Thoughts and advice

Chris6111

New Member
Jun 23, 2013
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Well I’m in my 50s and on a large livery yard that I love . But I’m sad to say I’m actually being bullied by a kid in her 20s! She a horrible girl and no one likes her. She causes trouble all the time and does not think any of the yard rules apply to her.
We are in a barn and she keeps dumping her rubbish at our end of the barn instead of walking another 10ft to put it in the bin . I asked her the other to move it from outside my Stable because who was going to shift it from there , me. She the flew off the handle totally and I got a barrage of abuse thrown at me . The language was unbelievable and she got really personal. As she walked away she shout back calling my a stupid old c***. I was devastated and so upset . I went to the yard owner’s wife and told her. I said that if she doesn’t leave then I will , She went and apparently had a word with her . Nobody has mentioned it any more , the yard owner never approached me about it or anything . Over the next couple of days she keep getting digs in if I walk past and she doesn’t shift her wheel barrow if she sees me coming to get past. In the end I have had to move myself and my horses out of the barn to an outside Stable . Everyone said I should just ignore her but I’ve been so upset that someone could have so little respect for me . So for my own mental health I have moved myself from he situation. But she is still pulling faces at me , muttering under her breathe and being as loud and as brasand as she can flaunting herself around the farm. . For some reason the yard owner always threatens to throw her off on several occasions but never does . How do I deal with all this ? Or do I just throw the towel in and leave .
 
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Kite_Rider

Cantering cabbage!
May 18, 2009
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If it were me I would remain polite and calm and dignified at all times and just ignore her, most bullies only bully because they get a reaction, if you stop reacting she's got no where to go.
If she left her rubbish outside my stable I would ask her to remove it once then if it happened again I would quietly move it, not to the rubbish bin, but back outside her stable, if she shouted and yelled at me I would just calmly wait until she finished ranting and say 'have you finished now?' Then calmly walk away. If she doesn't get a rise from you hopefully she'll soon give up trying.
 

Cortrasna

Grumpy old nag
Aug 5, 2009
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Personally I most definitely would NOT leave on any account if it was not my own preferred option - but particularly on account of this little she dog spawn of evil :mad: However, if you really do find this is getting you down and you don't feel able to wipe the floor with her and have somewhere you would like equally well to go to - then leave.

Life is too short IMO and if you can't bring yourself to take her to task with 10 times the fury she has shown you then it will never stop. Your YO obviously isn't able to deal with her effectively either. I hate livery yards. :(
 

Jessey

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Dec 20, 2004
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As everyone knows what she's like, remember that what ever she says no one is going to pay any attention to her. Have you spoken to your yo again about it, she may be under the impression that her little chat cured the problem.

The way I see it you've got 3 options, react, don't react, leave. Not reacting is normally the most permanent solution and gets you what you want (to stay without bother), be polite, smile at what ever she says/does (even if it's totally fake on your part) and carry on regardless. Livery yards are like being back at school all over again, there's almost always at least 1 like that on every big yard.
 

Kite_Rider

Cantering cabbage!
May 18, 2009
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Cross posted with Kite-rider...far more sensible and reasonable answer than mine - but I have the curse of my ancestors fiery temperament and inability to take s***e from anyone lol!
Ha ha trust me Cortrsna, it would take every ounce of willpower I had to do it, my first reaction would be to smack her a good un, but I have learned over time the best reaction is no reaction, it infuriates them. Far more fun.
 

chunky monkey

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May 2, 2007
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If you like the yard and it suits your needs and apart from this one person if you really like being there. Then you have to just ignore it and get on with enjoying your horse. Youve moved barns so hopefully that will help. Can you also try and go at a different time to this person so you avoid bei g there when she is.
If you hate it, i would just keep my head down, ignore it and quietly look for another yard to move to.
Life is too short to be upset by people. I think just now more than ever we are finding out just how short life can be.
 

Frances144

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Dec 21, 2011
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I heard a very good thing t'other day for bullies - you get them to repeat themselves and their threats over and over again. Like you don't hear or can't understand. That way it takes the aggression out of their argument and also other passing folk see and hear the bully.

I hate confrontation. I remain "dignified at all times". The higher ground is for you to sit on.
 
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Huggy

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Nov 11, 2018
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It is tempting to say, leave, but why should she continually get away with this? God, I DESPISE bullies, I really do! I can only advise you to do what's best for you - if its really upsetting you, take your time finding somewhere else. If you think you can cope, and ride it out, then maybe, if all the decent people there stick together, she'll eventually pack her bags and bog off. Do feel for you, and hope you can resolve it.
 

Toz❤️

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Mar 23, 2020
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I’m sorry your in this position op. I have a daughter who’s 20 and if she treated anyone like this I swear I’d disown her.
I mean I guess the options are as above. Ignore and hope she gets bored or move.
So you probably need to weigh up how much you and your horse like the yard and how miserable miss superbitch is making your time there.
Horses are supposed to be our hobby /down time so if she’s ruining that look around elsewhere. It won’t hurt to see what’s around. Hugs x
 

Chris6111

New Member
Jun 23, 2013
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Thanks everyone x I’m a lot happier now. Moved out of the barn to an outside Stable. Horses love it as they have a much better view. I get stuff done much quicker as no one to talk to and stop me but are there to chat to when I’m done . And got myself a new horse last week as my old girl is 24 and recovering from a torn tendon so has been retired . The new horse is ticking every box and I’m in love already. So no , she ain’t gonna rain on my parade x but I’m not quite finished with her yet. I will bide my time x
 

carthorse

Super Moderator
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Jan 6, 2006
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Excellent update! But don't waste your time and sink to her level - "I’m not quite finished with her yet. I will bide my time" - be the better person and walk away. Let your actions speak for you and hers speak for her. And enjoy your new horse :)
 
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