. but as long as you are honest, and dont discuss concerns to others on the yard, before speaking to her about them, i cant see how any unpleasantness would occur.


New Member
Oct 21, 2009
I agree with the others, just be honest and I'd also say to the woman who offered her horse, that you think her mare sounds lovely but on reflection you don't think it would be fair on her to have an inexperienced rider and she deserves someone who can bring out her full potential :) never hurts to pay a compliment!


New Member
Jul 14, 2007
I wouldn't worry nearly half as much as you are, just, as others have said, be honest about the situation.

I think ANYBODY in your situation would understand, you desperately want
a Horse and somebody offered it too you:) Its all too easy to get a bit carried along on the 'wave' and say Yes.

The one thing I would be doing however is ringing the Owner of your Share
Horse and tell her about the whole situation before somebody else does, I am sure she will understand. Then ring the lady who offered this Horse and explain exactly what you have said on here, 'although I am truly grateful, in hindsight (what a great thing that is) think its all too much at this time.

As long as you are honest, nobody is going to hold this against you and IF they do, well makes you wonder a little bit what they were trying to
'palm off'.;):)

Was this by any chance the 7 year old you were asking about having re backed on the Training of the Horse bit the other night?
Last edited:


New Member
Oct 1, 2008
Oh Murphy Moo I really feel for you I know how easy it is to get swept up in the horse thing. I am sure if you explain nicely then it will all pan out.

KP nut

I'd rather be riding.
Dec 22, 2008
No-one could take offence if events are as you described. (Well no-one sane anyway!) Buying a horse, or even loaning one is a HUGE commitment. It's also a very exciting prospect so no wonder you were initially enthusiastic, but also it is entirely reasonable to have second thoughts. You let her know very quickly, and she's already said that's fine. So STOP WORRYING!!!!:p

And good luck finding a horse.

I used to get myself into a bit of a stew about offending people, as I hate confrontation. I find it helpful to remind myself that I am only responsible for MY behaviour. I am NOT responsible for other people's reactions to me! So as long as you think what you did/said was fine, (which it was) then just let it go and try not to stress. :)


New Member
Nov 15, 2006
Great Yarmouth
I haven't read the other posts... but what you say is completely reasonable and understandable. I'm sure no ones going to cause fuss over this if you explain it honestly and openly as you have above.

I find the majority of people, even the difficult ones, you can discuss things if you are just honest.


New Member
May 20, 2006
If I'm being brutally honest,and you know that I don't mean this at all in a negative way,but I agree that a young,green,needing to be brought back into work mare is not at all the ideal choice for your first horse.

I know how much you've been looking foreward to getting your own horse,and would hate to see that experience ruined for you by getting the wrong horse.I know that any horse can end up not being right,but best to at least start with something suitable.

You have every right to have what is right for you,and I am sure if you explain to the lady concerned that she will understand this,just explain as others have said that you got a bit carried away with the moment,but on sleeping on it,have decided it would possibly be a mistake.

Ditto whoever said about explaining to your share horse owner asap,wouldn't want her to get the wrong end of the stick.

Good luck with sorting it hun:)


New Member
Jul 24, 2009
In my opinion this lady was wrong to approach you anyway offering a horse needing to be bought back into work. Sounds to me like she may have been taking slight advantage.

Ditto what some others have said. Be honest with your share owner and I'm sure it will be fine. At least you've realised it wouldn't be the right thing now, before things went any further.:)

Murphley Moo

New Member
Jun 5, 2009
Phew......everything is fine and dandy!

I am such a worrier its untrue! Everyone understands why i responded like i did and everyone is happy :) Thank you for all your responses - they really helped to make me feel better and to realise i have made the right decision
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